Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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The future of the English language worries me

Every time I log onto Instagram I get a headache.  It is full of hash tags.  Hash tags drive me insane.  I have embraced the use of a hash tag for a brand, ie: #chucks, #converse, #chive, #jeep.  I get that people, like myself would want to click the link for Converse and possibly see new styles of shoes, or new colors.  I do enjoy clicking the Chive hash tag to see the new gear, and to see what other Chivers around the world are doing.  I even understand people putting a simple hash tag like, "nails," so that people can look up new nail colors or designs.  I really really really do not understand hash tagging sentences.  This kind of shit makes me so angry:

#ImsosicktodaythinkIhaveacoldlooklikeshitlolzsmh

#didmyhairtodayIlooksogood

#hair#lazydays#ponytail#insertstatehere#acronym#nonsensicalbullshit

I can promise you that my children will never speak like this.  They have iPod touches now.  They have the ability to text their cousins.  They are able to text me when they are at their grandparents house or out of town.  They speak real English.  Please let me also state this is not racial or anything, I think that whatever language you speak you should speak it properly.  I felt like I needed to state that.  I am so sick of the way teenagers speak.  My Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds are full of words that don't make sense, misspellings, lack of punctuation, and general bullshit.  

It is not sexy or cute to misspell words, or make up words, or speak in lolz.  I get so frustrated when I read posts like this:

"My boy frenz bein soooo mean 2day Im so pissed off I'm gunna go get my drinkz on 2nite and go too the bar where there gonna be twerking and i am gunna make him fel so stoopid lolz smh fuk yah!??!?!?!?"

What is that?  To, too, two?  It's hard, I get it, BUT IT'S NOT THAT HARD.  They're, there, their, fuck I learned that when I was ten.  You, you're, your, it is not rocket science. Wuz, 2day, UR, are not words.  I feel like someone in high school should know that tell and till are not the same words.  Saying, "I don't know what to do tell then," hurts my brain.  It's okay to spell out entire words, because is not hard to type, you don't have to type cuz or cause in it's place.  It's totally acceptable to type the entire word BECAUSE.  I promise I won't even be mad if you spell out an entire word. I won't be upset if you use commas.  I won't be mad if you end a sentence with a period instead of !!?!?!?!?!?!??! I would love it if you added the correct ending to a word.  Babys is not a word, babies IS A WORD.  

Words go in order,

"My brother and I purchased a car today," 

Sounds much better than,

"Me and my brother purchased a car today,"

Or

"My brother and me purchased a car today."

Did people not learn word order in school, if you remove the first part of that sentence would you say, "me purchased a car today?"  

Passed, and past are different words.  Pasted is not the same as either one of those words. 

I realize that my spelling is sometimes off.  I probably leave out commas now and then, and I know when blogging all of us are guilty of the HOLYSHITMYKIDSAREDRIVINGMEINSANEHELPME sentence every now and then.  However, when did poor grammar, lack of punctuation, and general lack of respect become cool?  When did it become acceptable to talk like an infant.  My five year old speaks better then most of the kids I know between the ages of 13 and 20.  Why is this?  When did people lose respect for themselves?  Does it make people feel cool to post publicly for the entire world to see a bunch of nonsensical bullshit?

I already correct my boys grammar.  I will not have my kids speaking in this new made up garbage language.  My children are going to use subject, predicate, noun.  They will understand you that something isn't "to funny," it is "too funny."  They will know that you don't "go too the store."  My children will spell out entire words, and include commas, even Oxford commas. I want them to use space marks, and punctuation. I want them to use big words, to sound educated and knowledgeable in a conversation.  

I am pretty good with English, however I would like it if my children are even smarter then me.  When using adjectives I want them to go beyond,"awesome," and "cool".  I want to hear that something is fantastic.  That it is magnificent.  Don't tell me that something taste "good."  Tell me that dinner was phenomenal, and then tell me why.  A girl isn't hot.  She is beautiful, she is adorable, spunky, intelligent and lovely.  A test isn't just hard, it's difficult, challenging, rigorous.  There is an entire dictionary of words out there.  Words that are better then "twerking."  

I once had a guy ask me how my day was, I replied "It was fantastic."  He looked at me and told me that in that moment, the moment where I used a word other then good, or fine, was the moment he knew he liked me.  I had a customer praise me for saying, "terrific," instead of good.  People notice things like that, they notice when you go out of your way to answer them with a special word.  

I posted about this on Instagram and someone replied that I'm fighting a losing battle.  I hope not.  I hope this isn't our future.  

 


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Sep. 10, 2013

Comments

Sep. 11 2013
beylit said…
For a while I worked as a chat support agent for Verizon DSL. You know those annoying chat windows that pop up when you are on a companies web page asking if you need assistance. Yea I was the person on the other end if you chose to chat. Mostly we just used canned phrases to answer questions (which was a requirement, not by choice. The people in charge thought it made the process go faster. They were idiots.) When we did answer questions ourselves we were expected to use full sentences and proper English. You know the bosses wanted us to sound intelligent and competent. I had a chat one day where the customer was using nothing but netspeak bullshit. I had to often rephrase and repeat back to them their questions using proper sentence structure and spelling just to understand what they were asking. Finally they got angry and asked me if I was mocking them by not also using netspeak. I had to inform them that it was company policy that I used proper English. Their response to that was basically that they felt bad for me being forced to 'talk dumb'. I quit that job shortly after. I weep for our future.

 

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