Tales of a Misguided Mommy

How to embarrass yourself in one quick doctors visit
6.29.2016 - 0 comments

Possible funny TMI alert:
So I've held off posting about my most recent doctors visit because no matter how much I know it's not, it still feels weird and TMI.  I recently visited my orthopedic doctor to talk about some hip pain.  When I arrived they did an X-ray of the area.  The male X-ray tech is just chatting about nothing while he's taking the films.  Then he takes me back to the office and tells me my images will load on the screen, and I can see them before the doctor comes in.  They loaded, but the side view loads first.  I get up to look at it when the female student doctor comes in.  She switches views to the front view, and...you guys an X-ray of a female from the belly button down is seriously a weird, creepy, almost private X-ray.  So she's pointing to all of this stuff, but all I can see is basically what looks like my girly parts on full display.  Finally she says, "It looks like you have a torn labrum."
 
Now, since I'm so busy staring at an X-ray of what looks like my entire cervix, the first thing to come out of my mouth is, "I've torn my vagina?"  I then promptly turn red, and she turns red, and she laughs and says, "No, Labrum NOT Labia."  Obviously I knew that since the pain was in an entire different part of my body, but still.  What my mind saw vs what my mouth said. Sigh.
 
Finally the male doctor walks in. He asks me to come stand closer to the X-ray and proceeds to start pointing and talking and tracing lines, and I'm just horrified.  I felt like I needed to hold a sheet up over my X-rays private parts, because he's basically seeing me naked.   He kept saying "possible torn Labrum, possible fractured labrum, or possible calcium deposits inside the labrum."  I swear still all I could hear was "broken labia, broken vagina."
 
I barely made it out of there without embarrassing myself.  I came home to show my husband the X-ray and he just froze and said, "ummm this is weird, really weird."  I then went on to explain it to him and wouldn't you know I said I had a torn labia, before I corrected to labrum.  
 
I feel like a ten year old boy in SHARE class when the teacher makes them all say penis over and over to stop making it a funny word.  Anyway I contemplated posting the X-ray but it still feels private, and weird like I'm posting naked photos of myself.  I might post it in the comments later.  So thats the story of the time I said the words, "I broke my vagina," to my brand new doctor.

How I accidentally became a vegan
6.17.2016 - 0 comments

Did I ever tell you guys I became vegan on accident? I’ve been a vegetarian for many years. It started when I was around thirteen. I became a vegetarian because of hot dogs and fish. That’s a story for another blog though. However, I’ve always had a deep rooted love of cheese. Cheese, and sour cream. If we are being honest I probably could have lived on an island with only cheese, sour cream, and potatoes, in any form. Recipe for disaster when you are a vegetarian because that translated to a whole lot of potato chips, nachos, and chips dunked in that canned nacho cheese sauce and then dunked in sour cream. Finished off with some donuts, because if I’m living on only a few foods, donuts are coming to that island with me. There is a reason I got fat y’all.


Keeping up with the weight loss
3.28.2016 - 0 comments

Hi all. I've kind of fallen off the planet with blogging.  The only reason is because it is almost impossible to load photos to the blog anymore, so I just stopped writing.  However, I've been documenting my jouney on a public Facebook page which can be found here


What you have all gotten wrong about Lamar Odom
10.20.2015 - 0 comments

What everyone has gotten wrong about Lamar Odom

I keep seeing things on Facebook shaming people for being concerned about Lamar. Shaming us for caring what happens to him and not caring about this soldier, sick child, nurse, etc.

I have a few things to address on this topic. I'll pic the lightest one first.

Lamar is married to Khloe Kardashian. It appears this fact has made everyone forget that he is also a very talented basketball player and a very kind soul. I'm going to go ahead and admit this now. I watched their romance on Keeping up with the Kardashians. I watched their wedding. I watched their spin off show. I'm not sorry. Since we have been small we have read fairytales. We have watched romantic comedies. We have read romance novels. Women especially love a good love story. A real life one that plays out on live TV with actual people, that's a bonus for us romantics. When Khloe and Lamar divorced I was heartbroken. I don't know these people but to some degree they have allowed us enough access into their lives to feel like I do actually know them. As if we are acquaintances who only see each other on holidays. Which we do, only the holidays are filmed and they are eating glamorous food in fancy dresses while I sit on my couch watching in my sweats eating Oreos. We have all followed along as Khloe moved on. I've watched in awe as she got fit and healthy. I've even done some of the workouts she's posted and I admit, they're kicked my ass. I've watched the current seasons lamenting about how I wish Lamar could get better and they would make up. When his best friend died of drug related issues I was scared. Scared because I knew he had two options after that: get clean and turn his life around, or allow the depression to eat him whole and overdose himself. This leads me to my second thing.

Lamar Odom suffers from depression. Probably other things, PTSD from all the death he's seen sounds right. Until recently he's tried to be a stand up guy. He was a dedicated athlete, a good grandson, father, and an excellent friend. He was by all means a good person. Lamar, like many is also an addict. Before anyone judges him for overdosing as a method of treating his depression please first stop and make sure that you have never once in your entire life done anything self destructive as a response to depression. Be sure you've never had too many drinks, taken too many pills, done too many lines, or eaten too many donuts. Make sure that you, yourself have never once self medicated. The fact that he is an athlete who happened to fall in love with a Kardashian doesn't make his addiction less valuable. It doesn't make his life less valuable. It is tragic to me that someone with his financial means still couldn't manage to find a way to get clean, to treat his demons, and to save himself. How dare we judge him because he was married to Khloe. How dare any of you judge the news for talking about her. She is a human. A real person who dropped everything to fly there and be with him. To sleep on pillows in a sleeping bag on the floor of his hospital room never leaving his side. To fly his whole family in to make sure they got to say goodbye. She shut down all of her publicity. Stopped posting to the apps and the websites. She became just like every other human out there is hurting, watching someone they love hanging on to life by a thread. Does her being a Kardashian devalue that? Or is everyone so blinded by their jealousy of her fortune that they want to tear her down for being a famous person going through a horrifying situation? I'll admit now, I would gladly be known as being famous for doing nothing besides opening my own clothing store, having my own clothing line, launching a successful hair and make up line, looking pretty all the time, and having a highly viewed television show, if it meant I could have Khloes bank account. Wouldn't we all?

Two people met, and fell in love very publicly, and when one of them nearly dies some of us are going to understandably be sad about it. We are going to have questions. We are going to want news coverage on it. Because the fact is this isn't fiction. We can't turn the page and find out what happens next. We have to wait for information. Jax Teller was a fictional tv character who died a year ago on tv. I'm still sad about Opie, Jax wife, and Jax himself. In fact. I cried actual tears when Jax and Opie died. These are fictional people. That doesn't mean we don't become attached. Khloe and Lamar are real people, for some of us who have been following their "love story," this was heartbreaking for us. Who cares if it was in a brothel in Nevada, and she's a Kardashian. Two of our favorite characters are hurting and so am I.

Finally. For any one, anyone who is posting that Lamar shouldn't be discussed, or given media coverage for the public, or mourned, because he was a drug addict who overdosed, kindly fuck you. My biological father was a drug addict. He committed suicide while high on meth and other opiates. Telling the public that we shouldn't care about Lamar because he was "just a drug addict" is telling me that my fathers suicide shouldn't have mattered because he was just another druggie. Just because Lamar is famous it doesn't change the facts. He is a man who struggles with depression, who chose to self medicate, and lost the battle with the disease of addiction. Rather then smuggly post pics about how you are not sorry you don't care about another drug addict why not see this for the very public platform it is. This is a very public face to addiction and depression. This is a real life example of what happens if you don't seek out the proper treatment. The news should print everything about this. Cover our feed with this story because it is bringing awareness to this topic. Look what can happen if you don't stop now. Look what happens if you don't seek help. Look how many people would be left hurting if that one last pill/line/needle turned into an overdose. My dad didn't know how to get help. Depression, drugs and suicide were swept under the rug and ignored twenty one years ago, they still are. It didn't get treated the way it should have, and he is gone now. Lamar overdosing is a huge wake up call to the public. Don't do drugs. Get help. Treat depression. When Robin Williams committed suicide everyone mourned. Everyone shared his photos and the news followed closely. No one complained because he wasn't married to a Kardashian and he didn't commit suicide via drug use. The hard truth is Lamar was in a sense committing suicide. He knew what path he was on and he chose to stay the course. He knew death was a very real option after losing his best friend. He was slowly killing himself. The public is outraged at the coverage though because he is linked to a Kardashian and he used drugs. What a massive double standard between the two men.

I hope Lamar never comes across the meme comparing himself to the wounded solider. Seeing that America is considering him worthless because of his habit. I hope he never comes across that meme on a bad day and thinks, "maybe they are right, maybe I am no one, maybe I shouldn't have gotten to live." I hope he never sees something like that meme, thinks his worth is less then any other human, and chooses to use again. I hope he never loses the battle with recovery because some dumb ass thought posting all over the Internet how proud they are to not care about a worthless drug addict made them feel good for a moment. I hope he sees all of the love and outpouring for him and he realizes he has value, and he stays clean, and he when he looks for support he finds it, in place of distasteful memes degrading him for being someone who suffers from a disease.

I'm not sorry for following along with Lamar. I will continue to do so. When he woke up I was overcome with emotion. He gets a second chance. He has a real chance to change. To turn his life around and get clean. He can use this experience to educate others and help others. I cannot wait to see how he overcomes this. I cannot wait to see how he teaches the public to change and move on. I also cannot wait for Khloe and Lamar to make up and get married all over again. Of course on television so I can watch and feel like an invited guest again. It's just like the fairy tails. Only the prince was a drug addict who got a second chance and Cinderella is a reality tv star.


Working on that self love thing
9.25.2015 - 0 comments

It seems like the theme of the year is following up on old posts.  Today lets follow up on this post.  The post where I basically trash my self esteem and body in every possible way.  I think I spent probably another year and a half after that post feeling exactly the same way.  I was still posting photos but making sure to caption them pointing out my flaws.  I did this because I felt like if I said it, no one else would say it, and also if I said it, then it would give everyone else permission to feel okay thinking the awful things they thought about me. 


Following up on "The One About Suicide"
9.11.2015 - 0 comments

Three years ago I wrote this post about my fathers suicide and it's impact on me.  I don't talk about this often, but I felt like it was time for an update on that.  So here you go.


Tough Mudder
7.30.2015 - 0 comments

Hi guys. I never followed up after my Tough mudder.  It was by far the coolest thing I've ever done. I went into it thinking I wouldn't be able to do certain obsitcals.  I figured I would be slow and have a to walk a lot. I left ther feeling incredible.  I completed every obstical.  I made it farther on the monkey bars then I thought.  I ran more then I ever expcted. I met the coolest people.  It was to date the most fun experience I've ever hard.  Here are some photos from the day.  I signed up for the SF Giants 10k at the end of august and I'm so super excited.  I get to finish the race on the field, where the actual players play.  I cannot even handle the joy I feel even imagining being on the field.  I plan to take a million pictures that day, I will upload some after I actually cross the finish line!


Still here.
4.27.2015 - 2 comments

Hi all.  I'm still alive.  It's been a busy few months.  We moved.  We bought a house and it's incredible.  I'm still on my weight loss journey.  I've lost about 70 pounds.  Some days more, some days less.  Here, lets have some update photos.


Letting go of the excuses. The time passes anyway
10.22.2014 - 0 comments

One of the most inspirational things I've seen online so far is this little meme:


Breaking down this healthy life thing one baby step at a time
10.21.2014 - 3 comments

I know I've posted a lot about my new healthy lifestyle.  I've talked all about how I eat clean and am dropping weight as a result of it.  Let's be real.  When I joined the gym my idea of getting healthy was ordering two things at Taco Bell instead of four or five, portioning my nightly cup of ice cream rather then eating a large container, etc.  So lets talk about how you can start eating clean, and the baby steps you can take to eventually get to where I am.


The tale of the hot pink tweezers
10.11.2014 - 2 comments

About ten days ago I was sitting at my desk and noticed one of my least favorite things.  A chin hair.  Throughout the day I noticed that I just kept touching it more and more.  It was barely visible, but I knew it was there.  We used to have tweezers at work for emergency situations like this, but someone took them home with them one weekend and they never came back.  I emailed my best friend to tell her that I had decided after 32 years to maybe invest in a nice pair of tweezers for myself.  I have some at home, I actually have some in my car, but both pairs are just the cheap kind you grab standing in line in a CVS one day as kind of an afterthought.  This time I wanted nice ones.  They needed to be cute.  I emailed about how I was looking at tweezers online while stroking this one chin hair, and how I imagined myself looking like an evil movie villain stroking their beard, plotting to take over the world and saying muahahahaha whilst doing so.  You know, an evil villain with hot pink tweezers. 


Managing high cholesterol...also known as...winning the cholesterol game
10.7.2014 - 1 comment

In January 2013 I had my blood work done.  My cholesterol came back high.  I was stunned.  I was in denial about my weight, I felt healthy, it had to be wrong.  I had it ordered again, it was high.  I had it ordered again in October, it was higher.  My total cholesterol was 201, normal is below 199.  My LDL had shot up to 123, normal is below 99.  LDL is bad cholesterol.  This was bad news.  The doctor advised me that I was now at risk for heart disease.  She said that a large portion of my cholesterol issues were genetic but that I needed to change my diet and exercise.  She also said that because my cholesterol was continuing to go up that I would have to be put on a medication for it, and it would be a lifetime medication.  I was upset, because by this time I had been a member of the gym for seven months and had lost some weight so I considered myself fit, and fixed, and just fine.


New blog coming
9.29.2014 - 1 comment

Hi guys.  I'm* working on fixing this blog so that I can post mobile.  That would mean I could actually post blog ideas when I had them, from my iPhone or iPad.  My home computer barely works, and I get in trouble for blogging during family time.  I'm not allowed to blog at work where my nice computer is, so it makes writing difficult which is frustrating because I have so much to say. 


Seeing red ... A numbers game
8.23.2014 - 0 comments

I am shocked I haven't gone certifiably insane during this whole healthy life journey.  If you aren't careful a person can get very caught up in the numbers.  Numbers like:


Challenge accepted and completed
8.18.2014 - 1 comment


Basically the best thing I've put in my mouth all summer
8.8.2014 - 0 comments


But how did you lose the weight
8.5.2014 - 0 comments

I just realized I spend a lot of time talking about my progress but not enough time talking about HOW I've lost the weight.  I'm going to tell you what works for ME.  Just because it works for ME does not mean it is right for YOU.


The weight of it all
8.4.2014 - 1 comment

Yes. I'm still talking about fitness.  Get used to it. I suppose I could change the name of this blog but I don't want to. Just because I chose to stop putting my kids lives out there for the world to see doesn't make me any less of a misguided mommy.  Now I'm just a fit mommy.  You guys all traveled through the first years of parenting with me when all I talked about was poop, and baby clothes, and granny panties.  Now you can follow along with me on this life changing experience.


Things I've learned while on crutches
7.10.2014 - 4 comments

In a gung ho moment of fitness this past weekend I took my husband on an eight mile hike up the side of a mountain.  On the way down I surpassed gung ho and went supernatural fitness geek and tried to run down the fucking mountain.  I made it about a mile before I hit a soft spot, my ankle rolled past a 90 degree angle and I crashed harder then a Windows Computer.  My husband said he was looking down, then looked up and only saw a giant cloud of dust from where I crashed.


Tattoos and health
6.27.2014 - 3 comments

I'm having a new tattoo drawn up.  Everyone is going to wonder where I will put it, why I need more, why don't I spend the money on something else.  Here are the answers.  Up until three years ago all of my tattoos were basically hideable.  They weren't in places the whole world could see. This was strategic.  Not because I worried about jobs or being judged, but because I felt I was too fat to have visible tattoos.


Putting yourself first
6.12.2014 - 3 comments

I realize that my weight loss has become a huge topic on this blog.  I would apologize except in the last three days I've had four different people tell me that my photos and blog have inspired them to change their life.  So I'm going to continue talking about it. 


Tattoo etiquette
5.27.2014 - 0 comments


Brain distortion
5.9.2014 - 1 comment

I've learned so many things while I've been on this weight loss journey. Three of those thigns are interesting so we will talk about them today.


Most recent progress photos
4.30.2014 - 2 comments

Here are my most recent progress photos from the gym


The time that thing happened in Disneyland that my husband thought only happened on TV
4.22.2014 - 0 comments

Did I ever tell you guys how we took a trip to Disneyland a few weeks back?  Well we did and it was mostly fun.  Aside from the blisters I still have 3 weeks later.


Ticking time bomb
4.16.2014 - 2 comments

I've had this Giant's watch for a couple years now.  When I gained weight I stopped wearing watches, jewelry, and pretty much anything girly.  The watch has sat inside it's box in my closet for ages now.  When I got word that the team my husband and I would be managing in little league would be the Giants I immediately gathered all of my Giants gear so I could be the coolest team mom ever.  I pulled this watch out and I've worn it a few times since.  I guess my life is pretty noisy because I've never noticed this fucking watch tick tocks LOUDLY.


High school bikinis
4.8.2014 - 1 comment

When I gained weight I got rid of almost everything from when I was young and thin.  For some reason though I held onto this one Lucky Brand bikini.  I loved the colors and the style.  I had pipe dreams that I would fit into it again "someday."  A year ago I pulled the bikini out to go meet some friends at a pool party.  I took a picture of myself in it to see how it looked and I think that was the moment I realized how overweight I had become.  Until then, I honestly thought I could wear this bikini with no problems.  I put the bikini in a drawer, put on my one piece and went to the pool.  About eight months ago I pulled the bikini bottoms back out and tried them on.  Still didn't fit.  This morning I tried it on again.  I still wouldn't wear it in public but I'm starting to feel like wearing this bathing suit again might not be a pipe dream after all.  I have made really amazing progress in the last year.  My hope is that this time next year I'll be able to take a final picture of me in the bikini and have it fit just exactly right. For those of you following along this is after a 30 pound loss and a 6% body fat loss. 


Progress photos
4.7.2014 - 1 comment


Smashing goals
3.10.2014 - 1 comment

I know I haven't blogged in a while and it's not because I don't want to, or I'm not interested in it anymore, it is because honestly I've become a gym rat. I've been going to the gym at least five or six nights a week.  On top of that little league has started which means five nights a week minimum will be spent up at the ball field and at some point I have to figure out the gym also.  I've been fortunate enough to take a few lunch days and go this week but I know that won't last forever.  That is going to mean a lot of very very late nights at the gym.  The thing is, March 25th will be my one year at the gym and I have to make it.  But I don't just want to make that, I have to make it to August which is my one year with my trainer.  I want the gym to be something I see through until the end.  Something I don't quit doing. If I am going to be addicted to anything, the gym is my vote.


Shit to discuss
2.24.2014 - 1 comment

I went to the gym during my lunch today which means I got home early tonight. I've already done the dishes and started dinner which means I have nothing left to do but sit here and blather on to all of you.


I'm going to catch so much hell for this post. I don't care
2.12.2014 - 2 comments

I have been going 5-6 days a week and doing some pretty intense work outs.  This weekend I was soo sooooo sore and realized that going in and doing my normal routine of weights, stair master and running would only end up injuring me.  Instead I went and swamp laps until I couldn't breathe anymore.  It was nice and relaxing.  Last night I was feeling tired so I thought I would end my arm and cardio workout with a swim.  By the time I made it to the pool they were gearing up for an aqua aerobics class. 


In which I issue a public apology to the entire universe
1.26.2014 - 0 comments

Probably since they have existed I have publicly shared my hatred for the Beats By Dre headphones.  They are so big and bulky and look ridiculous.  Lately I've seen people wear them in the gym and it drives me insane.  You look stupid. So stupid.  Why would you wear those to the gym?  I've clowned on my trainer for wearing them, I've made fun of people on Facebook and Instagram for wearing them, I'm a total jerk about these headphones.  These headphones rank up almost as high, if not equal to Crocs.


Update on the post op weight
1.20.2014 - 2 comments

When I woke up the morning after surgery and saw that I was seven pounds heavier I almost fell apart.  I actually started crying.  You see, the day before surgery I weighed 164 pounds.  My current goal is 160 pounds.  I'm taking it in five pound goals lately.  The day I checked into the hospital I weighed 162 but that was because I had to fast and drink a gallon of laxative before the surgery.  The following morning after spending just about five hours in the hospital I woke up weighing 169.  The logical part of me should have only considered this a five pound gain since rationally I had only weighed 162 from the fasting and the laxative but the irrational part of me considered this a seven pound gain. I had been stuck in the 170's for months.  Close to three months.  It was bad.  It wasn't that I hit a plateau, because I was still losing body fat and inches, it was just that the muscle and the fat were counter balancing each other.  Getting out of the 170's had been my goal for three months.  THREE.  All I wanted was to step on the scale and see a ONE and a SIX as the first numbers for once.  When I finally hit 169 I was so thrilled.  It was like the kick start I needed and before I knew it I was 164. I worked hard for that.  Six day a week trips to the gym, meal tracking, saying no to sweets.  It took a lot. 


Post op bliss
1.19.2014 - 1 comment

Thursday afternoon after fasting for over 24 hours and being a starving deranged mess I finally went in for surgery to look at my insides. I awoke to pictures of my guts that made no sense to me.  Here is what I learned:


The most glorious moment in weight loss history ever.
1.9.2014 - 5 comments

If you've been to a doctor ever in your life you will understand what I'm about to say.  Have ever noticed that when you wake up in the morning and weigh yourself and then go to the doctor you suddenly gain AT LEAST ten pounds?


Progress
1.8.2014 - 1 comment

Sometimes...you need to totally humiliate yourself and look at the photos of yourself when you started working out, versus a photo of yourself today in order to process the fact that you have indeed made some kind of progress with this gym thing.


The upside to weight loss
1.7.2014 - 0 comments

There has been one really big upside to weight loss.  The shopping.  A new kind of shopping.  I have two new favorite forms of shopping.  One of them is for workout gear.  I recently found the Fabletics website and omg I bought so many new things.  I cannot wait for them to get here. 


The downside to the upside
1.6.2014 - 0 comments

I've been working on myself lately. I've talked about it here some, on Facebook some, and probably on Instagram too.  It's no secret I've been going to the gym, lately I've been going six times a week.


And breathe
12.23.2013 - 0 comments

Sometimes I just have to walk away from this blog.  Which is hard because what I would love more then anything is to come here and just spend twenty minutes unloading my brain in an open and honest blog. That is impossible when the people you know in real life read your stories though.  I have a bad habit of reaching a breaking point and just spending thirty seconds unloading every single thought in my head and then four seconds later regretting 90% of them because they will either cause a shit storm of a response or people will thing I'm insane.


Nopeity nopeness
12.10.2013 - 0 comments


Cheesy baked spaghetti squash
12.8.2013 - 0 comments

Dinner tonight can be found here


The least cool mom ever (follow up on the car seat situation)
12.4.2013 - 1 comment

Brandon turned eight in August.  He weighs about 76 pounds.  He is approximately ten feet tall (as judged by my very scientific mom eye).  The law in Nevada says that kids have to be in a booster seat until they are six years old or sixty pounds.  However, the RECOMMENDED limit is eight or eighty pounds. I've kept Brandon in a booster seat until two weeks ago.


Finally getting some answers on the stomach issues
11.27.2013 - 2 comments

When I couldn't get pregnant we spent a ton of money with a fertility specialist.  We did two IUI treatments and nothing happened.  At my annual pap with my OBGYN I mentioned it to him.  He quickly prescribed me a medicine to clear up some bacteria that was attacking the sperm, and within 3 weeks I was pregnant. 


Things I wasn't prepared to deal with for at least 5 more years
11.20.2013 - 0 comments

On Sunday my cell phone rang.  I didn't know the number but I answered it anyway.  This is what I heard:


That moment when you cannot respond without uncontrollable laughter
11.12.2013 - 3 comments

I encountered something new this weekend.


And then the elephant quit the movie and everything sucked again
10.23.2013 - 0 comments

For those of you who read this post, you are aware I was a huge champion of Charlie Hunnam being cast as Christian in 50 Shades of Grey.


Ink
10.22.2013 - 0 comments

Here you go. I think this is a pretty current photo of all of my ink to date.


Doing things the hard way
10.22.2013 - 4 comments


The thing I just cannot handle yet
10.7.2013 - 0 comments

You guys, I am not okay with Finn Hudson dying.  This is probably the first time a celebrity dying has really kicked my ass.  Losing Cory sucks. 


If I die please erase my Google search history, but bury me in cute boots
10.4.2013 - 0 comments

I have a confession to make.  I am a Googleholic.  Y'all I Google anything. If someone says a slang or phrase I don't understand I Google it.  This makes for some interesting Google history.  I won't type it out here because then I will bring that kind of traffic to my blog, and the kind of traffic I get already is bad enough because I love to use the word Fuck so much.


Random things you may or may not know about me
10.1.2013 - 1 comment

Things I have a bad habit of:


I know, lets just cut her open again!
9.27.2013 - 1 comment

I went to my OBGYN yesterday for a follow up on my last visit.  While there my doctor went over the results of the CT scan with me.  She also reviewed my blood work from my last trip to ER.  The CT results sucked they basically found nothing.  I'm so mad.  I wanted there to be a definitive answer.  Some of the radiologist and GI doctors comments sort of pissed me off though.  They noted that my uterus looked normal.  That is odd since I haven't had a uterus since 2010.  The doctor knows I had a hysterectomy leaving me only one ovary, yet she states that my missing body part looked fine.  They noted that they could not see my gallbladder, and that it must have been hiding.  My gallbladder was removed in 2007.  The doctor also knew that.  They noted that my left ovary had a 5.2 cm cyst on it and that my right ovary was not visible.  I do not have a right ovary. Again this is information they knew. They noted that I was severely constipated (sorry if TMI).


The time I almost died...also known as HOLY SHIT BIG SPIDER SAVE ME
9.20.2013 - 1 comment

So last week I'm coming home from the gym and I notice the lights on in the office next door.  This is weird because my mom never leaves her office light on.  I asked if she was still at the office and she told me that she wasn't.  The next obvious step was for me to investigate.  Strange stuff has been happening at my office.  A few weeks ago the alarm went off but nothing was out of place.  A few days before that, after locking up every door in the office, later in the night when I walked out back I found the metal security door wide open and both locks on the office door unlocked.  That is not possible.  There are several theories about ghosts in our office and that was the first week I nearly  believed them.


Make it stop
9.16.2013 - 0 comments

I went to Target this weekend and I was assaulted with:


Okay lets talk about the big giant elephant in the room
9.12.2013 - 2 comments

Fine.  I think it's time to discuss this.  It can only be avoided for so long.  The casting of 50 Shades of Grey.  For today we are only going to discuss Christian.  


The future of the English language worries me
9.10.2013 - 1 comment

Every time I log onto Instagram I get a headache.  It is full of hash tags.  Hash tags drive me insane.  I have embraced the use of a hash tag for a brand, ie: #chucks, #converse, #chive, #jeep.  I get that people, like myself would want to click the link for Converse and possibly see new styles of shoes, or new colors.  I do enjoy clicking the Chive hash tag to see the new gear, and to see what other Chivers around the world are doing.  I even understand people putting a simple hash tag like, "nails," so that people can look up new nail colors or designs.  I really really really do not understand hash tagging sentences.  This kind of shit makes me so angry:


I feel like I should repost this for suicide prevention month
9.4.2013 - 1 comment

I was driving down the road this morning when a song came on that I just cannot listen to.  Then I realized it is suicide prevention month.  I feel like I should repost this...just in case.


Moving into the hospital
8.29.2013 - 2 comments

I was back in the hospital Monday night.  This time there was no swelling there was just pain.  Crazy pain.  The kind of pain where you are sure some little demonic animal with sharp teeth is going to claw it's way out of your stomach breaking every rib bone in the process, and you wouldn't even care because at least once it was out the pain would stop.  I managed to make it to the bathroom and shut the door trying to hide from my husband because I knew he was going to try and make me go to the hospital.  I guess something about your wife waking up in the middle of the night half sobbing and half unable to breath because taking a breath causes physical pain that kinda scares a man.  I went into full on ugly cry combined with these weird shaking little noises coming out of me.  It was not pretty.  He forced me to get dressed, called my dad to watch the kids and took me to ER.


