Tales of a Misguided Mommy

Post-It Note Tuesday

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:08:45 GMT

I stole this from Patty

In case you are participating in Lent

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 00:19:56 GMT

I've posted some crab cakes for Friday's without meat.

RECIPE HERE

And from the archives

Asian glazed sea bass

Grilled citrus halibut

Shrimp pasta alfredo This is one of my favorites. I made it with and with out shrimp and it was fucking unbelievable either way. It's not a cheap meal, but it's a great special occasion meal, or romantic meal, or "I can't have red meat so make me something good woman," kinda meal.

Finally the best meal my husband makes

Shrimp fried rice

Quick chicken (or veggie) Pot Pie

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 23:48:06 GMT

RECIPE HERE

I make mine with home made biscuits instead of fussy pie dough. Goes so much faster and much much tastier!

And if your feeling frisky throw some gravy on top

Here I go again on my own

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:06:18 GMT

Friday on the way to the gym with Rob I told him how I had been Googling (is this even a fucking word?) all of my meds and that I found out that Lithium has a few side effects I don’t like I always knew it was a drug that could cause weight gain, I just didn’t know why. Turns out, for some reason it gives you increase appetite and thirst. I laughed out loud because the day before I was telling my mom I am NEVER full. At least now I understood. I had been telling my friends the hunger was like pregnancy. FEED ME OR DIE PEOPLE. Aside from that, it had the obvious side effect of being kind of sedating. So add 20lbs of food and a new habit of putting the treadmill down to 3.0 instead of 5.0 or 4.0 or even 3.5 and you’ve got FAT ASS! I didn’t weigh myself for almost a month. I wanted to see what would happen. Would I lose more weight if I wasn’t stressing on numbers? Well it was impossible to tell because the day I stopped weighing in was the day I increased my meds. I told Rob I felt like I was at a loss here, was losing weight so important that I would possibly go off my meds? Was gaining weight so upsetting that it was counteracting the good my meds were doing?

When we arrived at the gym I got on the treadmill and Rob went over to the weight section. When I was done I met him over there and saw my trainer Ryan too. Well he was my trainer, I can’t have him back until my taxes come, but he still talks to me, checks on me and goes over anything I might need. Rob found me and told me he had been talking to Ryan. He asked him if he thought I should take the money from savings and pay for him now, or if I should wait another few weeks for taxes to pay. Ryan said that he had talked to me the week earlier about my meds and his feeling was paying $250.00 for training was a lot of money if he would spend all of his time fighting my medication. He already knew what Lithium does for weight and moral, he’s studying to be a physician’s assistant and then a doctor. He always tells me trying to go to the gym while on Lithium is very very similar to giving someone seven bong hits and then telling them to stay away from the 7-11 donut section and go to the gym instead. And once you get to the gym you have to MOVE on the treadmill not SLEEP.

In the end I was told I have two options. Keep working out and stay healthy but maintain my weight, or go off of my meds and then try losing weight. The flip side to that is, going off my meds has the potential to make me binge eat, emotional eat, stress eat, or whatever eat again. On one hand I’m tired of just looking at my cute Lucky Jeans, I want to WEAR them. But at the same time I’ve gotten to a pretty decent place where I’m not all yelly and assholish all the time. I’ve been doing more around the house, and I have been noticeably nicer to my husband. Brandon hardly ever tells me I’m mean anymore, and I don’t even remember the last time I had a panic attack.

I am going to talk to my doctor today but I’ve already started coming off the Lithium. I know for sure I need to stay on the Wellbutrin for the OCD and mania etc. As far as the mood stabilizing though, I might be on my own since I’m sort of refusing to take the drugs that treat my problems but that are primarily used for seizure control. Maybe the last drug wasn’t work right but I’m thinking that if I’m able to get it in my head that taking an anti seizure drug when I don’t have seizures will cause headaches which will cause my brain to swell and then kill me, that those kinds of drugs probably aren’t for me.

