Tales of a Misguided Mommy

Didja know...

Thu, 17 May 2012 00:34:49 GMT

If you spend the afternoon chasing your baby chickens through the rose bushes trying to get them back in their coop and then spend your evening with your arms in bleach water cleaning a kitchen your arms will hurt for hours.

Mucho grande boobies

Tue, 15 May 2012 10:39:43 GMT

Right before I went to Mexico my husband was doing a few loads of laundry and some how three of my shirts and two bras got broken. I found out later that the lint trap had a little build up in it so one side was sticking out causing all of straps to twist around until it snapped. I purchased two more bras before going but since I'm a DD I can never find bras my size, and on the rare occasion I do they are big ugly utilitarian looking things. So off I went to Mexico with my ugly ill fitting bras.

Catering season in full swing

Mon, 14 May 2012 12:26:12 GMT

I love catering. More then catering I love cooking. And some how I've become my bosses baker, which I thought I would hate but turns out I LOVE TO BAKE! Let me give you a look into my life the past few days.

Follow up on little league

Wed, 09 May 2012 20:07:31 GMT

I have been back in the dugout every game since this post. Things have been better. The coach had a talk with the kids about listening to me and I had a talk with a lot of the parents letting them know I would sit their kid out if they didn't straighten up. I think it was a good idea to have me go in there because now there is a familiar face in their at all times that they know they need to listen to.

The easiest recipe I've ever been given

Wed, 09 May 2012 20:02:09 GMT

Do they serve beer in little league?

Fri, 04 May 2012 17:42:53 GMT

We started rookie ball a few weeks ago. This year was a lot different then T-ball for one basic reason. The kids on my sons team are ROTTEN! Not just a little bit either. They are just full on bad. There are four of them. Last week I got fed up and elected myself dugout mom. The first game was terrible. In one hour I had kids climbing the gate separating the dugout from the field, dangling from the hooks on the walls, calling other kids stupid, punching other kids, trying to break other kids bags, kicking kids, calling me stupid, pushing and shoving all over, and screaming mean things to their friends and the other team.

If all else fails and you can't find your eye glasses

Thu, 03 May 2012 11:24:56 GMT

Go outside and look on the patio because obviously your dumb ass dog would drag them out there to chew up. Because that is where they belong right?

And then they all laughed at me

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 07:52:40 GMT

I went to the doctor today about my broken finger (don’t ask). While there we got to talking about how my iron is low AGAIN. Then I casually mentioned I had quit eating gluten. The doctor said that was good. Then I mentioned that I cut down my dairy intake a lot. This made her ears perk up. Knowing that I’m a vegetarian and now I’ve cut down dairy she was worried. I thought that would be a perfect time to tell her I quit eggs too. And coffee.

Think about the memories you are making

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 15:32:28 GMT

A couple weeks ago I decided to give up gluten, dairy and coffee in an effort to cleanse my body of toxins. It’s funny that this story comes from me attempting to rid myself of toxic things. I stumbled upon almond milk and got the idea one morning to mix chocolate almond milk with soy peanut butter (my son is allergic to peanuts so I can’t use the real thing). I blended it with ice for breakfast and took the first drink. I was instantly transported back in time. I was nine years old in the kitchen with my biological dad getting a life lesson on how to make a chocolate peanut butter milk shake.

Help a girl out

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 19:28:10 GMT

If you wouldn't mind, click over to my food blog and help me out. I'm stuck on a recipe and NEED HELP.

Bucket lists

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 17:12:14 GMT

Sitting here waiting for my son to come out of school so I have some free time. I've been thinking of this for a while now an I've concluded that I have exactly one real true thing that I would put on a bucket list. To learn to play the guitar. Real guitar. Country guitar. Real country, not the pop shit on the radio now. Guitar like Hank, or Willie, or Waylon. That is it. To have my own guitar and learn to play. Maybe I should think of more stuff for my bucket list eh? What about you? What is on your bucket list?

I will not budge

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 09:32:51 GMT

You all know I gave in on the booster seat. And I gave in on the light up shoes (but only Star Wars ones and only the ones with out the lame plastic looking stickers on the side). I haven't given in on the door locks YET. But there is on thing I flat out refuse to give in on.