Have any of you read this?
8.21.2013 - 0 comments

I'm about to embark on a road trip.  Has anyone read this yet? I'm torn from the reviews thinking I might hate the ending, and I'm not really sure I want to cry while reading a book.  Someone please advise.


First days of school
8.19.2013 - 0 comments

Last week was Brandons first day of third grade.  Every year Brandon and I take a picture together.


Having a best friend is just like having a soul mate
8.9.2013 - 1 comment

I have had the same best friend for as long as I can remember.  It has been Ginger and me for over twenty years.  The strange thing is, even though we had a small break up for about a year, I didn't even have anyone else in my life like her.  Friends came and went, I hung out, but I never filled up the best friend spot.  I just waited for her to come back into my life.  


The only place I can still speak semi freely
8.7.2013 - 3 comments

My son has become afraid of a character in a video game.  His name is Slenderman.  From what I understand there is an iProduct game that has this guy as the main character.


I just look pregnant...but I'm not
8.6.2013 - 3 comments

The stomach issues persist.  I finally got into the new doctor and surprise surprise she restricted my eating even more.  Not because of weight issues, but because it takes over three days for my food to digest she doesn't want me eating things like apples, or carrot sticks, or fruit that hasn't been mashed or blended. The reason behind it is that if an apple sits in my body for over 3 days it will ferment like wine and cause tons of gas and swelling.  So I've just gotten myself used to eating my guacamole and hummus with carrot sticks instead of chips or pretzels and she has taken those away.  On top of that she has taken away, hummus and black beans.  


Interview with my five year old
8.4.2013 - 0 comments

 


Interview with my eight year old (3 days late)
8.4.2013 - 1 comment

Nicknames: Brando, Peanut & Buddy


Revising my list of five...updated
8.2.2013 - 1 comment

If you ever watched the TV show Friends then you know what a list of five is.  If not, let me tell you.  It's a list of five famous people that you are totally allowed to cheat on your spouse with, without getting in trouble.  My husband and I both have a list.  I can only think of two people on his list off the top of my head, JJ from Criminal minds and Allison Sweeney.


Terrible twos have nothing on the Psychotic sevens
7.30.2013 - 2 comments

I've come to a conclusion.  The best age for children is 0-4 months.  They don't talk.  They don't move.  They don't do anything but eat and sleep.  That shit.....that shit is glorious.


My life by the numbers
7.21.2013 - 1 comment

12.  The number of years I have been with my husband. I met him when I was only 19 years old.  Looking back on it, that seems so young.  It also doesn't feel like I've spent twelve years of my life with one person.  I always ran after a few months.


Pink is not a girls best friend July 2013 ipsy bag
7.16.2013 - 4 comments

I received my ipsy bag today.  I'm not impressed.  Okay that's not accurate...I got some pretty good stuff, in good size samples but they did an awful job color matching me this month.  Let's look.


Clean all the things
7.15.2013 - 0 comments

Friday when I got off work I was tired.  My husband has been working so hard, and taking on so much more responsibility so that I can have time to go to the gym so when I got home I decided before I sat down and started reading I would put away the dishes and load the dish washer.  Then I remembered him telling me he wished the cup cabinet was organized because for about five years we have just been cramming all sorts of cups and shit in one cabinet and it would barely shut anymore. So I cleaned out the whole cabinet and organized it.  Then I cleaned out the kids lunch / Tupperware drawers.  But then I looked at the play room downstairs. It was a mess.  Not a noticeable mess.  The floors were picked up, the table cleaned, the couch wasn't messy, but on closer inspection the shelves were a fucking disaster and the toy box was over flowing.  See:


Wishing to love myself
7.10.2013 - 3 comments

If you are tired of hearing about my weight and exercise, I'm sorry...find another blog to read.  This is important to me so I'm going to talk about it here.


Things that drive me crazy
7.6.2013 - 0 comments

At the end of Pitch Perfect when Anna Kendrick is getting ready to tell the new people what song they will audition for right before she says the song the movie cuts off.  WHY!  The entire movie is about music, it's about her music and when we get a chance to hear what song she would pick for people to sing it cuts off.  


What's in my purse updated edition...what not to buy
7.5.2013 - 1 comment

A few months ago I showed you all what was inside my SakRoots purse.  Remember, it was this purse. I loved that purse.  Stuff fit just right.  So imagine my dismay when one day the strap ripped clean off the bag.  I was a bit mad.  A lot mad.  Okay I was fucking pissed.  I went back to the store I bought the bag from, and since I had paid cash for it and lost the receipt they did not want to exchange the bag.  This was doubly annoying since the same bag was still sitting on the shelves, so obviously I wasn't trying to return an old ass bag.  I kind of threw a fit.  I told the store that this was the THIRD...THIRD!!! bag from their store that had ripped.   I finally told the lady to just fuck it, keep the bag and I would never shop at their store again.  The lady felt so bad for me that she went over the managers head, grabbed the new bag and made an exchange for me.  


Wanted. House cleaner who works for free
6.30.2013 - 1 comment

I swear everywhere I look lately is spiders. Today I went to workout in the garage gym at my office and when I lifted the garage door a 14" x 16" web went floating up the door as it opened. Long story short I spent the entire workout looking over my shoulder for a spider. Lately though it seems like everything is a spider. A speck of dust, a piece of dropped food or, the spider who crawled over the back of the couch into my shoulder. For a long time I had a house cleaner who would come monthly. But that became one of those expenses my husband wouldn't let me keep. So I've been trying to keep up on it for the last 8 or so months. You guys I live in a two story house with all hard wood, two children and the dustiest dog ever. I can no longer keep up. My kitchen table is black so I always see dust and smudges. My floors, always dusty from the dog and because they are hard wood my steps always have dust bunnies in the corners, big big ones. The toilets with three boys are never clean. I don't have near enough room in my closet or dresser so the couch in my bedroom is always full of shit. I'm surrounded by one big mess and it seems like I've been so busy with work, the gym, and little league that when I have time off I just want to relax or take the kids to the lake or maybe go shopping for new workout clothes. Cleaning is the last thing I want to do. I think my house is just about the dirtiest I've ever seen it, (yes my dirty is still cleaner then most people's clean) but its bugging me. There is clutter and dust and its driving me insane. I'm now taking applications for a house cleaner who will work for free or the cost of a six pack. Tomorrow is my only day with zero plans and it looks like I will be at the gym and then cleaning all stupid day. I hate being grown up. *if there are no spaces between paragraphs or errors in this post I'm sorry. I'm attempting to blog from my phone. There is no spell check feature on here.

Crossing things off my bucket list
6.28.2013 - 0 comments

I received an email from my mom last night.  It was some kind of music email and it said she spent money.  I wanted to bonk her.  If she had bought another Rolling Stones ticket I was going to kick her butt. Before I could read the whole email she texted to say, "I kind of spent some money, you need to read your email."


My child just told me the truth..on the first try...holy shit
6.25.2013 - 0 comments

For quite some time now I've been having an issue with my youngest Codi.  He likes to lie.  Codi will lie about anything.  Codi will pour purple paint on a plate and turn right around and tell you the paint is green.  It's been a huge problem.


How to not lose weight the easy way
6.25.2013 - 1 comment

Step one: Go to Whole foods to purchase healthy protein powder, carrot sticks and an apple.


Showing my age
6.19.2013 - 0 comments

I've been buying my jeans from the Gap lately.  I love them.  They make a pair of jeans called "curvy" that fit people with a J-Lo ass and a small waist.  Every once in a while I get the idea to try something new though.  About two years ago I purchased a pair of jeans from Tilly's.  If you aren't familiar with it, it's one of those stores that caters to 16 year old teeny boppers, but also has a super fantastic flip flop section.  I bought the pants and wore them exactly one time before I got too fat to fit into them.  


Look at me getting all fancy and shit
6.16.2013 - 0 comments

I got my second ipsy  bag and y'all this one is confusing.  I don't know what to do with any of this stuff.  I mean...I know how to wear blush but in order to wear blush don't you need to wear a whole face full of make up?  I also know what to do with lip liner, see:


My first ipsy review & a bonus duckface
6.13.2013 - 2 comments

I received my first Ipsy bag this week.  I am thrilled with it.  If you haven't heard of Ipsy yet you must be living under a rock.  It's an awesome subscription website.  You pay $10.00 a month and eat month you receive a cute makeup bag with 4-5 samples in it.  Most of the samples are full size. My first bag contained 4 full size samples and 1 small sample.


Bull Pizzle
6.12.2013 - 18 comments

My dog is obsessed with these chewy things called bully sticks.  One day at a local farmers market I saw some fresh made bully sticks and stopped to buy one.  My asshole friend decided to ask me if I knew what they were.


Body issues
6.12.2013 - 3 comments


The strangest boy ever
6.11.2013 - 1 comment

Some of you may remember my youngest child Codi had food issues for the first four years of his life. By issues I mean, he wouldn't eat anything that was not either a chicken nugget, a donut, chocolate, or a mini pancake.


Ipsy update
6.9.2013 - 0 comments

I received this email from Ipsy:


Note to self
6.7.2013 - 2 comments

If you come home and find a box of expensive shampoo and conditioner on your porch....maybe wait a few hours before opening it.  Because if you open it after it's sat in the sun for 8 hours it WILL blow up all over your hands, your floor, and your arms.  Y'all my whole body and my floor now smell like Sun Ripened Raspberries.  


There used to be an art to this blogging thing
5.30.2013 - 2 comments

I used to have time to blog.  I swear I had all sorts of time.  Then one day the time just vanished.  Only it didn't really vanish I actually just stopped wasting my time in front of computers and televisions.  They always said on the Biggest Loser, how can you say you don't have time to work out when you just spent two hours sitting on your butt watching this show.  Good point. I heard that point for about five years and I ignored it.  


The first time was a fluke..but the second time...I'm worried
4.26.2013 - 2 comments

Last night I dreamt I was on a field trip with my kids.  In the dream I was eating little gummy candies with them.  When I ate my last candy I started thinking, "this one is stale, and it's very chewy and not good at all."  That was the exact moment I woke up and found another fucking ear plug in my mouth.


My name is Shannon and I have not eaten a potato chip in 25 days
4.17.2013 - 1 comment

Most of you are reading that title thinking it's no big deal.  Y'all, it's a big fucking deal.  If you know anything about me you know that my favorite food is potatoes.  A subset of potatoes is potato chips.  I love them.  I love them probably more then chocolate.  I love them about as much as I love my husband.  


In the event of an accident my boobs are totally safe
4.3.2013 - 0 comments

I purchased some new bras this week. A ton of them.  They are amazing. However two of them came with these little air bags in them.


What's in my purse....mega purse edition
3.29.2013 - 3 comments

So.  I got myself a new purse about two weeks ago.  I knew that with Little League starting I would need a bigger purse because I stuff snacks, and clothes, and other random things like a 5 year olds "cup" when he doesn't wanna wear it inside my bag. 


If I was more of a sissy I would be at the hospital right now
3.24.2013 - 0 comments

Yesterday was one of those days when I should have just...gotten right back into bed and not left until the sun went down. I started the morning telling myself I was going to run.  Before anyone else woke up I was going to take time for me and run.  I grabbed the leash and took the dog and set off on my way.  I got about 14 feet into the run before I twisted my ankle.  I kept going though.  The dog was a menace, he chased birds, bushes, shadows and air.  It was ridiculous.  I looked like a total knucklehead running with that dog.  Then exactly .50 miles into the run the dog stopped right in front of a bus load of people to take a shit.  He was taking a while so I took my phone out of my sports bra to pause my time so it didn't slow me down.  He finished and I restarted my time.  I put my phone back in and went back to my run.  14 seconds later I heard, "your run is complete."  Somehow my boob had pushed the button on my phone stopping the time.  It also managed to post to Facebook that I had only run a half a mile.  I was so pissed.  I started a new run and headed home.  Halfway my shoes came untied.  I had to stop again and retie my damn shoe.   I was so mad.  I eventually made it home with two separate posts in my exercise tracker looking like a fool.  


Becoming a mom...seven years later.
3.22.2013 - 1 comment

When I was little my favorite game to play was mom.  I had babies, I carried a diaper bag loaded with every single thing, hell I even nursed my cabbage patches.  When I was pregnant I read every single book on babies.  When I had the kids I like to think I was a pretty good mom.  My husband used to use the word amazing.  I still read, I am still a good mom, but...I think I'm finally becoming a great mom.


In which I demand a maternity test
3.13.2013 - 1 comment

The other day my husband came to the bottom of the stairs and yelled, 


Tattoos, assholes and knowing when to shut the fuck up
3.7.2013 - 2 comments

I've never been to Napa.  I think I would like to go, but I can't be sure.  I only like certain types of wine.  Everyone says it's the best place ever though, and I feel like it's one of those adult type things I should do sometime soon.


Just don't smell me and we should be fine
2.13.2013 - 1 comment

I woke up this morning all sore and grumpy and frankly kind of smelly.  I decided I would shower.  Fifteen minutes after making this decision I actually got out of bed.  I trudged into the bathroom turned the shower to scalding and stepped in.  I reached up to adjust the shower head because I'm about 9 inches shorter then my husband so if I shower after him it sprays right over my head.  I grab the shower head and move it down and the entire thing snapped off in my hands.  Water started shooting all over the shower and in my face, outside the shower, all over the bathroom.  It was not pretty.


So it has come to this
2.13.2013 - 0 comments

Today is a big day.  I've told you about my husbands ridiculous Chive.com addiction and his addiction with products from their website.  Well, we are back here...with me watching a countdown page and hoping and praying the site doesn't crash again.


What I'm reading
2.11.2013 - 1 comment

Nothing.


I totally want to go to the store RIGHT NOW
2.7.2013 - 0 comments

Those of you who have been reading this for a while know I have a few addictions, alcohol, pills, chocolate, converse and Cadbury Mini Eggs.  Which is why it was a huge problem when I was scrolling through  my Twitter feed and I saw that Saly had posted this;


A day at work with Shannon
1.23.2013 - 2 comments

Starting out the day


Inner monologue
1.21.2013 - 3 comments

I want cookies


Keeping warm
1.16.2013 - 1 comment

It's been really cold here in Reno. I don't like the cold.  But my biggest complaint is that when there is snow everywhere my beloved shoes get left in the closet.  This makes me sad.  Let's be honest, shoes like this just cannot stay in the closet all winter long without getting their feelings hurt. 


Getting rid of it all again.
1.10.2013 - 4 comments

A week ago I looked like this.  My hair was out of control long.  It was pretty and if I took the time to do it, it looked very nice.  But I never took the time which meant 80% of the week was spent with my hair pulled up into a messy bun giving me a headache.  After much hemming an hawwing I bit the bullet and chopped it all off.


A night in the life of a caterer
12.28.2012 - 0 comments

No pictured...the four quarts of home made caramel and the 10 cups of celery chopped, or the 300 rolls I had to slice. 


My body
12.21.2012 - 1 comment

A few years back I posted this image of my body in this post


Let's update
12.19.2012 - 1 comment

* So much going on lately.  Only one person knows ALL of it and she drove all the way from Winnemucca to deal with me this weekend.  God I love that girl.


Chore help
11.27.2012 - 3 comments

Brandon wants to start doing the dishes.  He is only seven and can't reach the sink.  We have a dishwasher though.  I think he is still too young/short but I'm not sure.  Do you let your kids do dishes?  Do they do a good job?  At what age do you think kids are able to do dishes.   I would like advice.  Because if he wants to do chores I want to let him, I just want to make sure they are age appropriate.


I'm cranky...feed me
11.16.2012 - 1 comment

Have you ever been cranky for the simple reason that you are hungry?  Well that was me today. I went on an errand to the bank and discovered I was starving. The bank took forever which of course made me really pissy.  So I drove over to my favorite little sandwich place that has a drive through and ordered my favorite sandwich (with no oregano please because that shit taste like burned marijuana) and extra pickles.  Then the drive up girl starts saying, "I'm sorry what did you say you want banana peppers?"


The golden years
11.11.2012 - 1 comment

While reading my old blog I came across this post...wow, I have the best kids ever


Seven year old boys will be the death of me
11.8.2012 - 2 comments

I should start this off by saying that when I started typing this I actually couldn't remember how old my son was.  It started out with me saying, "man seven is hard."  But then I thought, "wait, he isn't seven, seven is so hold, he must be more like five, but Codi is turning five so he can't be five, his pants are a size eight but I don't think he is eight yet is he? No he must be seven, but seven seems old enough to be graduating high school and surely I would have noticed if seven years passed by now right?"  Finally I gave in and used the calculator.  Brandon is seven.  I think. 


Why I can't wait for voting season to be over
11.6.2012 - 0 comments

I work for a heating company.  Part of my job is to call my customers to schedule their appointments, or when my tech is on his way over to fix their furnace I need to call and make sure they are home.  This week alone I have been hung up on at least three times a day.  As soon as I say, "Hi is this____", or "Hi this is Shannon with" they hang up on me.  I had to call one lady back twice yesterday and finally I just rattled out, "WE ARE TRYING TO COME FIX YOUR FURNACE I JUST NEED TO MAKE SURE SOMEONE IS HOME."  She felt so bad for hanging up on me, and even admitted she just flat out hung up the phone thinking I was someone calling about voting.  Half of my clients phones go to voicemail now because they are screening their calls.  That means I have to leave them a message then my service tech has to sit there while we wait for them to call back and tell me they are home or not. 


Sensory overload
11.1.2012 - 13 comments

A big problem with me is that I have issues with sound.  I have incredible hearing.  I've had my hearing checked and I rate in the exceptional range.  The problem with that is that I hear EVERYTHING.  The second problem is that I cannot handle hearing repetitive sounds.  Pens clicking, shoes tapping, balls bouncing etc.  When things get really bad I cannot handle any sounds.  For example; my dog itching.  The sound of my dog itching drives me out of my mind.  This is a huge issue because my dog has severe allergies and itches about eleven hours a day.  I sleep with ear plugs in even if I am home alone because I can hear every car that passes outside, every tree branch that moves, every mouse that crawls around, EVERY. SINGLE. THING.  I don't get a lot of sleep. Especially living near a freeway.  If my husband taps his hand on the steering wheel in the car I freak out. I actually FREAK OUT.  I get mad.  If my son starts clicking his toy gun over and over and over I totally tense up and feel a break down come on.  If Brandon turns on any electrical gadget I cringe. When people close cabinets and they even slightly slam it, my brain hurts.  Because of that I close cabinets so gently that sometimes they don't even close all the way.  But it is better then hearing the cabinet close.  The sound of Ugg boots dragging around during the winter really really pisses me off.  People need to pick up their feet.  


The food issues from hell. Or, why I'm quitting all food forever
10.29.2012 - 4 comments

For as long as I can remember I've had stomach issues.  When I was younger I used to throw up until I was bleeding.  I used to get these insane cramps.  I went to the doctor so many times.  They told me to cut out gluten, that I was lactose intolerant or that I was overweight (back when I was a size 5 at 115 pounds).  Finally they decided I had endometriosis.  Stage four.  The bad kind that needed surgery.  I was assured the pain would go away. 


Waylon for president and more
10.22.2012 - 1 comment

I got this awesome new shirt last week. This is my answer to all politics right now.  


Let's play my favorite game
10.15.2012 - 1 comment

Okay friends, let's play my favorite game;


Current reading...will this make me mad in the morning
10.4.2012 - 0 comments

This is my current travel reading.  It was written by Johnny's wife Vivian.  He approved the book and gave her permission to write the truth and all of their secrets.  Do you think it's possible that I will like him a little less at the end of this?  Or is my love strong enough that I won't care how big of a shit head he was to her?  Here goes nothin.  I've been dying to read this for months now.


Confessional
9.30.2012 - 6 comments

I know what I'm about to say might make some of you unfollow me right away.  I understand.  But I have to say this. 


Monica's boots
9.26.2012 - 5 comments

Do you remember the episode of Friends when Monica spent an obscene amount of money on new boots but then when she put them on they were the most uncomfortable shoes she had ever owned?  Later in the episode she made Chandler carry her home on his back and ended up forgetting the shoes at dinner.  She never went back for them.


Favorites
9.25.2012 - 3 comments

For years I've never had favorites.  If you asked my favorite color I'd reply, "I dunno." Favorite artist, "no clue."  It's taken me thirty years but I have actual favorites now.  


Return to sender
9.25.2012 - 4 comments

Postman left me a package.  This was right above it.  I think I'll check back tomorrow.


Judging a book by its cover
9.18.2012 - 4 comments

I've always lived my life believing you never judge a book by it's cover.  At the book store I've been known to pick up every single book and read the summary regardless of what the cover looks like.  That's why I get so bothered when people openly judge me because of my tattoos. I find it strange.  I don't judge you by the art you hang on your wall, who are you to judge me by the art I hang on my body?  Lately I've been talking to more and more of the parents at my sons school.  I've been making an effort to really get to know people and put myself out there.  What I learned shocked me. Quite a lot of moms have admitted that they were afraid to speak to me three years ago on the kindergarten playground because of my tattoos (and pink hair).  Some said they thought I would be mean, or scary and some said they just thought I must have been a bad person.  Then after spending time with them most of them are more shocked to learn I'm really a giant teddy bear who is actually quite nice. 


Little league strikes again
9.17.2012 - 2 comments

For those of you who follow this blog you know I somehow ended up being the dugout mom last year.  You also know that by the end of the season I was praying to the vodka Gods to please send help.


How to make a total fool of yourself for months without even knowing it
9.17.2012 - 1 comment

A few months ago I got a new iPhone.  My old one was working fine it just wasn't loud enough for me unless it was on speaker phone.  It couldn't be fixed because I had actually melted a Hershey kiss into the ear piece and Apple kindly told me that kind of damage isn't covered since you know...IT WAS MY FAULT.


The pottery anniversary
9.10.2012 - 0 comments

Tomorrow my husband and I celebrate 8 year of marriage. The traditional gift for that is bronze or pottery. Pottery made me think of porcelain which reminded me of toilets which made me think...is 8 years around the time you start peeing with the door open? Or is that closer to 15 years?

My purse betrayed me...aka some woman saw my panties
9.9.2012 - 1 comment

Friday I ran to get a quick lunch.  On my way CVS called and told me my prescription was ready.  I stopped in and realized I had to pee.  The bathroom was occupied for what seemed like eternity so I gave up and decided to wait until I got my lunch.  I made it to Quiznos and by then I realllly had to pee so I just rushed straight to the bathroom.  I went to hang my purse and there was no hook.  I wanted to set it down but the only place to set it was the wet sink.  I'll never understand why places don't put a hook in womens bathrooms.  Do they expect me to hold my purse, unbutton my pants, wipe, and button back up one handed?  So I hooked it on the door handle and went about my business.  Suddenly someone knocked on the door and without even giving me two full second to answer they opened the bathroom door.  There I was sitting on a toilet, pants down, panties showing, ON A TOILET and some woman walked in on me.  I shouted at her to leave and she did.  That is when I noticed that my purse had slipped off the door and slid down the handle managing to unlock and open the door.  So even though the lady should have given me a second to respond that the bathroom was in use, in essence my purse had left me wide open and bared for everyone to see. 


Things that go beep in the night
9.6.2012 - 1 comment

Last night I wanted a good nights sleep so I took the full dose of Xannax.  I was sleeping so good.  Then at 3am my husband wakes me up to tell me the power is out.


My husband makes it so easy to be wife of the year
8.31.2012 - 4 comments

Men really are easy to please.  It's humorous really just how simple they are.  But a few months ago my husband issued an impossible task.  He has this ap on his phone called The Chive.  Mostly it has pictures of chicks and boobs, but also it has pictures similar to the humor section on Pinterest.  It's kind of like what Pinterest would be if men were in charge of it.  He had followed the ap for a long time when one day he discovered they sold shirts.  You know that big thing going around the web right now:


Falling in love
8.28.2012 - 6 comments

I don't remember the exact moment I fell in love with my husband.  Instead I have memories of just being in love with him.  I can remember laying next to him and looking over thinking, "I love him."  I can remember sitting on the beach by the fire looking into his eyes and thinking, "I can't even hear a word he is saying because I'm so stunned at how much I love him in this moment." 


Things I can't believe I know
8.22.2012 - 0 comments

I know what channel baseball is on ESPN.


In the history of the world, men will just never understand
8.12.2012 - 2 comments

My husband got a new car this week.  He got the new car the night before we went to California.  We traded in my car towards his new car and I get back my beloved Yukon.  So around 8pm Wednesday night I was taking every single thing out of my car and cramming it into a bag.  Since it was so late we didn't get a chance to rearrange our cars before going to California.  The next morning we left to California in his new car with NOTHING.  


There is absolutely no explanation that makes this acceptable
8.10.2012 - 2 comments

Last night I was tired. We had spent a day driving followed by a day at the water park. It took me a while to fall asleep because the husband was snoring but when I finally did it was a good sleep. At some point in the night I started dreaming. I wish I could remember the dream. I really really wish I could remember. Because for whatever reason the dream made me pull out my ear plug, put it in my mouth, and start chewing on it like gum. I have no idea how this happened. All I know is that suddenly I sat up and spit a soggy orange ear plug out of my mouth. That's gross. It was in my ear!!!! Any guesses on what kind of dream would provoke that? I'm afraid to sleep tonight. I might start chewing on my bra this time.

Purse remorse **UPDATED**
8.8.2012 - 4 comments

Let's just talk about the worst thing that can happen to a woman. Having her purse break. It's pretty much devastating. It's even more devastating when the purse is 6 months old and the manufacturer has discontinued this model. So even though it's warrantied you are still screwed.


The minds of a seven year old boy
8.3.2012 - 1 comment

Brandon: Mom at recess we spy on the girls, and then hope they catch us spying.


How to drive my husband crazy in less then 5 minutes
7.30.2012 - 2 comments

Want to see my husband really lose his mind.  Let me load the dishwasher.  I swear his whole entire brain implodes.  I don't know why, because clearly my way is the best way.  But whooo boy does that man melt down when I play with the dishes.  Tell me, is there anything you do that drives your spouse insane????


Fact finder
7.26.2012 - 0 comments

 


How to ruin a shower for sure!
7.19.2012 - 0 comments

Step one: Get in shower.


Open letters for all
7.13.2012 - 2 comments

Dear Taco Bell,


Shit just got real
7.9.2012 - 4 comments

I woke up today and it's the first day of second grade for Brandon. I'm not sure how this happened. Second grade feels so old. It feels like he suddenly a grown up. Like he will be asking me for the keys to my car tomorrow. The worst part though is this almost seven year old attitude he's developed.


Adventures in catering..butter cream edition
7.6.2012 - 1 comment

Bosses never listen you know!  For about eight months I've been engaged in battle of the butter cream with my boss.  What it comes down to is that she loves butter cream.  I mean LOOOOVES.  Like an unnatural love of it.  Not like my love of chocolate because any love of chocolate is a good love, a natural, wonderful pure love like nature intended love to be. 


I guess embarrassing kids come in handy
7.6.2012 - 0 comments

I got spotlighted again!  Thank God for kids who just don't know when to stop.


There is a reason guys can't remember anything important about relationships
6.27.2012 - 0 comments

My husband has an unhealthy obsession with baseball.  Scratch that...with the Giants.  He loves to go to baseball games, watch baseball games, listen to baseball games.  You get the point.  I know nothing about baseball.  When we met I knew three strikes and you are out and that's about it.  


I'm not sure my hysterectomy was fair to the world
6.25.2012 - 2 comments

Because I make some really really cute kids.  Think of all the hotties I'm depriving the world of now.


It was kind of my fault
6.25.2012 - 0 comments

I told him to jump over his instructors head...I guess it was my fault when he did this isn't it?


The moment I wanted to never take my kids in public again
6.23.2012 - 14 comments

A few weeks ago a new pizza place opened and my boys were begging me to go.  We finally went but I made the mistake of going right at noon.  The cool thing about this place is you can order a whole pizza pie or just a slice.  We opted to order one slice each.  When we arrived the wait was 35 minutes for a slice and 45 minutes for a pie.  Finally after much waiting our slices came.  


