Tales of a Misguided Mommy

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I love debating

Right.  So, lets go back to this post, you know the one about Kate spanking her kids.  I promised you my opinion and here it is.

First of all.  I really thought I hated Kate.  This week though I read the People interview with her and I realized it's not that I hate her, she just really married the wrong guy.  Kate with a man more like her wouldn't have to seem so hard core because she would have someone sharing the rigid strict over bearing scheduling insanity with.   I mean, I know if I ever came across a man who understood the importance of having the toilet paper roll face out, well, my husband should be very worried.

That being said, the spanking.

Crissy's comment hit home the most: "now that i am older all i remember about this that she HIT me. not the lesson or the reason why. "

My husband, as you can tell from the comments believes in spanking.  What struck a chord with me about Chrissy's comment was how often I have asked my husband, "well why did your dad hit you with the belt?"  His response every single time has been, "I don't remember, I'm sure because I was doing something wrong."

Obviously that was a great fucking lesson learned  huh?  My mom spanked me one time.  I remember what I did, not because of the spanking, but because it was a funny as shit story.  I got so angry with her for putting me in time out I ripped up her Rolling Stones tickets.  THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.  Ten years later, no shit, more like 13 years later my mom smacked me in the face once, because we had an argument over whose way of vacuuming was right.  I don't remember why shit hit me because she hit me, I remember it because again that was a pretty funny fight.  Seriously, we were arguing about if I should vacuum behind the couch first or in front first.  Her hitting me didn't teach me a lesson, I think it taught her more of a lesson then me, because right after that she remembered why she never wanted to be a parent that hit. 

I think I'm more in favor of the Cosby's way of life.  You get caught smoking, okay fine we are going to sit outside and you are going to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes one after the other till you can't breath anymore then tell me if you want to smoke.  You drank too much, fine sit here with me and take shots till you puke...the trick was, poor Vanessa didn't know here dad was totally fucking with her and making her pound shots of apple juice.  I loved the time Theo was all bad ass and wanted to move out.  So, Mr. Cosby gave him some monopoly money and said lets see how long you last renting your room out.  Poor Theo was broke by the end of the show.  I never once saw Mr. Cosby spank Rudy because she broke that toy and hid it from her mom and then lied about it.  Not once.  Because those Cosby's they had a pretty good idea about parenting!

I have a good friend Alli, she tried spanking.  She told me she always felt worse after it happened then her kids.  So what does she do now?  She's a goddamn genius that's what.  If you fuck up in her house here are some things you can expect to do, clean the toilet with nothing but your hand and a sponge, clean the bottom of the trash can with a sponge and bare hands, pull ever weed in the back yard, pick up all the dog poop in the yard, and fold load after load of white clothes.  I can tell you this.  The first time someone makes me clean a toilet with a sponge and bare hand I'm going to straighten my ass right up, and have a new respect for my mother.

Brandon is three.  I can't make him clean the toilet yet, honestly a three year old doesn't have the cognitive development to understand consequence.  I remember this from all of my psych classes in college which is why I've never really put much effort into punishing Brandon.  When he is five and he can understand that the toilet is dirty then I'll change my tune, but now, when he thinks toilets are for washing his toys...well I'm not going to get really far there.  Cognitively kids are the same as dogs.  You can punish a dog as much as you want but they will still run away any time some hot little poodle down the street is in heat.  Because their brain doesn't get a shit about punishment it gives a shit about getting it's way.  And yes, some people have good well behaved dogs who don't eat your furniture or dig up your yard or piss on your floor, the way some people have good kids who don't color on your couches, or throw little fits, or piss on your floor.

I firmly believe some kids are just born shit heads.  My kids, TOTAL SHIT HEADS but I love them regardless. 

I've never understood spanking.  In my eyes it's child abuse.  I would say that is because my grandpa abused my mom on the most miserable levels when she was a kid and I will probably always relate any form of hitting to abuse.

I've always wondered why women think it's not okay for their husbands to hit them when they do something bad, but they have no problem turning around and hitting their kid.  Can we say double standard?

Last time I brought this up a few of you mentioned the bible.  In fact this is their favorite little quote to throw at me, "As the Bible tells us: "He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell."

So God says it's okay to spank.  WELL FINE!  I've been reading the bible.  I'm reading all about Jacob right now.  You know, Jacob, the one who is fucking four women at once.  Two that are his wives, and two that are their servants.  Jacob, the one who betrayed his wives father by sneakily making his herd bread more until he had an abundance of wealth and then ran away in the middle of the night stealing the guys herd AND his daughters.  Jacob, the one who tricked his father for his blessing by covering his arms in fur to appear as his brother.

SO if I am to follow your lead it's all good if I start fucking some other people on the side, because in the bible everyone lays with everyone.  It's also totally okay if I sleep with my brother because in the bible it's totally okay to fuck your sister.  I for sure should steal stuff from my mom because the bible says it's okay.  Obviously the way to get anywhere in life is to lie cheat and steal, because Jacob did it in the bible.  And finally, hitting, or beating your kids IS TOTALLLLLY fine because the bible told me so.

BULLSHIT!

Back to the point.  Do I now feel this woman is a monster for hitting her kids ABSOFUCKINGLUTLY.  Even more so the best quote about this that I saw was, "if she will spank them in front of the cameras outside, just imagine what she does inside with no cameras around."  I shudder to think about it.  The little girl blew a whistle.  So fucking what.  Kids are annoying.  It is their job to be annoying.  If Brandon went a whole day with out annoying me I would take his ass to the doctor and wonder what was wrong with him.

It's never okay to hit.  EVER.  Again, as long as I live by the standard that my husband can't hit me, it's probably good to hold the same standard to myself and not hit the two people I love most in the world.

Come on Kate, set a better example then this.  There is no reason to tell the world it's okay to be a child abusing monster.  Think before you act next time maybe.

 


Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Jun. 27, 2009

Comments

Jun. 27 2009
Mandy said…
I meant to comment but I never got around to it.... I've spanked my oldest daughter twice that I can think of. Both times were after she scared the shit out of me and I wasn't thinking straight (she ran out into the road laughing and thinking she was being hilarious) I ran after her grabbed her and spanked her in the middle of the street. I don't know what took over me and I felt like a major asshole, especially when my brother (who is a craptacular parent himself) was like... "real cool, until someone calls protective services on you!" The problem was that I wasn't even really aware that I was spanking her until I stopped. I know how bad that sounds. In general, I am totally anti-spanking/hitting. To discipline I technically start counting to 3, I've never made it to 3 because at 2 they know to straighten their crap out. Both my daughters start bawling when they are told they are "naughty" so that's a plus and works kind of good, but makes them feel ashamed which I'm not a fan of either. You should write a post about the most effective parenting (punishment) advice you have received, I know there are a few listed in this post, but I would love to hear more!
Jun. 27 2009
Mandy said…
I wanted to mention that we were spanked and hit with leather belts/belt buckles and wooden spoons as kids. I can't remember what would bring these events about, all I can remember is feeling ashamed. However, I do see some douche bag asshole adults that I seriously stop and think "that guy needed to be spanked as a child". Maybe, I don't mean that literally, but there are some people that needed to be told they weren't king shit and couldn't do whatever they wanted growing up or as adults. I don't think hitting or spanking is right, based on my own experiences as a child I knew I didn't want to be the type of parent that hit. My husbands mom went to spank him once as a toddler missed his ass and hit him on the small of the back leveling him to the floor. Definetely not the type of parents we want to be.

 

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