In he mean time I’ve started tracking my calories again. I was using Sparkpeople for a long time, and I still like it but this weekend while screwing off on my iPhone I found a new ap called Loseit. It is similar to Spark, but it takes exercise into account. For example: For me to reach my goal weight by losing two pounds a week I can do so by eating 1098 calories while sitting on my ass. However, if I input 30 minutes on the treadmill it ups my calories based on the calories burned that day. I like that. I also like that it allows me to say I walked 20 minutes on the treadmill at 3.5 vs having to say I did a 15 minute mile or whatever. If I’m on the treadmill for 30 minutes and I forget to look down and see how far I’ve gone then I’m stuck. Plus, figuring out those miles per minute things involves math and I DON’T DO MATH. The other great thing is it stores all of my info alphabetically. Spark didn’t do that. So if I put in my own food it listed as date ordered. Searching for the bread I use through 90 different things was a big pain in my fucking ass. The final super awesome thing is that it is set to remind me to post my food. That is how I had been slacking lately, I would forget or get to busy and then at the end of the day I couldn’t remember what I had eaten so I just made up happy fluffy calories. Not this time, this time it tells me to put in my food.

I hit up the store last night and made sure to buy MYSELF some food. I’ve been so concerned with money lately that I’ve mainly bought food for dinner, or the boys lunch. The problem with that is, I don’t eat meat and I realized worrying about money has left me with a lot of side dishes for dinner and side dishes = carbs, fat, butter, butter, fat, butter. I decided to load up on things that would encourage me to eat salad again, make big fun sandwiches for lunch and plenty of snacks. I concentrated on season specific snacks. Like celery and home made dip, cold things, rather then stuffy winter food.

I hate talking about this stuff mostly because I hate when people ask about it. Or, no, not ask about it but get judgy about it. I hate putting this out there and then knowing that if I take a day and decide to have a donut or something that the whole world is going to look at me and suddenly become some kind of judge and jury. I hope I can do this. I’m toying with the idea of posting pics again but that would involve POSTING PICTURES which would involve FAT JELLO COTTAGE CHEESE FAT GROSS RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Look what Codi did

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 22:15:37 GMT

"Mom look what Codi did"

I CALL BULLSHIT

(that is a solid wood table)

Dear Codi

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:41:08 GMT

THIS! IS! NOT! WHAT! WE! DO! WITH! SCISSORS!

Why Steve Jobs has officially been added to my list of five

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 23:22:49 GMT

**If you don't know who Steve Jobs is, your a fucktard (thank you Jen Lancaster for a new favorite word), so here, learn about my new #4 Steve Jobs.

***To explain my list of five go here

Today Rob and I went snowboarding wåith my cousin Chris up at Homewood resort. When we arrived I stuck my phone in my pants pocket. I didn't like it there so I crammed it in my sports bra like always. Two runs down the hill MY PHONE IS GONE. You know, my iPhone. My life, my third child, MY EVERYTHING. Robs first reaction was to throw my ass down the remainder of the hill and then take me back up the lift just so he could throw me down again. We back tracked everywhere (twice), asked all of the lift instructors, and even went all the way down to ask the office. No such luck. Suddenly a lightbulb went off in my head. Two years ago my mom bought me a program called Mobile Me. This program is the shit because it allows my phone to synch with my work computer, but then allows it to synch to any iPhone I designate and any mac, plus I can access it from any computer. This means that I can put appointments in my computer at work and it will automatically drop it into my phone, Rob's phone any my home computer.

This app also does one other VERY IMPORTANT feature. It has a built in FIND MY PHONE feature. So we go into my cousins office on the mountain and tell it to find my phone. It finds Rob's but tells me mine is offline. I was crushed. We had searched more times then necessary and the phone was gone. The Mobile Me program also gives me the option to turn the sound on my phone (even if the volume is shut down), and send a message with a beeping noise in case it is found. Then I can lock it, so no one can open it, and finally I can choose to wipe it all out, with one click of a button. After leaving there we located someones camera on the floor so we returned it to lost and found. Still no orange iPhone turned in.

We went to lunch and I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. On top of the loss of my very expensive phone (I was starting to wonder if I could go harvest my eggs and sell those to replace my life line) my 13 year old snowboard boots were kicking my ass. Every time I go I come home with swollen ankles, hurt shins and mashed up little toes. We tried every thing this time. Tightening my boos (ouch ouch ouch cry waaaaaaaaaaaaaa), turing the directions of my bindings, (still fell a lot even after that), and then loosening the boots. While we were at lunch I grabbed Rob's phone and went back online to see if my phone would appear.

