Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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My name is Shannon and I have not eaten a potato chip in 25 days

Most of you are reading that title thinking it's no big deal.  Y'all, it's a big fucking deal.  If you know anything about me you know that my favorite food is potatoes.  A subset of potatoes is potato chips.  I love them.  I love them probably more then chocolate.  I love them about as much as I love my husband.  

Potato chips are the holy grail of foods in my world.

25 days ago one of the moms at school asked me to start going to the gym with her.  For the past two years I have referred to this woman as "gym Barbie."  Gym Barbie has a crazy rocking amazing body and works out often.  For whatever reason I thought going to the gym with her would be fun.

I was wrong.

She tried to kill me.

We did so many things.  Running and weights, and circuits and I don't even know what this woman was doing to me.  At one point I stopped her and said, "HEY, BARBIE DOLL..I'M A CABBAGE PATCH I DON'T MOVE LIKE YOU!!!"

She made me do more sit ups.

With weights.

Anywho, at the end of the workout while we were stretching she came up with this brilliant plan that she would give up sugar in all forms and I would give up chips, fries & pretzels.

Might as well have killed me.

After two weeks of me subbing cookies in place of chips we had to amend the bet so that I could also no longer have cookies.  First one to lose buys dinner. 

You guys I'm struggling.  Two weeks in I went to dinner with my husband at my favorite place who ordered my favorite side dish called "sexy fries" and then ate them all, right in front of my face while proceeding to tell me just how sexy they were.  I wanted to break his nose.  I had to give the girl in my office all of my chips and pretzels which I then had to watch her eat in front of me.  I wanted to fire her.  Last night I made fresh delicious pico de gallo and grabbed a chip to taste it and then had to launch it across the room because I cannot eat a fucking tortilla chip even if it is to taste my super yummy wonderful salsa.  I wanted to cry and break stuff.  I almost ordered nachos at a restaurant the other day forgetting that DUH, NACHOS ARE MADE OF CHIPS and then pouted for the whole meal.  Out of town this weekend my best friend ordered her sammich with a side of the most amaze ball looking fries I had ever seen ever in the world, and she ate them.  She ate them right in front of me. I think she and I should take a break now.  I just ordered a Quiznos sandwich and I couldn't even order my coveted plain Lays chips to go with it.  That's just not right.

I'm so frustrated y'all. This was the dumbest bet I've ever made.  EVER.  I swear I'm about to buy her dinner just so I can eat a motherfucking potato chip.  She thinks it's hilarious.  I do not.  

I've continued going to the gym, 25 days strong now and you guys I've been walking funny and moving funny for 25 days.  Everything hurts.  But my pants are loose and I can do pushups without falling on my face (on the hardwood, true story that happened) and I'm happy about it. Gym Barbie still runs circles around me but at least I'm not quite as much of a Cabbage Patch and instead closer to Barbies little sister Skipper.  

The point is, if I start to get hostile on this blog you know why now, it's because I haven't had a damn potato chip in 25 fucking days.  I'm sorry in advance.  It's going to get worse, because I am not losing this bet.


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Apr. 17, 2013

Comments

Apr. 18 2013
Tarrant said…
Not that it is in any way a good substitute--but for a brief deluded period I managed to convince myself that crinkle cut carrot slices from the produce section made an acceptable substitute for tortilla chips with salsa. (briefly. really briefly is the key here)

 

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