Aren't his ears just perfect for this

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 13:09:16 GMT

Submit your horror stories now

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 19:09:14 GMT

I'm getting colonics tomorrow...Please submit horror stories now.

Jack strikes again

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 21:51:32 GMT

Some of you may be familiar with my posts about Jack. If not here is the link to the post that describes my feelings about Jack and another one here.

Lets announce a winner for the toys and talk about some other stuff too

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 14:21:13 GMT

Thing one: When will I learn to wait 45 seconds to take a drink of my tea after I take it out of the microwave? How many times did I burn my mouth yesterday? EVERY TIME I USED THE MICROWAVE TO REHEAT MY TEA.

That did not just happen

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 21:09:12 GMT

All day long all I wanted to do was mop the floor. I went to my office and got the mop bucket and then remembered that it was broken. The handle where you drain the water was having problems. But never fear

Therapy

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 12:57:06 GMT

I've discovered a new form of therapy.

Well played Target, well played

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 13:39:47 GMT

I guess I haven't been to Target in a while because when I walked in today the entire store was different. I was forced to navigate the entire store just to find the bras and shoes which was smart on their part because that meant I walked through women's clothes, kids clothes, kitchenware and boys bedroom decor. I'm onto you Target. I see what you are doing and it was smart. Very smart. Well played Target. Now you go explain the bill to my husband.

How an author can get on my shit list REAL FAST

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 13:49:14 GMT

A few years ago after reading the Twilight series I stumbled upon Stephanie Meyer's website and found that she had started re-writing the entire story from Edwards point of view. Someone had released a portion of it online though and that upset her so she stopped. This made me mad. Because reading the story from his point of view was AWESOME. I loved finding out all of the information I missed hearing it from Bella's view. I held out hope for years that the author would finish the book.

Waylon gets it

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 13:13:25 GMT

I've always been crazy and the trouble that it's put me through
I've been busted for things that I did, and I didn't do
I can't say I’m proud of all of the things that I’ve done
But I can say I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone

I've always been different with one foot over the line
Winding up somewhere one step ahead or behind
It ain't been so easy but I guess I shouldn't complain
I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane

Beautiful lady are you sure that you understand
The chances your taking loving a free living man
Are you really sure you really want what you see
Be careful of something that's just what you want it to be

I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane
Nobody knows if it's something to bless or to blame
So far I ain't found a rhyme or a reason to change
I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane

So let's give away some sex toys

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 15:15:13 GMT

I have no idea what to do with you my dear loyal readers. When I asked what to do with the sex toys from the adult toy shop EdenFantasys never in a million years did I expect for so many of you to tell me to do a give away. This company approached me months ago to give away or review their products and I declined because I thought my readers wouldn't like it. But you all surprised me.

Because losing teeth, booster seats and giant shoes aren't bad enough

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 14:46:38 GMT

Last week Brandon yelled at me from the backseat, "mom how come you won't take the child lock off my door, dad did, why won't you? Dad is cooler."

This kid has priorities

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 09:50:12 GMT

Yesterday Brandon yelled at me for not texting him enough on his iPod. This morning he came upstairs while I was still in bed (kid wakes up at O'darkthirty) and said he was hungry. I told him to go back downstairs. Then I texted him that he could have a donut. He was really excited that I texted and he even replied back to me. I heard him run in the kitchen and eat his donut. I got up and started laying out clothes for the day and putting away some laundry from last night when Brandon texts me again asking me if he can eat the bacon his dad left for him on the counter. I say yes. A few minutes later my husband writes me and asks if I saw Brandon's video. I was confused, I hadn't seen a video yet today. You see, since Brandon is only six he doesn't text very fast or very good so what he does is record videos of himself talking and then send it to you. This was my husbands video this morning. It's short but I can just imagine Brandon spying the bacon, thinking about the bacon, and then finally asking his dad about the bacon.

Do you think I could Craigslist that?

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 22:45:09 GMT

Wow that was heavy huh? Let's lighten it up some shall we?