IT DID. I couldn't believe it was true so Chris took us back to his office and let me log in. IT WAS THERE. It showed it near a road. On top of everything I was able to click satelite view and we were suddenly able to see exactly where it was. EXACTLY. It was at the top of a lift. Someone had turned it in within 10 minutes of me looking. The girl called up to that lift and sure as shit THEY HAD MY PHONE. I nearly died. IT WORKED! My fancy ass little program worked and I found it. At that moment I was so happy because Rob always laughed at my expensive little cell phone program and look, that $99.00 program just saved us $499.99 in replacement costs. The rest of the day rocked. We were aall on such a high from finding my phone that everything else just seemed great. We all swore it was karma for turning in the camera we found.

Now I'm home and thrilled as ever to have my phone (I won't let it out of my site). But I'm also broken.

That would be my swollen ankle from the bullshit boots I have. Both ankles look that way.

Since swelling isn't enough I came home with a few fashionable marks on me too.

Moral of the story. Make your husband whose pant have too many pockets, hold your phone.

This is also a lesson to all of you idtios, Non Mac lovres out tere, you so couldn't have done that on your phone. Which is precisely why some day Apple is going to take over the world and people like me will be using blackberries to wipe my ass!

To make matters worse woke up with a knee looking like this

If you want an idea of how my Mobile Me worked here

First it shows you a location. You have the option to zoom in and and out.

Then in situations like yesterday where it just showed us mountain, you can turn it to satelite view to get a better idea of where on the mountain it is

You can zoom in closer and closer to find it.

Finally, if it is far away from you, you can send a message to the phone that will display anytime it is opened telling them to call you, or how to return it. On top of that, if the volume is off you it will force it to beep for 2 minutes. Now here is where it gets really cool. I often lose my phone at home while it's on vibrate. What a great way to locate a lost phone at home. From there you can lock the phone so it cannot be opened without your password and if that isn't enough you can totally erase the entire phone from this website. Pretty fucking awesome huh!

You've been warned Reno (and yeah, I just admitted that thing about my thighs)

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 23:11:33 GMT

I'm done with winter Reno. Look. 10 Days ago I was parading around in a tank top and flip flops. The next morning fucking snow boots, long pants and jackets. I'm not impressed Reno. I am ready to spend the summer days in my little room with the windows open letting in the fresh air and warmth. I DO NOT enjoy having to leap through puddles and snow banks to get into my room. The middle of this week things were a little better. I didn't need seventeen layers including my Eskimo undies just to go outside. And then this!

More specifically THIS:

Note the SNOWFLAKE there. Mother fucker! The goddamn snow just left and here it is. IT IS BACK. If that isn't bad enough it started dumping rain on me today while I was trying to go to the store. There is nothing like walking through a parking lot with your glasses so drenched in water that you can't tell that you are trying to unlock someone elses fucking car since you can't see a goddamn fucking thing.

It's time for summer Reno. You can hurry up and be 107 degrees out please. And I know what you're saying, "but Shannon don't you complain when it's hot too?" Yes I do. And guess what it's my blog and I can contradict myself if I want. I'd rather be walking down the street loading with boob sweat and my thighs freshly coated in Va Va Vanilla deodorant then spend another miserable day in this fucking weather.

Now your thinking, "but Shannon don't you work for a heating company? Don't you like the snow?" Yes. Sure. Fine. But guess what I like the heat more. Know why? People can go with out a furnace. You don't have a furnace, build a fire. Don't have a fire place, turn on your stove and stand in front of it. Don't have any power, put seventeen more blankets on. Don't have blankets, have sex, that makes you warm right? But in the summer HA. People CAN! NOT! BE! HOT! I'm telling you. They get all cranky and demanding and mean and bossy and so help your soul if you answer the phone to a pregnant woman with no air conditioning. Whoo, and a pregnant woman with other kids with no A/C just run and hide now. The point is, heat wins. I want it to be warm. I want to wear all of my cute spring shoes. The ones with straps and heals and fun colors. I want to wear my cute dresses. Dresses that don't involve tights and a long sleeve shirt and Uggs and seven pairs of long johns.

I want my sun back Reno. You've been put on notice Reno. Get your shit together or else!

Send me your recipes

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 12:08:42 GMT

Overheard tonight at the gym

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:54:37 GMT

At our gym we have two kinds of treadmill. The normal kind that you get on and go and then another kind that has these little foot pads on the side of them. When you get on, you tell it the time you want to be on and then it asks you to step on the pads and it puts your weight into the machine so it can calculate your calories. So I'm chugging along on the treadmill reading my book when two women get on the machines next to me. And then I hear:

"Omg I weigh 100 pounds."

