Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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It's delurking week

Didja know its delurker week? 

What is delurking?  Well, its where all of you readers come out of the wood work and let all of your blogger buddies know you are reading.  I know there are a lot of readers out there, who read but are afraid to comment, and this is your chance to come out and let us know you are reading. Knowing we have readers is a great way to make us writers feel like we have a reason to keep writing. So my bloggy buddies, come out come out where ever you are, leave me a comment and delurk!  It's also a great way to get you out of your rss readers.  I know so many of you read but don't have the patience to click out of your Google readers, so click out man!

In honor of delurking week I'm going to tell all of you a little bit about me.

First, lets discuss three things that drive me bonkers.

Thing one.  When you buy a brand new tube of chapstick, pull it out in the car and put it on.  In them midst of that, you drop the fucking lid.  I couldn't find the goddamn lid which meant I had to drive around with my chapstick propped up in just the right spot in my car.  If not, since I drive a mom car, if that chapstick tipped over anywhere in my vehicle it would inevitably end up covered in crumbs and dirt and all kinds of other child yuckies.  Of course it would be my luck that I would grab said toxic chapstick and spread it all over my lips before realizing what I had just done.  So, for the last two weeks I have been driving around with my chapstick meticulously placed like this.

That is a pain in the ass, because I can't just reach into my console to grab something with out worrying that I will cover my chapstick in hair and junk.  DRIVES ME FUCKING NUTS.

 

Thing 2

Every day I take a shower.  I get out of the shower douse myself in lotion and then put on deodorant.  The issue?  Have you ever tried to take a fucking deodorant lid off with your hands covered in lotion? IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.  I end up having to find a towel, cover both hands and pry that bastard off.  You might ask,"but Shannon why not put the deodorant on first?  I swear I mean to ever time.  But I am so habit forming that I can't seem to break that habit.  I can not for the life of me remember to put the deodorant on first.  You would think I would stop so I didn't annoy the fuck out of myself every day.

Thing 3

I went to the doctor the other day and they asked for a urine sample.  I was thrilled because I walked in and had to pee like a motherfucker.  I ran to the bathroom, grabbed the cup and NOTHING.  Can I just tell you how badly I get stage fright when I have to pee in a cup?  Worse, I get stage fright peeing in public restrooms.  Yup, if I going into a bathroom and someone is in the stall next to me, I freeze up and can't pee until they leave.

Yes.  I am weird.

 

Lets see.  I'm married, to the very best husband ever.  We have the strangest relationship on the planet, and by strange I mean, we are actually happy, and we still love each other.  He still grabs my ass every day, and I still find myself rubbing on his muscular arms or soft chest and belly.

He makes me laugh every day...even when he does shit like this

But then he redeems himself

He lets me drag him out to the park and the library with our kids, and goes willingly

He even lets me come to baseball games with him, and doesn't get "too" mad when I ask questions every 14 seconds. (In my defense before the game he told me I had free reign on asking any question I wanted so I could get more familiar withe game.  He sooo didn't know what he was signing up for).  The best part is, I walked away really loving that night, and I'm eager now to see many more games with him

I have two of the most amazing little boys.  Codi, my sweet little clown.  Always so happy. He is growing so big.  He can walk down stairs with out sitting on his butt and scooting.  He talks in full sentences now.  He can throw a mean punch.  And he loves his brother more then anything.

He is always doing something new to make me laugh.  He finds delight in the small things.  Codi was the second child I almost didn't have.  I had made a decision to have only one child.  But one day, something clicked in my head, divine intervention and I knew I needed one more.  Sometimes I feel like God made sure I had this little boy, because he knew he was the one thing missing from our family.  When I was pregnant with him I almost lost him and spent 7 months on bedrest.  Those 7 months were well worth it to get this little man.

Even though my little Codi bug doesn't eat much, he sure does delight in the moments he does choose to eat.