How my own stupidity led to the discovery of my most favorite condiment
6.18.2012 - 1 comment

When we went to Mexico I was worried about one thing.  I don't speak Spanish.  AT ALL.  Not even a little bit.   I can say bathroom, and any word on the Taco Bell menu and that is it.  Luckily a friend told me about a translation ap so when we got to the house I had no trouble at all talking to the cook and people who took care of the house.


Give me back my bubble
6.13.2012 - 0 comments

You guys remember a while ago I was having trouble...a lot of trouble. Y'all suggested bubble wrap.  Perhaps a padded room.


Strange things are happening to me
6.11.2012 - 5 comments

A few months ago when I declared that I was cutting a bunch of stuff out of my diet I assumed it would last a few days and then I would give in and discover I can't live without all things made of gluten.  I was wrong.  Cutting gluten out of my life turned out to be a game changer.  But the best game changer at all was discovering Digestive Enzyme pills and papaya extract pills.  After having my gallbladder out I could no longer eat peaches, avocados, plums or anything with a pit without spending a day or two doubled over in pain hating myself.  Of course since I'm an avocado whore I've spent a long time hurting....because I just don't learn.  


What I've been doing
6.7.2012 - 1 comment

I can't wait to blog about how the rest of the little league season went.  It needs it's own post though because it would take a whole post for me to do all the personal horn tooting about how spectacular I am with getting kids to be good (not my own of course).  Plus I have to rave on and on about how I totally won at little league snack and how the kids even said their favorite snack of the season was mine.  So clearly you can see how I will need a separate post for that.  In the mean time I've been busy working both jobs and doing this....


To EVERYONE in my life...you are fired
6.7.2012 - 1 comment

Come on.  There is no way that all of the people around me in the last two weeks can tell me they didn't notice those two half in long black chin hairs dangling off me.  It's not possible.  So I want to know why not a single one of you chose to tell me????


She was a dancing queen
5.29.2012 - 3 comments

A few months ago Willie Nelson came to town.  I didn't go.  Afterwards I was livid.  I knew I would never forgive myself for that so when I heard Merle Haggard was coming I was dying to go.  Unfortunately the tickets were nearly $80.00 so I kept holding out buying them.  The next thing I knew it was the day before the concert and I had no tickets.  I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going.  I set about baking a cake for my grandpa and when I had just put the finishing touches on it the girl in my office called and said, "I know how bad you wanted to go, so I called in a favor and got the tickets can you be here in 40 minutes."


Didja know...
5.17.2012 - 1 comment

If you spend the afternoon chasing your baby chickens through the rose bushes trying to get them back in their coop and then spend your evening with your arms in bleach water cleaning a kitchen your arms will hurt for hours.


Mucho grande boobies
5.15.2012 - 4 comments

Right before I went to Mexico my husband was doing a few loads of laundry and some how three of my shirts and two bras got broken.  I found out later that the lint trap had a little build up in it so one side was sticking out causing all of straps to twist around until it snapped.  I purchased two more bras before going but since I'm a DD I can never find bras my size, and on the rare occasion I do they are big ugly utilitarian looking things.   So off I went to Mexico with my ugly ill fitting bras.  


Catering season in full swing
5.14.2012 - 1 comment

I love catering.  More then catering I love cooking.  And some how I've become my bosses baker, which I thought I would hate but turns out I LOVE TO BAKE!  Let me give you a look into my life the past few days.


Follow up on little league
5.9.2012 - 0 comments

I have been back in the dugout every game since this post. Things have been better.  The coach had a talk with the kids about listening to me and I had a talk with a lot of the parents letting them know I would sit their kid out if they didn't straighten up.  I think it was a good idea to have me go in there because now there is a familiar face in their at all times that they know they need to listen to.


The easiest recipe I've ever been given
5.9.2012 - 1 comment


Do they serve beer in little league?
5.4.2012 - 2 comments

We started rookie ball a few weeks ago.  This year was a lot different then T-ball for one basic reason.  The kids on my sons team are ROTTEN!  Not just a little bit either.  They are just full on bad.  There are four of them.  Last week I got fed up and elected myself dugout mom.  The first game was terrible.  In one hour I had kids climbing the gate separating the dugout from the field, dangling from the hooks on the walls, calling other kids stupid, punching other kids, trying to break other kids bags, kicking kids, calling me stupid, pushing and shoving all over, and screaming mean things to their friends and the other team.  


If all else fails and you can't find your eye glasses
5.3.2012 - 0 comments

Go outside and look on the patio because obviously your dumb ass dog would drag them out there to chew up.  Because that is where they belong right?


And then they all laughed at me
4.28.2012 - 3 comments

I went to the doctor today about my broken finger (don’t ask). While there we got to talking about how my iron is low AGAIN. Then I casually mentioned I had quit eating gluten. The doctor said that was good. Then I mentioned that I cut down my dairy intake a lot. This made her ears perk up. Knowing that I’m a vegetarian and now I’ve cut down dairy she was worried. I thought that would be a perfect time to tell her I quit eggs too. And coffee.


Think about the memories you are making
4.27.2012 - 4 comments

A couple weeks ago I decided to give up gluten, dairy and coffee in an effort to cleanse my body of toxins. It’s funny that this story comes from me attempting to rid myself of toxic things. I stumbled upon almond milk and got the idea one morning to mix chocolate almond milk with soy peanut butter (my son is allergic to peanuts so I can’t use the real thing). I blended it with ice for breakfast and took the first drink. I was instantly transported back in time. I was nine years old in the kitchen with my biological dad getting a life lesson on how to make a chocolate peanut butter milk shake.


Help a girl out
4.24.2012 - 0 comments

If you wouldn't mind, click over to my food blog and help me out.  I'm stuck on a recipe and NEED HELP.


Bucket lists
4.23.2012 - 0 comments

Sitting here waiting for my son to come out of school so I have some free time. I've been thinking of this for a while now an I've concluded that I have exactly one real true thing that I would put on a bucket list. To learn to play the guitar. Real guitar. Country guitar. Real country, not the pop shit on the radio now. Guitar like Hank, or Willie, or Waylon. That is it. To have my own guitar and learn to play. Maybe I should think of more stuff for my bucket list eh? What about you? What is on your bucket list?

I will not budge
4.20.2012 - 0 comments

You all know I gave in on the booster seat.  And I gave in on the light up shoes (but only Star Wars ones and only the ones with out the lame plastic looking stickers on the side). I haven't given in on the door locks YET.  But there is on thing I flat out refuse to give in on.


Aren't his ears just perfect for this
4.19.2012 - 1 comment


Submit your horror stories now
4.17.2012 - 3 comments

I'm getting colonics tomorrow...Please submit horror stories now.


Jack strikes again
4.16.2012 - 1 comment

Some of you may be familiar with my posts about Jack. If not here is the link to the post that describes my feelings about Jack and another one here.


Lets announce a winner for the toys and talk about some other stuff too
4.14.2012 - 2 comments

Thing one: When will I learn to wait 45 seconds to take a drink of my tea after I take it out of the microwave?  How many times did I burn my mouth yesterday? EVERY TIME I USED THE MICROWAVE TO REHEAT MY TEA.


That did not just happen
4.10.2012 - 1 comment

All day long all I wanted to do was mop the floor.  I went to my office and got the mop bucket and then remembered that it was broken.  The handle where you drain the water was having problems.  But never fear 


Therapy
4.5.2012 - 3 comments

I've discovered a new form of therapy.  


Well played Target, well played
4.3.2012 - 2 comments

I guess I haven't been to Target in a while because when I walked in today the entire store was different. I was forced to navigate the entire store just to find the bras and shoes which was smart on their part because that meant I walked through women's clothes, kids clothes, kitchenware and boys bedroom decor. I'm onto you Target. I see what you are doing and it was smart. Very smart. Well played Target. Now you go explain the bill to my husband.   


How an author can get on my shit list REAL FAST
4.2.2012 - 2 comments

A few years ago after reading the Twilight series I stumbled upon Stephanie Meyer's website and found that she had started re-writing the entire story from Edwards point of view.  Someone had released a portion of it online though and that upset her so she stopped.  This made me mad.  Because reading the story from his point of view was AWESOME.  I loved finding out all of the information I missed hearing it from Bella's view.  I held out hope for years that the author would finish the book.  


Waylon gets it
4.2.2012 - 0 comments

I've always been crazy and the trouble that it's put me through
I've been busted for things that I did, and I didn't do
I can't say I’m proud of all of the things that I’ve done
But I can say I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone

I've always been different with one foot over the line 
Winding up somewhere one step ahead or behind
It ain't been so easy but I guess I shouldn't complain
I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane

Beautiful lady are you sure that you understand 
The chances your taking loving a free living man
Are you really sure you really want what you see
Be careful of something that's just what you want it to be

I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane
Nobody knows if it's something to bless or to blame
So far I ain't found a rhyme or a reason to change
I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane


So let's give away some sex toys
3.31.2012 - 9 comments

I have no idea what to do with you my dear loyal readers. When I asked what to do with the sex toys from the adult toy shop EdenFantasys never in a million years did I expect for so many of you to tell me to do a give away.  This company approached me months ago to give away or review their products and I declined because I thought my readers wouldn't like it.  But you all surprised me.  


Because losing teeth, booster seats and giant shoes aren't bad enough
3.31.2012 - 3 comments

Last week Brandon yelled at me from the backseat, "mom how come you won't take the child lock off my door, dad did, why won't you? Dad is cooler."


This kid has priorities
3.27.2012 - 3 comments

Yesterday Brandon yelled at me for not texting him enough on his iPod.  This morning he came upstairs while I was still in bed (kid wakes up at O'darkthirty) and said he was hungry.  I told him to go back downstairs.  Then I texted him that he could have a donut.  He was really excited that I texted and he even replied back to me.  I heard him run in the kitchen and eat his donut.  I got up and started laying out clothes for the day and putting away some laundry from last night when Brandon texts me again asking me if he can eat the bacon his dad left for him on the counter.  I say yes.  A few minutes later my husband writes me and asks if I saw Brandon's video.  I was confused, I hadn't seen a video yet today.  You see, since Brandon is only six he doesn't text very fast or very good so what he does is record videos of himself talking and then send it to you.  This was my husbands video this morning.  It's short but I can just imagine Brandon spying the bacon, thinking about the bacon, and then finally asking his dad about the bacon.


Do you think I could Craigslist that?
3.21.2012 - 6 comments

Wow that was heavy huh?  Let's lighten it up some shall we?


The one about suicide
3.19.2012 - 61 comments

I just wrote all of this, and then I crashed Microsoft Word and LOST.THE.WHOLE.THING. So here is round two.  Let’s hope I’m as smart as I was twenty minutes ago.


Because no one likes to pee their pants
3.12.2012 - 2 comments

Blogging will commence when the 104 degree fever goes away and I can cough without peeing my pants, or sneeze without peeing my pants or .... breath without peeing my pants.  


Wasted away in Mexaritaville
3.8.2012 - 3 comments

I went to Mexico y'all.  To a huge house.  Where they did everything for me.  And when I say everything I mean they stopped just short of washing my hair for me while I showered. It was hard life really, really hard.  But I had a lot of time to think, and I have decided there is a lot of stuff I'm ready to talk about.  I've also decided I'm going to go back to my roots, I want to start writing my blog ideas down again. So get ready for me to get deep. I want to talk about trust issues.  I want to talk about how suicide impacts someones life, and how it might take them 18 years to figure it out.  I want to talk about parenting and all kinds of things.  I've decided I don't care who reads it. I don't care who I upset I'm going to write about all of it.  So give me some time to fix the mess I walked into at work and unpack, and maybe sleep and then it's on.  


The Rolling Stones lied, Time is not on my side
2.25.2012 - 2 comments

When I turned thirty I wasn't worried.  I didn't have a panic attack like my husband did.  And since everyone I know (except you Ginger) is older then me I've had no problem still feeling very young. King of like a spring chicken.  I look young too which helps. I still get carded often which to me is the holy grail of feeling young.


I can't even think of a title when all that's in my head is old school Puff Daddy and Mase songs
2.22.2012 - 2 comments

What's been going on with Shannon lately?  Let's do a bulleted edition shall we? The last bullet is for sure worth reading the others for.  I promise.


Dear Puppy YOU ARE GROUNDED
2.13.2012 - 0 comments

While you may enjoy running around outside in the rain and digging in the mud, it might be wise of you to rethink your decision to cover your entire body in mud.  You see Charlie, when you do that you leave little foot prints everywhere.  That means I can see what you've done.  For example, when you go digging in the mud I can now tell that you:


This one goes out to all my office working blogging friends
2.8.2012 - 3 comments

I want to be nosey for a while.  So please comment below and tell me:


Did I ever tell you why I didn't send out Christmas cards this year?
2.7.2012 - 3 comments

Please...pay attention to my youngest son Codi and my oldest son MY HUSBAND! 


My kids are never going to grow up
2.3.2012 - 4 comments

A few months ago Rob came to me and told me he thought that at six years old Brandon was old enough to take a shower on his own.  I was appalled.  There was no way my sweet wittle baby was going to shower alone.  Who would wash his ears?  Who would make sure he washed behind his ears?  Who would be sure the dirty boy grubbiness was scrubbed out from under his chin.  I did the only logical thing possible and asked my friends on Facebook.  Every single person agreed with my husband. (I'm soooo giving you all dirty looks right now).  They even agreed that my sweet little four year old Codi was old enough to shower on his own.  UNACCEPTABLE PEOPLE!  That's my tiny little baby. Of course Codi loves it.  To add insult to injury he's started telling me he wants to put his own lotion and jammies on after the bath.  


Send bubble wrap
1.28.2012 - 3 comments

After yesterday's post regarding my injuries you would think I would learn my lesson.  That I would stop acting like a dumbass and NOT HURT MYSELF.


I'm going to run off and hide in my little padded room now
1.27.2012 - 12 comments

Last week while I was cooking dessert for my catering gig while babysitting a dessert called "chocolate decadence" that needed to bake for about eleven hundred hours I decided to do the dishes.  I finished the dishes and the cake was still not done so I decided to put them away.  The very last thing I grabbed was the blade that goes inside the food processor.  


The enormity of blogging
1.21.2012 - 7 comments

Tonight I received an email from Kim.  She heard about the fire in Reno and was worried about me.  When I saw that email, there are no words big enough, or eloquent enough to describe how warm my heart was.


You know you are parent of the year when....
1.14.2012 - 0 comments

When your six year old tells people he wants to sing them a song and theb belts out the following Johnnu Cash lyrics, "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.". That right there is when you know you've won at parenting!

An apple a day
1.11.2012 - 0 comments

I went to type this on my MacBook Pro but I hadn't plugged it in. I thought of typing it on my iPhone but remembered I had an iPad so I'm typing from that (side note someone please send me a keyboard for this). Today a little part of my life was completed. Our office ordered a Mac Mini. This means my family has owned an original Macintosh, G3, G4, Power PC Mac, iMacs, MacBooks, MacBook pros, original iPod, iPod nano in all sizes, iPod shuffle, iPhone 3, iPhone 4, apple tv, iPad....and now a Mac Mini.


How to make me homicidal in under 1 minute
1.5.2012 - 2 comments

Grab plastic container of soup out of fridge


Postpartum book depression
1.4.2012 - 5 comments

I love reading books.  But there has always been one downside. The end of the book.  I have three reasons for hating the end.


Catching up with the men in my life
12.29.2011 - 2 comments


I can't possibly imagine why my hands are going numb and cramping
12.29.2011 - 2 comments

Multiply this by 350 then add in 400 gingerbread cookies...and lets not even discuss the mini cookies.


Am Keurig K-cup discount shopping WINNING
12.23.2011 - 2 comments

I bought a Keurig about 3 weeks ago.  I've never spent two days more jacked up then I did those first days of owning it because people I HAD TO PLAY WITH IT.  I use my Keurig for everything.  I stick my instant cream of wheat under there, set it on the low cup setting and BAMN cream of wheat.  I do the same with my oatmeal.  When I pack the boys lunch I like to put boiling water in their thermos before I put food in so it is nice and warm and keeps it warm.  Now? Press button on Keurig BAMN hot warm thermos. I want to hug this machine daily.


I really never learn
12.19.2011 - 2 comments

Three times this week I let my gas tank look like this.  THREE TIMES. 


The banks are conspiring against me
12.15.2011 - 0 comments

Trying to run errands for work today. First bank only has one lane open. And only one teller in the whole bank. Second bank had a crazy ass line. And the third one? It was surrounded by geese. We all had to honk and wait for the geese to move. I'm sitting here hoping this guy Hurries up because I still have to go to the contractors board and I already know how slow the old lady there is. I just wanna get this done so I can get back to my desk. Pretend to get caught up and maybe eat breakfast. I'm working both jobs all week and I work a double Saturday. I have not bought A SINGLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT. Since I'm scheduled to work so much I have. I idea when I will buy presents. So friends I'm giving you a heads up now. You might get presents some time in February. Also. Am very tired. Feet hurt. And I've baked over 300 cookies in the last five days. I never want to see another sugar cookie or cookie cutter. Also again. Am allergic to gingerbread cookie dough. Hands are all red and itchy. More also. IM STARVING and all I have is lame yogurt. Woe is me. Email me some jokes or funny stories. I need some giggles please.

15 Quick Things to Catch You Up
12.12.2011 - 4 comments

1. I have an unhealthy obsession with Nutella.
2. I’ve been working two jobs for the last few months, but lately I’ve been working them both in the same day. I’m super exhausted hence the lack of posting.
3. Did you know that when you spend all night cooking and all weekend catering you don’t want to cook dinner or any meals at home because the thought of chopping one more thing makes you want to chop a finger nail off.
5. I totally almost cut a finger off the other night I was so tired, thank god for long fingernails, saved the day.
6. I skipped number four.
7. You are now looking up to check that.
8. I want to hug and cuddle my new Kuerig. I use it for all kind of things besides just making coffee. But I can tell you, I was so so so jacked up the first two days I had it from playing with it.
9. Doctors tip really well.
10. They also throw pretty awesome parties.
11. The Pinterest humor section has become a problem.
12. Fig Netwon crisps are heaven sent!
13. you didn't even notice there are only 13 here


So what ever happened to jack
11.29.2011 - 5 comments

Many of you might be wondering what happened after my big JACK epiphany at a funeral.


A kids cough medicine that helps them sleep and is safe for kids under 35 um YES PLEASE
11.22.2011 - 3 comments

I don't normally do reviews on my blog but this is the first time that I got a product that I actually wanted to review. Because it is about my kids. When I was at Blogher I walked through isles and isles of stuff. Some I put in my bag, some I walked past and some I happily ate while browsing (Dove I'm looking at you.). I stumbled across a booth called Zarbees. It was a children's cough medicine.


Notes from the AMA's
11.20.2011 - 2 comments

Niki Minaj needs to go away.


Things I've learned catering
11.15.2011 - 1 comment

 People will get drunk enough at weddings to stumble into the kitchen and announce to the catering staff, “THE ASPARAGUS WAS EXCELLENT AND GUESS WHAT, MY PEE ALREADY SMELLS LIKE ASPARAGUS.”


My dog is allergic to air and thinks bird shit hung the moon
11.9.2011 - 3 comments

Charlie has allergies.  That is an understatement.  Charlie is allergic to the world.  So far, the one thing we know for sure is that Charlie is allergic to chicken.


Trust me your grandma was right
11.2.2011 - 2 comments

My grandma loves to tell me stories.  Since my other grandma passed away before I could get all of her worldly wisdom I always make sure to soak up everything my grandma says to me.  


How do you read blogs?
11.1.2011 - 2 comments

Last month our TV broke.  After much shopping we ended up buying a Sony Google TV.  I basically bought it because it had the word GOOGLE in it.  I can surf the web and do other neat stuff on it but I hadn't really figured out anything I loved doing with it.  


My last two weeks in bullets
10.26.2011 - 1 comment

* Wook at my cute wittle puppy he is just the sweetest wittle guy ever.


If you followed me on Facebook you would have been able to solve this problem a lot sooner
10.14.2011 - 1 comment

This morning I woke up and all I could smell was SHIT!  Or, something rotten.  Really rotten.  Like holy shit if I was pregnant right now I would puke all over my hardwood.  I spent the whole morning sniffing around.  In every room.  In closets, trashes, floors, the drier EVERYWHERE.  


So the problem is...
10.12.2011 - 0 comments

My husband gets this stupid video game magazine in the mail. This bothers me.


The end of the day
10.11.2011 - 1 comment

Its 6:50pm. I want to be off work, but I'm not because I have to sit here and total receipts that the other girl in my office should have done.  Here is a break down of my last five minutes.


I would never
10.10.2011 - 3 comments

I made a post on Facebook tonight and it got me thinking.  I've been with my husband ten years and there are still things I would never do in front of him.


I'm not the only one
10.5.2011 - 2 comments

You know, I was feeling pretty sorry about myself after my .


Along Came Shannon (The running story + a bonus embarrassing horror story)
10.3.2011 - 19 comments

A few months ago I took up running.  It was awesome.  I never knew I could run outside.  I slowly got better and I could run farther and got more brave and started running on back roads.  


Okay fine, heres the whole truth.
9.30.2011 - 6 comments

I wanted to believe that I haven't been blogging lately because my kids got older and have homework, and need lunches packed and you know aren't little babies that I can just put on a play mat and not worry about.  But come on, I'm going to be honest with y'all I've become addicted to romance novels.  


You are awful horrible people
9.20.2011 - 1 comment

I can't believe how many of you want me to humiliate myself.  Anyway I've been super busy lately so I haven't written it yet because I want to write it really good and funny.  So tonight after I balance my checkbook (haven't done it in over a month) I'm going to sit down and write it.


Okay, so...fine.
9.14.2011 - 12 comments

I've decided I might be ready to talk about,"the run."  But I'm not sure.  It's not very lady like at all.  So, those of you in favor of hearing my worst horror story ever IN MY ENTIRE LIFE please raise your hands.  Then we will take a vote.


He asks...
9.13.2011 - 1 comment

What's for dinner?


Me
9.3.2011 - 2 comments

I didn't make the best grades.  I wasn't always the smartest.  I didn't finish college.  I don't have a fancy degree or job title.  I've done nothing spectacular with my life. I am average.


#1000thanks
8.29.2011 - 2 comments

One day scrolling through Facebook I noticed my Friend Emery posting photos.  Uplifting photos.  Photos that I would look at and smile at.  Then I noticed the little tag under them, #1000thanks.  She has been documenting things in her life that she is thankful for. I read it and then thought I could do that.  But, then I thought....who really captures those moments?  In my head I guess I thought they had to be big things.  Huge things.  Later that week I was driving down the road and my little puppy was being so cute and I started smiling and all the sudden I realized, "wait, this is one of those things, those amazing moments I take for granted."  I snapped a picture and posted my very first #1000things.


My husband is secretly a wuss
8.27.2011 - 6 comments

So I'm sitting here on the couch and my husband freaks out and is like, "babe HELP ME.". So I go running in the kitchen and he hands me his shoe and tells me there is a giant spider and that I need to kill it. Did you read that right? My husband wanted ME the GIRL to kill the spider. The spider that was the size of my head. It gets better. He then runs to the garage gets the vacuum and the raid and tells me to spray it because I have to get close and he will stand back with the hose and just suck it up. I try hitting it with the shoe which he wont do because he has to get too close to it. It doesn't work and the spied runs in a corner. I grab the raid, spray the spider and then remain totally calm when 40 billion spiders jump off the back of the big spider and go running all over the place. He manages to suck them all up from about 10 feet away while I'm down on the ground trying to mash the remaining spiders. We get them all sucked up and then he tells me that I have go carry the canister outside and empty it because he is too affraid to even carry the canister. Then we look down and there is another spider. Which he tries to get me to kill. I'm in my house shoes though so I refuse and he gets stuck killing the small non scary spider. Moral of the story? MY HUSBAND IS A TOTAL WUSSY BABY ABOUT SPIDERS!!!!! Can't believe he made me the fragile lady of the house kill it. SISSY.

Home grown
8.26.2011 - 1 comment

If you can't find me, I'm the one buried in cucumbers and string beans.  Save me.


Because this wouldn't be my blog if I wasn't totally freaking the heck out over some kind of food item
8.22.2011 - 6 comments

So. Let’s start with the obvious. Google should be taken away from me. Last week I was doing some research to find out when my chickens would lay eggs. I was googling around when I read this:


Come oggle my shoes
8.19.2011 - 3 comments

I'm featured today on shoe Friday. Come drool over my sweet heels http://jodifur.com/2011/08/shoe-friday-139.html

Shannons husband gives a lesson on how to love a woman
8.10.2011 - 5 comments

How to love your wife lesson #1


Post it note Tuesday BLOG HER FREAK OUT EDITION
8.2.2011 - 2 comments


Dingleberries on the loose
7.27.2011 - 3 comments

Fucking dog!!! You wanna know what a day in my life as a dog owner is like? Monday I take Charlie out to go potty. He starts pooping and the next thing I know he is hopping around yelping. I turn sound and he has a piece of my hair dangling half out his butt with poop on it. DINGLE BERRIES PEOPLE Being the smart pet owner I am I know the next thing he will do is try and drag his butt to get it out. Which was fine UNTIL he took off for my office. So I take off after him because I CANNOT have him dragging shit all over my office floor. But he's a quick little shit and he is in my office and down the hall before I even set foot in the door. The other girl in the office jumps out and tries to stop him but it was like one of those movie scenes where he ran right through her legs nearly crashing her over. Then ran all over while I chased him all around the whole time staring at dingle berries flopping around out of his butt. Just as I predicted he headed for his bed and started smearing poop on it. I finally cornered him and then had to carry him into the bathroom and PULL FOUR INCHES OF HAIR OUT OF HIS ASS. Then clean his mess up and take him back out to finish pooping. So if you are wondering what my work day is like with Charlie there you have it. *note I attempted this blog from my phone while dropping off Brandon at school so ignore any errors.

The shoe discussion
7.25.2011 - 12 comments

With Blogher11 coming up next week (omfgnextweekIhaven'tevenpackedpanicattackfreakoutohshit) There has been lots of discussions about clothing, what to pack and shoes.  Everyone keeps saying they must be comfy shoes.  So I have to ask, do these count as comfy?


Why I started blogging
7.21.2011 - 11 comments

I started blogging after I had Brandon.  None of my friends had kids, I was kind of lonely as a parent and I thought there were people out there who just might listen to me.  It all started with Myspace blogging.  Then I saw my friend Emery had created a blog, Moms are for Everyone.  I loved it and I knew right away I had to start one too.  I didn't have many followers at first.  


I've got some wine in me, lets talk about my dog now
7.17.2011 - 8 comments

Nine days ago my best friend died.  Originally I planned to tell the whole story.  Tell you all how it was my fault.  How, I take all of the blame for it.  But, I'm afraid typing the whole story out will just tear me to shreds so...the short version, my five month old sweet little puppy Sparky was run over.  The worst part is that the person who hit him didn't call me.  They left him in the road to die over night.  WHAT IF HE COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED?  I am livid.  How dare you not call.  How dare you hit my dog and not take him to ER or call me or DO SOMETHING.


This is how I feel right now
7.13.2011 - 3 comments

I will write more soon.  Tell you all what happened to Sparky and introduce you to Charlie the new pup. But, I'm afraid to write it all down right now.  So, until then....I give you a look into my head:


Sparky January 23, 2011- July 8th 2011
7.9.2011 - 9 comments

Please don't say sorry...anything but sorry


Comment issues
7.6.2011 - 2 comments

My blog is having trouble receiving comments for the moment, if you have tried to leave a comment and it didn't work, for the mean time please click at the top where it says contact and you can shoot me an email that way.  I WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, please don't hesitate to email me while I pester my web guy to please fix this (hint hint web guy)!


So what WOULD Jack do?
6.30.2011 - 0 comments

A while back ago I posted about Jack.  The man who changed my life. Well not just him, his son whose words at the funeral changed my life just as much.  I wanted to update you on how that is going.  