"Omg I know it just said I weigh 112."

"Yeah but if I weigh 100 pounds that means I gained 3 pounds, uggggg."

......

^&$%@FRC@%Q^

I wanted to rip the first ones perky little fucking pony tail out, maybe that would help her lose those three pounds again huh?

Where did you get that dish

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 12:57:03 GMT

I have gotten a few questions regarding the baking dish I posted below. It is by BIA Bakeware and it is part of their wavy collection.

I have it in three sizes, the 86-Ounce Oval Baker,The 3-Quart Rectangle Baker, and the 52-Ounce Square Baker, pictured above. They can all be found on Amazon.com. I Googled around and I saw that Target sells them in the kind of ivory color, so you might check your Target. Here is where you get pissed off at me though. I found mine at Ross for only $7.00 each. Maybe it was an older season color or something. He he. Oops. Sorry. Either way, they are easy to find so get on it!

Mexican Lasagna

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 15:34:00 GMT

Head over here to see the receipe

LIttle pink book

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 23:21:00 GMT

My Google Reader and I are having a bit of a beef. Sometimes it tells me links aren't valid, sometimes it doesn't update, and sometimes it is too full of the same ole shit. So. I would like for all of you to send me the link to your blog. If you think I read you, know I read you, or want me to read you, leave it here. It is time to update my reader. I want to get rid of all those blogs who never update, or the ones who are gone. Make sure they are right too. I had someone leave me a link to their website the other day to get an award and it said not valid. I always click out of the reader, so if you have ads I will see them. Okay, that's all. Ready, set GO, leave me those blog links!

I might not get to spend a lot of time in there, but I can still make a mess

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 21:25:38 GMT

(Forgive the photo quality I was using my husbands point and shoot and apparently I have totally forgotten how to work those little things)

Last time I showed you my room I hadn't even moved in yet. I thought I would stick a few updated photos on for y'all.

Entering the room. See messy! Also note the curtains I made, first ever sewing project.

Current project (hint, some of you will be getting these in the mail)

Projects that could have been finished if my whiny ass kids would let me spend more then two hours at a time in my room. (I love my kids I love my kids I love my kids)

The very first ever pictures for Codi's scrapbook. I need to finish them but I need 2 more pieces of cream paper, and can you believe I spent 2 hours in a craft store and never once did I think, "HEY ASSHOLE YOU NEED PAPER FOR YOUR SONS SCRAPBOOK, YOU KNOW THE PAPER YOU HAVE TALKED ABOUT NEEDING FOR TWO WEEKS NOW, YES THAT PAPER, THE PAPER YOU SAID YOU COULD ONLY GET AT A CRAFT STORE, A CRAFT STORE LIKE THE ONE YOU ARE IN..IDIOT."

The bobbin that only took me an hour to thread (note to self, pull the wheel OUT next time you need to do that OUT SHANNON OUT!)

The custom made bulletin board hanging on my wall. One of my super rad employees/friends made that for me, (well, for my mom to give me for Valentines day, but we won't get into how I once again found out before I should have.)

So there you have it, my little lioness den. The small amount of time I do spend in there I really love. Like REALLY. I swear it is like I'm not even at home. It feels sort of like being at the scrapbook store, kind of like being at the library, a little like being at the Mac store and a splash like getting a pedicure. I normally have my MacBook out there with me playing Twilight. Occasionally I'll plug in my Phone and rock my iTunes. Either way, I really enjoy it. Damn, I totally forgot to take pictures of all the cute little jars in my window. Ginger and I spent 2 hours at Walmart figuring out how to decorate this bad boy and I forgot to show you the pics. Sigh. Well, just imagine the cutest shortest fattest little mason jars full of candies and paper clips and other stuff and the biggest studliest jars filled to the rim with colorful pens, and markers and pencils and scissors.

Sigh! Every girls dream!

A whole two hours

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 14:16:29 GMT

I had big plans for this weekend. I was going to clean a little house and then spend the rest of the day in my little room sewing and crafting and shit. I had a few people request my little sandwich lunchmabobs and I was excited to get some new fabric and get started. Maybe if I make some, and then don't suck too bad I could put some on Etsy and make a couple bucks. I did the cleaning and then headed to the fabric store which...bad idea. i might as well have been at a shoe and jean store when I was a size 2 little hottie in high school. I lapped the store about 89 times before leaving an hour and forty minutes later. Finally I made it home, slammed down some dinner and headed out. About an hour into it I started getting texts that Codi wanted me. Finally after about two hours I gave up and had to come in. I told myself it was okay because I had all of Sunday (today). Not so much. Why?