Codi loves being outside, he loves chasing me on his bike, but most of all he loves making me laugh.

 

My first born Brandon is...the most important thing I've ever done.  I raised him knowing nothing about being a mom.  I raised him with my moms words in the back of my head, "no matter what I do in life, he will be the best thing I ever did.

Even if he is going through a time where he loves his dad the most, I try and squeeze in a little mommy time with him.  We like to spend time cooking together.

Although sometimes cooking means throwing caution into the wind and making s'mores in our fireplace.

My Brandon is a genius.  I've never met a child as smart as him.  I've never known a kid with such strong emotions.  But let me tell you, when Brandon is happy, he is happy with his whole body.  He shows his happiness with his most amazing smile (he sooo got that from his mom.  He also already has the most perfect driving skills that I've ever seen, he drives better then some 20 year olds I know.

He delights and making me laugh with the silliest little things, and I'm already sad for every girl's heart he breaks in high school.

I also have a wonderful support system in the form of my family

My mom is the best grandma ever she makes my boys their own birthday cakes

She doesn't get mad when my boys do things like this to her Thanksgiving pie

She does an excellent job baby sitting my kids, and they come home only slightly different then we left them, (I men what is a little paint right)

My dad, is the boys idol.  I've never seen two boys idolize someone so much.  It is often said that my dad is steel and my boys are magnets.  There is NOTHING on the planet that my dad wouldn't do for these boys.  Some of his favorites are, getting them out of time out, buying them secret popsicles, and being a total sucker for their puppy dog eyes.

Papa, always makes sure to teach my kids the important things in life.  He taught Brandon all about birds.

Yes, I have two of the best parents a girl could ask for.

While I'm bragging I should mention my friends.

My friend Ginger has more patience with my boys then I've ever known a friend to have.  When she walks in the boys run to her and immediately try to drag her into the other room to play.  Aside from her patience with them, she has the most incredible amount of patience for me.  She tolerates my crazy, my emotional mood swings, my ridiculous out looks on life.  She gets me.

She is also notorious for letting them eat raw cookie dough when I'm not looking, and also letting them help us bake Christmas cookies.

Sometimes her bright ideas with my boys lead to cookie sheets that look like this.

I won't even begin to tell you what my floor looked like after her genius idea to leave the little shit heads alone with all of the sprinkles.

I am thankful for my friend Katie, who trusted ME enough to watch her amazing little boy Dylan for nearly 8 months.  You can't imagine the kind of trust it takes for a person to leave their child with you.  I can't tell you how honored I felt ever day she brought him to me.

Katie has always been willing to geek out with me too, just ask her, we have a whole song about wet panties..I'll let you make of that what you want.

I have the best cousin ever, who has never hesitated to get dressed up, go out, get trashed and make total asses of ourselves.  If only I had scanned the pictures of us drunk in college acting like total dumb asses.

Oh wait look, I found a couple pictures

**Edited to add, my cousin said I didnt put good enough pics of us up so fine, here proof that we are total retards.

I have the most amazing bloggy buddies, especially my dear dear dear Patty.  She is one of the sweetest kind hearted people I've ever known and I can't tell you how lucky I was to meet her through the blog world.  See people this is why you need to delurk, you never know what kind of friends you are missing out one.

 

I extra special love Patty because she mails me NYC bagels and pizza and twice has knitted me two of the most beautiful scarves I've ever seen That I cherish more then anything.

I am lucky to have one of the greatest little cousins ever. She looks up to me so much, which I think about every day. I love knowing that someone sees me, crazy, mislead, chaotic, as a role model. She noticed my relationship with Rob and she wants something like that. Knowing there is a person out there who wants the same things I have, makes me feel like, I'm doing at least one thing right in the world. Not to mention she doesn't give me too much hell when I stack her desk full of shit to do, and she even let me drag her all over Reno to take a gazillion senior pictures of her.  She loves me so much she wont even get mad that I post pictures of her when she was a weee little girl.

