Tales of a Misguided Mommy

Yes I am a dork

The other night Codi woke up crying.  He often does this around 3-4:00am.  Usually at this time I bring him in my bed.  He was sniffing a lot and sucking a lot of snot.  I reached around groggily, grabbed a tissue and wiped his nose.  A half hour later I heard it again, sniffle sniffle, choke, gag.  I grabbed more tissue, wiped his nose and we both fell back asleep.  That morning when I woke up in the sunlight I looked over to see my babies face covered in BLOOD.

Please contact me for my address so you can send my mother of the year award.  Yes, in my sleepiness I mistook a bloody nose for a stuffy nose and left my son bleeding all over himself.  I felt awful.  Y'all I can't even tell you how terrible I felt seeing his entire face, hands and ears covered in blood.  

As payback for being the worlds shittiest mom I noticed that not only was my baby covered in blood but so was my bed.  Upon further inspection I also noticed, his entire bed, pillows, and special blanky soaked in blood.  I got your message God, I suck as a mom, thanks for the mess.

I immediately set to work washing the boys sheets.  Between work and dishes and cooking I didn't get to mine.  So today I spent time washing my sheets.  My entire bed has been laundered.  

Which means.  I had to take a shower.  Yes.  The same way I HAVE to put my socks on before my jeans, I MUST enter clean sheets with freshly shaved legs.  Yes.  I MUST!.

In fact, I remember Emery posting about the time she got new soft sheets on her blog.  My only comment was TAKE A SHOWER AND SHAVE THOSE LEGS STAT!  Clean sheets, especially soft brand new ones can only be fully enjoyed with freshly shaved legs. 

Which is why I just had to run upstairs and shower.  Then of course I had to slather myself in the bestest smelling body butter I own.  Finally I walked over and smoothed the sheets.  Fluffed the pillows and closed the door.  No dirty kids were going to tarnish my delicious Apple Mango Tango scented sheets (see, sick obsessions as mentioned above, must have apple mango tango always).

I can't wait for night to come.  To hop in to my exorbitantly soft flannel sheets and snuggle up in my sweet smelling blanky. 

Oh yes folks, tonight is going to KICK ASS!


So tell me.  Do you have any ticks?  What are your strange habits or rituals? 

And, if you haven't already, go wash those sheets, shave those legs and then, come back and tell me what a fucking genius I am!

Love, Misguided Mommy

posted on Mar. 18, 2009


Mar. 19 2009
Lainey-Paney said…
Oh, what a mess to clean up!!!! My weird thing: if someone touches my nose, I have to touch it after them. Hubby does it just to f&*#! with me.
Mar. 19 2009
lucinda! said…
i have to make the bed everynight before i get in it. EVERY NIGHT. if there are wrinkles in the sheets, i cant sleep.if noah is asleep when i come to bed and it isnt made, i either make the bed around him or i make him get up. he must hate me by now. and i always have to use the same fabric sotener too
Mar. 19 2009
Sarah said…
I'm still thinking on which strange obsessions of mine I want to divulge, but I have to say... I LOVE APPLE MANGO TANGO! AAAAH! My laundry has never smelled so delicious!!
Mar. 19 2009
Tabitha said…
I hope thatt your little chap is ok now, my son used to get nose bleeds quite alot when he was younger ~ but not so much now. The strangest thing that I do is if I see a broken down car at the side of the road ~ I always pat the dashboard and say good girl (yes ~ I am a bit weird!) ~ my Dad always used to do it (as a joke I think!) ~ and I have just taken it on ha ha !! Also if we are out in the car and we see a hearse we all have to say 'white rabbit' ~ do not ask me where this came from ~ something from my childhood no doubt!! Yes ~ we Brits are very strange!! Love and hugs Tab XXX
Mar. 20 2009
Katie said…
I've actually done that - sleepily mistaken a bloody nose for a runny nose. Although my mistake was not quite as messy as yours sounds! Thanks for reminding me that today is sheet worshin' day!
Apr. 02 2009
Julie Ball said…
I cannot put on jeans without freshly shaved legs. (And, I wear jeans as much as I can so it gets pretty daunting)!!! =)


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