Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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I'm cranky...feed me

Have you ever been cranky for the simple reason that you are hungry?  Well that was me today. I went on an errand to the bank and discovered I was starving. The bank took forever which of course made me really pissy.  So I drove over to my favorite little sandwich place that has a drive through and ordered my favorite sandwich (with no oregano please because that shit taste like burned marijuana) and extra pickles.  Then the drive up girl starts saying, "I'm sorry what did you say you want banana peppers?"

"NO I WANT PICKLES"

To which she replies, "so you want peppers on your veggie right?"  Which means I almost have to kill her but I do that thing instead where you are screaming out your car window to the little speaker at the drive up like an idiot until they hear you.  Which of course meant that she called my diet Pepsi a Dr. Pepper and I had to yell even more. 

I pull up to wait behind another car and around this time text my husband that, "I'm getting food, I'm in cranky hungry mode.  It's not pretty."

He laughs at me and then I pull up to the window and the girl takes my money and I hear, "Uh oh this veggie wasn't supposed to have the spice shaker, quick make a new one before she pulls up here."

I HAD ALREADY PULLED UP THERE.  My next text read, "things are about to get ugly, they fucked up my order and are starting over."

Then I asked for a bag of chips and the girl smiled and just kept staring at the extra money in my hand.  She couldn't hear me over her little earphone ordering device.  Here I'm thinking, "I'll order the chips and snack on those until I get back to work to prevent me from ramming things with my truck," and this bitch is smiling stupidly at me.  The third time I ask the manager finally hears me and says he will ring me up at another register.  

Around this time I start looking at the pink pen in my center console thinking, "mmm pink it will taste like strawberries right?  Pink is a flavor, I bet that pen taste good."

I finally get my drink and finally my food and go to leave.  But just as I put the straw in my cup it bends in half and does that thing where it gets a hole in it so that every time you take a drink you can't actually suck anything up and you just sit there trying and trying to get a drink while nothing happens.

The final text to the husband read, "And now I broke a hole in my straw. The whole day is ruined."

Yes I was in a bad place.  I finally get my food, get on the road and come back to work only to discover they only half filled my tiny cup of soup so there wasn't sufficient soup to dunk my sammich into, and my straw was broken, and I only got one slice of tomato and DUDE WHERE ARE MY PICKLES????

I finally ate.  But I'll tell you, those twenty minutes were the longest twenty minutes.  It was touch and go there for a moment.  I'm still a little upset about my soup to sammich dunk ratio.  

I guess this is what happens after spending 14 hours in a movie theater to watch the entire Twilight movie series.  You are a little cranky the next day. 

 

Updated to add: I just received this comment from Beylit, this shit made my day:

"My friends and I have classified the hunger crankiness in two phrases. First is 'Fat girl needs a sammich'. This is the milder of the two. It is the vaguely cranky and unpleasant point that can be easily saved by munching on something. Second is the much more severe 'Bitch needs a cracker'. At this point you will probably start consuming souls if some form of nourishment is not shoved in your mouth RIGHT NOW! Everyone within my circle of friends takes things very seriously when someone says they have reached 'Bitch needs a cracker', as they should."


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Nov. 16, 2012

Comments

Nov. 16 2012
beylit said…
My friends and I have classified the hunger crankiness in two phrases. First is 'Fat girl needs a sammich'. This is the milder of the two. It is the vaguely cranky and unpleasant point that can be easily saved by munching on something. Second is the much more severe 'Bitch needs a cracker'. At this point you will probably start consuming souls if some form of nourishment is not shoved in your mouth RIGHT NOW! Everyone within my circle of friends takes things very seriously when someone says they have reached 'Bitch needs a cracker', as they should.

 

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