Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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In the event of an accident my boobs are totally safe

I purchased some new bras this week. A ton of them.  They are amazing. However two of them came with these little air bags in them.

I don't even know what to make of these.  I've seen padding in a bra but...air bags REALLY?

Anyway, the point of the story. In a rush this morning I grabbed the bra that I hadn't pulled the little air pillows out of and ran out of the house.  When I got to work I realized any time I touched my chest it made a...um..sort of crunching noise.  Exactly like it would sound if you smooshed little bags of air.  When my husband hugged me I could feel AND hear the crinkle.  I had been terrified he would squeeze my boobs and feel this odd crunchy feeling and hear the strange noise and freak out. Why would he be randomly grabbing my tits in the morning? Hey, we've been together eleven years we gotta keep it fun and hot somehow right? The whole thing was mortifying.  Luckily he didn't notice.

I spent the entire day hearing noises anytime I moved, leaned forward or breathed wrong.  It was fucking funny.  Later I took my kids to the park and then got in the car and realized I just couldn't handle the air bags anymore.  I reached in and pulled them out while driving and couldn't believe how much cooler I felt. It would appear that tiny air bags cause your boobs to sweat like a whore in church.  The tiny air bags are now laying on my passenger seat.  I have elected not to have my double D boobs pushed up any farther, but I am a little bit sad knowing that in the event of an accident my boobs will no longer have their own personal air bags.


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Apr. 3, 2013

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