Yeah. That is why. It was Rob's day to sleep in so I spent the morning locked in the downstairs rooms with the tiny terrorists. My original plan was to go outside in my room with the door open while they dicked around outside. Kind of hard to leave your kids outside when you are worried you will come out to find them buried in snow. When Rob finally woke up we had to clean more and then he went to shovel the driveway. I got the boys dressed and thought I could escape outside for even a moment to see my projects from last night and maybe do a little more work. Aside from having to practically dig my way in, and then having a meltdown over the snow puddle I got on my carpet I was in there for an entire 3.5 minutes before the boys came knocking on my door.

FUCK!!!!

Back inside I went. So now, I'm here being held prisoner on the couch in my house waiting to go to the store, and the come home and cook dinner, give the boys a bath, put them to bed and NOT GO INTO MY LITTLE ROOM. Sigh.

One of these days I'll get to be in there for an entire 5 hour span with out being interrupted.

The story of a project

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 14:52:53 GMT

Brandon has developed a certain love for cheeseburgers lately. Specifically cheeseburgers ketchup only, with bacon on the side. About two weeks ago I pick him up from school and he says, and I quote,

"mom, tomorrow I want a cheeseburger in my lunch. I want it with two breads, wait what are those breads called?"

"buns"

"Right okay so I want it like this, one piece of bun, then one meat, then one cheese and then you put the ketchup here (showing me a diagram with his hands) and then another bun. No mustard okay mom. And no pickles. And I want four pieces of bacon on the side, not on the cheeseburger on the side.'

"wow, um, okay"

"and mom I want you to wrap it up like Wendy's"

..............

That is where he lost me. Wrap it? Fuck. What do I wrap it in? I don't happen to have some burger wrappers lying around my house. So I haul ass to Walmart and wander around and around looking for something. They had NOTHING. I finally get an idea to make one. I go find the stuff I think I want at the sewing department but then I freak out wondering if it would work. So I ask the lady who replies, "I just work in this department but I've never sewn before." Then she tells me there is a lady in the kitchen department that sewed so she goes and gets her. This sweet old lady with the thickest accent comes over and goes over all the things with me. I tell her my idea and she actually thinks it's pretty cute. So I loaded up my fabric and away I went. I headed out to my chick room and started cutting and sewing and eating chocolate. And this is the product of my hard work. Brandon's lunch wrap.

Let's just pretend not to notice that I sewed my sides wrong so my corners aren't the same mmmkay. It was my first project ever alone on the sewing machine so cut me some slack.

It folds up quite cute huh

I didn't have any string that day, so I rubber banded it for his lunch

Today, I stole it from him and wrapped my soy nut butter and jelly sandwich in it. I still haven't gotten the kind of string I want for it so I used Christmas string today.

It unwraps all pretty

And there it is, my nice fresh, GRAPE JELLY sandwich.

(BTW Niki, you won, email me your address and info and your card will be on it's way)

So what I ended up doing was buying that stuff that restaurants use to put over their tables to keep them clean, and they just wipe off. The little lady thought I was nuts at first telling her I wanted to wrap a sandwich in that stuff, then she saw my idea and loved it. There was a rack of about 9 different plastics and I had to ask to make sure it wouldn't rip or anything when I sewed it.

Brandon absolutely loves it. He loved his special burger wrapper. Since then I've put his sandwich in it, my sandwich and some other things in it. It wipes clean in about 4 seconds flat and can accommodate pretty much any size.

Originally I planned to add Velcro, but after playing with it, and packing different things each time I realized there would be no way to know where exactly to Velcro it each time. So this weekend I'm going to go look at some cute ribbons, or strings or something. I plan to buy some chick fabric to make one for me so i can stop stealing my sons. I also think I want to make some to either give away, or send to some friends.

So there you have it, the story of a project.

And if you are wondering about the burger. He hated it.

WHY?

Because I bought the buns with out the "white things" on it. Little fucker.