In which EVERY ONE OF YOU FAIL FAIL FAIL!!!!!!! (and I lost the tin foil bet)
6.27.2011 - 0 comments

I have things that bug me.  Little ticks.  I'm sure you all have little ticks too.  For instance:


Did that just happen to me in real life? So embarrassing
6.21.2011 - 0 comments

Just went in to pee. Wiped stood up and pulled up my undies. Then I realized the toilet paper was stuck in my undies. I had somehow got it stuck, taken two steps forward, pulled it out of the toilet covered in pee and then watched as it dripped pee all over my leg and floor. HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN???? Seriously? How did I just cover my own leg in pee? What am I twelve? Is this some kind of horrible comedy where a girl walks out with toilet paper in her pants. I AM ASHAMED OF MYSELF!

Shannon Vs. Husband...the aluminum foil
6.20.2011 - 7 comments

Just like the ketchup and Lent we have a new battle brewing in the house.  Again I am not allowed to tell you which side I'm on.  This weeks battle is:


Why me God WHY ME
6.15.2011 - 2 comments

Please tell my why I'm always the one left with two puking kids while I'm sick at the same time?  Also please tell me why my kids are always sick.  And while your at it please tell me why my dog is hell bent on licking up puke THAT CAN'T TASTE GOOD SPARKY IT JUST CAN'T!!!!!!!


The time I emailed a very detailed letter for my husband TO MY GRANDFATHER
6.9.2011 - 4 comments

Thank you to Yahoo! Mail for sponsoring this post about staying connected. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.


If my husband throws me out can I come sleep on your couch?
6.7.2011 - 4 comments

He's gonna kick me out for sure now!!


Stealing more of my moms shit
6.7.2011 - 3 comments

My mom has this storage full of shit.  Seriously some of it is junk.  But then some of it is pretty neat.  Every now and then I have to get something out of it.  Every now and then I find something neat.  LIKE THIS SUPER AWESOME FLOOR LENGTH MIRROR.  My philosiphy is that if it is just sitting in storage I don't have to ask permission to take it because if she really wanted it she would DO SOMETHING WITH IT.  So I lugged it out of the storage today, packed it home and THEN called her to inform her I was stealing her mirror.


What is your best "unnecessary fight"
6.4.2011 - 14 comments

Swistle posted a blog about a fight she was having with her husband.  Not a big money, religious, life threatening fight, but a fight about MATH that resulted in broken things.  


Being frivolous
6.3.2011 - 3 comments

Lets say I win a lottery. Of course I’ll do the normal stuff, pay off houses, my parents houses, husbands parents houses, pay off my cars, donate a large amount to the animal shelters, SAVE SAVE SAVE, pay my bills for a year, SAVE, build a dream house (with an indoor craft room, a kids play room, an actual man room, each kids own bathroom, and a kitchen to die for)…but come on, if I’m gonna win the lottery lets talk about the stuff I do that no one ever talks about.


Confessions
6.1.2011 - 1 comment

The other morning I really wanted to nap, the dog woudn’t leave me alone so I gave him a piece of paper to shred all over the floor and keep quiet. Totally worked.


How a funeral made me a better person
5.27.2011 - 3 comments

I listen to this stupid radio show and one of the guys always says, "In light of eternity."  I love that statement and I've worked on using it.  If Rob and I are about to get in a fight I ask myself, "In light of eternity how important is this fight, is it going to matter in a week?"  I've started incorporating it into my life and it is helping. But the biggest change in my life came a few weeks ago when I went to a funeral.  


The shame gets worse
5.26.2011 - 1 comment

Last week I posted about 5 things I was ashamed of.  One of those things was;


Uncle....white flag....I QUIT
5.21.2011 - 3 comments

I give up on the sickies.  I give up on being quarentined.  I give up on trying to keep this house cleaned.  I give up on this dog.  


Five things I am ashamed of today
5.19.2011 - 7 comments

1. I follow Jusin Bieber on Twitter.


Post It Note Tuesday aka I can't unsee that!
5.17.2011 - 1 comment

Only Parent Chronicles


It is my own fault my couch was covered in vomit
5.16.2011 - 7 comments

We are all sick at my house.  Okay not true, husband hasn't vomited yet....YET!  Yesterday Codi finally caught the bug.  He was laying on the couch, sat up and vomited.  Here's where it gets interesting.  Brandon had already done a number on my couch covers.  He had vomited on two of them and two pillows.  He had also vomited on two towels.  So I had a blanket covering the remaining cushion cover and pillow.  Codi started vomiting and I ran over and caught all of it in the blanket.  I was so happy with myself.  Supermom HELL YA.  I got him off the couch and undressed and then went to roll up the vomit covered blanket.  Somehow instead of softly rolling it up, I managed to FLIP the side full of vomit thus spraying chocolate brown puke all over my one remaining cover, pillows and NON COVERED COUCH CUSHION. 


Of course I still have the first email my husband sent me, stored safely in my Yahoo! inbox
5.12.2011 - 1 comment

Thank you to Yahoo! Mail for sponsoring this post about staying connected. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.


Bring on the flip flops baby
5.11.2011 - 1 comment

Sally Hansen and I, we are gonna be best friends this summer.


Mom test, wife test, life test
5.10.2011 - 3 comments

Mom test:


Is cold...nuff said
5.9.2011 - 1 comment

I'm over you Reno.  Over you and your sunny sweating my imaginary balls off days followed by I'm so cold I'm dripping pee sicles out here taking my dog potty.


Can dogs pee their pants?
5.5.2011 - 2 comments

Because I think mine just did.


Dear Dog
5.5.2011 - 0 comments

Why is it you are smart enough to bring your water dish to me when it's empty but you aren't smart enough to ask to go outside to poop?  I don't understand.  We stood out there for 30 minutes last night while I kept saying, "go potty, go potty," and then you walked in and shit on my floor.  But then 10 minutes later you came walking over with your empty water dish. Please explain, why you couldn't just go bark at the door and ask to go out.  Or even better why you couldn't just take a shit while we were outside for 30 minutes. 


The trouble with mental illness
5.3.2011 - 6 comments

Is that you never know who you will wake up being.  I not only have bi-polar, and OCD (the severity depends on my medication level), but I also have a borderline personality disorder. I wake up every day wondering who I am today.  Am I the happy fun loving do gooder mom?  Am I the depressed I don't want to go outside hate the world you wife? Am I the crazy, ditsy lets do something stupid girl? (Last time I saw her was here)


Little Fucking Smart Asses
5.3.2011 - 8 comments

Things my kids said in the last few minutes:


Post It Note Tuesday
5.3.2011 - 1 comment

Only Parent Chronicles


Step away from his bone (video)
5.2.2011 - 2 comments

The image quality isn't very good, but it's pretty funny listening to what he does when I touch him while he eats. I wish I could have recorded the noise he made when I tried to pick him up to move him back to his bed. It sounded kind of like BITCH I WILL KILL YOU


Ang nagwagi ay ... If someone in your house can read this you probably just won a photo book from Shutterfly
4.30.2011 - 2 comments

When I did the Easter post for Shutterfly I was given photo cards and one photo book.  I could keep them or give them away.  I decided to give them away.  But this time instead of holding a contest or give away I decided to just give them to people who deserved them. 


Post It Note Tuesday
4.26.2011 - 4 comments

Only Parent Chronicles


So confused and ouch that hurts
4.25.2011 - 1 comment

I've been backing off the dairy a little.  Lately I've been eating stuff from the So Delicious brand.  It is made with coconut milk instead of cows milk.  The yogurt is great.  Tonight I tried the ice cream and I'm conflicted. It has a coconut aftertaste which...is fine...I think.  I like coconut.  Specifically I like coconut candy (Almond Joy, Sees Candy), and I like coconut macaroons that is about it.  You see, my problem with coconut stems from a night where I decided to play waterfall with a bottle of Malibu Rum.  That led to large quantities of vommiting.  To this day I can't be in the same room as Malibu Rum without wanting to empty the contents of my stomach on someones living room floor.  So tonight while eating my ice cream, and last week while eating my yogurt I found myself thinking, "mmmm this taste pretty good and healthy." Followed by, "Oh shit this taste like Malibu Rum and I'ma vomit on my chair."  I have no idea what to do in this situation.  I know the coconut milk yogurt is better for me, but the mind fuck it's doing is not better for me.


Post It Note Tuesday
4.19.2011 - 7 comments


Let's Celebrate Spring (aka time to get hopped up on mini eggs)
4.15.2011 - 2 comments


My inbox will be empty
4.13.2011 - 2 comments

Every morning I wake up with about 26-30 emails.  Every morning without fail I get really excited thinking this is the day you are all going to see how witty and funny I am and leave a bunch of comments, but alas, every morning it's spam mail.  I've gotten tired of it and decided it's time to UNSUBSCRIBE from all this shit.


A day in the life of my dog
4.12.2011 - 4 comments

Wake up.  Get carried outside and go poop and pee like a good dog.


What I am reading
4.11.2011 - 22 comments


Is there a boy more handsome then this in the world
4.7.2011 - 3 comments

Future girls of the world...lookout.


I've been replaced by a dog
4.7.2011 - 0 comments

Husband just texted me to inform me that his work password expired and rather then updating it to be about me like it always has he has replaced me with a password referring to our dog. I have officially been replaced.

I done lost my mind
4.5.2011 - 6 comments

Last week a friend came by the house with her puppy.  It was a Chihuahua.  The boys just loved the puppy.  They wanted a puppy.  They needed a puppy.  They forgot about the puppy. Some of my long time reader’s may remember I kind of have a fear of animals lately. It started when I had Brandon and I became incredibly grossed out with dogs. Then Codi came along and before I knew it cats were the yuckiest thing on the planet with litter and poop and VOMIT. Since then I have not had animals. I wouldn’t even touch dogs and sitting on someone’s couch with a dog nearly killed me. What I can figure is that maybe my current medication is a winner because somehow this weekend this happened.


You bit your what????
3.31.2011 - 6 comments

I walked into Brandons room last night to find him biting his toenails.  I was appalled.  Who bites their toenails?  I nearly barfed on the spot but instead I walked downstairs and all in a kerfluffle I loudly said, "BRANDON WAS JUST BITING HIS TOENAILS."  I expected my husband to be just as grossed out as me but instead he said, "so, you never bit your toenails?"


The best thing to do is NEVER GOOGLE ANYTHING WITH THE WORD SPIDER
3.29.2011 - 2 comments

I was going to tell you all a story about the time my grandma had me go in her little shed because ther was "a few spiders" and she needed something out of it, only I went in there to find the "few" spiders was really more like 400 spiders all dead and stuck to these little spider trap mats and I nearly shit myself from the sight of it.  Only then I googled to find an image of the little spider mat thingies and I just about gave myself a heart attack.  I am now convinced my house is currently being invaded by mutant spiders that can't be killed by any spray and that will bite me and destroy the cells of my body and turn me to mush and then feed off of that mush and then....


Excedrin Wins..and I totally just wrote an episode of Criminal Minds
3.24.2011 - 6 comments

Excedrin.  I finally found something that made my ankles stop hurting.  Unfortunately it also comes with a side of caffeine which left me hopping around the office like a bunny rabbit yesterday.  I went and ran yesterday and I so didn't want to.  I knew Rob was picking up Codi so I got the idea that I would text him and tell him that if he saw me to stop and get me.  But then it occurred to me that he would just pretend he didn't see me, take a back route and make me run the whole three miles.  So I didn't text him.  I did pass him, rather he passed me and you know what he did?  He made fun of my socks. 


Post It Note Tuesday
3.22.2011 - 5 comments


In which I dispell my moms belief that I don't talk about sex
3.18.2011 - 8 comments

There is a lake near me that I HATE to go in.  Yet every year I get dragged out to this lake.  I don't know why.  It's one of those...everyone has memories of this lake so let's always go there lakes.  I have memories too.  Those memories are the reason I HATE THE LAKE. 


How exactly do you choose the right underware for running....and other things
3.18.2011 - 3 comments

Today's underwear are already creeping up my ass & Wednesdays undies were no better.  How exactly do you pick comfy undies for running?


I have two goals in life...to be a good mom and to do right by my dad
3.17.2011 - 1 comment

If it wasn't his business and his life I would sit down some day and blog about my dads history (my actual dad not the birth father).  His life is....interesting.  Some of his stories would make for the worlds best blog.  But this much I can tell you.  His family sucks.  Not all of them, there are two decent ones in the bunch but the rest SUCKS.  He doesn't say a lot, ever.  This has always bothered me because in my  mind that means he must be turning over and over the events of his life in his head.  It drives me crazy.  I'm not stupid. I know the things his family does, they bother me, they must bother him.  Yet somehow he's created...this amazing life.  He's given me EVERYTHING.  When I got pregnant I didn't really know how he would react.  He was happy.  He wanted it to be a boy and from that moment on I WANTED IT TO BE A BOY.  I knew, that having a boy would give him lifelong joy.  I knew this because I KNEW MY KIDS WOULD NOT GROW UP TO BE IDIOTS. 


Some clarification for my husband
3.16.2011 - 3 comments

My husband read my previous post where I discussed running outside.  I also discussed him getting a little teary eyed reading that I had gone running outside.  He would like me to clarify that what must have happened is while he was reading my text two pieces of dust flew into his eyes causing them to get a little misty.  He was not crying or anything...as you can see:


Post It Note Tuesday...or, when I prove what a woman I really am
3.15.2011 - 14 comments


I hate raw eggs and five other things you might not know about me
3.12.2011 - 5 comments

1.  I have a geographical & fissure tongue.  If I showed you a picture you would probably break up with me.  Google it.  I dare you.


I ran..outside...and I didn't even combust
3.11.2011 - 2 comments

I've always said I don't like running outside.  I also said I don't like running on treadmills.  Maybe I should have just said I DON'T LIKE RUNNING.  I've played with running on the treadmill at the gym, but the gym is far and I don't run enough so..meh, I'm not gonna be a runner.  My husband on the other hand IS A RUNNER.  I have to admit it's bothered me.  He runs in races and events and I...don't run.  The obvious solution would be to start running.


Photobooothing it
3.3.2011 - 2 comments

SOMETIMES ALL MOMMY NEEDS IS A LITTLE WINE AND A GOOD OLE FASHION ROCK N ROLL SONG!!!!!!!


Remember when I said the wine would kick in
3.3.2011 - 0 comments


Confirming what I already knew ... and also, they do "that" with tampons
3.3.2011 - 2 comments

I read a story today in Marie Clair about a girl in treatment for anorexia.  In the hospital they were allowed only one tampon at a time and had to be monitored when they took it out and disposed of it.  WHY?????


A road block..and a Golden Sombrero you may never know
2.25.2011 - 7 comments

Part of what makes me a “Misguided” mommy is the things I did before I was a mommy. The misguided directions I took in life. I have some really good stories in me. Funny stuff. Raunchy stuff. Naughty stuff. Illegal stuff. Basically everything everyone wants to read in a blog. Every time I sit down to write I find myself frustrated. Because I know in order to increase readers, to draw you in, to get comments I HAVE TO TELL THE GOODS! That is where I find the problem. My family reads this. They know a lot of my shenanigans but they don’t know all of them and there is always a point in someone’s life where they have to say…”this is probably one of those stories I shouldn’t tell publicly.”


Anatomy of a sneak attack
2.23.2011 - 5 comments

Little Fucker


If you want to learn to annoy your husband come here
2.22.2011 - 2 comments

Every three months or so I pull up my Google Analytics to see how people are finding me.  I'm going to post a couple, then return down a few times and post the naughty ones.  That means if you are in a reader you will need to click in to see some of the "interesting" things people search, that will bring them to me.


Shannon vs. Husband...Lent
2.21.2011 - 9 comments

Okay readers settle another fight with the husband and I. This one has existed for nine years.  Here are the questions:


And I need these to just carry in my purse
2.17.2011 - 0 comments


I need about a hundred of these to give my husband every time I'm a dick head
2.17.2011 - 1 comment


I DID IT I'M GOING TO BLOG HER
2.17.2011 - 2 comments


Whose idea was a three month summer vacation
2.16.2011 - 0 comments

Brandon is in kindergarten.  He is on a track system though, that means he goes on two months off two months.  Which at first I thought was annoying until I had to entertain him for one month.  Then I thought, DEAR GOD HOW COULD I DO IT FOR THREE!!!!!!


Oww, my ass hurts
2.9.2011 - 3 comments

It's that time of the year again.


Post It Note Tuesday
2.8.2011 - 1 comment


I'll never learn
2.3.2011 - 1 comment

I googled the spoilers for the Bachelor.  I am not impressed.  Probably just going to smash my TV in the end.  Don't even know if I should still watch it.  I have only watched one season of Bachelor EVER!!!!!  This is the second one and I'm just pissed off with how it will end.  I hate Michelle also.  A lot.  I hope she leaves soon! 


Come like me....Pretty please
2.2.2011 - 0 comments

Just on the right side of the page under my ad is a Facebook link.  Follow that and you can like my blog, and keep up with me when I'm not blogging...which means even more cussing and embarrassing myself then normal. 


So you think you want kids
2.1.2011 - 2 comments

If you think you want kids try this first...then get back to me.


Post It Note Tuesday
2.1.2011 - 3 comments


BEHOLD THE ANSWERS TO ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS
1.31.2011 - 5 comments

TA ! DA !


Shannon vs. Husband part two...the ketchup issue
1.26.2011 - 13 comments

My husband says I have a habit of asking you to vote on something but telling you which side of the argument is mine.  He said that makes you guys always vote for me so this time I have to just list both sides of the argument without saying whose side is what and then make you vote.  I still think I will win but whatever!


It's bad when I'm laughing so hard I almost piss myself while I write this blog
1.18.2011 - 2 comments

I opened up my e-mail today to find a new ad from Blue Q.  This is what they were selling.  Hand sanitizer.  But not just any hand sanitizer.  The most awesome hand sanitizer EVER INVENTED.


Video blog Shannon vs. Husband Please vote
1.15.2011 - 12 comments

Okay, so go ahead and vote, who is right?  Me or my husband?


Am I really watching this?
1.13.2011 - 0 comments

The Bachelor.  Really.


Ends, beginnings, lists and vlogging
1.8.2011 - 4 comments

I have a video blog coming up.  It hasn't been done because I need to be totally alone to do it otherwise I will die of shame and embarrassment while filming it.  But I promise you, the foolishness of my behavior should be enough to keep you on pins and needles.


A vacation of Mammoth proportions
12.31.2010 - 2 comments

Other possible titles:


Post to come
12.30.2010 - 0 comments

Just got home from Mammoth. Body hurts.  Need to upload pictures.  Post to come soon.


Murmaw teaches the boys to ice skate
12.21.2010 - 1 comment


4 Day Diet weigh in number one
12.17.2010 - 1 comment

SIX POUNDS Y'ALL!!!  In four days.  The best part is, I still get yogurt, coffee creamer, potatoes, and rice.  I get to eat all kinds of shit.  Yay for me!  Will update you in another four days!


Book review and other random shit
12.15.2010 - 0 comments

I've been reading keith Richards (of the Rolling Stones if you didn't know) bio. 


I think they want me to sit on piss
12.14.2010 - 1 comment

I went to a kids fun center / bowling alley this weekend.  I of course had to pee, because I CANNOT go in public with out peeing (seriously try walking into Barnes & Noble with out going pee).  I went in and there was little drops on the seat.  I never know if its water from flushing or if it's pee.  So I grab a toilet seat cover.  Only the pack of covers is so full the cover comes out ripped. So I grab another and again ripped.  Finally I grab a third which is also ripped.  I hate this, it leaves me sitting in the bathroom trying to strategically place my ripped seat cover so it will stay on long enough for me to hurry up and sit my fat ass down on the toilet trapping it in place long enough for me to pee.  The problem with that is, since it's all ripped up one piece always ends up sticking to my ass while the rest tries to flush.  I just don't get it.  Why can't they just fill the box of covers to a normal amount instead of cramming it full to the point of ripping them.  Drives me crazy, I really don't like the extra two minutes it takes me to piece together my seat cover...because then if I'm in there that long people assume I must be going number two and if you have read my blog long enough you would know that I NEVER go number two. So you can see how this really poses a problem for me!


If a 29 year old walked into a skating rink....
12.7.2010 - 4 comments

If a 29 year old walked into a skating rink she would probably want to wear a cute frilly shirt so it could blow in the wind as she skated.


All is right in the world again
12.1.2010 - 1 comment

Dr. Dre is making music again AWWWWW YEAH!!!!!


Best mom in the pre-school class
11.30.2010 - 1 comment

About two years ago for one of Brandons first Halloween parties in school I went all out. I prepared the cutest little cheese and meat skewer thingies and a little kid trail mix of goodies served in tiny little pumpkins.  I bought friendly little ghost plates and I was ready to go.


I understand now why I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder
11.28.2010 - 4 comments

My doctors gave me a few diagnos. 


He wants me to wash my hand with boogers
11.28.2010 - 3 comments

Years ago I bought this cute little bathroom set.  It had a toothbrush holder, a bar soap holder and a hand soap dispenser.  The problem is that the hand soap thing has NEVER WORKED.  I have added water to it, tried different soaps, done everything and it has never worked.  So the old soaps have been sitting in this thing for years coagulating and getting all oogy then stripping the inside of the metal and, well it's a hot mess. Well the other we ran out of soap in our Dial handsoap dispenser so my husband decided to dump the soap out of the old nasty ass soap dispenser.  OMFG look at it, IT LOOKS LIKE A BIG VAT OF BOOGERS.


I am thankful for...
11.25.2010 - 1 comment

Spanx


I have book A.D.D.
11.24.2010 - 0 comments

What I'm reading now?  OMFG I need to stay away from the book store, but the 50% off coupon from Borders was TOO GOOD TO PASS UP!!!!  I also had to go ahead and start a wish list on their website because I'm starting to forget all of the things I want to read.


I'm kind of too afraid to ask my grandma if it's true
11.21.2010 - 7 comments

So I started reading my new book.  One of the chapters discusses the birds and the bees.  The author talks about the teacher describing the maxi pad.  The confusing part is she keeps talking about the "belt?"


What I'm reading
11.21.2010 - 2 comments

I keep picking up my copy of Jenn Lancasters, "My Fair Lazy," but then another fancier book with a more funny catch phrase comes along and it's all, "oh read me, I'm much more funny and raunchy and Jenn is like so 2009."


Flat out
11.18.2010 - 2 comments

I am the queen of flat tires.  I have had a flat on every one of the five cars I've owned.  Once I managed to have two flats at the same time.  Last night leaving the store I felt like my view was a little off.  Sure enough I had a completely flat fucking tire.  I had to call Rob who had to drive to the store and sit in the freezing cold replacing my stupid ass tire.  All of our groceries were in my car which means all of his ice cream melted.  I don't know what I've done.  It's like I have some kind of bad tire karma.


I finally got around to that 100 things list.
11.12.2010 - 4 comments

1. I don’t have a bucket list
2. My iTunes is a pro at knowing just what to play that will piss me off or make me cry AT ALL THE WRONG TIMES
3. Brandon finally eats eggs I AM THRILLED
4. I hate dried egg on plates…imagine what I now feel every morning after he eats his egg and leaves yolk all over the plate.
5. So wait, is number three a blessing or a curse
6. Codi still eats the same thing he did two years ago NOTHING
7. I cannot close a door or drawer all the way, this makes my husband INSANE, but for whatever reason I always leave something about an inch open
8. I never expected to get into baseball, but seeing how happy it makes my husband has really made me start to love it…that and the beard, I won’t lie, the beard helped
9. I love Jerry Garcia, I used to think I was a hippy
10. I haven’t decided what age is too old to stop dying my hair purple, but I’m pretty sure it’s not 29, and I don’t think it will be 30 either.
11. I have a habit of loving songs that I think are all sweet and sappy only to find out they are horrible not sweet songs, example, Without You by Hinder, yeah that is not about him missing her, it’s about him better off without her. That’s just depressing.
12. Donuts are my weakness. They are my kryptonite. The smell, the taste, the glistening frosting on top IT JUST KILLS ME, I CANNOT RESIST DONUTS.
13. I give up, I like stupid Justin Beiber.
14. I have to reconcile five bank accounts, that’s too many numbers for my head to compute.
15. My head feels like a TV changing channels all fucking day every fucking minute.
16. Every time I get out of the shower I sing the Outkast song, “Ain’t nobody dope as me I’m just so fresh, so fresh and so clean.”
17. My husband doesn’t get the humor in that
18. I have something called traveling taste buds, my tongue looks like it’s been sliced into a million pieces. That makes anything acidic hurt like a mother fucker.
19. My husband does not like when I stick out my tongue and show him
20. I am addicted to sappy love movies, I can watch them all day
21. I am ashamed to admit I can’t wait to read the Betty White biography
22. I made my first new friend, new as in someone I didn’t know before from school or work.
23. I think I like her so much because I kind of get to mother her and she kind of loves having someone mother her.
24. My doctor just prescribed me Ritalin. He said it would be similar to doing speed and help me lose weight and get energy to work out and what not
25. It made me tired and sleepy. This means I probably have ADHD
26. This makes about 25 years of my life totally make sense.
27. I sort of miss school. But when I really think about it what I miss most is organizing binders and fresh notebooks and sharp pencils. Making dividers and labels was my most favorite part of school.
28. My husband makes a fire and gets it up to 83 in the house, I think that is the perfect temp, he tells me I’m abnormal and sits there sweating. 83 is a perfect house temperature.
29. I do stupid little things for my kids. Codi was sick today so I brought fresh sheets to work and then brought the softest fleecy type blankie just to make sure he was surrounded by soft clean things.
30. I pack stupid holiday themed napkins in the boys lunch box just hoping It will make them happy.
31. I just learned how to do a little side braid on the front of my hair, I’m worried I won’t be able to stop doing it now, which means it’s going to get annoying and over used.
32. I have only eaten Halloween candy once in five days
33. My finger nails are too long to type well now, this really frustrates me because I heart my long natural nails.
34. I want a pedicure every month.
35. I should not have mentioned Halloween candy
36. My long term memory is amazing, but my short term memory not so much.
37. I think I have lost my passion for cooking. I never thought it was possible but I just don’t find it exciting anymore.
38. I don’t want more kids but I sometimes get sad that having a hysterectomy took that option completely away, having kids is what I was built to do as a woman.
39. It’s been 11 years since my grandma died and it still hurts like yesterday, isn’t that shit supposed to go away?
40. A one hour drive across town and back is far to long to be alone in my head.
41. I need more time in my sewing room, I never thought it would be as cathartic as it is.
42. I can’t wait until Brandon is old enough to figure out that he is singing inappropriate songs, example: he loves to sing Taylor Swift…She wears short skirts I wear T-shirts. So not okay for a boy to sing.
43. I just realized I love Brie cheese on crackers with a little jam.
44. When did I become so stuck up?
45. Would one piece of Halloween candy kill me?
46. I picked a little baby tootsie roll, I think that is an acceptable size dessert.
47. I am tired about 90% of the time.
48. I don’t even feel bad stealing all of the hot water, I need to come out super pink and nearly burned up from how hot my shower is.
49. I wish I had to wear fancy work clothes every day
50. I totally couldn’t afford work clothes.
51. But I own plenty of fabulous work type shoes.
52. There is no way I can finish this list tonight.
53. Medication runs through my system right away, this makes it hard to keep my medicine level at the correct dosage.
54. I believe stilettos have to be peep toe. I’m totally over closed toe shoes.
55. Every time I start a TV show my husband walks in and asks if I want to watch a show with him. This makes me totally fucking insane.
56. My kids called 911 a few months ago. The cops showed up and everything.
57. I am obsessed with Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner getting back together. She wrote a song saying sorry they need to make up and have tiny werewolf babies.
58. I am always on Empty. My husband will ask if I want to stop for gas on the way home and I always so, “no I’ll do it in the morning.” Then I take my kids to school, realize I didn’t get gas and then worry about being late to work so I still don’t get it. I am always on the verge of running out.
59. My desk has never been empty. There is always at least one paper or one pile on there. I HATE IT.
60. I gave up on my home desk today put everything in a pile and mashed it into a drawer. I just couldn’t have it messy for Codi’s party tomorrow.
61. I have a red Swingline stapler but I won’t bring it to work, I don’t want anyone touching it and getting their germs on it.
62. When my kids go to sleep I secretly play Mario on their Nintendo DS.
63. Mario is the ONLY game I know how to play on Nintendo NES, Wii and DS. I am not capable of play anything else.
64. Wait that’s a lie, I totally rock the Twilight game.
65. At one point I had three different Twilight game aps on my phone.
66. I have hair on my fingers. I want to shave it off but I already cut my toes every time I shave them I really don’t need cut up fingers too
67. I guess now you know I have toe hair.
68. I found my first chin hair a month ago. I am fearful of the next 60 years.
69. I want to be married 50 years just so I can have one of those fancy HAPPY 50 YEAR ANNIVERSARY thingies in the newspaper.
70. My new medicine was supposed to be like speed, it makes me tired. I’m kind of disappointed my doctor made the speed side of it sound super fun.
71. Every person who reads this will totally take #70 the wrong way.
72. I have so many super awesome life secrets in my head. I think I will write one of those letters for everyone to read when I die spilling all of my secrets. That way I can’t get yelled at.
73. I cannot buy generic mayo. I just can’t. I think I would die if I ate it. I’m pretty sure anything but Best Foods is toxic.
74. Plain old Hersheys chocolate it actually my favorite chocolate ever, imagine that, a foodie like me and that’s my favorite chocolate.
75. My chocolate must live in the freezer. Warm chocolate is just awful.
76. I drink more water if it’s in a Sigg or a water bottle. Water in cups is scary. You will find water cups half full all over my house.
77. I cannot drive my husbands car with out leaving something behind. This drives Mr. OCD crazy.
78. My car is always messy. I don’t know why. I swear my kids have more art shit and food shit and messy shit then any other kid.
79. I still hate hugging. But I have discovered there are a few people I will always hug. Something about them just screams HUG ME. And I just have to do it.
80. There are people that I know no matter what I will never hug. I just can’t. The idea of hugging them makes me want to cry.
81. My husband always gets to be the little spoon when we cuddle. I want to be the little spoon sometimes but he says my hair gets in the way.
82. When we were first dating we slept in a tiny full size bed all cuddled up. A few years later we realized we needed a king size bed and somehow there still isn’t enough room.
83. I didn’t notice his snoring for almost two years.
84. I didn’t start snoring for almost 7 years. It bothers him and he wakes me up. I want to kick him in the teeth since he snored so bad for 6 years that I had to wear ear plugs so often causing my ears to bleed and scab up. And the asshole has the nerve to wake me up for snoring once in a while.
85. I have customers at work that I haven’t talked to for 10 years yet I still remember their name and voice.
86. I thought of at least five things to add to this list while I was in the shower. I forgot every one of them.
87. I cut myself shaving at least once a week. In fact I am now terrified to shave the back part of my ankle because I’ve cut it so many times.
88. I wear granny panties. Yup my secret is out. I’ve decided thongs just look ugly. Every time I see a Hanes commercial with a girl jumping on her bed in her briefs I think, “wow she is so cute.” I never look at a girl in a thong and think it’s cute, I think, “wow it looks weird having something crammed up your ass.”
89. If I was a guy I would fail in prison, I ALWAYS ALWAYS DROP THE SOAP. Seriously every single shower I drop it at least once.
90. I love the smell of my Salt City candles but I rarely burn them because I am so afraid of running out.
91. I used to be someone who obsessively planned ahead and did everything five days too soon. Now I function better in crunch mode. I have an 11o’clock birthday for Codi tomorrow and I don’t plan on starting to cut up appetizers until about 10AM tomorrow.
92. The first time I saw the word hors d'oeuvres I pronounced it WHORES DE VOURES. Katie and Ginger laughed at me so hard.
93. I have one of the worst junk drawers you will ever ever see, and I just don’t care.
94. I really really truly love my husband. I think a lot of people tend to say the words I love you and just say it out of habit. But every time I say I love you, my whole entire body feels it. I wake up at night and look at him and wonder how on earth this man married me.
95. My husband asked me to buy the new Call of Duty video game for him. I said NO NO NO. Then today as a surprise I bought it for him. He just laughed, opened his lunch box and showed me that he had actually bought it too because he really believed I wouldn’t.
96. He should know by now that he gets anything he asks for.
97. We have a new rule, when he says something like, “can I go to this,” or “I want this,” followed by, “it’s okay if you say no,” that I’m obviously going to say yes. Why? Because I don’t want to be the bitchy wife who says no. By now I’ve caught on that when he asks me for something no matter how much he lets me think I’m making the choice, the choice is already made, because I’m a sucker for that man.
98. I’m a sucker for my boys too. I can say no till I’m blue in the face, but even as I am saying it, I’m already planning how I’m going to get what they want.
99. I am hyper protective of my kitchen knives. I really get pissed off when someone comes into my kitchen and tries to use my knife. It’s like someone trying to borrow my husband. Not happening people THAT’S MY KNIFE.
100. My husband has me absolutely terrified of 2012. He takes
advantage of this and picks on me every chance he
gets. I can’t handle thinking I only have two years left
with my family.


