Tales of a Misguided Mommy

Notice: Undefined variable: message in /home/misguide/domains/misguidedmommy.com/public_html/blog.php on line 169

Because this wouldn't be my blog if I wasn't totally freaking the heck out over some kind of food item

So. Let’s start with the obvious. Google should be taken away from me. Last week I was doing some research to find out when my chickens would lay eggs. I was googling around when I read this:

After the yolk is formed in the hen's single ovary, the yolk drops into the body cavity. From there it goes into the infundibulum, or "funnel". It then starts it on its way down the oviduct. The oviduct is more than 2 feet long and is lined with glands that secrete the materials for the albumen (egg white), shell membranes, and shell. The egg color pigment is added in the last stages of this process. It takes twenty-four hours or more from the time the yolk is released until the completed egg is laid.

You should know, I already had issues with eggs. They smell. If I ate it, it had to be hard boiled or fried until it was no longer resembling an egg. If anything smelled like egg forget it I wouldn’t touch it. If you scrambled an egg in a bowl you better wash it, then put it in the dishwasher and use the sanitize setting and scalding hot water. If food smells like egg I’ll straight up throw it away.

So imagine me sitting there reading the above statement, then imagine the wheels in my head turning and now where are we?

Right after I ovulate my body releases this gelatinous stuff that contains the unused egg. Since I obviously relate everything to humans I realized that eggs are nothing more then ovulation, dead egg secretion and I TOTALLY FREAKED THE FUCK OUT MAN. I mean I would never fry up that ovulation juice and cook it. I would never eat one of my own eggs so why in shit sake would I eat a chicken egg?

Just like that I was off eggs. No more baked goods. No more egg sammiches. No more egg washed pretzels. No more ranch dressing. No more beloved mayo. NO MORE ICE CREAM.

So imagine during our recent trip to Lego Land when I got my husband an ice cream cone while he was on a ride, and it starts melting everywhere.  Instead of doing the logical thing and licking the sides clean for him I wrapped the whole mess in a bunch of paper towels and handed him a gooey cone full of melted mush when he was done with the ride.  He wanted to drop kick me right then.  Why couldn't I be normal?  Why couldn't I just lick the fucking ice cream and clean it up?  BECAUSE IT'S OVARY JUICE.  IT COMES OUT OF A CHICKENS POOTER.  NO THANK YOU MAN!

So. In honor of my new found egg hatred I’m giving away a voucher from Dove Ice cream for Any (1) Dove ice cream 8.67 oz or larger, Dovebar multi pack, or Dove bar miniatures multi pack. You can go ahead and eat the chocolate covered ovulation juice. Me? I’ll be watching from the sidelines wondering who let me have Google. How do you enter?

1. Leave a comment

2. Follow me on Twitter @wilddreemer and tweet about this give away (tell me about it in the comments)

3. Link to this post on your Facebook and tell me how I can find it in the comments section

4. Link to this post on your blog.

I will pick a winner on Monday the 5th.

I think, free ice cream is definitely once contest you want to enter. Because a whole multi pack of Dove bars….That is like a little bit of sex in a box if you ask me.  Or, if you asked me two weeks ago.


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Aug. 22, 2011

Comments

Aug. 22 2011
Dora Gatlin said…
Oh girl you crack me up! Ok, you grossed me out with this as I had just choked down 2 hard boiled eggs not 30 minutes before reading this. I really never knew that about eggs and I've always had a love hate relationship with them. Now? Not so sure. I'll let you know next time I try to eat one.
Aug. 22 2011
Sarah Lynn said…
Well you already know I eat the carmine red dye at Starbucks. So I will enter for the dove coupon. :-p
Aug. 22 2011
man of reason said…
why do you eat vegetables that are grown in shit? do you ever think of that?
Aug. 24 2011
Jessa said…
I would have spit water if I was drinking it and I almost peed my pants. Oh Shannon...
Sep. 03 2011
Freetail Therapy said…
LMAO! I hear ya! I will eat eggs on occasion, but I really don't like them, I do, however, like ice cream, so I will take that freebie! lol
Sep. 13 2011
Melissa Reslock said…
Hey Shannon, well that is quite the story! It sounds like you and eggs have never been a great match the ovary juice just sent you over the edge! So I can't have dairy or gluten for health reasons so I have had to make some major changes to my diet. I have found that the "Almond Dream" ice cream does not have eggs or dairy! All of flavors are really good, just be sure to get the Almond kind and not the rice kind. The rice on tastes like school paste...yuck! ALMOND DREAMĀ® Vanilla Ingredients: FILTERED WATER, EVAPORATED CANE JUICE, ALMONDS, EXPELLER PRESSED OIL (SUNFLOWER AND/OR SAFFLOWER AND/OR CANOLA), TAPIOCA MALTODEXTRIN, NATURAL VANILLA EXTRACT, POTATO STARCH, GUAR GUM, CAROB BEAN GUM, CARRAGEENAN, SOY LECITHIN, SEA SALT, NATURAL FLAVORS. CONTAINS: ALMONDS AND SOY. Also there are egg free mayos that tastes pretty good at Whole Foods. Good Luck and I hope this helps! :) Melissa PS...this is for free since I can't have Dove anymore (no dairy for me!)

 

Please leave me a comment. It asks for your email so I can reply to you, this will not be shared or shown publicly. I like to reply personally to each of my commenters so please leave me an address. You can leave the website box blank if you do not have one. Thank you.


  •  

© 2017 Misguided Mommy. All Rights Reserved.