Tales of a Misguided Mommy

Notice: Undefined variable: message in /home/misguide/domains/misguidedmommy.com/public_html/blog.php on line 169

I finally got around to that 100 things list.

1. I don’t have a bucket list
2. My iTunes is a pro at knowing just what to play that will piss me off or make me cry AT ALL THE WRONG TIMES
3. Brandon finally eats eggs I AM THRILLED
4. I hate dried egg on plates…imagine what I now feel every morning after he eats his egg and leaves yolk all over the plate.
5. So wait, is number three a blessing or a curse
6. Codi still eats the same thing he did two years ago NOTHING
7. I cannot close a door or drawer all the way, this makes my husband INSANE, but for whatever reason I always leave something about an inch open
8. I never expected to get into baseball, but seeing how happy it makes my husband has really made me start to love it…that and the beard, I won’t lie, the beard helped
9. I love Jerry Garcia, I used to think I was a hippy
10. I haven’t decided what age is too old to stop dying my hair purple, but I’m pretty sure it’s not 29, and I don’t think it will be 30 either.
11. I have a habit of loving songs that I think are all sweet and sappy only to find out they are horrible not sweet songs, example, Without You by Hinder, yeah that is not about him missing her, it’s about him better off without her. That’s just depressing.
12. Donuts are my weakness. They are my kryptonite. The smell, the taste, the glistening frosting on top IT JUST KILLS ME, I CANNOT RESIST DONUTS.
13. I give up, I like stupid Justin Beiber.
14. I have to reconcile five bank accounts, that’s too many numbers for my head to compute.
15. My head feels like a TV changing channels all fucking day every fucking minute.
16. Every time I get out of the shower I sing the Outkast song, “Ain’t nobody dope as me I’m just so fresh, so fresh and so clean.”
17. My husband doesn’t get the humor in that
18. I have something called traveling taste buds, my tongue looks like it’s been sliced into a million pieces. That makes anything acidic hurt like a mother fucker.
19. My husband does not like when I stick out my tongue and show him
20. I am addicted to sappy love movies, I can watch them all day
21. I am ashamed to admit I can’t wait to read the Betty White biography
22. I made my first new friend, new as in someone I didn’t know before from school or work.
23. I think I like her so much because I kind of get to mother her and she kind of loves having someone mother her.
24. My doctor just prescribed me Ritalin. He said it would be similar to doing speed and help me lose weight and get energy to work out and what not
25. It made me tired and sleepy. This means I probably have ADHD
26. This makes about 25 years of my life totally make sense.
27. I sort of miss school. But when I really think about it what I miss most is organizing binders and fresh notebooks and sharp pencils. Making dividers and labels was my most favorite part of school.
28. My husband makes a fire and gets it up to 83 in the house, I think that is the perfect temp, he tells me I’m abnormal and sits there sweating. 83 is a perfect house temperature.
29. I do stupid little things for my kids. Codi was sick today so I brought fresh sheets to work and then brought the softest fleecy type blankie just to make sure he was surrounded by soft clean things.
30. I pack stupid holiday themed napkins in the boys lunch box just hoping It will make them happy.
31. I just learned how to do a little side braid on the front of my hair, I’m worried I won’t be able to stop doing it now, which means it’s going to get annoying and over used.
32. I have only eaten Halloween candy once in five days
33. My finger nails are too long to type well now, this really frustrates me because I heart my long natural nails.
34. I want a pedicure every month.
35. I should not have mentioned Halloween candy
36. My long term memory is amazing, but my short term memory not so much.
37. I think I have lost my passion for cooking. I never thought it was possible but I just don’t find it exciting anymore.
38. I don’t want more kids but I sometimes get sad that having a hysterectomy took that option completely away, having kids is what I was built to do as a woman.
39. It’s been 11 years since my grandma died and it still hurts like yesterday, isn’t that shit supposed to go away?
40. A one hour drive across town and back is far to long to be alone in my head.
41. I need more time in my sewing room, I never thought it would be as cathartic as it is.
42. I can’t wait until Brandon is old enough to figure out that he is singing inappropriate songs, example: he loves to sing Taylor Swift…She wears short skirts I wear T-shirts. So not okay for a boy to sing.
43. I just realized I love Brie cheese on crackers with a little jam.
44. When did I become so stuck up?
45. Would one piece of Halloween candy kill me?
46. I picked a little baby tootsie roll, I think that is an acceptable size dessert.
47. I am tired about 90% of the time.
48. I don’t even feel bad stealing all of the hot water, I need to come out super pink and nearly burned up from how hot my shower is.
49. I wish I had to wear fancy work clothes every day
50. I totally couldn’t afford work clothes.
51. But I own plenty of fabulous work type shoes.
52. There is no way I can finish this list tonight.
53. Medication runs through my system right away, this makes it hard to keep my medicine level at the correct dosage.
54. I believe stilettos have to be peep toe. I’m totally over closed toe shoes.
55. Every time I start a TV show my husband walks in and asks if I want to watch a show with him. This makes me totally fucking insane.
56. My kids called 911 a few months ago. The cops showed up and everything.
57. I am obsessed with Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner getting back together. She wrote a song saying sorry they need to make up and have tiny werewolf babies.
58. I am always on Empty. My husband will ask if I want to stop for gas on the way home and I always so, “no I’ll do it in the morning.” Then I take my kids to school, realize I didn’t get gas and then worry about being late to work so I still don’t get it. I am always on the verge of running out.