Hey Shannon where is that 100 things list?
11.11.2010 - 2 comments

You guys I am so embarrassed.  I fell asleep at 8:30 the last two nights.


The infamous 100 list is coming tonight, in the mean time
11.9.2010 - 5 comments

How pathetic is this for a Lego Land season pass photo?


It must be true...my iPhone told me so
11.2.2010 - 4 comments

So!  We decide at work today that we are going to buy a fancy new Apple keyboard for the girl in our office.  Hers is older then dirt and to celebrate her company anniversary we surprised her with that.  Along with the keyboard we figured why not through in an Apple Magic Mouse too.  So I go up to the Apple Store (torture not walking out with an iPad) and buy a Magic Mouse and a new Magic Track Pad.  I get to work and UGGGG her mouse won't work because the computer is so old it doesn't have built in bluetooth.  So fine I text my IT guy.  He says something like "no shit sherlock the computer doesn't have blue tooth." Only he didn't say shit because in the 40 years I've known him he has only said ONE bad word and he actually typed it so technically he has potty fingers and not a potty mouth. Anyway he then says:


You know you are old when....
10.30.2010 - 7 comments


I need a vacation from my vacation
10.28.2010 - 4 comments

We took off for 7 days to LEGO LAND.  That is why I haven't written in a few days.  No Internet connection when your camping on the ocean ya know.  Anywho I have about 7 mounds of laundry to do and about 75 bags to unpack and lets not even discuss my floors right now because I'll have to start crying and then someone will have to mail me some chocolate or something.  I will be back Saturday with a better post.  For now, I think this picture accurately sums up my last 7 days.


Thing that make me feel important
10.19.2010 - 2 comments

I have these nifty little stamps at work.  I don't know why but I feel extra important when I use them.  When I send out bids or what not I like to use them.


Fort take two...plus I AM A GENIUS
10.16.2010 - 3 comments

So obviously if I make a fort for Brandon I have to make one for Codi.  I planned to wait a while to make it.  That is until Sunday when Codi had a full fucking melt down in the hall kicking and screaming and all.  I'm talking full blown holy shit batman this kid is going all exorcist on me.  So, I gave in bought fabric and made him a fort.


How to annoy myself
10.16.2010 - 2 comments

  1. Buy toast that is bigger then my toaster
  2. Burn said toast because I forget to flip it in time
  3. Locking myself out of my house and complaining all day
  4. Realizing there has been a spare key to my house in my moms office the whole fucking day
  5. Buying chicken and then forgetting to cook it and letting it expire
  6. Trying to save money by not buying enough milk for myself then waking up and wanting a glass of chocolate milk but not being able to have it out of my own stupidity
  7. Staring at the four cartons of whole milk I bought for the kids and wanting to cry
  8. Not being able to pass the castle on level five of Codis Mario on DS
  9. Forgetting to adjust my DVR to record Americas Next Top Model
  10. Admitting I watch Americas Next Top Model
  11. Forgetting the other ten things I wanted to put on this list

Let's take a tour
10.7.2010 - 4 comments

A few years back I was reading Emery's blog and I came across a picture of her sons room. She had made curtains for his closet instead of doors.  I have been obsessed with that idea forever now.  It became one of those things filed under "sure I'll do that someday."  But then I got a sewing machine and I realized the theme of Brandon's room wouldn't change because he got older and he really does love camping and fishing so why not make curtains.  I found some awesome fishing pattern fabric and sewed me up some curtains.


Things I learned watching the Golden girls
10.4.2010 - 7 comments

Girls always look so much better on the bottom


Numb
10.2.2010 - 4 comments

So I wake up from the surgery and I'm thinking OUCH FUCK THIS HURTS.  Only, I don't want to be a pansy so I quietly say, "owwwwie."  The nurse comes over and gives me some liquid pain meds.  A few minutes pass and I am like uh, this shit still hurts fuckers.  So obviously I say "ouch this kinda hurts." (Although it probably sounded like oumsh fis hur...... drool pass out).  So the doctor gives me some pills to swallow.  Okay are they giving me fucking placebos here or what this HURTS.  Now say a little louder, "wow this sure hurts."  (Yeah I was the super tough girl in surgery...at least on the outside).  At this point they have rolled me into the room and they are like hey I'm going to give you some Demerol.  Okay cool.  


I would like all of my carbs please
9.29.2010 - 3 comments


I miss you guys
9.29.2010 - 6 comments

I am thinking of coming back....soon.  I'm missing you all.  Look out for me to return.


So you had a hysterectomy now what?
9.24.2010 - 4 comments

Do I just throw them all away?  Donate them?  Thats a lot of money sitting there.


Kids really do say the darndest things
9.21.2010 - 8 comments

To avoid embarrassing anyone I will change the names in this story to Bob and Sue.


My first time to be afraid..and a final wish
9.6.2010 - 11 comments

I have had a lot of surgeries.  Six to be exact.  Three laperoscopys for endometriosis, one gallbladder removal, and two C-sections.  I've pretty much breezed through all of them.  When it came time to have my C-section with Codi I got a little nervous.  I had a kid now.  Brandon could lose his mom and even if I died I would still be losing my son.  I had a little relief knowing I wasn't going under but still, there is that one blog, where is wife died only hours after having a C-section so obviously I was afraid.


Summer reading list...no laughing allowed
9.4.2010 - 2 comments

So.  I'm in California with my husband for a wedding. Sunday morning I wake up a little cranky and decide I'm going to hunt down the continental breakfast because nothing says happy vacation like shoving contraband pastries in your purse and running away.  I arrive in the amazing lobby.  The entire lobby faces the ocean and no matter what you get a great view.  I look to my right and spy some pastries.  Only...there isn't very many and I'm the only one there.  I figure I'm early so I wander around and notice she isn't putting out anything else.  Then I realize it isn't continental breakfast it's a little cafe and you have to pay for breakfast.  Obviously I wouldn't be cramming any bacon in my purse for Rob's lunch on the drive home.  I stomp off to the car get my computer and decide I will fiddle fuck around online staring at the ocean.  I get set up and order a cup of coffee from the lady behind the counter.  I have absolutely no idea what transpired but the next thing I know Andrea the coffee lady and I are off and running and having a full on conversation.  Somehow I mention books and I tell her I had been reading Chelsea Handler.


So how was your weekend
8.29.2010 - 4 comments


Reasons I don't like my kids getting older
8.21.2010 - 4 comments

  • Their toys are smarter them me:  Bakugan's are Brandon's new favorite toy.  I don't even know what the damn things do but I having a feeling the reason he loves them so much is just because they make me so totally crazy.  Little pieces that have to fold up, tuck in, twist this way then that, and then if you don't put it down with a feather light touch the mother fucker comes all apart again and my kids just crack up and make me do it again.
  • Anything Transformers.  I really thought Brandon turning five would be the big breaking point.  I thought by by Transformers.  Fuck I'd even be nicer about Iron man.  BUT NO!!!! He got older and now he likes them more.  Transformers are smarter then me.  I have yet to meet a Transformer I can figure out. Even Codi's just for two year old Transformers that My seventy three year old grandma could probably put together out smart me.  Seriously, I tried to play with one and couldn't figure it out and my husband just shook his head and called me his "special little girl."  Not to mention the boys always ask me to play Transformers.  HOW DO YOU PLAY TRANSFORMERS?  I can play Barbies, I'll outplay anyone in Barbies.  I can play dress up, play house, pretend I'm Bob Ross and paint a happy little tree but for the life of me I don't know how to play Transformers.
  • Attitude.  Brandon is in Kindergarten now which means he goes to school with a bunch of kids who have older siblings.  This means his friends pass on their siblings bad attitude and Brandon just loves to come home and try it out on me.  Both of my boys have perfected the STOMP.  Brandon can stomp from one room, up the stairs, up another flight of stairs, to his room and back down the stairs and never miss a beat.  Codi, whoah Codi can stand still and stomp his little feet so bad that I swear I give him anything just to make him stop before he busts a hole in the floor.
  • They get all brave and shit.  Brandon decided he's old enough to go to the bigger kids in the after school program and teach them the word FUCK.  Yes.  Codi isn't that brave yet but I guess turning five makes my son put on his big boy pants and go teaching ten year olds the word FUCK.
  • I have to shop over on the older boys section now.  I'm not okay with that.  Pants cost more, shirts are edgier, old lunch boxes are suddenly just not cool enough and now I have to buy special boxer briefs with certain designs because people are going to see them under his clothes??????  
  • Brandon knows about money now.  The after school program allows them to bring money for snacks and suddenly every 3 days he wants money because he NEEEEEEEDS popcorn at this place or extra  money to play games.  Because he will just die if I don't give him $5.00 to spend winning a .30 toy.
  • They just look old.  Codi is the age Brandon was when he was born.  Brandon might as well be in high school he looks so old.  Kid is breaking my heart.  Every day when I pick him up he is 5" taller and 3 years older.  I don't like it.  Why is it when I was 18 all I wanted was time to speed up so I could be 21.  When I was 15 it felt like 16 was four years away.  But now, I just finish cleaning up after a 4th birthday party and suddenly it's time for a 5th birthday party.  I DON'T LIKE IT.  I like watching Wubzy.  I don't like watching the big kid channel.  I don't like them being to cool for Elmo. Fuck I don't like them being too cool for me.  Brandon already doesn't want to hug me bye in front of his friends.  Codi already tells me to get out of his room and that I can't cuddle anymore.  What the fuck, I need like five more years of cuddling and these little shits are already daddies boys who are totally over mom.

Open note to time,


POP QUIZ
8.18.2010 - 3 comments

How many tattoos do I have now?



8.10.2010 - 0 comments


In need a vacation now
8.4.2010 - 3 comments

So. I would say the last 10 weeks or so have really kicked my ass.  Between my grandpa dying, thinking my family was making up to find out they were going to be bigger assholes, an adoption situation, an asshole tenant, literally not sleeping more then 3 hours at a time, and only sleeping with the help of valium, getting so worked up with kids and life that I actually started thinking smashing dishes against the wall sounded like the best idea in the world.  I'm not giving my husband the attention he deserves.  I'm yelling like crazy, I'm overwhelmed, preoccupied, angry, drained and lost in my head.  I lost a lot of income in the last month and went from putting away a lot of money to savings to being negative every week and being pay check to paycheck.


The most genius thing I ever learned
7.9.2010 - 9 comments

When I first got my iPhone I excitedly posted my first blog post from it while going pee in a restaurant bathroom.  It went something like, "I hate waiting in fucking lines at restaurants."


To leave it on a lighter note
6.24.2010 - 5 comments

After telling Codi to go put his shoes on and go finish getting dressed he stomped up the stairs, turned around and said;


A tribute
6.18.2010 - 11 comments

I promised you an update and I will do that soon.  For now, what I can tell you is, I never realized just how much I would miss all of you when I was going through something really shitty.  To summarize, I've spent the last 5 days at the hospital watching the grandfather that I stubbornly hadn't spoken to in two years deteriorate.  He has been unconscious the entire time which means he never got to hear me say I'm sorry, that I love him, that we are both totally bullheaded, hard headed and stubborn but he wins I give up and I'll say sorry first.  I learned one thing from him.  In fact it wasn't learned it was bread in my genes (aside from a raging temper, the need to be right, and being one stubborn son of a bitch) the art of cooking came from him.  He is the reason I don't use a recipe and on the off chance I do I always change it.  The reason I cook from taste.  He was the reason that for so many years I cooked every meal with love.  He is the reason my kitchen is full of All-Clad, Les Creuset and Wusthof.  The reason Henckle knives have been banned from my kitchen.  In fact, hes the reason I have fingers because he was the only person who could explain to me how NOT to cut them off while cutting a tomato. Needless to say I can't cook anything right now. I was able to walk in the kitchen long enough to get coffee but in the end I had to drive to the store at 730 this morning to buy a lunchable because packing Brandon's lunch was too much.


How to say goodbye
5.23.2010 - 25 comments

 This post has been a long time coming.  I'll go ahead and warn you ahead of time that I will say the words truth and honesty a lot in this post, so please don't tell me to get a thesaurus.  


NOTICE THE HAIR
5.20.2010 - 4 comments

THAT IS THE LAST TIME I LEAVE HIM ALONE WITH HIS SAFETY SCISSORS


Peep show
5.19.2010 - 3 comments

The next time I get the bright idea to only paint the toenails that will be visible through my peep toes....


Will resume as soon as the hang over is gone
5.17.2010 - 1 comment

Ouch....


It must be the alcohol
5.12.2010 - 7 comments

I'm pretty sure it is the mom in me, but, I cannot go to the bathroom with out shutting the door.  Even if I am home alone it is now instinct to shut AND LOCK the door.  Why?  Because four years of having some shit head little kid walk in while you are peeing can give a girl a complex.  And really, four years of having a kid walk in while you are changing your pad, and then ask if "you are changing your diaper" will really give you a complex.


Stupid little girl
5.11.2010 - 2 comments

I was thinking that next time I go to the gym I want to repeat the work out I did at my last training session.  Then I reread this and figured it might be better to go home have some vodka and stumble up and down my stairs calling it exercise then to ever do that again.


Give away results
5.10.2010 - 0 comments

Moved the give away post, Shannons in trouble post, and results here.  I have announced a winner so hurry up and go see.


Shannon gets in trouble...also, why the winner hasn't been announced yet
5.8.2010 - 5 comments

Live video blog of Shannon being a moron and discussing results delay can be found here


This girl is kicking your ass in the give away
5.4.2010 - 1 comment

This picture of her purse is kicking ass in the give away, I think she gets extra points for labeling each item on her flickr.  You all better get it together before she totally creams you!


How to get pink hair
5.2.2010 - 4 comments

 


Let's have a giveaway ($60.00 value)
5.1.2010 - 23 comments

 Recently I was contacted by a company called ******* asking if I would like to do a review or give away.  I browsed around there store and I was dumbfounded by all of the things they had.  Bar furniture, kids things, kitchen stuff, purses ugggg the list went on.  I had to close it when I got to the kid section because I started getting caught up in things like this (I don't even like bunk beds), and this (TRIPLE BUNK BEDS WHO KNEW!!!)  I got out of there and some how stumbled into housewares which somehow led me to the recycling bin area where I saw this..Just what I've always wanted a trash/recycle bin for my kitchen. I headed over to the hand bag area and that is when I found this ridiculously cute diaper clutch.  Right about then I knew I had to stop browsing because I DON'T USE DIAPERS MY KIDS ARE POTTY TRAINED!  I had all but made up my mind that I was taking that $60.00 and running.  But alas, I like you my dear readers so I am going to give it to you instead.  (Round of applause please)


Operation DUMBASS
4.30.2010 - 6 comments

I'm pretty sure somewhere in heaven God is laughing at me.  I carry a purse.  Inside my purse is my wallet.  Inside of my wallet is my little card case.


Parenting at its finest
4.29.2010 - 3 comments

Both of my kids are picky eaters.  Well Brandon isn't anymore but he used to be.  Both of my kids are also very skinny.  Brandon was in the 10th percentile for weight for almost three years and Codi spent a whole year in the 3rd percentile.  Their pediatrician was pretty clear on the matter:


It appears hell froze over
4.29.2010 - 4 comments


Correction
4.28.2010 - 2 comments

My husband got his panties in a bunch because I didn't mention his time on the Climb the Legacy thing.  Mr. Show off pants came in at 5:05, 23rd place out of 271 people.  Pretty fucking amazing huh?  I'm proud of him can't wait for next year when we both train harder. 


Post it note Tuesday
4.28.2010 - 2 comments


10:32
4.26.2010 - 5 comments


Heartbreaker
4.24.2010 - 2 comments

I keep everything.  By everything I mean EVERYTHING. The old calendars from my date books, letters, notes, you name it I have it.  I'll be the first to admit I cried a lot of tears over guys in high school BUT I'll also admit there is a reason they used to call me heartbreaker.  I wasn't always the fat crazy (maybe was crazy) girl I am now.  I used to be pretty hot.  I was just going through some pictures and I came across a ton of love letters from guys.  The humorous part is how many of them talk about loving me after I'd only known them for a week or so.  The extra funny part is how many of them are dated in the same week but from different guys.  I was kind of a player.  


At least the guy in the car thought it was funny
4.24.2010 - 3 comments

I don't know if I've mentioned that Codi is pretty much potty trained.  He wakes up dry every day but I'm mostly too nervous to let him sleep with out a diaper or pull up.  This mean he is really new to learning when and where to go potty.


Things I do that really annoy my husband
4.23.2010 - 9 comments

He will put a fresh hand/dish towel on the counter, and with out fail I will immedietly use it to wipe up some kind of spill and then put it back.  Drives him NUTS.


Sticky note Tuesday
4.20.2010 - 5 comments


My new totally fucking awesome hair
4.19.2010 - 12 comments

Isn't it so super rad?


Because my husband has the best mother in law ever
4.16.2010 - 5 comments

Today, since it was Friday my mom thought it would be nice to take my husband and his crew some lunch.


I don't see this coming to an end
4.15.2010 - 7 comments

As I've mentioned before Rob and I have this stupid deal going.  Until I reach my goal weight I cannot have anything carbonated and he can not have any food that comes from a drive through.  We both go through periods of hardship but his is the worst when he sees KFC.  This is yesterdays conversation, I don't forsee an end to this deal unless I magically lose 30 pounds huh?


Patty better love those fucking notebooks.
4.13.2010 - 11 comments

 A few weeks back I went to Target to get myself a couple new notebooks.  I always keep one in my car and one in my purse.  I bought these:


Sticky Note Tuesday
4.13.2010 - 3 comments


Add that to the list of things that really really really REALLY annoy the holy fucking shit out of me
4.12.2010 - 8 comments

I hate, hate, HATE when I go into a public restroom and there is a dirty toilet.  I don't know why but if I walk in a stall and there is pee already in the toilet I have to walk out.  


Then there is that
4.8.2010 - 5 comments

I forgot to mention the part where my trainer glanced down to see my New Moon bracelet and proceeded to spend the last 20 minutes of my work out saying,


Hows that now
4.7.2010 - 3 comments

Have you ever been totally drunk and then tried to blog?  That is how that last post was, only instead if drunk I was totally delusional from my training.  Here is what happened. 


If I'm typing my trainer hasn't killed me....yet
4.7.2010 - 0 comments

Next time I get the bright idea to change my training from a half hour session to an hour session someone please feel free to kick me in the teeth because I'm pretty sure that would hurt less then this.


Checking in
4.2.2010 - 8 comments

I hate having to get all serious and shit with you guys, but periodically I have to, in order to give you an accurate update. I’ve been off the Lithium and Lamictal for a while now. I can tell you, that was a huge mistake. I can’t believe the difference. It was huge. Vivid. Worse then a pink elephant in a room, try a pink skyscraper with flashing lights and blaring music. I want to take you back a few months to a talk Rob and I had.

Rob has never really understood medicine. In fact a few people in my life haven’t. I think for people who aren’t going through what I am, understanding the necessity of it is hard. Rob has always said, “If you don’t want to be sad then don’t, mind over matter.” That would be easy if I had a brain that functioned like an average human. He has also always said he worried the medications were dangerous. Are they? Sure. Are the medications he takes for certain things dangerous? YUP. I always countered back asking him if he missed the person I was before the meds. Somehow in his mind he had kind of blocked it. He says he’s been with me for nine years and that is just the person he knows. I can’t begin to tell you how sad that makes me feel, to know that my husband thinks living with an insane person is normal. No one should find living with me normal. I told him I didn’t miss being the yelly screamy mom. The mom who became unhinged with a little question or spill or sneeze. I did not miss that. Again, he seemed to have blocked it out.

This past two weeks have been a bit of a reality check for him. When I came down off the medication I came down hard and fast. It was instant. He didn’t get a grace period. There was no time to ease back into the crazy lady it was just gone one day and BAMN it was there the next morning. I crumbled pretty fast. Very fast. Of course the first thing I did was self medicate. I bought some wine and had that after work knowing it would ease the tension in my head. Only that caused new tension because now I was drinking again and that was bad. He saw that too and commented on that. He saw me crumble nightly and he handled me with such care. I will never forget the night when he just grabbed my face and looked me right in the eyes and said, “Shannon I love you okay, I love you. I just need you to know I love you and I need you to be okay.” That was hard. It was hard knowing I had this man who would do anything for me, and having two kids who loved me unconditionally and I couldn’t function well enough to give that back to them.

I had been trying to see my doctor but he can’t see me until April 25th. My new insurance doesn’t have a single doctor available so I found myself at a crossroads. I was stuck. I had been hounding my doctors receptionist for a cancellation appointment and finally I just asked her to have the doctor call me. He did and about two minutes into the conversation he knew I was bad off. He asked if I wanted to go back on the Lamictal since it wouldn’t mess with my weight and it gave me energy. I said YES PLEASE NOW PLEASE HOW ABOUT YESTERDAY. He had a starter pack put at the front desk for me right away, luckily that will run out right in time for my next appointment. I think he was happy this happened, it was a learning experience for me. When he said I could go off with no fight thought that just meant it was okay, but now I see he needed me to learn that the medicine was actually doing me some good.

I’ve started back on the Lamictal. The hard part is it will take four weeks to be up to a useful dose. Which means I’m stuck in this darkness for another month. It doesn’t help that shit seems to seek me out when I’m in a fragile unguarded state like this. So many family things crept up this last month and handling it is near impossible. Very unlike myself this time I kind of just walked away from it. I sort of just shut it all down and pretended none of it existed. I wasn’t going to even attempt to sort it out or deal with it so I just put it on a shelf and I’ve decided I’ll maybe revisit it all when I get my head right again.

In the mean time my husband is being very patient with me. I kind of disconnected and I’ve picked a few fights (but he’s said some stupid things) and I’ve made it a hard couple weeks. I went to take a shower the other day and he popped up in there and asked if he could come in since we were low on hot water. He just kept asking if I was okay, if we were okay, and I am and we are, or, I will be and we will be. Again he just hugged me and told me how much he loves me. I think I’m lucky I ended up with someone like him. I can’t imagine going through all of this with another kind of man. Not all men would be willing to stick it out like he does. But it’s possible that he just loves me more then some husbands love their wives. Being married to him has often been a stabilizing force in my life. Knowing in the back of my head that I found someone that I actually belong with helps because it makes it so I never lose site of the fact that I do belong here, I need to be here.

Once again I find myself happy that my kids are young. I don’t want them to remember these phases. I hope from now on I can just stay on my medicine and be that good mom I was when Brandon was first born. I want to be the mom all the kids love. I want my boys to bring his friends to my house. I don’t want them to feel like they have to hide me.

I am also hopeful my head will get back in the gym. I’ve been going but not as whole hearted as before. I do my cardio but I’ve pretty much put my weights in the shitter. I have reasons of course, “I need to concentrate on losing pounds before I worry about muscle,” “ There is no reason to build muscle if you can’t see it under the fat.” I can’t wait to be back on a full dose of this medicine because that is what helped me kick ass at the gym. It made me crave the gym, want the weights, want to go every day, strive for 4-5 days a week. I hope so much that it will do the same this time and I will be back in action soon.

I am glad that I have hope. I’m glad that I haven’t been off the medicine so long that I forgot how good it was. I told Rob the other day that one of the hardest parts of coming down is the fact that I can remember how great every thing was only weeks ago yet it is nearly impossible to go back to where I was and it’s like a teaser reel playing over and over in my head.

