Tales of a Misguided Mommy

The first time was a fluke..but the second time...I'm worried

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 18:07:59 GMT

Last night I dreamt I was on a field trip with my kids. In the dream I was eating little gummy candies with them. When I ate my last candy I started thinking, "this one is stale, and it's very chewy and not good at all." That was the exact moment I woke up and found another fucking ear plug in my mouth.

My name is Shannon and I have not eaten a potato chip in 25 days

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 17:56:27 GMT

Most of you are reading that title thinking it's no big deal. Y'all, it's a big fucking deal. If you know anything about me you know that my favorite food is potatoes. A subset of potatoes is potato chips. I love them. I love them probably more then chocolate. I love them about as much as I love my husband.

In the event of an accident my boobs are totally safe

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 20:02:19 GMT

I purchased some new bras this week. A ton of them. They are amazing. However two of them came with these little air bags in them.

What's in my purse....mega purse edition

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 13:09:58 GMT

So. I got myself a new purse about two weeks ago. I knew that with Little League starting I would need a bigger purse because I stuff snacks, and clothes, and other random things like a 5 year olds "cup" when he doesn't wanna wear it inside my bag.

If I was more of a sissy I would be at the hospital right now

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 22:33:47 GMT

Yesterday was one of those days when I should have just...gotten right back into bed and not left until the sun went down. I started the morning telling myself I was going to run. Before anyone else woke up I was going to take time for me and run. I grabbed the leash and took the dog and set off on my way. I got about 14 feet into the run before I twisted my ankle. I kept going though. The dog was a menace, he chased birds, bushes, shadows and air. It was ridiculous. I looked like a total knucklehead running with that dog. Then exactly .50 miles into the run the dog stopped right in front of a bus load of people to take a shit. He was taking a while so I took my phone out of my sports bra to pause my time so it didn't slow me down. He finished and I restarted my time. I put my phone back in and went back to my run. 14 seconds later I heard, "your run is complete." Somehow my boob had pushed the button on my phone stopping the time. It also managed to post to Facebook that I had only run a half a mile. I was so pissed. I started a new run and headed home. Halfway my shoes came untied. I had to stop again and retie my damn shoe. I was so mad. I eventually made it home with two separate posts in my exercise tracker looking like a fool.

Becoming a mom...seven years later.

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 18:42:42 GMT

When I was little my favorite game to play was mom. I had babies, I carried a diaper bag loaded with every single thing, hell I even nursed my cabbage patches. When I was pregnant I read every single book on babies. When I had the kids I like to think I was a pretty good mom. My husband used to use the word amazing. I still read, I am still a good mom, but...I think I'm finally becoming a great mom.

In which I demand a maternity test

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 20:06:52 GMT

The other day my husband came to the bottom of the stairs and yelled,

Tattoos, assholes and knowing when to shut the fuck up

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 12:04:36 GMT

I've never been to Napa. I think I would like to go, but I can't be sure. I only like certain types of wine. Everyone says it's the best place ever though, and I feel like it's one of those adult type things I should do sometime soon.

Just don't smell me and we should be fine

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 11:42:24 GMT

I woke up this morning all sore and grumpy and frankly kind of smelly. I decided I would shower. Fifteen minutes after making this decision I actually got out of bed. I trudged into the bathroom turned the shower to scalding and stepped in. I reached up to adjust the shower head because I'm about 9 inches shorter then my husband so if I shower after him it sprays right over my head. I grab the shower head and move it down and the entire thing snapped off in my hands. Water started shooting all over the shower and in my face, outside the shower, all over the bathroom. It was not pretty.

So it has come to this

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 11:04:20 GMT

Today is a big day. I've told you about my husbands ridiculous Chive.com addiction and his addiction with products from their website. Well, we are back here...with me watching a countdown page and hoping and praying the site doesn't crash again.

What I'm reading

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 15:43:11 GMT

Nothing.

I totally want to go to the store RIGHT NOW

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 14:26:59 GMT

Those of you who have been reading this for a while know I have a few addictions, alcohol, pills, chocolate, converse and Cadbury Mini Eggs. Which is why it was a huge problem when I was scrolling through my Twitter feed and I saw that Saly had posted this;

A day at work with Shannon

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 11:53:30 GMT

Starting out the day

Inner monologue

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 13:48:24 GMT

I want cookies

Keeping warm

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 13:26:25 GMT

It's been really cold here in Reno. I don't like the cold. But my biggest complaint is that when there is snow everywhere my beloved shoes get left in the closet. This makes me sad. Let's be honest, shoes like this just cannot stay in the closet all winter long without getting their feelings hurt.

