Tales of a Misguided Mommy

My kids are never going to grow up

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:10:34 GMT

A few months ago Rob came to me and told me he thought that at six years old Brandon was old enough to take a shower on his own. I was appalled. There was no way my sweet wittle baby was going to shower alone. Who would wash his ears? Who would make sure he washed behind his ears? Who would be sure the dirty boy grubbiness was scrubbed out from under his chin. I did the only logical thing possible and asked my friends on Facebook. Every single person agreed with my husband. (I'm soooo giving you all dirty looks right now). They even agreed that my sweet little four year old Codi was old enough to shower on his own. UNACCEPTABLE PEOPLE! That's my tiny little baby. Of course Codi loves it. To add insult to injury he's started telling me he wants to put his own lotion and jammies on after the bath.

Send bubble wrap

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 17:23:53 GMT

After yesterday's post regarding my injuries you would think I would learn my lesson. That I would stop acting like a dumbass and NOT HURT MYSELF.

I'm going to run off and hide in my little padded room now

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:57:01 GMT

Last week while I was cooking dessert for my catering gig while babysitting a dessert called "chocolate decadence" that needed to bake for about eleven hundred hours I decided to do the dishes. I finished the dishes and the cake was still not done so I decided to put them away. The very last thing I grabbed was the blade that goes inside the food processor.

The enormity of blogging

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 01:14:54 GMT

Tonight I received an email from Kim. She heard about the fire in Reno and was worried about me. When I saw that email, there are no words big enough, or eloquent enough to describe how warm my heart was.

You know you are parent of the year when....

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 22:20:20 GMT

When your six year old tells people he wants to sing them a song and theb belts out the following Johnnu Cash lyrics, "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.". That right there is when you know you've won at parenting!

An apple a day

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:09:45 GMT

I went to type this on my MacBook Pro but I hadn't plugged it in. I thought of typing it on my iPhone but remembered I had an iPad so I'm typing from that (side note someone please send me a keyboard for this). Today a little part of my life was completed. Our office ordered a Mac Mini. This means my family has owned an original Macintosh, G3, G4, Power PC Mac, iMacs, MacBooks, MacBook pros, original iPod, iPod nano in all sizes, iPod shuffle, iPhone 3, iPhone 4, apple tv, iPad....and now a Mac Mini.

How to make me homicidal in under 1 minute

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 19:41:51 GMT

Grab plastic container of soup out of fridge

Postpartum book depression

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 13:23:58 GMT

I love reading books. But there has always been one downside. The end of the book. I have three reasons for hating the end.

Catching up with the men in my life

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 18:56:45 GMT

I can't possibly imagine why my hands are going numb and cramping

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:08:09 GMT

Multiply this by 350 then add in 400 gingerbread cookies...and lets not even discuss the mini cookies.

Am Keurig K-cup discount shopping WINNING

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 08:56:46 GMT

I bought a Keurig about 3 weeks ago. I've never spent two days more jacked up then I did those first days of owning it because people I HAD TO PLAY WITH IT. I use my Keurig for everything. I stick my instant cream of wheat under there, set it on the low cup setting and BAMN cream of wheat. I do the same with my oatmeal. When I pack the boys lunch I like to put boiling water in their thermos before I put food in so it is nice and warm and keeps it warm. Now? Press button on Keurig BAMN hot warm thermos. I want to hug this machine daily.

I really never learn

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 12:45:10 GMT

Three times this week I let my gas tank look like this. THREE TIMES.