As always I’ll keep you all up to date. I’m doing my best. Taking it day by day. Trying to shut my mouth when my husband sends me a warning glance because I’m being an asshole to the boys. Trying to pretty much avoid anything that will cause me to either become a belligerent jerk off or run home crying like a two year old. I’m trying. Trying is all I can do right now, and I’m doing it. Wish me luck.


I want money, a whoooole lotta money
4.1.2010 - 4 comments

So.  GInger donated to my Fight for Climb this morning.


Fuck the wine, bring the vodka
3.31.2010 - 3 comments


There isn't a big enough glass of wine
3.31.2010 - 3 comments

"Mom, come see what Codi did with the white stuff!"


My ass can't climb those stairs alone
3.30.2010 - 1 comment


Sticky Note Tuesday
3.30.2010 - 1 comment


Bad plan
3.29.2010 - 3 comments

Bad plan: Going off meds


Fight for Air...You want to climb how many stairs?
3.26.2010 - 0 comments


This...right here is why I'm selling that bike
3.26.2010 - 3 comments

Due to certain circumstances I have come into possession of a few spinning bikes.  Because I don't want them I put them on Craigslist.  EVERY SINGLE person who has come to see them has asked me why I am selling them.  I mutter something like, "I had an incident with a spin bike," or "me and spin bikes just don't get along."  When the truth is I think I should just print out my very first spinning post and attach it to the bike. Or perhaps I should put it in my Craigslist ad, then people will understand why those fuckers are up for sale.  So, in honor of the bikes, from my archives I present:


See, now she looks like the geeky Twilight Mom
3.26.2010 - 0 comments

Katie bought me an Easter present.  All I know is I'm glad she bought it because now she looks like the Twi-hard mom while I reap the benefits.  I heart you Katie!


What we deal with here at work all day
3.25.2010 - 0 comments


Ode to insurance...or...why I want to rip their head off and shit in their neck
3.23.2010 - 5 comments

I know I know, it feels like everyone complains about insurance. Which is why I never have but y'all this time I've had it.  I've always been insured by my work which means I'm used to good insurance.  It was expensive as fuck but it had set prices.  None of this 80/20 shit, or deductible, or out of pocket IT WAS A SET FEE. You wanted surgery $500.00 wham bam thank you ma'am.  When my husband moved to his current job, to save my boss about $1,200.00 a month I moved onto his insurance, since I wasn't having babies anymore insurance shouldn't be an issue.  


Yeah...I'm a Twilight mom
3.21.2010 - 6 comments

Stupid Showtime and their stupid all day showing of Twilight.  I CAN NOT STOP WATCHING.  Which then makes me really really upset that New Moon is way out of my budget right now.  But more then that it really pisses me off that Eclipse is so far away. While I'm bitching can I just mention that Breaking Dawn isn't even set to start filming until November meaning we probably won't even get to see the fucking movie until about 2030.  Stupid fucking Summit.  And, since I'm on the complaint trail Stephanie Meyers is a total asshole for not finishing Midnight Sun and the rest of that series.  ASSHOLE!


Strawberry shortcake bites
3.20.2010 - 1 comment

And then I died and went to Heaven...while watching trashy movies on HBO.


Who gave me cable
3.20.2010 - 1 comment

I had a mild argument with Dish Network the other day.  By mild I mean I got put on the do not transfer, do not help, do not talk to list.  Finaly after putting some sugar in my voice I got through to someone who gave me three months of free HBO and Showtime.  Let me tell you that I haven't had HBO or Showtime in probably 5 years.  So I get all excited come home and, what the fuck these channels are garbage.  TRASH.  What happened to good movies.  


Redemption mother fuckers
3.17.2010 - 6 comments

From this


Treasures from your past
3.17.2010 - 4 comments

I was just reading Lorie's blog when I saw this post.  I could not believe it.  I have that strainer.  


But she sure loved pie
3.16.2010 - 4 comments

I'm not here right now.  You see I died yesterday.  Time of death: approximately 4:45 when trainer made me do third set of rotating back extensions.  If I didn't die I'm sure I would be very sore this morning. In fact I'd probably be crippled.  I would maybe even need some one to drive me around and ice cream to ice my knees from the inside.  But I don't need any of that because I died.  Go write my obituary now, make sure to include, "but she loved pie," after anything bad you might say.  That's all, I have to go eat worms now, that's what dead people do right?


Hey good looking, whatcha got cookin, how bout cooking something up for me
3.15.2010 - 2 comments

I may be fat but I'm pretty sure I'm still good lookin, and I hope you now have that song stuck in your head.  Here are a few things I made the last few days.  There is more but I got lazy with the uploading so this is all you get.  SO THERE!  And just in case you didn't click the link I went ahead and added the song to my blog.  Because yes, I'm that awesome that I listen to Hank Williams.


Sometimes royally fucking up in the kitchen makes you a fucking genius
3.15.2010 - 3 comments

Before you diss my pictures please know, I was on my husbands camera, and even if it turned out excellent doesn't mean it turned out pretty!


Good marketing
3.12.2010 - 2 comments

Local burger joints new advertisement ploy to get customers.


Because God is punishing me
3.10.2010 - 4 comments

So I decided not to go to the gym tonight.  Rob wasn't going to but his friends at work made him feel guilty.  While I was here alone holding down the fort with the two shit heads God paid me back ten fold for not going to the gym.  


Post-It Note Tuesday
3.9.2010 - 2 comments

I stole this from Patty


In case you are participating in Lent
3.9.2010 - 0 comments

 


Quick chicken (or veggie) Pot Pie
3.8.2010 - 0 comments

 


Here I go again on my own
3.8.2010 - 3 comments

Friday on the way to the gym with Rob I told him how I had been Googling (is this even a fucking word?) all of my meds and that I found out that Lithium has a few side effects I don’t like I always knew it was a drug that could cause weight gain, I just didn’t know why. Turns out, for some reason it gives you increase appetite and thirst. I laughed out loud because the day before I was telling my mom I am NEVER full. At least now I understood. I had been telling my friends the hunger was like pregnancy. FEED ME OR DIE PEOPLE. Aside from that, it had the obvious side effect of being kind of sedating. So add 20lbs of food and a new habit of putting the treadmill down to 3.0 instead of 5.0 or 4.0 or even 3.5 and you’ve got FAT ASS! I didn’t weigh myself for almost a month. I wanted to see what would happen. Would I lose more weight if I wasn’t stressing on numbers? Well it was impossible to tell because the day I stopped weighing in was the day I increased my meds. I told Rob I felt like I was at a loss here, was losing weight so important that I would possibly go off my meds? Was gaining weight so upsetting that it was counteracting the good my meds were doing?


Look what Codi did
3.7.2010 - 2 comments

"Mom look what Codi did"


Archives
3.4.2010 - 3 comments

Sometimes I scroll through my archives lookin for a picture when I come upon a post from my old blog that still makes me giggle.  I found one of those posts and I've decided to share it with you.  The setting is Christmas 2008 Shannon very drunk on peppermint schnopps and hot cocoa (snugglers) when my iPod started playing some groovy high school beats.  Next thing you know my drunk ass was doing cheerleading jumps in my living room. Notice in the first edition of this post that I did not mention the fact that my hot cocoa all had about a half a cup of liquor in it...guess I left that out huh? So, I present to you, from my archives, REGULATORS!


Dear Codi
3.2.2010 - 7 comments

THIS!   IS!   NOT!   WHAT!   WE!   DO!   WITH!   SCISSORS!


Why Steve Jobs has officially been added to my list of five
2.28.2010 - 5 comments

**If you don't know who Steve Jobs is, your a fucktard (thank you Jen Lancaster for a new favorite word), so here, learn about my new #4 Steve Jobs.


You've been warned Reno (and yeah, I just admitted that thing about my thighs)
2.26.2010 - 5 comments

 I'm done with winter Reno. Look.  10 Days ago I was parading around in a tank top and flip flops.  The next morning fucking snow boots, long pants and jackets.  I'm not impressed Reno.  I am ready to spend the summer days in my little room with the windows open letting in the fresh air and warmth.  I DO NOT enjoy having to leap through puddles and snow banks to get into my room.  The middle of this week things were a little better.  I didn't need seventeen layers including my Eskimo undies just to go outside.  And then this!


Send me your recipes
2.25.2010 - 4 comments


Overheard tonight at the gym
2.24.2010 - 4 comments

At our gym we have two kinds of treadmill.  The normal kind that you get on and go and then another kind that has these little foot pads on the side of them.  When you get on, you tell it the time you want to be on and then it asks you to step on the pads and it puts your weight into the machine so it can calculate your calories.  So I'm chugging along on the treadmill reading my book when two women get on the machines next to me.  And then I hear:


Where did you get that dish
2.24.2010 - 0 comments

I have gotten a few questions regarding the baking dish I posted below.  It is by BIA Bakeware and it is part of their wavy collection.


Mexican Lasagna
2.23.2010 - 5 comments

Head over here to see the receipe


LIttle pink book
2.21.2010 - 12 comments

My Google Reader and I are having a bit of a beef.  Sometimes it tells me links aren't valid, sometimes it doesn't update, and sometimes it is too full of the same ole shit.  So.  I would like for all of you to send me the link to your blog.  If you think I read you, know I read you, or want me to read you, leave it here.  It is time to update my reader.  I want to get rid of all those blogs who never update, or the ones who are gone.  Make sure they are right too.  I had someone leave me a link to their website the other day to get an award and it said not valid.  I always click out of the reader, so if you have ads I will see them.  Okay, that's all.  Ready, set GO, leave me those blog links!


I might not get to spend a lot of time in there, but I can still make a mess
2.21.2010 - 6 comments

(Forgive the photo quality I was using my husbands point and shoot and apparently I have totally forgotten how to work those little things)


A whole two hours
2.21.2010 - 2 comments

 I had big plans for this weekend.  I was going to clean a little house and then spend the rest of the day in my little room sewing and crafting and shit.  I had a few people request my little sandwich lunchmabobs and I was excited to get some new fabric and get started.  Maybe if I make some, and then don't suck too bad I could put some on Etsy and make a couple bucks.  I did the cleaning and then headed to the fabric store which...bad idea.  i might as well have been at a shoe and jean store when I was a size 2 little hottie in high school.  I lapped the store about 89 times before leaving an hour and forty minutes later.  Finally I made it home, slammed down some dinner and headed out.  About an hour into it I started getting texts that Codi wanted me.  Finally after about two hours I gave up and had to come in.  I told myself it was okay because I had all of Sunday (today).  Not so much.  Why?


The story of a project
2.17.2010 - 11 comments

Brandon has developed a certain love for cheeseburgers lately.  Specifically cheeseburgers ketchup only, with bacon on the side.  About two weeks ago I pick him up from school and he says, and I quote,


It is about fucking time Walmart
2.16.2010 - 5 comments

For the last year I've been mad at Walmart.  Look, I know they are in the business to make money, and I understand their whole bigger is better, bulk, giant, buy more, spend money woohoo outlook.  But what really really REALLY gets on my nerves is is their super monster fucking shopping carts.  First of all, when I'm doing a normal shopping trip I somehow find myself feeling like I have to fill it up.  The time I have an actual problem is when I just need to run in for a few things.  I obviously can't carry it all, but getting a giant brontosaurus sized shopping cart is just too much.  WHY can't they just have a normal little hand basket like the rest of the stores.


You are all traitors
2.13.2010 - 7 comments

Why on earth did no one tell me about the movie "The Time Travelers wife?"  I'm only twenty minutes into it and I'm already all choked up.  Why why why did no one warn me.  I thought this was going to be some movie about old people or something but NOOOOOO it's a fucking love story that makes me want to cry every ten seconds.  Next year.  Please, from now on I'm going to need a warning when this kind of shit comes on demand.  Kthx! 


Serious
2.13.2010 - 5 comments

The next time I try to go to the hair stylist I need you to come with me okay bloggy buddies!  That means Patty you need to be ready to hop a flight on a moments notice when I need a quick trim, or Mathers  you better be prepared for a long drive to hold my hand there.


Quiz part two (hint: there is a $10.00 Starbucks card waiting for the winner)
2.8.2010 - 6 comments

 1. I am making a soy nut butter and jelly sammich, what flavor jelly do I use?


A few of my favorite Superbowl Commercials
2.8.2010 - 1 comment


And suddenly I seem so very very normal
2.4.2010 - 13 comments

 My cousin sent me this link from our local paper today.


Is this bad parenting?
2.4.2010 - 3 comments

Codi is sick.  He's had a fever between 101 ad 103.7 for the last three days now.  At first he wouldn't eat but my mom and I got creative.  In the last 24 hours Codi has eaten:



2.1.2010 - 1 comment

Have you ever found a song so perfect for yourself or someone that you can’t help but feel like it was created just for you?


In which you leave here more annoyed then you came
1.31.2010 - 5 comments

For the last four days my husband and I have been going round and round with songs stuck in our head.  The other night I intentionally started singing one because I just knew it would get to him.  I was right, the next morning he woke up so pissed off because he had been singing it all night. 


You are very lucky ice cream people
1.30.2010 - 4 comments

 


Did that really just happen? Can people actually be nice?
1.27.2010 - 5 comments

Last week I ordered Brandon a cute new lunch box.  I was tired of his metal one.  It was fine when he was little but now that he is older and I need to cram a lot more stuff into it I knew a taller more flexible one was in order.  I've been eyeing this Mackenzie Retro lunch box for months now and I kept talking myself out of buying it.  


Why yes I am a fucking idiot
1.26.2010 - 10 comments

 Lets do a science project mkay.


The story of a tattoo
1.24.2010 - 4 comments

Okay.  I will tell you this story if you PROMISE NOT TO LAUGH AT ME.  Capeesh.


Chicken and mushroom pockets
1.23.2010 - 0 comments

 


New ink
1.23.2010 - 4 comments

 


I thought I was past all this hormonal shit
1.22.2010 - 3 comments

**News Flash** 


An open letter to the assholes in the ice cream industry
1.17.2010 - 7 comments

Every year around this time you ice cream guys have a moment of genius and release the line of GIRL SCOUT COOKIE ICE CREAMS.  Of course this includes the Thin Mint ice cream.  Other wise known as the closest thing to a food orgasm that mankind knows.  My favorite part about it all is that you were awesome enough to make it in slow churn too.


It's delurking week
1.15.2010 - 23 comments


My mom asked me to update you all on the boys
1.12.2010 - 7 comments

And this about sums up how they are doing


Thorn in my side
1.10.2010 - 3 comments

Or rather a rock in my shoe.  Have you ever been walking and felt a rock in your shoe?  Twice in the last seven days this has happened to me and TWICE I couldn't find the fucking rock.  Last week I had a rock in my gym shoe.  About the size of a half grain of rice.  I got on the treadmill hoping I would be able to ignore the rock.  I made it through the walk but when it was time to lift weights the rock was driving me nuts.  I sat down on a weight bench and took off my shoe.  I shook and shook and shook my shoe and nothing came out.  At that point I thought maybe there was no rock, my there was a thread or something out of place in my shoe.  I put it back on, took one step and there was the goddamn fucking rock.  So, I sat back down took off my shoe and shook and shook again.  This time I whacked the bottom of my shoe hoping maybe the rock was stuck and it would loosen.  Again no fucking rock.  I gave up and for three days that rock bothered me and then one day IT WAS JUST GONE! 


Share with me your very odd fears
1.9.2010 - 23 comments

Last night making dinner I was shredding cheese and like always I caught my finger nail in it.  I told my husband and he replied, "yeah I'm afraid of those things." I kind of played it off like that was totally normal but this morning while I was loading the dishwasher I found myself laughing pretty loudly at the absurdity of being afraid of a cheese grater.  Now OBVIOUSLY I can't talk because I'm afraid of pretty much everything (water glasses, grass etc), but that doesn't mean I can't laugh at his ass. 


It's been a while since I did this post
1.8.2010 - 1 comment

Some people like to do the game where they type in their name plus NEEDS in a google search engine and see what pops up, then post it. 


Suddenly my Jell-o arms don't seem so bad
1.6.2010 - 6 comments

My cousin just sent me this....and suddenly my body seems like a super model


Your body is a wonder land...mine is more like a produce isle **UPDATED**
1.4.2010 - 12 comments

 


You guys are going to be SO mad at me
12.29.2009 - 18 comments

First of all I want to say thank you for all of the concerned comments and e-mails.  I had no idea I was loved this much.  I do need to tell you more though before Jiff has a fucking coronary and Laine punches me in the eye.  I can't tell you how many worried texts and e-mails I got from people thinking Rob and I were getting divorced because of my previous post.  By the way my husband says SHAME ON YOU for thinking we would break up, and that we would do it at Christmas.  But whooo boy I sure know not to leave you guys hanging like that again huh, you all think the worst...Sorry guys.


Bravery
12.27.2009 - 13 comments

I might be the only one brave enough to rock a New Moon hat on the way to the grocery store at 10am.


And then it just stopped
12.21.2009 - 7 comments

My mom took my car to Carson twice last week and my shiny white car came back  black.  I tolerated it for a few days but this morning I was done.  I needed it washed.  I went through one of those touchless washes for a $5.00 wash.  I pulled in and the little thingie started shooting the water and soap all over my car.  It went towards the back of my car and then....it just stopped.  I sat there for a minute thinking maybe there was a small power glitch or something and that maybe it would come back.  NOPE.  So I'm sitting here, my windows covered in soap wondering what the hell just happeend.  I pulled out, drove around and found an attendent.  He told me that somehow I had put my car in park about an inch too far from the sensor so after it went back the first time it just up and decided my car was gone and stopped.  WHAT THE SHIT!  He ended up getting me a new wash but seriously how does a fucking car wash thing just stop?  I felt like such a tool just sitting there waiting, especially since I found out that he had known and was just watching me sit there and waiting to see how long it would take for me to figure out what happened.  Awesome.


You should all feel very sorry for me
12.18.2009 - 5 comments

Breaking News


Finally someone else as demented as me
12.14.2009 - 10 comments

From the very first time I read the Twilight saga I have only  had one question.  Just ONE.  I've asked my friends who thought I was over thinking it, I asked my husband who didn't want to hear it, I pretty much asked everyone and they all thought I was wacko.  But then the other day, reading Kat's blog I found another person as demented as me. 


It can't really be Christmas yet
12.13.2009 - 3 comments

I am failing at Christmas this year.  Want proof?


I broke three nails for this
12.12.2009 - 3 comments

Rob and I don't eat out often.  For a few reasons; 1. We don't like to spend the money, 2. we are working out and trying to eat healthy and 3. we don't like to spend the money.  Tonight after the gym though we were both tired and neither of us felt like making dinner. We hemmed and hawwed about dinner and decided to go home and have egg sandwiches.  However when we got home I was reminded that we had no mayo in the house.  There went my delicious sandwich.  I had been craving Port of Subs and Wing Stop sounded good to Rob so we decided to each take a little money from our personal fun accounts and get dinner.  I left to grab the food and as I was driving I remembered Rob saying he had no ice cream last night.  Since the wing place and the sandwich place were in the same center as Smiths I figured why not, what a nice surprise for him.  There was still time left until his wings were ready so I meandered over there and parked.  I opened my door, grabbed my wallet and stepped out only to IMMEDIATELY fall on my ass in the parking lot.  Yes.  I slipped, feet right out from under me in slow motion and landing on my ass IN MUD.  My wallet flew into more mud and my keys flew under the car.  So, I had to grab my wallet, roll over, reach under my car to grab my keys, pick up the wallet that I dropped again and then stand up while trying to maintain my dignity.  I looked around and luckily no one had seen.  Then I realized I had broken three nails.  The frustrating part of that is they were long so they broke all jagged and weird.  The more frustrating part is that I can NOT handle my nails like this I must clip them.  Since I obviously didn't have any nail clippers in my workout pants I found myself fidgeting with my fingers.  I kept poking them to feel the weird break, putting them in my mouth wishing I knew how to chew nails, and then fidgeting some more.


Fact
12.9.2009 - 0 comments

It is very hard to answer your phone at work with a beenie on.


And now I am a twelve year old
12.7.2009 - 7 comments

When Rob's parents were here for Brandons birthday they bought us a Wii to replace the one that was stolen at our old house.  We only had one game this time, the sport one.  Rob saw a new Mario game and my eyes lit up.  I had to have that game.  This weekend my mom went to Winnemucca to help take kids who can't afford a Christmas shopping at Walmart.  As a present she brought me back the Mario game. 


Musical Mashup
12.4.2009 - 0 comments

You know.  Most of the time when you get in someones car and they plug in their iPod it is a little predictable.  It's obvious whose iPod will be full of rap and R&B, who will be dedicated to only country, and whose iPod will be full of nothing but teeny bopper club shit.


Oblivious
12.3.2009 - 4 comments

A few weeks back my husband said something that really struck a cord with me. I asked him if he ever thought about what would happen if we broke up. He said no. I was stunned. I asked again, "well obviously when we fight it has to have crossed your mind right, I mean you have never thought about what would happen with the kids, the house etc." And he said no. Summarizing he said that he married me because he knew I was the one he wanted to be with forever. I know a few people reading this blog will find me naive but, I love knowing he feels that way. It seems like it is never the man who feels that. He said even when we fight it's never crossed his mind to leave. Somehow in his head he just knows we are meant to be together.


At least I wasn't the only one who fucked up on Thanksgiving
12.2.2009 - 2 comments

This year my mom decided she was going to bake pumpkin pies.  I was pretty shocked because A: she doesn't really cook (she has been lately), and B: the extent of her baking is cookies.  Wait, that isn't true, she does make some very...ummm, adult looking gingerbread cookies.


Dear husband, Next time rethink the free toilet paper
11.26.2009 - 4 comments

About a month ago my husband texts me saying that his work is getting rid of a big box of toilet paper.


What my son is thankful for IN ORDER!
11.25.2009 - 5 comments

Yesterday in class Brandon's teacher had them write what they were thankful for.  I was sitting there with him and here is what he came up with, and in the order he came up with them.


Chicken Tortilla Casserole
11.24.2009 - 4 comments

This is what we had for dinner...low fat and low cal (unless you cook it like me)


Am I the only one who finds this so so so so so wrong?
11.23.2009 - 3 comments

Am I the only one who notices something so very wrong with this?


Thank You
11.22.2009 - 6 comments

When Ginger and I were little my mom got us hooked on the vianetta ice cream


HERO MAKER
11.21.2009 - 4 comments

Since I am smart enough to know that you don't always visit the food blog I thought I would show you this here, I call this, "four year old french toast," or the "HERO MAKER."
 
Four year old french toast The other morning Brandon wanted french toast but I had no eggs. I hemmed and hawed for a while until I spotted the graham crackers. And low, the best french toast ever was born. (Yield one serving) 1 whole graham cracker mashed 1/4 cup milk 1.5 tsp cinnamon 1 tbsp sugar 2 tbsp sugar 1 tbsp butter .25 tsp vanilla extract 1 slice Wonder Bread (yes, if I am making this ghetto of a breakfast only Wonder Bread will work) First you put the graham cracker in a bag and pulverize it. Pour that on a plate and put .5 tsp of cinnamon and .5 tbsp sugar in it. Stir it up. On a second plate ad milk, .5 tsp cinnamon, vanilla and remaining sugar. Mix it up. Pour your syrup in a microwave safe bowl, add cinnamon and butter and nuke for about 15 seconds. Stir it up until butter is good an mixed in. Pre-heat non stick pan to about medium low. Quickly dunk bread in your cinnamon milk mixture and then roll both sides in your graham cracker concoction. Spray your pan with nonsick spray and away we go. I flipped mine about four times so it didn't burn and got super crispy. When you are done, cut it up and pour your sinful buttery syrup right over the top. Then watch the look on your four year olds face when his taste buds explode. Now. I'm sure your asking why I put butter in the syrup. The answer is, IT TASTE GOOD. When I was small and I would eat Eggos (remember I said I'm ghetto) I always loved to find the buttery part of my waffle and swirl it in the syrup making a buttery syrup to dunk the rest in. Try it, and then comment below to tell me I'm right Mmmkay! Next. Graham crackers on french toast PURE GENIUS. It was so crispy and cinnamony that I almost stole Brandons breakfast and ran away. My favorite part of this, your kid can totally help you. Then can mash, and mix, and dunk and roll. Basically they only need you for the hot pan part. So, why are you still here, go make your kids the best breakfast ever so you can be a hero mom for a day!


About how I feel the morning after the midnight showing of New Moon
11.20.2009 - 1 comment


Free
11.20.2009 - 0 comments

Anyone in the Reno, Sparks, Carson area might want to pass on this link


Maybe I shouldn't mention this
11.18.2009 - 2 comments

Have you ever picked a booger so big you were worried you might have pulled out your nose ring?


Oy Vey
11.18.2009 - 4 comments

I have to shave my legs before I wash them


Letters from the crypt
11.16.2009 - 8 comments

Dear self,


My special little boys
11.13.2009 - 2 comments

So...one of them likes fairy wings and the other one loves lip gloss. Aren't my boys special?


Note to Codi
11.12.2009 - 3 comments

Please stop pushing on my boobs and then saying HONK.


It is like reliving pregnancy
11.12.2009 - 5 comments

A few weeks ago my husband sends me this article from Yahoo Health. It basically trashed soda, carbonation and sweeteners. He subtly hinted that I shouldn't have carbonated drinks anymore.  Then when I said how hard it was he would say, "it's up to you if you want it have it," (read: If you do you are a massive fail who is trying to kill themself slowly and if you stay fat it's your fault so don't come crying to me.) Then he went from subtle to basically putting me on restriction from then until I reached my goal weight, hoping by then I won't want it. To make this point he found every carbonated off limits drink in our house and poured it right down the drain in front of me. ASSHOLE. Obviously to get back at him I put the kibosh on him eating any place with a drive through. (Which he promptly found a way around the very next day and still managed to get a greasy ass burrito in the morning. Basically I was left being allowed to drink water, tea, juice and coffee. I hate juice so that was out, and coffee makes me sick now, so, I am left with WATER AND TEA! I do drink milk but only in the form of chocolate milk and only if I'm sick or sometimes at dinner so that doesn't count.


It's like I'm living my life in a Miley Cyrus song
11.8.2009 - 6 comments

For the last week and a half I've been searching for a song.  I was driving down the road one day when this song came on.  At first I was like, "this song sucks."  But then the longer I listened the more I started bopping and moving and before I knew it the music was blasting and I was full out club dancing in my car.  The only thing I could remember from the song was that at some point it said "Pitbull."


I might never eat again
11.4.2009 - 13 comments

A few months ago Rob and I were watching Diners Drive Ins and Dives and Guy went to some place that had these amazing make your own s'mores.  Later in that episode he went to an ice cream place.  I commented to Rob that I could have an entire weekend surrounded by nothing but food.  While we were watching Rob was texting the whole time and I was getting really pissed off.  I kept asking who he was texting that was so important he couldn't watch TV with me.  He shot me a dirty look and kept texting.


Make your best guess
10.30.2009 - 7 comments

Have I told you yet that my husband is taking me on a secret birthday trip?  Well he is.  This is all I know so far;
We are going to San Francisco.


Oh no she didn't
10.29.2009 - 7 comments

My smart ass cousin Lisa thought it would be funny to put this in my bag of birthday presents.


Its like my birthday has come early
10.28.2009 - 1 comment

Today's CVS savings


At least I am a super amazing discount shopper right
10.27.2009 - 0 comments

So. About the last gym visit. I met with the trainer for my first actual training session. I kind of expected to go over the equipment and get a simple routine. I showed up and immediately we began going over strength exercises. I was taking my time listening and learning what he said. He had me try each thing a few times. Next thing I know he says, “come on, hurry up we’ve got a lot to learn here.” Nine exercises later he tells me, “Okay I’m going to time you, I want to see how fast you can do fifteen reps of all of the things I showed you, one after another GO”


Things that totally get under my skin
10.22.2009 - 14 comments

First! You all fail.  You were just supposed to know better then to say ketchup on meatloaf.  We are blogger friends I thought we had some kind of telekinetic bond where you could just read my mind.  The reason for the question.  Every time I make meatloaf it just makes sense to me that you would put gravy on it.  To my husband it makes sense to put ketchup on it.  Which, okay if you want your meatloaf to taste like a hamburger FINE.  My problem isn't with the ketchup it is with the 500 cups of ketchup he douses it in.  After going back and fourth for a while he told me to ask you.  AND YOU ALL TOOK HIS SIDE YOU BIG JERKS.  You didn't just say ketchup, but there were tons of you saying SLATHERED, DRENCHED, SOAKED.  Rubbish!  So, now my husband is walking around all puffed up being like "hahahah I told you so, even your blogger buddies can't protect you."  And I'm all "Watch it buddy I will so punch you in your nose."


