I'm going to piss my pants soon

My husband went out of town yesterday, my parents took the kids so I could have a whole day to myself. I had no car because Rob took mine and my mom had his so she could drive around the kids. Somehow I convinced my Ginger to take me to the gym and work out with me. We left around 3:30 and before I knew it after working out, swimming, dicking around in the hot tub and eating dinner it was after 7 when I got home. This means it WAS DARK. Some of you might know I have an eensy little phobia of the dark. It got worse. I walked in and realized I hadn't alarmed the house. I wasn't expecting to be gone so long so I didn't even think about it. However, coming home, in the dark to an unarmed house WAS NOT OKAY. I immediately decided someone was in the house. I turned on the living room and kitchen lights and that was as far as I went. I wouldn't go in my husbands room because it was dark and a killer could be there. I couldn't go to the bathroom there because it was near his room. I couldn't lock the garage because it was near there. I didn't want to go upstairs because it was dark and the killer could be in the boys shower, or my room, or my bathroom, or closet or the boys rooms. So I froze on the couch and told Rob it was good I was home alone so they boys didn't get killed.

The message that followed?

"I have to pee but I'm afraid to go to the bathroom so I think I'm just going to piss my pants instead"

Thirty minutes later I still hadn't peed. Y'all I have issues. In fact it was much much much longer before I peed and I almost had a panic attack from it. Going to bed was near impossible too.

Honestly if Ginger didn't have a dog at home that needed to be walked I would have begged her to have a sleep over at my house like a couple of teenagers.

Am I weird? Paranoid? What is wrong with me? How am I nearly 28 and I can't be home alone?

Once, when I was bout 16 my parents were out late at night. I heard a noise outside came unglued and called my neighbor. I was so afraid they had to take me home with them because I refused to stay at home alone.

Once I came home in the dark and I slept on the couch because I refused to go anywhere in the house due to the possibility of a killer.

Last time I left every single light in the house on when I went to bed. However when I'm awake I leave the lights off so I can see outside. If I leave them on I can't see outside but the killer can see in. Is there some kind of rehab for this shit? Is there anyone else as afraid as me? I think if I had, had the money I would have checked into a hotel. Maybe not because that involves a dark parking lot.

I am mental. I mean, more mental then we already established. I think I should have just spent the night at the gym instead.

Do you have any irrational fears?

I wish I could be more like this

And less like this

posted on Oct. 3, 2009

Comments

Oct. 04 2009	Sarah Lynn said… Honestly, I don't blame you one bit. I am terrified of being alone in the house too. I grew up in a really BAD neighborhood & one time this woman tried to break down our back door by kicking & pounding (she was on crack/cops finally came & arrested her)- it was one of the scariest moments of my life... more to the story- but I won't scare you worse! Ever since that happened I've had nightmares about it happening again, & I hate being alone in the house.
Oct. 04 2009	Julia said… I can't blame you. I am a baby too when I am alone in the house at night. Especially when I come back home after it got dark and the alarm was not on. I usually walk into every room turning on the lights, I open every closet and everywhere someone could "hide"... I also always lock the bedroom door at night when I am alone. I better get used to it again though before Jarret deploys... But being alone at night sucks and is a bit scary...
Oct. 04 2009	Sabrina said… OMG we are like the same person! Tony is gone right now (for 2 weeks! GAH!!) and I am full on paranoid every night. I can't have any blinds or curtains open after it gets dark because I am just so sure there is someone standing out there looking in. And for whatever reason, curtains can save me? Yeah, I don't get it either. I sleep in Eliana's room (though that is sorta because she got a new bed and got used to us sleeping with her and I don't want to change it all up on her while her Daddy is away) and I also go to bed when she does. That way I don't have to be awake by myself. Before kids, when Tony deployed I would be awake all night and sleep all day. I don't know why, I just felt safer that way. Now I can't do that and it totally sucks. And OMG he's totally going to deploy at some point after we move to Washington. So, uh, you are not alone.
Oct. 04 2009	Mom said… I'm 48 and I hate being home alone when Kirk is gone I sleep on the couch. When ever he leaves I call one of my nieces over to spend the night with me so I'm not alone. You should have called me when you got home I was out till 7:30 then made dinner sorry honey I would have stopped by on my why home.
Oct. 04 2009	Katie said… The dark is a bastard and I hate it. But unlike you I am not afraid of the killers hiding in the dark but more often I am afraid of the monsters. Or vampires (scary ones not the cullens of course) I am also ANAL about shutting my blinds as soon as the first sign of dusk arrives so that the crazies can't see in my windows.
Oct. 05 2009	Shawna said… I am afraid too, and Ella inherited the scaredy cat gene as well, the two of us make quite the pair. It is dark still when Q leaves for work and I have to be brave for her, it sucks. It is kind of good that it is dark though so she can't see me jumping at every little noise, and then I run ahead of her flipping on lights. Q just bought this scarey life size zombie thing for Halloween I made him put it in the spare room and the door has to be shut.
Oct. 05 2009	Shawna said… I am afraid too, and Ella inherited the scaredy cat gene as well, the two of us make quite the pair. It is dark still when Q leaves for work and I have to be brave for her, it sucks. It is kind of good that it is dark though so she can't see me jumping at every little noise, and then I run ahead of her flipping on lights. Q just bought this scarey life size zombie thing for Halloween I made him put it in the spare room and the door has to be shut.
Oct. 05 2009	Shawna said… I am afraid too, and Ella inherited the scaredy cat gene as well, the two of us make quite the pair. It is dark still when Q leaves for work and I have to be brave for her, it sucks. It is kind of good that it is dark though so she can't see me jumping at every little noise, and then I run ahead of her flipping on lights. Q just bought this scarey life size zombie thing for Halloween I made him put it in the spare room and the door has to be shut.
Oct. 05 2009	Billie said… OMG!! I'm going to piss myself from laughing so much!! I'm scared of closed shower curtains. I'm always afraid that someone slipped into my house while I was out and is now hiding behind the shower curtain with a knife. I don't know why a knife. A gun would be more effective... But I always imagine someone in there with a knife. Must be rememberance of some past horror film or something... LOL! =P
Oct. 05 2009	Patty said… This is exactly why I prefer to live in an apartment building. Neighbors right there that can hear you at all hours in case of anything. Having never lived in a house it would TERRIFY me and if I forgot to alarm it heck I'm not going in until someone checks it out with me,
Oct. 05 2009	Patty said… This is exactly why I prefer to live in an apartment building. Neighbors right there that can hear you at all hours in case of anything. Having never lived in a house it would TERRIFY me and if I forgot to alarm it heck I'm not going in until someone checks it out with me,
Oct. 06 2009	Lisa said… No scary movies for you this Halloween. How about putting motion detector nightlights all over the house? I have one for when the boys get up to go pee and it works GREAT!
Oct. 06 2009	Heidi said… I was afraid of the dark until sometime beginning of last year when some how I miraculously got over it - something about not worrying about things that I can't control like a killer coming and getting me because worrying over it won't save me. I was working on getting rid of all my anxiety and when I really looked I had a lot of anxiety so after telling myself what the worst could happen in every anxiety filled situation eventually it just set in and I was cured. It was so bad that literally there were nights my husband was asleep next to me but I was still so scared I made him sleep with the lights on. I have had this fear all my life and to be free of it is incredible. So woman if I can do it, so can you.