The banks are conspiring against me

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 11:53:33 GMT

Trying to run errands for work today. First bank only has one lane open. And only one teller in the whole bank. Second bank had a crazy ass line. And the third one? It was surrounded by geese. We all had to honk and wait for the geese to move. I'm sitting here hoping this guy Hurries up because I still have to go to the contractors board and I already know how slow the old lady there is. I just wanna get this done so I can get back to my desk. Pretend to get caught up and maybe eat breakfast. I'm working both jobs all week and I work a double Saturday. I have not bought A SINGLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT. Since I'm scheduled to work so much I have. I idea when I will buy presents. So friends I'm giving you a heads up now. You might get presents some time in February. Also. Am very tired. Feet hurt. And I've baked over 300 cookies in the last five days. I never want to see another sugar cookie or cookie cutter. Also again. Am allergic to gingerbread cookie dough. Hands are all red and itchy. More also. IM STARVING and all I have is lame yogurt. Woe is me. Email me some jokes or funny stories. I need some giggles please.

15 Quick Things to Catch You Up

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 20:14:30 GMT

1. I have an unhealthy obsession with Nutella.
2. I�ve been working two jobs for the last few months, but lately I�ve been working them both in the same day. I�m super exhausted hence the lack of posting.
3. Did you know that when you spend all night cooking and all weekend catering you don�t want to cook dinner or any meals at home because the thought of chopping one more thing makes you want to chop a finger nail off.
5. I totally almost cut a finger off the other night I was so tired, thank god for long fingernails, saved the day.
6. I skipped number four.
7. You are now looking up to check that.
8. I want to hug and cuddle my new Kuerig. I use it for all kind of things besides just making coffee. But I can tell you, I was so so so jacked up the first two days I had it from playing with it.
9. Doctors tip really well.
10. They also throw pretty awesome parties.
11. The Pinterest humor section has become a problem.
12. Fig Netwon crisps are heaven sent!
13. you didn't even notice there are only 13 here

So what ever happened to jack

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 00:47:39 GMT

Many of you might be wondering what happened after my big JACK epiphany at a funeral.

A kids cough medicine that helps them sleep and is safe for kids under 35 um YES PLEASE

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 23:50:45 GMT

I don't normally do reviews on my blog but this is the first time that I got a product that I actually wanted to review. Because it is about my kids. When I was at Blogher I walked through isles and isles of stuff. Some I put in my bag, some I walked past and some I happily ate while browsing (Dove I'm looking at you.). I stumbled across a booth called Zarbees. It was a children's cough medicine.

Notes from the AMA's

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 23:37:54 GMT

Niki Minaj needs to go away.

Things I've learned catering

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 20:47:59 GMT

 People will get drunk enough at weddings to stumble into the kitchen and announce to the catering staff, “THE ASPARAGUS WAS EXCELLENT AND GUESS WHAT, MY PEE ALREADY SMELLS LIKE ASPARAGUS.”

My dog is allergic to air and thinks bird shit hung the moon

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 21:58:25 GMT

Charlie has allergies. That is an understatement. Charlie is allergic to the world. So far, the one thing we know for sure is that Charlie is allergic to chicken.

Trust me your grandma was right

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 23:57:47 GMT

My grandma loves to tell me stories. Since my other grandma passed away before I could get all of her worldly wisdom I always make sure to soak up everything my grandma says to me.

How do you read blogs?

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 23:01:32 GMT

Last month our TV broke. After much shopping we ended up buying a Sony Google TV. I basically bought it because it had the word GOOGLE in it. I can surf the web and do other neat stuff on it but I hadn't really figured out anything I loved doing with it.

My last two weeks in bullets

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 21:26:44 GMT

* Wook at my cute wittle puppy he is just the sweetest wittle guy ever.

If you followed me on Facebook you would have been able to solve this problem a lot sooner

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 21:05:32 GMT

This morning I woke up and all I could smell was SHIT! Or, something rotten. Really rotten. Like holy shit if I was pregnant right now I would puke all over my hardwood. I spent the whole morning sniffing around. In every room. In closets, trashes, floors, the drier EVERYWHERE.

So the problem is...

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:31:47 GMT

My husband gets this stupid video game magazine in the mail. This bothers me.

The end of the day

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 20:56:12 GMT

Its 6:50pm. I want to be off work, but I'm not because I have to sit here and total receipts that the other girl in my office should have done. Here is a break down of my last five minutes.