Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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How to embarrass yourself in one quick doctors visit

Possible funny TMI alert:
So I've held off posting about my most recent doctors visit because no matter how much I know it's not, it still feels weird and TMI.  I recently visited my orthopedic doctor to talk about some hip pain.  When I arrived they did an X-ray of the area.  The male X-ray tech is just chatting about nothing while he's taking the films.  Then he takes me back to the office and tells me my images will load on the screen, and I can see them before the doctor comes in.  They loaded, but the side view loads first.  I get up to look at it when the female student doctor comes in.  She switches views to the front view, and...you guys an X-ray of a female from the belly button down is seriously a weird, creepy, almost private X-ray.  So she's pointing to all of this stuff, but all I can see is basically what looks like my girly parts on full display.  Finally she says, "It looks like you have a torn labrum."
 
Now, since I'm so busy staring at an X-ray of what looks like my entire cervix, the first thing to come out of my mouth is, "I've torn my vagina?"  I then promptly turn red, and she turns red, and she laughs and says, "No, Labrum NOT Labia."  Obviously I knew that since the pain was in an entire different part of my body, but still.  What my mind saw vs what my mouth said. Sigh.
 
Finally the male doctor walks in. He asks me to come stand closer to the X-ray and proceeds to start pointing and talking and tracing lines, and I'm just horrified.  I felt like I needed to hold a sheet up over my X-rays private parts, because he's basically seeing me naked.   He kept saying "possible torn Labrum, possible fractured labrum, or possible calcium deposits inside the labrum."  I swear still all I could hear was "broken labia, broken vagina."
 
I barely made it out of there without embarrassing myself.  I came home to show my husband the X-ray and he just froze and said, "ummm this is weird, really weird."  I then went on to explain it to him and wouldn't you know I said I had a torn labia, before I corrected to labrum.  
 
I feel like a ten year old boy in SHARE class when the teacher makes them all say penis over and over to stop making it a funny word.  Anyway I contemplated posting the X-ray but it still feels private, and weird like I'm posting naked photos of myself.  I might post it in the comments later.  So thats the story of the time I said the words, "I broke my vagina," to my brand new doctor.

Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Jun. 29, 2016

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