Please settle the dispute between the hubs and I
10.19.2009 - 21 comments

You are eating a big plate of meatloaf, what do you put on top of it?


Is she still talking about the gym?
10.16.2009 - 8 comments

Turns out the other day wasn't my assessment.  It was an orientation, my official assessment is Monday.  My husband had his today and was sure to tell me what it included.  First, I will need to do push ups until my arms give up, okay mark me down for two of those bad boys.  Then I need to do sit ups until I can't anymore.  I'll tell him I will sit up if he puts a donut in front of me.  Of course they are going to pinch all of my skin which just sounds awesome right?


Guilty as charged
10.13.2009 - 17 comments

I am so guilty. I am…AN UNSHOPPER! Dun dun dun. Do you do this? You know what I mean. You get to the store, try really hard to stick to your list but of course a few treats or other things you “need” slip in the cart. Then, by the end of the trip you find yourself digging around in your cart pulling stuff out you can’t afford. I am notorious for this. I once with shopping to Sams Club with some friends for my husbands birthday party . I picked up a big bag of cups, then 15 feet away I found a better deal on cups so I put them in my cart, pulled the other bag out and stuffed it in the spot I was. One of the people I was with gave me a look of total and utter disgust. She picked up the cups and ran back placing them exactly where they belonged, neatly stacked with the rest. The remainder of the trip was spent with me putting stuff in the cart, going two isles over and finding something that was a better price, or tastier, and removing what was in my cart only to have this girl pick it up, run five isles over and put it right back in it’s spot.


Letters from the gym
10.7.2009 - 12 comments

Dear parking garage.  I drive a big huge SUV which I happen to love.  Do you think it would possible to make your parking spots and fucking smaller so I have to drive all the way to the top of the garage until I find an actual space that doesn't look like it was made for a bicycle.  Do you know what kind of anxiety I get when I try and pull into a parking spot and worry that I'm going take out someone's entire car?


WORK SHIT
10.6.2009 - 3 comments

Dear Shannon,


Winner winner chicken dinner
10.6.2009 - 3 comments

The winner of the BBQ sauce is Rene.


The ultimate form of not sharing
10.5.2009 - 6 comments

Codi wasn't letting Brandon have his game for nuthin


Nerdasses
10.4.2009 - 2 comments

Not sure I ever showed you guys pics of my boys totally geeking out


I'm going to piss my pants soon
10.3.2009 - 15 comments

My husband went out of town yesterday, my parents took the kids so I could have a whole day to myself.  I had no car because Rob took mine and my mom had his so she could drive around the kids.  Somehow I convinced my Ginger to take me to the gym and work out with me.  We left around 3:30 and before I knew it after working out, swimming, dicking around in the hot tub and eating dinner it was after 7 when I got home.  This means it WAS DARK.  Some of you might know I have an eensy little phobia of the dark.  It got worse.  I walked in and realized I hadn't alarmed the house.  I wasn't expecting to be gone so long so I didn't even think about it.  However, coming home, in the dark to an unarmed house WAS NOT OKAY.  I immediately decided someone was in the house.  I turned on the living room and kitchen lights and that was as far as I went.  I wouldn't go in my husbands room because it was dark and a killer could be there.  I couldn't go to the bathroom there because it was near his room.  I couldn't lock the garage because it was near there.  I didn't want to go upstairs because it was dark and the killer could be in the boys shower, or my room, or my bathroom, or closet or the boys rooms.  So I froze on the couch and told Rob it was good I was home alone so they boys didn't get killed.  


Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce
10.2.2009 - 8 comments

A while back ago I was contacted by Country Bobs asking if I would review their sauce.  I agreed and I was sent two bottles, one to try and one to give away.  


Paying it forward
9.29.2009 - 14 comments

Last week I found out I won a ring from Billie of Bugs and Snails. It arrived in the mail today in the cutest box ever.


Dear Codi, I am so showing this to your future girlfriends
9.29.2009 - 4 comments


Peanut Alert
9.28.2009 - 2 comments

For any of you who have peanut allergies or have kids with peanut allergies I thought I would post this.


Challenge
9.27.2009 - 5 comments

I posted a couple days ago about wanting Country Apple lotion from Bath and Body works because it had been discontinued here.  Mandy commented telling me IT NEVER WENT AWAY IN HER TOWN!!!!!!!!


My grown up birthday list
9.25.2009 - 9 comments

My birthday is coming up.  And even though my husband and mom are the only ones who read this, that would buy me something, you guys get to read it too, so you can get a look inside my heart.


I can't make any changes
9.24.2009 - 8 comments

Since I was little I have loved Lynyrd Skynyrd. Back before they became all popular again I was doing reports in middle school about how the one person who was no longer alive that I wanted to meet was Ronnie Van Zant, the original lead singer of the band. My teacher looked at me kind of funny when I turned it in, but not as funny as my very prim and proper friends mom did in 6th grade when I started reciting word for word “Gimmie three steps.” As you can imagine, some parents might find the lyrics to that song a little inappropriate for a 12 year old.


For sale
9.20.2009 - 6 comments

Two slightly used children who listen and take orders about once a week.  Specialize in making messes and making extra loud noises.  Not very good at sharing unless they are sharing tips on how to drive a person nuts. Will hide food in a moments notice, but don't worry it doesn't start to smell for a few weeks.  Great at mopping the floor with water spilled from their cups.  Juice also makes a great mopping solution and it leaves your floor extra sticky.  Don't worry if you have carpet, banana mashes in nicely so it is barely visible.  Keep lots of coffee handy these two kids are experts at waking up at 1AM and 4AM because they want a drink.  Looking for something to cover that pesky hole in the wall look no further, these boys come equipped with extra boogers and are experts at picking them and wiping them all about.  The little one enjoys taking off his diaper and watering the lawn with pee.  Very useful for telemarketers as lying is one of their strengths.  


Two boys
9.20.2009 - 2 comments

How to piss Codi off in one easy step


One bite huh?
9.19.2009 - 6 comments

Me: Brandon put away the cream cheese time for lunch


Duped
9.18.2009 - 3 comments

Somehow Brandon convinced me to let him stay home from school today and come to work with me.  I just walked in to find him hanging from the pole in my office closet.  Why? Because, and I quote, "we are monkeys mom."  Well, that clears that up.


Still cookin'
9.17.2009 - 2 comments

Cheap, easy, and quick, sounds like the perfect dinner.


Funnies
9.17.2009 - 1 comment

I was going to post these on my sidebar but they showed up too small, so here, laugh!


Hey good looking, whacha been cookin
9.17.2009 - 1 comment


Turns out adult supervision really is required
9.16.2009 - 3 comments

I am not sure whose idea it was to trust a crazy person with their own medication.  Seriously when they give you prescriptions they should assign you with a person aid to make sure you arent being a complete moron with your meds.


I know where I will be on our next shopping trip
9.14.2009 - 6 comments

This is the brand new shopping cart at Walmart


In case you were in need of dessert
9.13.2009 - 1 comment


Sandwich sushi, jello, and sgetti all the time
9.13.2009 - 1 comment

I used deli sliced cheese so it was extra thin and turkey sliced really thin.  You can't really add much more then meat and cheese or it won't roll up well.  Anyway I'm glad I finally tried this because Brandon really liked it and it was nice having something new to put in his lunch box.


I should post about anniversary huh
9.11.2009 - 9 comments

I am supposed to do a blog about my 5 year wedding anniversary today.  That is what normal bloggers do.  But hey, I am anything but normal.  I love my husband, he is my world, but post one of those mushy gooshy blogs about love...I'm not sure who would be more embarrassed, me or him.  However, if he were ever to hijack my blog and post something smooshy to me that would under the title of super romantic and less under the title of lame or the title of WOMAN STOP POSTING MUSHY SHIT THAT MAKES ME BLUSH.


The makings of a chore chart
9.9.2009 - 8 comments

So.  After much thought I figured out Brandon's chore/behavior chart.  The basis is this.  In the morning he has six things to complete and at night he has six things to complete (for now).  When he completes it he gets to turn over the picture to a smile face.  Every smile face will earn him a nickle.  Below that are four smile faces.  These are for attitude.  He will start every day with smile faces.  But if he doesn't share, argues, whines, is mean, yells etc he will get a frown face.  If he has more frowns then smiles at the end of the day he can not watch TV in bed.  He has his own room now so that won't impact Codi.  Brandon loves watching Wubzy after his bath before bed so this will really piss him off to lose that privilege.  The second bottom has a space for six days. Monday through Saturday.  I decided to give him a break on Sunday.  Every day if he has all happy faces (or more smiles then frowns) he earns a SUPER Super man sticker.  On If he has four out of six Superman stickers he gets to take his money to the dollar store.  But, if he has less then that he has to keep his money in his bank and wait until next, hoping he does better.


Lunch box
9.9.2009 - 6 comments

I was browsing this blog last night.  This lady  makes the coolest little bento box lunches.  I am totally coveting those bento boxes.  I want them sooo bad but A: I can't afford one and B: my family would disown me if I got rid of Brandons Superman lunch box.  Anyway she was making all these mini kabob things for her kids.  Brandon has been getting kind of bored with his lunch so I decided to try it this morning.  He is on a hot dog kick right now (shut up they are 100% turkey meat, no ears and hooves) so I used those, string cheese and cheddar cheese.  I made him cute little kabobs.  I can't wait for him to see them today when he opens his lunch box.  This week when I visit the dollar store with Brandon I am going to look for some small cookie cutters.  I like how she cut mini sandwiches out and put them in the little tupperware, or made mini cheese shapes.  I'm glad I found her website, this is exactly what I needed to start sprucing up Brandons lunch box.


Putting it out to the blog universe
9.8.2009 - 3 comments

I was talking to my mom today about starting a chore chart for Brandon this week.  I did some googling, and found one I liked.  I found it at this blog.  The basics of her chart (or how I think I read it) are this.  Each day there are basic expected chores, brush teeth, take a bath etc, once it's completed they turn it over and it says done.  I think if the kids complete their basic chores they get a set amount of money.  Then on the right side they have the option to do other chores, like cleaning something, or taking out trash.  Each of those chores has a value on the back.  At the top they have clean up tokens, so if they clean up a toy or mess before they start a new one they get and extra .10 for doing that.  At the end of the day they use their money to buy game tokens.  What the tokens are, are 30 minutes of computer or Wii time.  $1.00 equals 30 minutes.  On the bottom are smiley faces.  On the back are frowny faces.  What I think happens is if they aren't being good or completing chores their smiles get turned to frowns.  3 frowns in one day means they can't cash in their tokens.  They still earn them, they just can't spend them that day.  


A couple Vegas pics stolen from Patty
9.7.2009 - 3 comments


No shit, it's the ziti
9.7.2009 - 2 comments


Letters to you, you and you
9.6.2009 - 10 comments

Dear mom,


Lets get something straight!
9.3.2009 - 10 comments

When you ask where I am from, and I reply "Reno"


The pressure
9.2.2009 - 6 comments

Pardon my absence we have had some interesting family stuff going on here, and believe me if I'm given permission I will so totally tell you all about it because...WHOAH.


I won something
8.30.2009 - 9 comments

I've been reading this blog Tunay Na Mahal for a long time.  I have no idea how Sarah found me but she did and left a comment.  One day I went to her site and I was totally hooked on her story.  She had met her fiance online, they never even met for something like 2 years (sorry if I'm murdering the story Sarah), when they did meet it was for a short time in the Philippines before she had to leave again.  In all the years they have been together they have only met 4 times I believe.  She has an entire time line of their story and it's just nuts.  My favorite part is coming up here in November (or is it October, see I suck) she is going back down there to see him again and GET MARRIED!  Hopefully after that they can get going on the process to move him here so they can live happily ever after.  Anywho, the point is, after all of her trips there she has become hooked on some Phillipeno products.  She decided to do a give away of some of her favorites and


Shannon vs electronics (hint, I lose)
8.27.2009 - 8 comments

Do you ever feel like electronics are against you? Today all electronics were soooo against me.
First I was trying to print a brochure and Adobe decided to print two pages not one. The I put the first page in and flipped it and Adobe decided to print the first page again so I now had a two sided brochure with the same thing on each side. I attempted to reprint it and Adobe printed one page right side up and one upside down. I wanted to fuck that program up.


I never knew
8.26.2009 - 6 comments

I never thought I would be the first one of my friends married. I always assumed I would be 30 and still playing the game.


Things I wonder
8.23.2009 - 3 comments

Exactly how many times in one day can one kid say OW? Today Brandon managed to get a black eye jumping on the trampoline and stub his toe.  Codi fell off a trampoline ladder and shoved a rolled up poster up his lips causing them to bleed.  Aside from those major injuries I have heard ow no less then 30 times from each of them.  What the fuck, do they think they are indestructable or made of rubber?


Introducing the TRIPLE PLAY
8.22.2009 - 6 comments

For my husbands birthday I got tickets for us to go to a ball game here in Reno.  We had great seats and were having a great time.  Suddenly I hear everyone around me say OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?


Kidisms....Or Shannon pretending to know shit
8.20.2009 - 12 comments

I learned this one from my doctor.  If your kid will only eat a few things, but they keep asking for macaroni every time change up how you ask.  Kids love choices, so give them a choice.  HOWEVER kids have short memories so 90% of the time they will pick the last thing you say.  If their choices are chicken, macaroni, or hamburger, and you want them to eat chicken, then you ask, would you like macaroni, hamburger or chicken?  By the time they are done pretending to mull it over, chicken is the only one they will remember.  It works, I did it to Brandon for nearly a year before he caught on.


Us
8.17.2009 - 12 comments

Forgive me if I get a few of the details wrong here it’s been a while. Forgive me if I ramble, some things are just so close to your heart it is hard to make real sense of them.


Dear son AGAIN
8.17.2009 - 7 comments

When I ask you to please stop bouncing the ball off the table the appropriate response is "okay mom, I'm sorry." The inappropriate response is "Mom you stop saying stop I can do whatever I do!"


Hello friend
8.16.2009 - 0 comments


All I got was this stupid picture
8.13.2009 - 5 comments

Did I ever tell you all about the time I met Dooce?  Ginger and I drove a quatrillion miles down to San Francisco (Only it wasn't really San Francisco it was like 40 miles away from there). We had two of her books we wanted signed so off we went.  She read from her book, she was super cute, very pregnant, and way too hawt for someone that pregnant.  Not to mention she is fucking hilarious.  I am now the proud owner of an original signed copy of her book.


Dear son
8.13.2009 - 9 comments

Dear Brandon,


Stuff
8.11.2009 - 8 comments

I had to ask my 20 month old permission to go pee tonight.


Crying uncle
8.8.2009 - 3 comments

Codi is still not eating.  He is starting to lose weight, his bones show, and frankly he looks like some emaciated malnourished kid.  I tried to get him to eat chicken, pasta, noodles, anything that was FOOD. 


Embarrassing
8.6.2009 - 3 comments

I'm 27.  Nearly 28 and I am so ashamed to admit that totally love the show iCarly.  I think these kids are supposed to be in high school although they look about 12.  It's on Nick Jr.  It is for kids AND I CAN'T STOP WATCHING IT!  Are any of you addicted to those silly little teeny bopper shows your kids watch?


Walmart hates me
8.5.2009 - 8 comments

You might remember the first time I discovered Walmart hated me.


FOUR
8.3.2009 - 15 comments


Let's discuss the lady at the pool
7.31.2009 - 6 comments

Now I know I owe you the rest of the Vegas story.  But this part.  It deserves a story on it's own.  The worst part I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO SEE IT!


And then I felt old
7.31.2009 - 4 comments

My little 17 niece works for us.  If we are being honest she is my cousin but she is 10 years younger then me so I've always called her my niece out of habit. 


Because sometimes recipes fail
7.29.2009 - 0 comments

Cooking Light totally failed on this one!


So you're going to Vegas
7.27.2009 - 9 comments

A couple months ago Patty e-mailed me telling me she was taking her summer vacation to Las Vegas. I pondered the idea and thought, "hey I could just fly there, it's only an hour away." However after thinking about the cost of a plane ride, the taxi to and from the airport, PLUS the cost of a hotel I rethought I my plan. I decided I could drive there for a lot less. Only problem is my husband said I was not allowed to drive alone.


Dear Vegas
7.22.2009 - 9 comments

Open letter to the cop who pulled me over in Schurz,


You know it's a bad week when
7.18.2009 - 14 comments

When you put your underwear on inside out AGAIN.


First library trip = massive fail
7.17.2009 - 1 comment

So, remember that library trip from like ummm 3 weeks ago? 


I know....I KNOW
7.16.2009 - 3 comments

Yes. 


Smiths must be pretty hard up
7.15.2009 - 11 comments

Last night I had some time to waste so my mom and I went to the grocery store.  We brought along Codi, which of course meant he had to snack as we shopped.  I've always been careful to keep the packaging from stuff my kids snack on to make sure I get charged for it.  So when he decided he wanted a fruit roll up I opened it up and tossed the wrapper in the cart.  Three isles later after he was done using the fruit roll up as a sword he threw it in the cart and demanded something new.  My mom was hemming and hawing over something in the pasta isle so I raced ahead in my cart and grabbed a three pack of Strawberry Horizon milk.  Codi sucked the first one down before we even made it back to my mom.  I opened a second one and then he found the little individual packs of Hostess donuts. 


Good parenting at it's finest
7.11.2009 - 3 comments

When you are sick and your kids are sick and breakfast time rolls around, sometimes you get a little, well, you get a little lazy.  That is why this morning my boys are eating ice cream sandwiches for breakfast.  I don't feel bad though, because if you think about it, ice cream is made of eggs and cream, and the sandwich pieces are kind of like toast, so really, if you really think about it it's exactly the same as giving them scrambled eggs, with toast and a glass of milk for breakfast right?


Moms are crazy ass bitches
7.10.2009 - 7 comments

I remember when I had Brandon I was reading Jenny McCarthy's book I particularly remember her talking about stroller envy.


Look I can do it too!
7.7.2009 - 6 comments


Truer words have never been spoken
7.7.2009 - 2 comments


Relief
7.6.2009 - 10 comments


He must be my kid huh
7.1.2009 - 11 comments



6.30.2009 - 3 comments

I feel like the girl on Willy Wonka who ate a blueberry and blew up into a giant blueberry....only, I think I ate a fatberry instead!


The good, the bad, and the time I pissed myself
6.29.2009 - 7 comments

The bad: My husband’s windows are tinted so dark I can’t see when I go around corners at night. I have to roll the fucking window down to make sure I don’t go over a center divider.


Did I ever tell you guys about the time I hurt my...
6.28.2009 - 7 comments

Picture it, Reno, 2005 a girl about to have a baby (see how I channel Sophia there).  I go to the doctor and find out that my baby is measuring 9.5 pounds.  Looks like we are having a C-section.  Between my extremely tilted uterus and my massive baby disaster was bound.  4 days later my beautiful 7.2 ounce baby was born.  Anyway, the point is.  Prior to the C-section I had a pre-op appointment at which I was told to shave near the incision line.  I dutifully went home and did a little shaving only to arrive that day and have a nurse lift up my gown, frown and exclaim, "well that just won't work."  Minutes later she is walking back in with a disposable bric razor and she is aiming for my baby maker. 


I love debating
6.27.2009 - 2 comments

Right.  So, lets go back to this post, you know the one about Kate spanking her kids.  I promised you my opinion and here it is.


Today's humor
6.26.2009 - 3 comments

Shannon: HOW TALL ARE YOU AGAIN?
I NEED TO KNOW JUST HOW HIGH OF HEALS I NEED TO PACK
 


Let's have a debate
6.24.2009 - 14 comments

Before I put my two cents in (because y'all already know how I feel about spanking) I would love to hear your opinions on this particular incident!


Look who is cooking again
6.24.2009 - 4 comments


Re-run
6.22.2009 - 9 comments

I love a lot of TV shows.  Admittedly a lot of them are food ones.  Top Chef, Next Food Network Star, Hells Kitchen, Challenge, etc.


Cookie Jar
6.22.2009 - 4 comments

This song totally describes my life.  While I realize the singer is absolutely not talking about food every time I hear it I laugh so much because that is exactly how I am with food.  I just can't refuse eating, in fact I wouldn't mind taking a fork and spoon to the delicious lead singer Travie of this band.  I swear I have no control.  I need a shock collar.  No, more like a shock bracelet, any time I pick up snack foods, junk foods, sweet foods, excessive foods it can shock my ass until I learn to stop seeing just how many chocolate covered marshmallows fit in my mouth at once.


Now with bangs
6.19.2009 - 10 comments

Saw the hair man the other day.  Got me some bangs and layers.  Am to fat to take better pictures, but you get the idea.


Adult supervision necessary at all times
6.19.2009 - 5 comments

I've eaten really well all week.  ALL WEEK.  Until last night, when Rob went to dinner with his friend and took the kids.  I was starving and home alone so I did the only logical thing a bi-polar foodie like me would do.  I immediately ate a cookie.  Then I ate three Burger King Cheesy Tots, a giant bowl of cinnamon toast crunch (at least 4 servings worth) and finally a fried egg sandwich with extra cheese and double mayo.


I looked cute for an entire 23 minutes today
6.19.2009 - 5 comments

Today I got all dressed up cute and came to work.  23 minutes into the day i answered a phone call when I suddenly got the overwhelming urge to vomit.  I quickly put the lady on hold and ran to the bathroom barely making it before vommiting up the breakfast I had just injested 4 minutes prior.  But, apparantly 27 years of vommiting doesn't train you not to puke all over your cute pants.  Hell, with that kind of aim I might as well have been drunk huh?


HAPPY IPHONE UPDATE DAY!!!!!!!
6.17.2009 - 3 comments


Humor Pie
6.17.2009 - 7 comments

You know, I think the only thing that keeps me sort of functioning is the fact that I am still able to see the good around me, and also the funny.


Ouch with a side of cake
6.15.2009 - 21 comments

Ouch. That shit hurts.


When my cousins come to visit
6.12.2009 - 5 comments

My cousins, Chris, Ben & Aaron came to see me today.  This is what they taugh Brandon.


Ladies and Gentlemen we have discovered the fourth Gotti boy
6.9.2009 - 14 comments


I get the best presents
6.9.2009 - 12 comments

Ginger and I have been friends since the dinosaurs roamed the earth.  That being said, Ginger has a habit of giving me really good gifts.  This is because Ginger happens to be reallllly great in the kitchen and have a habit of showing up at my house with tasty treats.


Interview with Brandon age Almost 4
6.7.2009 - 3 comments

This has being going around and around the web, why not jump on the bandwagon.


I officially suck....aka...the winners of the giveaway
6.6.2009 - 2 comments

I am sorry.  I only posted this give away a MONTH ago.  I'm fucking awful.  Heres the deal.  I've been backlogged at work, upside down trying to get the bankruptcy stuff together, stuck in a depression, and buried.


The day I got fired
6.3.2009 - 11 comments

I guess I should mention that Codi has been trying to potty train himself.  He does pretty good during the day.  He peed on the potty about 9 times today.  We have been so proud of him at work.  What we didn't account for was him pooping on the floor.  In all honesty I wouldn't even have known about it if he didn't start screaming bloody murder because he stepped in it.  My cousin Victoria heard him crying and picked him up to clean up the poop off him and I ran to clean the poop off the floor.


From my garden
6.2.2009 - 8 comments


I don't like antiques but I do like vintage stuff ;)
6.2.2009 - 10 comments

My mom collects stuff.  A LOT OF STUFF.  The worst part is she will find stuff (garage sales, vacant houses, estate sales, the side of the damn road), and have no use for it, so she will just stuff it in a shed somewhere.  For years we have battled over her "antiques."  I don't like them.  Still don't.  However, some of the stuff I love, the stuff I classify as vintage and funky rather then old and junky.  We have battled because she is terrified to die because GASP I might not keep all of her treasures stored in their various sheds.  I'm kind of a believer that if you have something it should be SEEN!


Ooooh, so that is why I stopped wearing those
5.31.2009 - 6 comments

I was next door at one of my parents rentals today.  Suddenly I realized I had to pee so I took off to my house.  I got home and ran upstairs and quickly took of my shorts and undies.  I did my business and then suddenly thought, "gee, that feels weird, feels like there is something dangling out of my butt."  I thought for a second and then realized, in my big rush I DID NOT PULL MY THONG UNDERWEAR DOWN!  I had just pottied on my undies!!!!!!!


For the first time in 11 years I am not affraid!
5.30.2009 - 7 comments

I checked my mail today and was delighted to see a big ole envelope from my bestest blogger buddy Cris Cullen.  I was stoked, I was convinced more good mail would follow. 


Fail sight
5.29.2009 - 7 comments

I've always worn glasses.  For a very brief time I tried out contacts.  I have never wanted to gouge my eyes out so bad.  They were worse then the worst allergies I've ever had.  I gave up and went back to glasses.


Eat your fucking vegetables kid (Link fixed)
5.28.2009 - 4 comments


OMG she cooks
5.27.2009 - 2 comments

Holy shit I posted a recipe.  To see what it is go here.


I read a book
5.24.2009 - 17 comments

I just wrote this post. It was beautiful. Then I hit refresh, and since my new blog format doesn't auto save the whole fucking thing was gone. I'm pretty fucking pissed. Here is my redo, it won't be as great as the first because the first was from the heart with no thinking, and this version is the over thought version.



5.21.2009 - 2 comments


Lyrics | Eminem lyrics - Beautiful lyrics


Compulsions
5.20.2009 - 14 comments

Like I said in my previous post my therapist would like me to document things I am going through. One thing that stands out like a pink elephant in the room is when I start sinking down I go on spending binges. I always have. Before I would go charge up a new credit card. At one point I had two Target credit cards. I've been known to be in a bad way and come home declaring to my husband that we MUST buy a new TV now because the old one is just ugly. The next thing I knew we were opening a Good Guys account and not just buying the biggest fanciest TV but throwing in a retardedly expensive Bose surround sound with a subwoofer bigger then my car.


Quiet
5.19.2009 - 7 comments

I've been sort of quiet on here lately.  I'm going through some stuff in my head and I guess I feel like there is only so much I can whine about it to all of you.   My therapist and I were discussing strategies to help me during high anxiety situations.  In the middle of it I stopped and told him, i feel like lately I've been getting sucked back into the hole.  I noticed just 10 days ago I was on a high cleaning spree, on top of the chores, on top of my parenting.  Suddenly I noticed a change.  Doing laundry is like pulling teeth.  Vacuuming?  Who ME?  how is it, my most favorite thing this week has suddenly become something I can't even stomach doing.


Assholes
5.18.2009 - 14 comments

A few weekends ago my mom and I merrily spent the day at the local nurserys buying things for my garden.  Potatoes, onions, chives, basil, cilantro, peppers, tomatoes, oregano, etc.  My garden was going to be glorious.  The next morning BAMN peppers, onions and half the tomatoes gone.  Cilantro GONE!


TO DO LIST
5.15.2009 - 1 comment

I'm leaving for CA this weekend to see the in laws.  Since this means I usually have a ton of free time I plan to pack my laptop and spend all of Satruday posting the winners to the contest and posting all of the correct answers plus the ones that made me laugh the hardest.  I also have a couple recipes to post on the food blog.  So Yay!  I'm going to get all caught up and shit!  Also, I know who the winner is already.  I also know there is going to be two small prizes for the runners up!


Isn't that a Bush song
5.13.2009 - 13 comments

A few weeks ago at the advice of my general practitioner I made an appointment with a Psychiatrist. My doctor did not feel comfortable giving me a second medication with out the advice of someone who has extensive backgrounds in drugs. 


Winners
5.12.2009 - 0 comments

So.  If you are wondering why I haven't announced the winners yet it is because I just found out G-mail had spammed 32 of my comments. 