 

 I guess that leaves me a perpetual dieter.  A crazy girl with a misguided view of life.  I'm mostly naive.  I have a tenancy to trust all the wrong people, a habit of following my heart, and a knack for acting like a total jackass at times.  I would do anything and everything for my boys and my family.  My kids are my life, and like I said they are the best things I will ever do as long as I live.  I found a man who was my savior, who tolerates every mood swing, every ridiculous thing that comes out of my mouth, and every time I shove my cold hands up his shirt just do get warm.

I was brave enough to know when it was time to start taking medicine to keep me from being that wife who threw heavy things at her husband.  To prevent being the mom who screamed at her kids for nothing.  For never wanting to get off the couch.  I'm proud of myself for making the choice to get back to the gym and ENJOY IT.  I've learned to run a mile.  I almost have an arm muscle.  I would never show anyone but I have been known to secretly feel it when I'm all alone.  I write this blog to keep me sane.  So, that is why I ask you know, if you have actually made it through this entire post, please, delurk and let me know I'm not just writing for nothing.  I'm 28 and I still can't spell definitly or immedietly.  I can't do simple math without the help of Excel or a calculator.  And I'm not even ashamed to admit that in 4 years my son will be smarter then me.

So there you have it.  Shannon in a nutshell.  I love making my bloggy buddies laugh, I have a bad habit of cussing so don't be stunned if my posts are loaded with words like fuck, shit, asshole motherfucker cocksucker.  I hope you enjoy reading my blog, as much as I enjoy writing it for you.  Anyway in honor of delurking week, leave me a comment, let me know you are out there!


