Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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Things I wonder

Exactly how many times in one day can one kid say OW? Today Brandon managed to get a black eye jumping on the trampoline and stub his toe.  Codi fell off a trampoline ladder and shoved a rolled up poster up his lips causing them to bleed.  Aside from those major injuries I have heard ow no less then 30 times from each of them.  What the fuck, do they think they are indestructable or made of rubber?

Why is it that mens soap and body wash always leaves them smelling manly and delicious after a shower.  Yet our $40.00 super sexy strawberry peach passion plumeria sweet pea body wash leaves us smelling like skin?  WHY?  If they can figure out what to put in mens soap to make the scent stick why on earth can't they do that for us?  It makes me goddamn crazy every time my husband gets out of the shower and I smell him, but I get out and no one even notices.  Fucking soap companies TAKE NOTICE!

How come you have to tell a kid seventeen times to stop jumping on your fucking couch but you only have to tell them once to eat there dessert?

Why does the good stuff never go on sale?  Seriously, I can buy chicken on sale, and veggies on sale, but I'm pretty sure I've never seen cheesecake on sale, or the good Godiva chocolate.

Why is it kids only want dad when he isn't there?  But when he is there they would rather jump in your face and annoy the ever loving shit out of you by jumping from your couch to your ottoman to their little table and back to the couch.

How come a kid could want spaghetti all day, do nothing but talk about spaghetti all day, whine for spaghetti, but then suddenly demand chicken nuggets just because little brother is having them.  The same goes with toys.  All toys should be sold in pairs so that moms and dads don't have to spend countless hours listening to their kids argue over a paper bag.

Why i it kids can get away with having asshole little attitudes yet I am supposed to be all sugar and spice just because I'm old enough to know better?  Bullshit!  I want to get away with telling people NO and stomping my feet and throwing shit at peoples heads when I don't like them.  Really, the world would be a better place if I could just throw a brick at people who piss me off.

Why are mens thighs always smaller then womens?  Even fat guys still have little thighs.  Unless you weigh about 100 pounds chances are your husband has smaller thighs then you.  I know God was all pissed off about the apple and all, but shit did he really have to punish us this much.  It was just a fucking apple, Its not like we ate his last piece of double chocolate cake. 

What do you wonder about?


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Aug. 23, 2009

Comments

Aug. 24 2009
Erika said…
i think that my last facebook status would answer your question: UU momma wonders why she has a sore back and is tired and a bit hungry and is thinking about cleaning the garage this weekend and is proud of mathias who learned to play the cello this week at camp and wanders is we should get the flu shot this year and is no longer nursing... on demand salem she will just nurse at sleep time, if she is hurt, wake up time or maybe if she is really upset about something...just not anytime she want cuz ya know, she is two! and she is thinking about folding all the laundry and what should we have for dinner? and will maia like her birthday gift (pop-tarts, strawberry) and can't wait for her trip to cali, but is worried about the flight with the baybbbeee, but she will prolly nurse her anytime on the plane cuz, ya know i hate bugging people with fussy kids... Read More, she wonders if someone will be offended with her nursing in public, but WTFE on that and is sad that DL went teh krazy and maybe DL should get some meds, and why cant i get a baby monkey? they are really cute, and she is happy to get her hair done when she goes south and she got a cute dress to wear at tam and bobs party and when will the new ghost whisper come on, and is most haunted on tonight, and now she will stop this really long run on Sentence
Aug. 25 2009
Heidi said…
Thank you woman for helping me to get a good laugh in after work. These were great!! And I agree on them.
Sep. 01 2009
Lisa said…
OMG!!! I think we are separated at birth!!!!! On the subject of soap ... why do men get to smell like cologne and stuff .... while we (if smelling at all) have to smell like berries or vanilla .... are we food??? And thighs ... honey don't even get me STARTED on thighs .... I am married to "chicken leg man" while I walk around like "tree trunk thighs'!!!!!!

 

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