Getting rid of it all again.

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 17:18:42 GMT

A week ago I looked like this. My hair was out of control long. It was pretty and if I took the time to do it, it looked very nice. But I never took the time which meant 80% of the week was spent with my hair pulled up into a messy bun giving me a headache. After much hemming an hawwing I bit the bullet and chopped it all off.

A night in the life of a caterer

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 12:00:04 GMT

No pictured...the four quarts of home made caramel and the 10 cups of celery chopped, or the 300 rolls I had to slice.

My body

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 14:43:02 GMT

A few years back I posted this image of my body in this post.

Let's update

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 15:31:31 GMT

* So much going on lately. Only one person knows ALL of it and she drove all the way from Winnemucca to deal with me this weekend. God I love that girl.

Chore help

Tue, 27 Nov 2012 17:22:44 GMT

Brandon wants to start doing the dishes. He is only seven and can't reach the sink. We have a dishwasher though. I think he is still too young/short but I'm not sure. Do you let your kids do dishes? Do they do a good job? At what age do you think kids are able to do dishes. I would like advice. Because if he wants to do chores I want to let him, I just want to make sure they are age appropriate.

I'm cranky...feed me

Fri, 16 Nov 2012 14:00:42 GMT

Have you ever been cranky for the simple reason that you are hungry? Well that was me today. I went on an errand to the bank and discovered I was starving. The bank took forever which of course made me really pissy. So I drove over to my favorite little sandwich place that has a drive through and ordered my favorite sandwich (with no oregano please because that shit taste like burned marijuana) and extra pickles. Then the drive up girl starts saying, "I'm sorry what did you say you want banana peppers?"

The golden years

Sun, 11 Nov 2012 19:36:53 GMT

While reading my old blog I came across this post...wow, I have the best kids ever

Seven year old boys will be the death of me

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 12:19:10 GMT

I should start this off by saying that when I started typing this I actually couldn't remember how old my son was. It started out with me saying, "man seven is hard." But then I thought, "wait, he isn't seven, seven is so hold, he must be more like five, but Codi is turning five so he can't be five, his pants are a size eight but I don't think he is eight yet is he? No he must be seven, but seven seems old enough to be graduating high school and surely I would have noticed if seven years passed by now right?" Finally I gave in and used the calculator. Brandon is seven. I think.

Why I can't wait for voting season to be over

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 11:46:32 GMT

I work for a heating company. Part of my job is to call my customers to schedule their appointments, or when my tech is on his way over to fix their furnace I need to call and make sure they are home. This week alone I have been hung up on at least three times a day. As soon as I say, "Hi is this____", or "Hi this is Shannon with" they hang up on me. I had to call one lady back twice yesterday and finally I just rattled out, "WE ARE TRYING TO COME FIX YOUR FURNACE I JUST NEED TO MAKE SURE SOMEONE IS HOME." She felt so bad for hanging up on me, and even admitted she just flat out hung up the phone thinking I was someone calling about voting. Half of my clients phones go to voicemail now because they are screening their calls. That means I have to leave them a message then my service tech has to sit there while we wait for them to call back and tell me they are home or not.

Sensory overload

Thu, 01 Nov 2012 19:31:10 GMT

A big problem with me is that I have issues with sound. I have incredible hearing. I've had my hearing checked and I rate in the exceptional range. The problem with that is that I hear EVERYTHING. The second problem is that I cannot handle hearing repetitive sounds. Pens clicking, shoes tapping, balls bouncing etc. When things get really bad I cannot handle any sounds. For example; my dog itching. The sound of my dog itching drives me out of my mind. This is a huge issue because my dog has severe allergies and itches about eleven hours a day. I sleep with ear plugs in even if I am home alone because I can hear every car that passes outside, every tree branch that moves, every mouse that crawls around, EVERY. SINGLE. THING. I don't get a lot of sleep. Especially living near a freeway. If my husband taps his hand on the steering wheel in the car I freak out. I actually FREAK OUT. I get mad. If my son starts clicking his toy gun over and over and over I totally tense up and feel a break down come on. If Brandon turns on any electrical gadget I cringe. When people close cabinets and they even slightly slam it, my brain hurts. Because of that I close cabinets so gently that sometimes they don't even close all the way. But it is better then hearing the cabinet close. The sound of Ugg boots dragging around during the winter really really pisses me off. People need to pick up their feet.