This weekend I will be making some more. I am also going to fuss around with sewing some up into the shape of a plastic bag so I can eliminate sandiwch bags all together. Anyway if you want me to make you one let me know your favorite color and I'll send you one.

It is about fucking time Walmart

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 09:31:40 GMT

For the last year I've been mad at Walmart. Look, I know they are in the business to make money, and I understand their whole bigger is better, bulk, giant, buy more, spend money woohoo outlook. But what really really REALLY gets on my nerves is is their super monster fucking shopping carts. First of all, when I'm doing a normal shopping trip I somehow find myself feeling like I have to fill it up. The time I have an actual problem is when I just need to run in for a few things. I obviously can't carry it all, but getting a giant brontosaurus sized shopping cart is just too much. WHY can't they just have a normal little hand basket like the rest of the stores.

That is all I'm asking for. Is that really too much. I guess I've become spoiled with my Smiths now because not only do they have hand baskets but they have these glorious little mini carts for when I need only a few things but maybe they are heaving things (thing laundry detergent, fabric softer, and meat etc).

Is that not the most beautiful little thing you've ever seen? You can fill it up but not enough to get carried away, still have the ease of a shopping cart with out having to steer a boat around the store to carry 5 items.

Last night I was walking into Walmart, I had to buy 5 things, I was already annoyed before walking into the store knowing I couldn't possibly carry it all (a large laundry soap, fabric softener, two things of ice cream for my husband, a chapstick and some glow stars for the boys ceiling). About 20' feet from the door I started composing an angry blog in my head about their apparent lack of concern for my needs, and their giant greedy shopping carts on a mission to steal my money. I swear I would have come home with two more things of ice cream, some Windex, a pair of jeans, and a small ottoman for the living room. As I walked into the door my eye was immediately deterred by the giant pile of bright blue hand baskets. I froze in my steps. Had those always been there? Was I crazy? I was just there one day before and I KNOW I didn't not see those. Obviously those don't just pop up over night. Do they?

I apprehensively grabbed one incase it was all a sick joke and hugged it to my chest making sure no one was thinking of stealing my little piece of bright blue gold. Of course being the dumb ass I am I said out loud, "have they always had these?" And suddenly a lady turned to me and said NO they just got them aren't they great? I was thrilled. I was even more happy that I wasn't the only one who noticed them. I went tra la la la laing through the store with my basket, filling it with the five items I needed and nothing more. I walked right up to the self check, stuck my little basket up there, checked out and ran, before I woke up and realized it was all just a dream.

Now I find myself wondering, just how many people how to complain for them to finally pony up the cash for something as small as that. Eitherway, I left the store happy as a pig in mud last night all over a little shopping basket.

It's about fucking time you joined the rest of the world Walmart!

(I will note though, that these were by far the largest shopping bags I've ever seen....obviously.

You are all traitors

Sat, 13 Feb 2010 20:50:59 GMT

Why on earth did no one tell me about the movie "The Time Travelers wife?" I'm only twenty minutes into it and I'm already all choked up. Why why why did no one warn me. I thought this was going to be some movie about old people or something but NOOOOOO it's a fucking love story that makes me want to cry every ten seconds. Next year. Please, from now on I'm going to need a warning when this kind of shit comes on demand. Kthx!

**Update**

Terrible movie. Horrible. That was not at all how it was supposed to end. NOT AT ALL. I don't even care if I spoil it right now but am I the only one who thinks the daughter should have traveled back and prevented it???????? Stupid dumb movie. I don't remember the last time I cried this bad. STUPID!

**Update again**

When you are this emotional it is a very very VERY bad idea to have an Oprah marathon on your DVR. She just gave a little boy whose brother died $10,000.00 to redo his kitchen so he could keep baking the cookies that he started making to get over the depression over his brother. He started a little cookie business and burned up his stove and all of his mixers. On top of it Paula Dean his favorite cook came on stage to tell him she was flying him to her set to let him see behind the scenes for all of it. Y'all I AM BAWLING. This is awful. And now, women whose husbands led a secret life and her husband cheated on her while being addicted to drugs. Now I'm crying for her.

Someone take my remote away from me.

To make things worse I clicked the link on Yahoo to watch the new We are the World song with all of the new artists coming together. In fact, I was so caught up in it that I bought the fucking song on iTunes to donate money.

There is not enough chocolate in the world to fix this day.