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Jan. 15, 2010

Comments

Jan. 15 2010
Niki said…
I'm delurking! :) I've been reading your blog for ever now it seems. I used to go to school with you, from Brown to Galena. Everytime I go to Nik n Willies I laugh because they still have your cheer hanging up on the wall. Keep up writing, you have such a wonderful sense of humor and there have been many times you've written things that have made me laugh and opened my eyes to other of lifes funny things... to this day, I cannot put my pants on first, I have to put my socks on then pants ever since you put that lovely thought into my head! :) But seriously I think you are one cool chick and I would be sad if you ever decided to stop this blog.
Jan. 15 2010
Julia said…
You already know I am reading even though I don't always comment (comes with the territory of having a toddler LOL) I absolutely loved this blog entry!
Jan. 15 2010
Cassie said…
I've commented before - but I don't do it often. I love reading. You make me laugh so hard! I too drive a mommy car, and the chapstick is a neverending battle. I've used the chapstick that fell on the ground and the minute I did it I remembered. Danmit! :)
Jan. 15 2010
Patty said…
hey doll! I miss you! Your friendship is the BEST GIFT I ever got from the blog world! I wish you lived closer. Its really hard to have one of your best friends so far away. Maybe someday I'll get sick of this cold here and move out west! :) It never hurts to hope! LOVE YA!
Jan. 15 2010
Jessa said…
I'm not really a lurker, but I mean, if it's delurking week I best get off my ass and say something, huh?
Jan. 15 2010
Alice said…
Hi Shannon. Not officially delurking though I am a reluctant commenter. I think I'm good for one a year... Keep up the great blog! As a mom of a 15 month old, I love hearing about your adventures in mommy-land.
Jan. 15 2010
Laura said…
I will de-lurk myself even though I don't have a blog:) I love hearing about your relationship with your husband because it's obvious that you guys love each other a lot and it's adorable. I also love your funny stories about being a mom because you keep it real!
Jan. 15 2010
Misguided Mommy said…
Laura I just tried to reply to you but you left no email so here was my reply. hiiiiiiii. I love finding out people actually read me. I get sad when I write what I consider a funny/good post and get two comments, I start thinking no one loves me and I should just go crawl in a hole and eat some worms. You're right me and my husband love each other very much but that doesn't mean that little shit doesn't get on my last nerve at least once a week. Thanks for commenting!
Jan. 15 2010
chrissy berg said…
im a lurker! and btw i dont know if uve heard of this but i foud it the other day, i know you'll love it... www.mylifeistwilight.com its like MLIA and FML only a million times better
Jan. 15 2010
Sarah said…
Love, love, love your blog!! I look it up every day while I'm pumping at work! hehe. I don't always comment, but I always laugh. And btw, I totally love that you don't censor your blog... the cussing makes me feel better that I'm not the only one with a mouth like a sailor. <3
Jan. 15 2010
Victoria Weakland said…
I would be the cousin that looks up to Shannon, I really do she is everything I would like to be! She has it all in my mind. A wonderful family. Amazing sons that are just the cutest things ever and a wonderful husband that I know they will last. I've always looked up to her and every year she is just more of a role model she is always there for me no matter what the crisis! Even with her always seeming to put stuff on my desk when i just finished doing the samething! I love her, definetly my favorite cousin! She was even kind enough to take my senior pictures without even charging me! She is a wonderful person that no matter what you need she is there!
Jan. 15 2010
Andrea said…
Coming over to say hi from Patty's place. Loved this post. First off, you have a beautiful family, thanks for sharing. Second, I'm way jealous about the pizza and bagels, and might have to talk to her about how she mails them so I can beg my parents to do the same, and third, the three things that suck might be the funniest friggin thing I have read in quite some time. Thanks. Love it!
Jan. 15 2010
Katie Mc said…
OMG! I was just thinking of the wet-panty song and how the title sounds so dirty now, but it was just us little girls putting on our pants over our wet swimsuits. Love you too!
Jan. 15 2010
Trace said…
You are most def NOT writing this blog for nothing. You are writing it beneficially for me and to keep me sane. Thank you.
Jan. 15 2010
Trace said…
And by beneficially I of course mean specifically. Though I s'pose it is beneficial also. Ok done now... Stupid fucking spell check.
Jan. 16 2010
LisaKC said…
I love reading your blog. I am a lurker that found my way hear through another blog that i lurk on. Your are an excellent writer and I love the way you wear your heart on your sleeve.
Jan. 16 2010
Kari Estrada said…
Love your blog Shannon - so fun to read about you and your family - even though I only am able to get on a read it every once and awhile - the computer is a hard thing for me to get on these days...
Jan. 16 2010
Hayley said…
Hi Shannon, Just started my own blog but have been reading yours for some time now. I'm not a mum, American or married, but somehow relate to your blog. I really enjoy your zany sense of humor and was genuinely concerned when I thought you were breaking up with Rob last week :-) So keep up the good work you always prove to be entertaining.
Jan. 16 2010
Genevieve said…
Every time I read your blog I crack up!! I love your honesty...it lets me know that I am not alone thinking the way I do sometimes! I love all the bad words shit talk about kids!! You keep it real....I only wish I could write like you...I'm better at just blurting shit out that is on my mind!! Put some of those words back into the scrabble game!! Miss ya!!
Jan. 16 2010
Sarah Naphy said…
you help me through your blog in mroe ways then you'll ever know. Sarah from NJ
Jan. 17 2010
hobbychanger said…
I've delurked before, but I always read you. However, I'm super duper tardy on this as my computer was in the repair shop for 2 weeks. :( (bad hardrive, virus, etc.) I think you're awesome for talking about your daily life and throwing it out there. It makes me feel as if I'm not the only one and helps me understand my fiancee better. (You know this too).
Jan. 18 2010
Rachael said…
Hi there! Delurking. I am a fairly new reader and have been a major lurker lately since our house has become a den of illness.
Jan. 25 2010
Amy said…
Delurking! I originally found you through another mommy blogger and your authenticity, humor and our shared interests drew me in and keeps me reading. :)

 

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