Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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In which I issue a public apology to the entire universe

Probably since they have existed I have publicly shared my hatred for the Beats By Dre headphones.  They are so big and bulky and look ridiculous.  Lately I've seen people wear them in the gym and it drives me insane.  You look stupid. So stupid.  Why would you wear those to the gym?  I've clowned on my trainer for wearing them, I've made fun of people on Facebook and Instagram for wearing them, I'm a total jerk about these headphones.  These headphones rank up almost as high, if not equal to Crocs.

About three weeks ago I went into Best Buy with my husband and while he was off doing who knows what I saw the headphones. Deciding to prove they were as stupid as I thought, I slipped them on.  It sounded so good.  I was immediately annoyed. They weren't allowed to sound good.  I threw them back where they came from and left. 

I continued to make fun of every single person who wore those stupid bulky ridiculous headphones.

Then today while waiting for Apple to put a new battery in my iPhone I saw a pair of Beats in Teal.  I mused that they were cute, if you liked that stupid, bulky, show offy type of look.  Then I moseyed down to the area you could test the headphones.  I slipped them on and was shocked to find one of my favorite bands, "The Wild Feathers" on the stores iPod.  I turned it up and my god it was like angels started singing in my ears.  It was the clearest most beautiful goddamn sound I had ever heard.  In fact it sounded so good I forgot to hate them and turned up the music louder and leaned over the table and just rocked out.  After a few moments I took them off to put my hair in a pony tail and see how they would fit if my hair was up like at the gym.  The second I removed them noise was everywhere.  People chattering, and music, and phones beeping, just NOISE.  I was shocked.  The headphones did such a good job of cancelling out noise that I actually forgot where I was.  For about a minute and a half I was alone with my song and not even aware of my surroundings. 

I slipped them back on and the blissful joy returned to my ears.  This shit is incredible. These headphones are amazing.  AMAZING.  I cannot even believe it.  They are the greatest thing to ever happen to my ears.  For someone who can hear every single little noise, someone who gets frustrated at the gym when I'm on the treadmill and I can hear the person next to me running through my headphones, or when I'm working out and the person next to me drops their weights. I hate it. I don't want to hear your feet slapping on the treadmill, I don't want to hear your conversation about work, or your date or whatever you are talking to the person next to you about, I don't want to hear grunts and groans and I do not want to hear weights clanging around. I just want silence.

I took a picture of the beautiful teal colored Solo Beats By Dre and I left the store.  I want them.  I want them so bad I am willing to publicly admit I was an asshole who was so wrong in my wrongness.  I don't care if I look totally lame (I do) wearing them at the gym, and I don't even care if I look like all of the people I have talked shit about the last year the magical angels singing into my ears make it sooooo worth admitting I was a jerk of living in bratty wrongville.

I'm going to save up my money for them.  Once you hear how good music can sound you cannot go back.  I'm going to be cranky and annoyed at the gym every single day until I save up for these stupid headphones.  I need these headphones.  I MUST HAVE THEM. 

I'm sorry world.  I was wrong.  You still look ridiculous in your headphones, and when I get mine you can tell me how stupid I look in mine, but that's okay because I won't be able to hear you with my magic fairy kiss headphones on.


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Jan. 26, 2014

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