(here is the We are the World link, do not click if you are feeling a little emotional)

Serious

Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:02:09 GMT

The next time I try to go to the hair stylist I need you to come with me okay bloggy buddies! That means Patty you need to be ready to hop a flight on a moments notice when I need a quick trim, or Mathers you better be prepared for a long drive to hold my hand there.

I need you to come so you can babysit me and make sure I don't do anything stupid. By stupid I mean getting stupid goddamn fucking bangs. I never learn. NEVER. I got these fucking bangs almost 4 months ago and they won't go away. I spend about 90% of my time with the fuckers pulled back in a clip and the rest of the time I spend trying to mash them into a headband so I can work out at the gym with out having to stop every four seconds to pull my bangs out of my eyes.

So this is where you come in my lovely bloggy darlings. The next time I even think about bangs I give you full permission to kick me in the teeth HARD!

Thank you and goodnight.

Quiz part two (hint: there is a $10.00 Starbucks card waiting for the winner)

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:57:52 GMT

1. I am making a soy nut butter and jelly sammich, what flavor jelly do I use?

2. I have recently gained a muscle that I am proud of at the gym (at least I call it a muscle) what is it?

3. The first thing I do every night when I get home and every morning I wake up is?

4. The first thing I do when I get out of the shower is?

5. What recent condiment have I suddenly developed an obsession with (ahhh, all my Facebook pals you should know this)

6. Three of my family members call me by this nickname?

7. My husband calls me dear when..."

8. With out this I would probably cease to exist? (non human)

9. What do I wear on my right arm and who did it come from?

10. As I'm writing this I have a song stuck in my head, what is it?

Ready

Set

A few of my favorite Superbowl Commercials

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:15:45 GMT

And suddenly I seem so very very normal

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 10:44:05 GMT

My cousin sent me this link from our local paper today.

In case you haven't clicked the link yet, here is how it starts:

Sandra Williams was devastated in 1991 when her sister, Charlene Apling Edwards, was killed.

Williams dealt with the grief for years before being told of an even more nightmarish crime – her sister’s body was sexually assaulted by a Hamilton County morgue worker as it was awaiting autopsy.

Did you catch that?

her sister’s body was sexually assaulted by a Hamilton County morgue worker as it was awaiting autopsy.

Bet you want to click that link now. I don't even know what to think of a story like this. Aside from the eww factor the obvious Shannon things go through my head. How does that even work? Aren't there usually more then one person in a morgue? Wouldn't it be hard to climb up on the table and not have the dead girl fall off under you. Wouldn't it smell? THE SMELL!

Here are a few of the parts of the story that stuck out to me:

"Douglas was sentenced to three years in prison Tuesday for having sex with the corpses of Apling and Angel Hicks. That’s in addition to the three-year prison term imposed on him in 2008 after he pleaded guilty to having sex with the corpse of Karen Range who was murdered in 1982. He had sex with Range’s corpse which was bloody, its head almost severed and had been stored in the morgue cooler for hours."

"He raped a five-months pregnant dead woman,” Apling, now in his mid-20s, said."

“There is no excuse for my crime,” Douglas told the judge. “If I wasn’t under the influence, this never would have happened.”

Huh, so it's all okay because he was drunk/on drugs right? I watched the video where he says he is sorry and it's been on his conscious since then.

It looks like he would have been about 29 the first time they caught him and 37 the next time. He worked there from 1976-1992. Are you really going to tell me in 16 years that only happened two times? And that it was 8 years between incidents. Bullshit. Looking a little further into it, it seems like he was already serving three years for a previous case and is going to do three more for the two most recent ones to come to light.

More information can be found here.

Now, 26 years later, DNA evidence has allegedly uncovered who did rape Karen Range - however the answer has the country reeling in disgust with the answer. That's because authorities now believe Karen Range was sexually assaulted as her cold body laid in the city morgue.

Investigators finally found a match to the semen found inside Karen Range's body. It came when 55 year old Kenneth Douglas was arrested in March on drug charges. During that arrest, a DNA sample was obtained which prosecutors say provides a positive match to the DNA obtained from the murdered woman's body.

According to police, Douglas worked at the morgue from 1976 to 1992 and was responsible for checking Range's body into the morgue soon after the murder occurred. Hamilton County Prosecutors say Douglas' job provided him the opportunity to sexually assault Range's unwashed body after it had been stored in the cooler for approximately four hours.

As if I wasn't grossed out enough, the bottom of the above story mentioned this.