59. My desk has never been empty. There is always at least one paper or one pile on there. I HATE IT.
60. I gave up on my home desk today put everything in a pile and mashed it into a drawer. I just couldn’t have it messy for Codi’s party tomorrow.
61. I have a red Swingline stapler but I won’t bring it to work, I don’t want anyone touching it and getting their germs on it.
62. When my kids go to sleep I secretly play Mario on their Nintendo DS.
63. Mario is the ONLY game I know how to play on Nintendo NES, Wii and DS. I am not capable of play anything else.
64. Wait that’s a lie, I totally rock the Twilight game.
65. At one point I had three different Twilight game aps on my phone.
66. I have hair on my fingers. I want to shave it off but I already cut my toes every time I shave them I really don’t need cut up fingers too
67. I guess now you know I have toe hair.
68. I found my first chin hair a month ago. I am fearful of the next 60 years.
69. I want to be married 50 years just so I can have one of those fancy HAPPY 50 YEAR ANNIVERSARY thingies in the newspaper.
70. My new medicine was supposed to be like speed, it makes me tired. I’m kind of disappointed my doctor made the speed side of it sound super fun.
71. Every person who reads this will totally take #70 the wrong way.
72. I have so many super awesome life secrets in my head. I think I will write one of those letters for everyone to read when I die spilling all of my secrets. That way I can’t get yelled at.
73. I cannot buy generic mayo. I just can’t. I think I would die if I ate it. I’m pretty sure anything but Best Foods is toxic.
74. Plain old Hersheys chocolate it actually my favorite chocolate ever, imagine that, a foodie like me and that’s my favorite chocolate.
75. My chocolate must live in the freezer. Warm chocolate is just awful.
76. I drink more water if it’s in a Sigg or a water bottle. Water in cups is scary. You will find water cups half full all over my house.
77. I cannot drive my husbands car with out leaving something behind. This drives Mr. OCD crazy.
78. My car is always messy. I don’t know why. I swear my kids have more art shit and food shit and messy shit then any other kid.
79. I still hate hugging. But I have discovered there are a few people I will always hug. Something about them just screams HUG ME. And I just have to do it.
80. There are people that I know no matter what I will never hug. I just can’t. The idea of hugging them makes me want to cry.
81. My husband always gets to be the little spoon when we cuddle. I want to be the little spoon sometimes but he says my hair gets in the way.
82. When we were first dating we slept in a tiny full size bed all cuddled up. A few years later we realized we needed a king size bed and somehow there still isn’t enough room.
83. I didn’t notice his snoring for almost two years.
84. I didn’t start snoring for almost 7 years. It bothers him and he wakes me up. I want to kick him in the teeth since he snored so bad for 6 years that I had to wear ear plugs so often causing my ears to bleed and scab up. And the asshole has the nerve to wake me up for snoring once in a while.
85. I have customers at work that I haven’t talked to for 10 years yet I still remember their name and voice.
86. I thought of at least five things to add to this list while I was in the shower. I forgot every one of them.
87. I cut myself shaving at least once a week. In fact I am now terrified to shave the back part of my ankle because I’ve cut it so many times.
88. I wear granny panties. Yup my secret is out. I’ve decided thongs just look ugly. Every time I see a Hanes commercial with a girl jumping on her bed in her briefs I think, “wow she is so cute.” I never look at a girl in a thong and think it’s cute, I think, “wow it looks weird having something crammed up your ass.”
89. If I was a guy I would fail in prison, I ALWAYS ALWAYS DROP THE SOAP. Seriously every single shower I drop it at least once.
90. I love the smell of my Salt City candles but I rarely burn them because I am so afraid of running out.
91. I used to be someone who obsessively planned ahead and did everything five days too soon. Now I function better in crunch mode. I have an 11o’clock birthday for Codi tomorrow and I don’t plan on starting to cut up appetizers until about 10AM tomorrow.
92. The first time I saw the word hors d'oeuvres I pronounced it WHORES DE VOURES. Katie and Ginger laughed at me so hard.
93. I have one of the worst junk drawers you will ever ever see, and I just don’t care.
94. I really really truly love my husband. I think a lot of people tend to say the words I love you and just say it out of habit. But every time I say I love you, my whole entire body feels it. I wake up at night and look at him and wonder how on earth this man married me.
95. My husband asked me to buy the new Call of Duty video game for him. I said NO NO NO. Then today as a surprise I bought it for him. He just laughed, opened his lunch box and showed me that he had actually bought it too because he really believed I wouldn’t.
96. He should know by now that he gets anything he asks for.
97. We have a new rule, when he says something like, “can I go to this,” or “I want this,” followed by, “it’s okay if you say no,” that I’m obviously going to say yes. Why? Because I don’t want to be the bitchy wife who says no. By now I’ve caught on that when he asks me for something no matter how much he lets me think I’m making the choice, the choice is already made, because I’m a sucker for that man.
98. I’m a sucker for my boys too. I can say no till I’m blue in the face, but even as I am saying it, I’m already planning how I’m going to get what they want.
99. I am hyper protective of my kitchen knives. I really get pissed off when someone comes into my kitchen and tries to use my knife. It’s like someone trying to borrow my husband. Not happening people THAT’S MY KNIFE.
100. My husband has me absolutely terrified of 2012. He takes
advantage of this and picks on me every chance he
gets. I can’t handle thinking I only have two years left
with my family.

