Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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At least I am a super amazing discount shopper right

So. About the last gym visit. I met with the trainer for my first actual training session. I kind of expected to go over the equipment and get a simple routine. I showed up and immediately we began going over strength exercises. I was taking my time listening and learning what he said. He had me try each thing a few times. Next thing I know he says, “come on, hurry up we’ve got a lot to learn here.” Nine exercises later he tells me, “Okay I’m going to time you, I want to see how fast you can do fifteen reps of all of the things I showed you, one after another GO”

Go! Wait what, shit, seriously. I started off strong. I had this shit. Body row, shit no problem. Dead lifts, I got this. Pull up machine, psssh doesn’t it get any harder. Then he had me do some kinda thing where I held on to a bench facing away and lowered my self to the ground and back up, kinda a backwards inside out push up. Okay, starting to get a little winded here. He is laughing, getting down on his hands and knees staring at my ass making sure it was touching the ground each and every time. JERK! I finish all of the arm stuff when he shouts LUNGES LUNGES. Suddenly he is chasing me making sure my knees where “kissing the ground” on each lunge. I am pretty sure I started dying at that point. I felt like I was lunging towards “the light.” Then he demanded squats and I think my ass cheeks fell off. But it was the squat thrusts that ultimately did me in. I could barely move. I was begging for a drink of water. My mouth was so dry I was worried I would swallow my tongue. By this point I was barely moving. My squat thrusts turned into squat barely functioning someone pull me off the ground thrusts. 8 minutes and 36 seconds later I was done. Welcome to the world of circuit training.

I looked Karl my trainer right in the eye and said, “I think I am going to puke.” His response, THAT’S GOOD!

So not good. He had me walk a lap around the track to cool down and finally gave me the sweet relief of water. Y’all I think I could run a marathon and not feel as worked out and dead as I did in those eight minutes. I was covered in sweat, not only boob sweat, but ass sweat, and I think thigh sweat, and my face was pouring sweat and I could feel drops of water dangling off of my mustache that until now was not visible to the public.

I limped down to the locker room. I don’t care if it was only eight minutes I was DONE. I opened my locker and I wanted to die right there. I had worn my four inch CFM boots to the gym that day. What the shit was I thinking? I shook trying to sit down and still wanted to puke. I strapped on my boots and proceeded to teeter totter out of there. FOUR INCH BOOTS NEVER AGAIN.

The next day was worse. I could barely walk down my stairs. My husband got a good chuckle watching me hold the railing and step down sideways like a two year old, wincing the entire way down. The following day I still couldn’t walk. My husband repeatedly assured me that when I went back to the gym that day, the pain would go away as I stretched out and worked out some more.

LIAR LIAR LIAR. I did my arms and set about to do lunges. I lunged down, letting my right knee KISS the ground and then…

I WAS STUCK.

I shit you not, I could not get up. My leg was frozen. I had to push myself up off the ground. I tried again and again STUCK. I shot my husband a nasty look to which he replied, “keep going babe it gets better.” Let me tell you a story. It did not get better, it continued hurting and for seven more days after that I hurt. I discovered I had pulled something in my quad and pretty much lunges and squat thrusts were in time out for about two weeks.

I think I might try it again Wednesday but I make no promises. Fucking circuit training.

Lets see. What else is going on? My birthday is Thrusday and my husband is taking me out of town on some kind of secret mission this weekend. Secret missions are not my best because I NEED TO KNOW NOW NOW NOW! I’ve done very good at not begging him to tell me, and the other day when he even offered to tell me because he felt it was important I told him not to. It is fucking killing me not knowing. How do you pack for a secret trip to San Francisco? What kind of shoes do I need? The suspense is killing me dead. The weekend after that my girl friends are taking me to the Chocolate Bar open the menu if you dare. I already have an appetizer picked out, plus two deserts (one counts as an entrée right?) and 3 drinks. White chocolate raspberry milkshake alcohol drink YES PLEASE.

I went to pick up my prescriptions today and the pharmacy was closed. Wait. Let me rephrase. The front door was closed. The second door was open and the store was pitch black. I called them and was told, they had no electricity and couldn’t open. Huh. Maybe post a note on the door assholes. So I trekked off to a second CVS to transfer the prescription. Only they couldn’t transfer it since the other CVS computers were down. I left with zero prescriptions filled, and heartburn that would kill someone. I’m currently puking up burning hot acid from my acid reflux and I’ve eaten enough Rolaids Soft Chews to fill up a small country. Five hours later my meds are ready. To bad I’ve already spent the day with my bile burning a hole in my throat.

I returned to CVS later to find out that Safeway never called for my refill so CVS could not transfer the refill. The lady felt so bad she allowed the CVS to CVS transfer to count and gave me the coupon anyway. Here is what happened next:
Ice Age 3 $29.99
Loofa $2.99
Kids toothpaste
$5.49 Large
Gatoraid $1.99
Hersheys bar $.89
fruit stripes gum $1.19
Tic tacs $1.39
welchs juice 1.69
Total $42.92
Transfered a prescription so I got a $25.00 gift card new total $17.92
swiped cvs in coupon printer $5.00 off purchase of $30.00 or more New total $12.92 Swiped CVS card at register took $8.00 off movie
FINAL TOTAL 4.92
(can you tell I was shopping with Codi)

On top of it, I’ve been on a mission to find this new Pitbull song. I’ve heard it on the radio twice and I love it. It is none of the songs you are going to suggest, not the hotel one, nor the Krazy one no no no. It does not exist on iTunes, it does not exist on Google. IT DOES NOT EXIST. I’m beginning to think it is my imagination. Do you know how frustrating it is to find the perfect work out/get work done song and not be able to find it. The fucking song is just teasing me.

That is about all that is new. Brandon is doing a Trike A Thon this week to benefit St. Judes Childrens Hospital. I opened a Pay Pal account for people to donate since Rob has family in Japan and other far away places. I am a fucking genius. It worked so good. I have one day left for donations, I’m hoping to earn enough for Brandon to win the big prize. He gets to bring his monster trike to school on Thursday too. The little flyer they sent home said all kids could bring their bikes on Thursday. I asked the front desk at school today who replied “oh we are just using the school trikes.” My thinking is you should read the flyers you hand out a little better so parents don’t go promising their four year old something only to spend the rest of the morning figuring out how to tell him that no he can’t bring his monster trike to school. The front desk lady ended up saying it would be fine, and she felt really bad for not reading the form well enough. My problem is, I don’t want to bring his and have the other kids get mad because they were told no. Sigh. School is a pain in my ass man!

My parents took the boys on a super mission around California last weekend.  It ended with some fishing.  Brandon and Codi managed to catch four fish.  Three of them were caught on their tiny little cars fishing pole.  They fucking loved it.  The downside.  Now I have to cook nasty ass fish which involves TOUCHING nasty ass fish and then having fish smell in my house.  I guess since it makes Brandon super mega happy I will suffer through touching fish scales.  They did a lot more stuff, I'm going to upload pictures tomorrow of their trip and their 14" fish!

Okay, I guess I am finally ready to call it a night.  Peace out fools!


 


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Oct. 27, 2009

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