Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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The Rolling Stones lied, Time is not on my side

When I turned thirty I wasn't worried.  I didn't have a panic attack like my husband did.  And since everyone I know (except you Ginger) is older then me I've had no problem still feeling very young. King of like a spring chicken.  I look young too which helps. I still get carded often which to me is the holy grail of feeling young.

I mean sure my tits sag down to my knees because I've nursed two babies but I don't even mind because I have an excellent bra.  Sometimes I even toy with people for fun.  I was at the bank the other lady and the teller who was nearing my grandmas age was reading my license and I made some comment about how, "I was soooo old."  Of course she quickly reminded me that I was sooooo much younger then her and I had no idea what old was.  This was fun.  I like doing this.  I like it when people tell me I'm young.

Yes. I already know I'm a jerk

It is fun to be the youngest mom on the playground.  I'm a good four years younger then all of them and sometimes when they make it obvious I have less money and less 23 carot diamonds on my rings, and that I'm not a glamorous stay at home mom who wears $200.00 track suits to the gym and that I actually work for a living I like to take a minute and puff my chest out and stand up a little taller while ruffling up my feathers and behave exactly like a young spring chicken and remind them that AT LEAST I'M NOT FORTY BITCHES!!!!!!  Those fancy moms always feel a little knocked down when they realize how young and awesome I am.

But.

BUT.

Things have been changing since I turned thirty and I don't like it.  For example it's Saturday and normally at 6am I am sleeping in. But today I was so bothered I had to run right down stairs and stare at the blurry computer screen to tell you what just happened.  

Y'all I woke up covered in drool.  Not just a little drool, but a big long string of drool dangling out of my mouth that was so much drool I had to get THREE tissues to wipe myself all up and flip over the pillow.  

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?

I drooled a little while I was pregnant. But then it went away.  For the last few nights though this has been a habit.  Is this a sign of my aging?  Am I becoming an old hen?

I know what is a sign of my aging.  The fact that I can't sleep an entire night straight without getting up to pee.  And there have been a few times now when I have to pee TWICE in one night.  

I'm kind of worried here.  Is thirty where it all falls apart?  I mean I can't even contain my drooling.  What does this say about the rest of my bodily fluids for the future. My chin hairs already grow faster.  I swear I only get a day and a half before needing to pluck again, and my leg hair is already growing back before I get out of the shower.  

I will look like this in no time if the chin hair doesn't slow down (and if anyone ever notices my mustache) (STOP LOOKING FOR IT, I CAN SEE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME STOP IT)

I'm just thankful i wasn't cuddled up on my husband when the thirteen gallons of drool rolled out of my mouth.

The Rolling Stones lied, time isn't on my side, IT'S COMING AFTER ME FAST.  I mean what's next?  A giant mole on a my chin with it's very own three inch chin hair dangling crookedly out of it like my grandmother?  I swear, that mole will send me to the loony bin.  Now all day long I expect to find this on my face:

What about all of you, are there any signs that tell you, you are aging.  Since most of you are MUCH MUCH older then me (wink) I imagine you will have some fun advice on what I have to look forward to.  Be gentle, how much worse does it get from here?

While searching for a photo of a hair mold I came up with this....I guess this is my future.

He's still cute right?  So there is hope for me yet.

P.S. For those of you who know that Rolling Stones song I dare you to sing that verse and not have it stuck in your head all day like me.


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Feb. 25, 2012

Comments

Feb. 29 2012
kaylen said…
When I feel too old, I stop and think about how much I have done so far - I raised a child alone, he's in college now...and I'm under 40!! I've been married and divorced. I was engaged to a sociopath. I lived in a foreign land for a year (with a 9yr old even!). I've lived through a cardiac incident. I've loved on too many men. I've hated on too many women. I've volunteered more than most people I know combined. And I'm under 40!!!! So it's not about age...it's about what you do while you're aging. Like grow moles on your chin. Or grow out your lady-stache. :)
Mar. 01 2012
christy said…
I kind of freaked out on my 30th birthday. It just sounded so boring - like I am officially a boring adult. I guess my age finally matches my personality.

 

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