In either event, this isn't the first incidence of a morgue or hospital employee raping a dead body. Earlier this month we profiled the case of a group of teens who dug a girl up out of the ground to rape her.

DUG HER UP!!!!!!! Excuse me while I go barf up my Eggos.

I am thoroughly repulsed. Now I would like to hear your views on the point.

Is this bad parenting?

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 10:13:05 GMT

Codi is sick. He's had a fever between 101 ad 103.7 for the last three days now. At first he wouldn't eat but my mom and I got creative. In the last 24 hours Codi has eaten:

Home made brownies (which mysteriously disappeared from my kitchen when I left last night)

Hostess cupcakes

Hostess donettes

Otter pops

Chocolate pudding

Vanilla marshmallows

Push pop

Hostess cupcakes

Juice

And an ice cream sandwich.

The otterpops give fluid right? And the rest is good fuel for the body right?

Right?

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:34:00 GMT

Have you ever found a song so perfect for yourself or someone that you can’t help but feel like it was created just for you?

When I was younger I remember hearing the song playing on my blog today. It’s by Cat Stevens. The song always caught my eye for one reason, the lyrics

But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
and I'll always remember you like a child, girl

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breakin' my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you sad, girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

The song struck a cord in me because honestly when I was younger I was pretty fucking hot, and I knew it. I also knew that I could pretty much get my way with my smile. Don’t believe me, ask my algebra teacher in high school who let me audit the class the entire year and then gave me an A on my report card.

I’ve gotten out of a lot of speeding tickets with a smile. Even as recent as last June, when Ginger and I got pulled over going to Vegas, I put the smile on, and drove off with no tickets.

Anyway around the time I graduated or moved out I remember my mom giving me that CD. I knew what she was trying to tell me, and I understood it. I kept my smile, because it is true to me, but I put away all the other things I was keeping up just for appearances.

I might also add in how much shit I got for owning and listening to a Cat Stevens CD (don’t even get me started on the hell I got for my Joe Cocker CD, seriously, if you say anything I will kick you in the shin)

About a month ago I was driving with my much younger cousin and the song came on. I was flabbergasted because at that exact moment we were talking about appearances, and how you present yourself. You see, for a while my little cousin took a wrong turn in life. She went through the skanky clothes phase and the emo phase and it just drove me bonkers. She is beautiful. She has a great personality, and if she applied herself she could have an amazing future. That day she showed up in a pair of normal boot cut jeans basic white converse a very cute little hoodie. I said to her, “do you realize how beautiful you look right now?” We kept talking about how sometimes being plain is the best. She mentioned Jennifer Aniston, and I said YES exactly like her. No matter what she stayed true to herself. You never see her prancing around in skinny jeans or whatever the current trend is. It’s boot cut jeans, a tank top and a cute flannel shirt. Then my cousin had a bit of an epiphany, every man in the world has a crush on Jennifer, and they have for years. And then she understood. With the exception of about 5 months in 8th grade I have never strayed from my basic style. Boot cut jeans, tanks, hoodies, sweaters, and basic shoes. In the summer, casual dresses, and cute fun summery shoes. None of that weird gladiator shit that people wear because People magazine said it was cool.

At the exact moment we were talking about all of this, the Cat Stevens song came on and I was just blown away. I turned it up, expecting her to make fun of me but surprisingly she liked it, a lot. She listened to the words and in those three minutes it clicked in her head how much more important it is to stick to your guns, be who you are and be happy no matter what.

I have to say, that since that day she has dressed so much different, she still wears skinny jeans sometimes but only on days she needs to wear her uggs and tuck them in. She wakes up early to do her hair rather then go to school with it all ratty. But most of all she just looks happy. Every day, since that drive with her I have thought of that song, and thought of how much it hit home with both of us. While I still like my smile I have been careful to stick to who I am like it or not. I plan to buy her this CD for her birthday, so just like me she can remember how important it is to listen to yourself and not a celebrity, or the kids at school in their little cliques.

I am sure the conversation would have ended the same no matter what, but I can’t help feeling like that perfect song came on at the perfect time for the perfect person. I would like to hope that day helped her make the change, or it's possible she did it herself. Either way I am glad she woke up and saw the light.

This post may have ended up seeming irrelevant to a lot of you, but I'm willing to bet, on of you will listen to my song, read this blog, and understand just exactly what I'm saying.