 


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Nov. 12, 2010

Comments

Nov. 13 2010
*~Sarah Lynn~* said…
Wow! I don't think I could thing up 100 things! LOL on 28, 70, 89! 76, I can't stand water in cups either- I'm afraid of dust and other gunk. I drink it out of a water bottle.
Nov. 13 2010
Marni said…
The Halloween candy stuff cracks me up. Ive already eaten all of ours. Your savage on the party prep!! Good luck today! PS. Not in your 100... I totally incorporated your no farting in the kitchen rule to our house. I LOVE it! I'm tired about 90% of the time too. I can't remember the rest I was going to comment on. I'll have to come back and do more.
Nov. 15 2010
Midwest Mommy said…
Thanks for filling me in on the world coming to an end in 2012 now I have something new to worry about, lol
Nov. 17 2010
Robert Mateo said…
7. Oh man, she really can't close things, pisses me off every time. 10. I saw a lady that was like 55 crossing the street downtown with colored hair. That's going to be you. So sad. 19. Eww. 36. Your long term memory is good when it's convenient for you. 69. This will happen if you stop #7. 81. =) 93. That's why it's named that. 94. I love you too baby. 96. So not true. 97, 98. I'm a sucker for you and the boys too. It's ok, it's called love. 100. 12/21/2012

 

Please leave me a comment. It asks for your email so I can reply to you, this will not be shared or shown publicly. I like to reply personally to each of my commenters so please leave me an address. You can leave the website box blank if you do not have one. Thank you.


  •  

© 2017 Misguided Mommy. All Rights Reserved.