Tales of a Misguided Mommy

My last two weeks in bullets

* Wook at my cute wittle puppy he is just the sweetest wittle guy ever.

* If that asshole doesn't stop eating my fucking trash and leaving tissue everywhere I am putting all of his toys in time out for one week.

* I have the flu.

* I think I have cancer, arthritis, scarlet fever, pneumonia and the plague.  AM DYING.

* Catered for a wedding, so beautiful, love working up at the lake.

* What kind of idiot invites 125 people to their wedding? 375 Plates to wash IS NOT OKAY!!!!!

* Scabs have soaked off, dirty water soaking into my body through open wounds, am going to die dish related death.  

* Oh hay I is still sick forget the plague I now have Malaria and West Nile Virus.

* I grew the worlds best tomatoes ever.

* This winter is going to suck without tomatoes.  Woe is me.


* Mmmmm flannel sheet season,

* Remember that time I gave up eggs?  Yeah that was stupid I miss ranch dressing.

* The squeeze In restaurant has eggless ranch dressing.  The world is right again.

* I microwaved my ranch on accident.  The world sucks again.

* My floors are so pretty and mopped.

* I have two kids and a dog.  My floors are not pretty and mopped anymore.

* It's almost my birthday awwww yeah, a whole weekend with my husband at a hotel just us all alone together.

* Fuck.  I turn thirty this weekend.  I am old.  Am no longer hip young girl.  

* Psh, thirty is the new 20.  Am still so totally awesome and young.

* Yeah I totally watched Kim Kardashians wedding.  I'm a nerd.

* Khloe Kardashian is totally on my shit list after watching the wedding.

* I am still mad about the 375 plates.

* Did I mention I had to cut up 125 4 oz pieces of salmon?

* I still smell fish on my wedding ring and I am pretty sure it is oozing out of my pores.

* Weeee tomatoes.

* If I ever see another zucchini in my life I'm going to cry.

* My desk is clean, I am so caught up and I look like an office super hero.

* When did the earthquake hit my office, I'm so behind, I'll never be caught up, going to cry, save me.

* Fuck it.  I'm going to burn it all down then I'll never have to see another post it note in my life.

* DIE SQUEAKY TOY! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* My burrito is ready.  I'm off to eat now and hopefully cure myself of the Cholera plague I'm dying of. 

Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Oct. 26, 2011


Oct. 27 2011
Crissy Mathers said…
your week and bullets and mine have a lot in common.


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