Wait, was it mothers day or something
5.12.2009 - 8 comments

Sunday morning i woke up to find the server that hosts my blog was down.  That is why there are no super heart felt posts from me.  Late Sunday they got it back up and running, unfortunatly the server in my head did not start processing until just now.


Ummm what do I do with that
5.7.2009 - 10 comments

Ginger and I went and got pedicures together this weekend.  As I was sitting there having my toes painted when a girl walked up to me, looked at my toes and said;


Check out the boys new house
5.6.2009 - 5 comments

You can see it here on my flickr.  We already put their grill on the deck and their table and chairs.  When the windows go in we will paint and move their kitchen in and a couch.  My super awesome niece got this for us.  Two of them actually. Where she goes to school they build these little mini houses to practice learning construction.  They do three practice houses and then build one nice one at the end to auction off.  They gave us the practice ones.  Click the flickr to see the inside.  They have electricity, plumbing, stairs and a deck!


HI
5.6.2009 - 1 comment

Sorry I haven't been here in a while.  I've been busy, doing a whole lot of nothing.  I'm catching a cold which, suck town!


Put your study hats on
5.2.2009 - 13 comments

Yay time for another give away.  Since Mothers day is just around the corner I decided to concentrate on that.  I am posting a little quiz for you.  Some of these may be trick questions.  Each question is worth 1-2 points.  However even if you answer wrong, if I like your answer enough I'll give you a point.  Flattery might get you an extra point.  Non flattering answers might make your comment accidentally get lost in the Spam file.  Answers that make me laugh really hard get bonus points! The prize will be something directed towards moms. You can still answer if you are not a mom and you can give the prize to your mom.  The prize might be something relaxing or filling or, whatever, who knows but it will be good.  The more people that answer the question the bigger the prize will be.  That means if only five of you answer I might only feel like giving away a $7.00 gift card to the dollar tree!  This means if you procrastinate and say you'll get to the quiz later and then forget you are totally screwing the other possible winners because your comment could be the difference between a $7.00 gift card and a $30.00 gift card!


photo
4.30.2009 - 8 comments

Crissy tagged me for this.  It's been going around the blogosphere for a while now.  Take a picture of yourself right then and there.  No make up, primping, posing.  You can see how tired I am if you look in my eyes.


Self portrait
4.30.2009 - 14 comments

Are my mom and I the only ones wondering why Brandon gave himself a nice fluffy pair of boobs?


It's getting worse
4.29.2009 - 15 comments

As you can see I spent the day cleaning.  A lot.  I spent my night cleaning too.  I vacuumed twice today and I have hard wood.  One room has carpet and I have one small area rug.  I vacuum the wood though,  In the corners, under tables, all the edges, etc.  The past two weeks I have encountered days where I have vacuumed my house 7 -10 times a day.  I've been trying to do dishes daily.  Trying to keep up on laundry.  Today I went crazy organizing things and I kept going into the night.  I'm constantly walking around after the kids picking things up.  After dinner I did the dishes, scrubbed my stove and counters, and cleaned some other things up.


How I spent my day
4.29.2009 - 9 comments

Before


Passed out
4.28.2009 - 7 comments


This is not what I had in mind when I asked you to share Codi!
4.28.2009 - 3 comments


Then and now
4.27.2009 - 8 comments

When I first moved into this house I was in need of some couches.  I knew I couldn't afford anything spectacular so I turned to Craigs List.  Imagine my surprise when one day my mom found these gorgeous down slipcover couches for only $400.00 on day.  Turns out the guy spent $3,000.00 on these two years ago at Macys.  His wife was from England and for whatever reason she was deported very quickly.  This left him with an entire house to empty so he could get there with her.  He was selling everything for dirt cheap.  In fact he was in such a hurry he also threw in a coffee table for Rob's man room, a very cute little stool and my favorite fake plant.


This weekend the Universe was against me
4.26.2009 - 12 comments

Yesterday morning I woke up in desperate need of some coffee.  I started it brewing and ran to get dressed.  Finally I ran downstairs poured some creamer in my cup and grabbed the coffee pot to fill it up.  I was in such a hurry I didn't even realize the coffee pot was barely full.  Then I noticed a few coffee grounds in the pot. Uggggg, I was thinking the coffee filter tucked over like it does sometimes and a few grounds got in the coffee.  Upon closer inspection of the coffee pot I noticed that it was FULL of coffee, and grounds, but no filter.  Hmmm.  It would appear that I had forgotten the filter all together.  So the basket just sat there filling up and over flowing.  When I stuck the pot back in somehow it loosened the grounds and WHOOOOSH coffee went everywhere.  It took me forever to clean the coffee maker out, dig out all of the grounds and start over. 


Tales from the Crypt
4.25.2009 - 8 comments

One night the boys were both in the bath.  Brandon started farting and thought he was HILARIOUS.  We all laughed and it just egged him on.  Finally we finished up the bath, washed the boys and got them out of the bath.  Our routine after a bath is that Rob takes Brandon wraps him in a towel and puts him in bed under a bunch of blankies to dry.  I handle Codi, get his teeth brushed and sit downstairs with him while he relaxes and gets ready for bed.  While Brandon dries Rob goes in and drains the bath and rinses it then handles Brandon.  It works out nicely.  So this time Brandons in his bed giggling about all his farting, I'm downstairs and I hear,


I'm cancelling cable when they turn 16
4.22.2009 - 10 comments

I've been cleaning my house all day.  I get the bright idea to sit down for lunch and see what's on, ON DEMAND.  Nothing.  Thats what.  So I decide to look at pay preview.  Here are the first things that pop up.


Bringing spring in
4.22.2009 - 5 comments


B&C Park
4.21.2009 - 9 comments

The weekend started with the boys in their fort.  My mom built it for them


In my front yard
4.21.2009 - 3 comments


Getting caught
4.21.2009 - 6 comments

I've never been too good at following the rules of parenting.  My kids have always eaten the wrong things.  Case in point, my dad fed Brandon Krispy Kreme when he was three months.  Codi has eaten chocolate, dirt, and other things babies shouldn't. On Sunday Brandon had 4 different kinds of popcicles, because it was Sunday and we were working outside and WHO DOESN'T LOVE POPSICLE?


Heaven
4.21.2009 - 3 comments

I've come to conclude after picking up cocoa crispies off the floor for the 17th time this morning (no exaggeration) and sweeping up toast crumbs and banana mush twice this morning that in MY HEAVEN THERE WILL BE NO GODDAMN FUCKING CRUMBS!


Function
4.20.2009 - 2 comments

I have a great post coming up about where I've been since Easter.  I've been building a park in my back yard.  However, what I want to talk about right now is function. 


Kids say the darndest things
4.17.2009 - 3 comments

Brandon: "Codi you're a silly munchkin."


It doesn't work if we are in there
4.17.2009 - 8 comments

Last night Brandon was eating dinner midway through he declared he was full.  As he was getting down he looked at us and said,


Savin' at the store
4.14.2009 - 16 comments

I stopped writing about my store savings for a while.  I did this because I felt like I was only regurgitating what I had been told, rather then what I knew.  It's been a few months now and I have a better handle on things.  When I started the envelope system I started it budgeting $100.00 per week on groceries.  This did not work.  Here is why.  Lets take a four week month for example, I'll break down in weeks about what I would buy.


Alert the press
4.12.2009 - 4 comments

CODI ATE CHICKEN NUGGETS & GOLDFISH CRACKERS!


Surprise rain shower
4.10.2009 - 8 comments

We had some surprise rain here.  I ran over and got the boys rain coats and we commenced puddle jumping.  We all took turns searching the property for the biggest puddles. 


RUINED!!!!
4.10.2009 - 4 comments

For years I have loved REO Speedwagon.  They have some great love songs.  Great, he dumped me and I' sad so I'm going to blast this song, songs.  Then, today for some reason I watched a video and I was appalled.  


The AM
4.9.2009 - 10 comments

This morning wasn't any better.  Brandon just pushed and pushed and pushed.  His teacher says he is at what they classify as the "defiant age."  No one told me being a mom would mean I would have a 3 year old toddler throwing things at my head, or laying on the floor kicking and screaming.  No one told me that the things you see on Supernanny really happen.  Kids really slam doors and kick their toys and throw their clothes.  They really lay in bed shouting NO NO NO louder and louder until you feel like it might be easier to live outside under a tree then in a house listening to that fucking bullshit for one more minute.  


Jumble
4.8.2009 - 11 comments

I have so much I want to talk about.


Them
4.8.2009 - 8 comments

The one who plays in the toilet


Nice try dad
4.7.2009 - 6 comments

I'm upstairs laying in bed with Codi, like I do most mornings making sure he doesn't jump off our bed, suddenly I hear little footsteps coming running into my room and right up into my face...


Breaking news
4.6.2009 - 11 comments

Codi just dunked a washcloth in the toilet and rubbed it all over his head, the floors and my walls.


Project
4.5.2009 - 12 comments

Katie's birthday was last week.  Last night we celebrated her birthday by having dinner.  I had gotten her a present, but as I was gift wrapping it in a Whole Foods reusable lunch bag (her old one was ugly) I remembered something else that drove me nuts.


How did you find me?
4.5.2009 - 9 comments

Marni just did a little post showing the things people googled to find her.  Then she asked us to do the same.  So, here you go, the things people googled that led them to my blog!


It is too early for this conversation
4.3.2009 - 14 comments

This conversation takes place this morning while I was attempting to change my maxi pad only seconds after waking up.


Happy April 1 means Happy April fools JACKASS!
4.2.2009 - 12 comments

A text conversation via my husband and I


Ouch
4.2.2009 - 7 comments


Chicken Caprese Pasta
3.31.2009 - 6 comments


The things parents do
3.31.2009 - 6 comments

Long ago, to get Brandon to eat his brocoli I took a page from Parents magazine, and told him they were little mini trees.  It worked, he loves them still to this day. (He also still calls them trees but, meh who cares.)


Tick tock tick tock
3.31.2009 - 12 comments

On my last visit with my shrink I made a few comments and noticed him furiously scribbling away.  Later when there was a lull in the conversation he said, "lets come back to when you said you don't go to other peoples houses because they are dirty.


I know exactly how Edward feels
3.31.2009 - 7 comments

I have this friend Ginger.  We hang out a lot.  And every time, with out fail it happens.  She opens my car door to get in, the wind catches her and my entire car is filled with her sent.  This shit.  Every single time the second I can smell her I am torn between wanting to jump out of me seat and lick her or wanting to punch her in the face for smelling so good and being a girl. 


Tidbits
3.30.2009 - 8 comments

* I am driving to San Francisco Wednesday to Meet Dooce and get my copy of her book signed.  Woohoo!


EARTH HOUR
3.28.2009 - 6 comments


Sign up for Earth Hour! - I VOTE EARTH: Shannon Mateo

   Earth Hour 2009 by WWF - Sign up for Earth Hour!


Feed Reader Reminder
3.28.2009 - 1 comment

If you want to add this blog to your website please add


So what did you do today
3.28.2009 - 8 comments

Disclaimer: This was really from yesterday but I didn't get a chance to post it.


He must have really wanted his house cleaned
3.27.2009 - 6 comments

My cousin Lisa just sent me this link:


Gotta love husbands
3.26.2009 - 8 comments

What happens when your husband comes outside to the grill where you have taken over and says:


Showoff
3.25.2009 - 9 comments

Not wanting his dance moves to be trumped by Codi's Brandon asked me to document his moves on film, here is my favorite.  He is dancing to his new favorite song, "Makunkunga face" (translation, Poker Facy by Lady GaGa).


Enjoying the Mundane
3.24.2009 - 8 comments

My husband used to tell me that being a vegetarian while I was pregnant ruined Brandon. He said this because for almost two and a half years Brandon hated meat. In fact for about two and a half years Brandon existed on macaroni, Cheeto’s and string cheese. Then one day it was as if he woke up a new person. Suddenly he loves food. More specific he loves meat. Brandon devours chicken. He loves my roasted chicken, grilled chicken, chicken tacos, CHICKEN covered chicken. He loves steak. He loves Spam (in his world it is meat). He thinks pork tacos are the greatest in the world. He loves brown rice and white rice. He would eat broccoli every day if I let him. Corn of course. He even loves edamame. Last week I even found him eating mushrooms. He likes gravy and bacon and potatoes. Grilled cheese, egg sandwiches, pancakes, yogurt and toast. Spaghetti makes the world go round ad cheese, is like the cherry on top. The point is, Brandon eats. In fact, right now he is eating a soy chocolate ice cream sandwich, yes, my boy eats soy ice cream. In fact here is a clip of the conversation that just took place.
Me: Brandon if you eat all of your dinner you can have a surprise


My Super Men
3.23.2009 - 3 comments

Ain't that sexy?  My hubby in the kitchen making me a salad!


In which you all think I've lost my fucking mind
3.23.2009 - 6 comments

When my biological father died, I dreamt of him often.  The dreams were almost always the same, I would be taken to some big fancy house where my dad stood in a white suite with white patent leather shoes telling me, it was all a joke, he was really alive and surprise he was rich and life was okay.  Odd. 


Coming off the hate train for a minute
3.23.2009 - 2 comments

Today's song is a new one by Beyonce.  I loved it the very second I heard it, because it reminds me exactly of my husband.  So, here are the lyrics you can read them, or turn up your speakers and listen to them.


And the winner is...
3.23.2009 - 3 comments

LUCINDA!!!


PLZ SEND COFFEE
3.23.2009 - 1 comment

Am  tired.  Please send coffee.  Preferably with caramel and lots and lots of sugar kthx!


Music
3.21.2009 - 1 comment

I generally don't like to play music on here that is really current.  Because who knows how I will feel about it in a week or two.  However this song by Apocalyptica is one of my favorites.  I love this song.  I realize it is a little more rock then most people like but fuck, does this totally speak to whats going on in my head in so many ways right now.  So, if you don't like rock hit the mute button, but, if you like a good song, turn up your speakers and rock the fuck out!


Ultimate Blog Party
3.20.2009 - 11 comments

Ultimate Blog Party 2009


Final Pay it Forward
3.20.2009 - 2 comments

Hey guys, Crissy the last winner of my Pay it Forward contest is hosting her own pay it forward today, so go hurry up and enter....she gives good prizes too!


Them
3.19.2009 - 9 comments

THE ONE WHO PEES ON MY DESK


Thanks for that Codi
3.19.2009 - 8 comments

I haven't talked much about Codi's teeth on here, because really how interesting are teeth? I know you are all sitting there obsessively refreshing your readers hoping that today I will talk about teeth, or ooo maybe even ear wax right?


Yes I am a dork
3.18.2009 - 6 comments

The other night Codi woke up crying.  He often does this around 3-4:00am.  Usually at this time I bring him in my bed.  He was sniffing a lot and sucking a lot of snot.  I reached around groggily, grabbed a tissue and wiped his nose.  A half hour later I heard it again, sniffle sniffle, choke, gag.  I grabbed more tissue, wiped his nose and we both fell back asleep.  That morning when I woke up in the sunlight I looked over to see my babies face covered in BLOOD.


The knife
3.18.2009 - 5 comments


A few of my favorite things
3.16.2009 - 6 comments


Lucky
3.16.2009 - 9 comments

I often hear that I am so "lucky" to be able to take my kids to work with me.


FINALLY A GIVE AWAY WOOHOO!
3.16.2009 - 14 comments

So.  For a long time I've been that person who really didn't have to do much with their face.  I washed it when I remembered and yet I still had a pretty great complexion.  After Brandon I started using Philosophy just for funnsies.  Thought maybe it was time to start doing some maintaining you know.  However.  Recently nothing has helped.  My face went into MASSIVE TEENAGE BOY BREAK OUT PHASE.  I got crazy and started trying out new products.  What I would do is go to Sephora and ask for samples of stuff.  Try it for a while and see what happened.  NOTHING WAS WORKING.  My face was screaming out mayday MAYDAY FOR FUCKS SAKE WOMAN FIX ME UP.


yeah yeah the giveaway sheesh
3.16.2009 - 2 comments

Yes!  I promised a give away Friday.  But y'all I just got so caught up in the business of being me I never got time to upload the photos.  Now I'm at work and the pictures are over there <------- at my house.  But it is coming today.  It's a good one.  First I need to figure out what I'm going to make you do for it.  So, check back it will be up by 5pm my time which is...Reno time.


Where is the soap
3.15.2009 - 14 comments

This morning I was trying to get Brandon dressed.  i was pleading with him to please just put his dirty underwear in the hamper.  He got all pissy with me the following is what took place:


Feeling Hawt despite the chaos
3.13.2009 - 6 comments


Fucking Reno
3.12.2009 - 11 comments

This weekend I did a little shopping.  Rob and I are doing the envelope system and we each get a little bit of money weekly.  I had been saving mine and finally decided to spend some.  Since having the boys I fell into a bit of a clothing slump.  What I would call FRUMPY LAND.  My closet was full of basic shirts, sweaters and jeans.  Shoe wise, it was converse, vans, flip flops, or winter boots.  Once upon a time I had cute stylish clothes and shoes but as each pregnancy came and went I found myself tossing them into the garage sale bin.  "Moms don't have time to dress cute" I often thought.  Finally I decided to start working on my clothes and shoes again.  I am slowly building a nice collection of "cute" things.  Things that don't make me look like a bum, or like, that mom who couldn't pull herself together to go to the park. 


Morals
3.12.2009 - 5 comments

Is it wrong that I am currently dancing around my living room with my fifteen month old child in my arms to the tune of Dr. Dre's Next Episode?


Please note
3.12.2009 - 6 comments

Comments are now located below the post.  It should be a simpler comment form and easier to work.  Try it out.  Leave me a comment.  


Journaling and other tidbits (this is long but worth it)
3.11.2009 - 10 comments

I had my first meeting with a psychologist on Monday.  Moments before the appointment here is what I wrote in my journal while sitting at various stop lights, and then in the waiting room at his office.


Tides Loads of Hope
3.11.2009 - 2 comments

I was contacted by Blog Her to post about Tide's Loads of Hope program.  I had no idea what this was so I followed the website.   Here is what the website says:



3.11.2009 - 1 comment

To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid!


For those of you wondering how my diet is going
3.10.2009 - 6 comments

I currently have about 9 boxes of Thin Mints in my pocession.  Along with 5 other boxes of Girl Scout Cookies.  You see, after I posted about wanting to order some, Nevada Nanny contacted me. I ordered about 5 boxes from her.  Then Angie called and I felt bad and ordered a box from her.  She, trying to sabotage me and win on the Tuesday Tummy Tuck bets we have going on showed up with TWO boxes of Thin Mints.  The next day Katie walked in with TWO more and I was all, "oh fuck mama is going to need some fat pants this month."  Only, since then, two weeks ago when I got my first box I have eaten a total of five cookies.  My husband is doing an excellent job of making sure I stick to my diet.  His way of helping is simply to eat all of the cookies himself.  Here is the most recent text message I got from my husband.


Well that's a good deal
3.10.2009 - 3 comments

In honor of my great grocery savings this week I would like to pass some savings on to you.  If you visit


Note to husband
3.8.2009 - 8 comments

The clock on my nightstand says 7:58 AM. 


And then I realized I was a mom and I had TWO BOYS
3.7.2009 - 11 comments

Went shopping today.  While I would love to tell you how I got $130.00 in groceries for $50.00 I am going to tell you how going shopping with boys is a fucking retarded idea and unless you are the kind of person who likes stabbing yourself in the eye repeatedly with a fork DON'T DO IT!


Love
3.5.2009 - 6 comments


Another bag
3.5.2009 - 1 comment

Tabitha posted the link to what's in her bag...and damn her bag is organized!


WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER
3.5.2009 - 4 comments

So the winner from my "guess how much change is in my ridiculously large purse contest" is ...


Thank you
3.5.2009 - 1 comment

One of the things I love about my new website is the little CONTACT button right up there.   I have receieved SO SO SO MANY special emails from people responding to my posts.  I feel like maybe some people are afraid to leave comments so they just let their words pass.  But now that they can email me privately it is like they are brave and feel like they can share.  


It eludes me
3.4.2009 - 5 comments

Sleep has been weird since I started my medicine. I am able to sleep better, for longer stretches but I dream. Not just any dreams, very detailed dreams. Dreams that sometimes are just weird and nonsensical and dreams that sometimes are too real, too much that I have to wake up. I have a hard time falling asleep, but tylenol PM helps with that. My problem is the dreams. Sometimes my dreams are so busy I have to wake up because my head can't handle it.


Put a ring on it
3.4.2009 - 5 comments

You know what drives me crazy?  When Hollywood trash magazines instantly assume someone is getting a divorce because a woman is pictured with no wedding ring on. 


Happy Birthday Papa
3.2.2009 - 3 comments

Today is my dads birthday.  I made him this great video as part of his present.  It is a little long (12 minutes) but if you can make it to the end, past the PS part you are in for the biggest surprise of your life.  Also, I totally double dog dare you not to get this song stuck in your head!


Lets play a game
3.1.2009 - 11 comments

WHAT'S IN MY BAG!


Song
2.26.2009 - 3 comments

I put up one of my most favorite songs, so click out of your reader, turn up your speakers and listen.  It 100% goes with the post below.


The demons
2.25.2009 - 14 comments

Someone asked me recently, "why did you have two kids if you need to take medicine to deal with them?"  I didn't reply because, well the reply would have taken hours.  The first thing is my kids are absolutely not the reason I am taking medication.  The demons in my head are.  Long before I had kids I had these demons.  Demons that made me go to sleep on the couch in my living room with the front door wide open, while I lived alone because I didn't care what could happen.  Demons who could squash my overwhelming fear of the dark and make me go out at midnight walks never fearing what could happen.  Demons that would make me pull out pictures of my dead grandma and look at them until I cried.  Demons that made me go to the coroners office and ask for my dads autopsy report just so I could cry over it all. 


And, in case you don't like tofu, I present Curry Chicken over Rice
2.25.2009 - 0 comments


Curry Tofu over rice
2.25.2009 - 1 comment


I am never eating again
2.24.2009 - 13 comments

I was watching Food Detectives this morning when an interesting story came on.  How do manufacturers get color in their foods?  I was appalled at one answer and did some research of my own.  The following is taken from a Website called Natural News"


I curled my hair and then played on photobooth
2.23.2009 - 2 comments


Corporal punishment
2.22.2009 - 8 comments

As you all know I am totally against spanking, hitting, slapping etc when it comes to kids.  I have gotten better about other people doing it.  If you spank, fine don't talk to me about it.  If you do it in front of me I have gotten really good at turning around, counting to ten and calming down rather then decking you in the face to see how you like it.


Tasty Temptations
2.20.2009 - 5 comments

Hey y'all check out the food blog.  I've updated it and revamped it making it prettier!


Summer chicken salad
2.19.2009 - 6 comments


And it permiated the depths of my soul
2.19.2009 - 7 comments

Re: This post


A prayer for the anxiety ridden
2.19.2009 - 3 comments

Dear God.


Dear husband
2.19.2009 - 11 comments

If you insist on leaving the downstairs bathroom with only three sheets of toilet paper on the roll, that is fine, I am used to that.


Blow your mind basil chicken
2.18.2009 - 7 comments


Pay it forward
2.18.2009 - 9 comments


Music
2.17.2009 - 4 comments

I feel lost with out the music on my blog.  I have this great song stuck in my head, it goes with everything going on in my mess of a life right now, and all I want to do is share it with you all.  However, I'm being told that I shouldn't have music on my blog now that I have a big girl blog.  So.  I guess y'all never get to hear my great song!


He is one smart cookie
2.16.2009 - 4 comments

(Brandon speaking to me)


Say what now
2.14.2009 - 8 comments

So, I finally get in to see the ultrasound lady she is a really nice older lady with a sweet grandma type voice. I mentally remind myself not to cuss or call anyone a slut for the 20 minutes I’m in here. I lay back and she hands me the wand to insert. That is my least favorite part. Having to put this long dildo thing inside myself…very weird. She grabs a hold and starts looking at various girl parts on the monitor. There is your uterus, there is an ovary, oh look your follicles are bigger on this side (follicles are eggs…which means I’ll ovulate on that side next which means OUCH MOTHERFUCKER PAIN!)


AND THE WINNER IS.....
2.13.2009 - 2 comments

LESLEY!!!!!!!!!


Hungry for some fried chicken
2.13.2009 - 5 comments

If so come here for the recipe


Cupid Clusters
2.13.2009 - 3 comments


How I almost ruined my pretty panties
2.12.2009 - 10 comments

I had an appointment today for an ultrasound.  It was scheduled for 12:30.  I quickly ate lunch and realized I had to pee.  Since the ultrasound was for girl related things I knew it was best not to pee until I found out if they needed a full bladder. 


Quirks
2.11.2009 - 4 comments

My husband mentions in his little diddy under the "about me" section that at night I lay there with Codi while he cries. I had to laugh because I realize that makes me sounds like someone who lets their kid "cry it out." I actually tried that twice and massively failed, both attempts ending in me pulling him out of the crib and cramming my boob in his mouth while letting him sleep in my bed. Now that he is sleeping on his own he wakes up one or two times a night and he usually starts crying. My instinct is of course to pick him up. His instinct is to arch his back hick his legs and flail his arms like a wild flying monkey and REFUSE to let me touch him. This does not only occur at night, it occurs any time he cries now. Unlike Brandon who wanted to be held in the midst of a fit, Codi would rather lay on the floor kick, scream and throw one of those fits you see on Super Nanny. If he could talk I'm pretty sure he would say "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE."


Note to self
2.10.2009 - 1 comment

If you are not supposed to rub your eyes with jalapeno on your finger, it is probably a bad idea to pick your nose too!


I HAVE FEED!!!
2.10.2009 - 2 comments

TO UPDATE MY NEW BLOG TO YOUR FEED READER PLEASE ADD


Drives me nuts
2.10.2009 - 5 comments

I always have a laugh when people comment on my parenting.  Not my actual parenting methods per say, but you know those under their breath comments in the store, or in passing.  That drives me nuts.  The best example is how often people point out that Codi isn't wearing socks.  It comes in many forms:


First post on my shiny new blog
2.10.2009 - 5 comments

Welcome to the new page. It is still under construction but I decided it was finally time to reveal it to y'all. Check it all out. Make sure you stop by the about me page and read the amazing little diddy Katie wrote about me. Yes the font will be fixed by today!


MY FIRST GIVEAWAY
2.9.2009 - 14 comments


Mayday
2.5.2009 - 1 comment

 Mayday Mayday BROWNIE DOWN


Update
2.5.2009 - 1 comment

Update on the brownies:


And then God himself blessed me with his magic stick
2.4.2009 - 1 comment

 Last night I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I was having a sad day and all I wanted was some brownies. I was telling everyone and there mom about this and finally decided to make some. I marched in my kitchen grabbed what I needed and then promptly began pouting as I realized I had neither vegetable oil or applesauce. So I walked over to my computer and whined to everyone about it. That's when Ginger pops on yahoo with this little link:


Snot
2.4.2009 - 1 comment

I brought Codi into bed with me around 5am this morning. He snuggled up on my arm and started snoring in my ear. Around 7 I looked over at him because I love to watch him sleep.


VS
2.3.2009 - 1 comment

 Do you ever sit there at your desk and stare at your yogurt wishing it was a big fat brick of chocolate?


So how are things going
2.2.2009 - 1 comment

First off all, Wednesday will be two weeks on my medicine. I will also up my dose to a full dose that day. Here are my observations on the drug so far.


Dad at Superbowl
2.2.2009 - 1 comment

We had a very good superbowl party...details to come!


When dad cooks dinner
1.31.2009 - 2 comments


The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
1.28.2009 - 1 comment

 


What my kid was doing while I was busy taking pictures of Katie's kid
1.27.2009 - 1 comment


The weekend Shannon went all out
1.27.2009 - 0 comments

I'm supposed to be home doing dishes right now, but my mom wants me to write about my weekend so fine, here....I'll fuss with dishes later.


Aren't they beautiful
1.26.2009 - 1 comment


Observations and other nonsense
1.26.2009 - 0 comments

Brandons teacher commented on how he always smells so nice in the morning and how his teeth are always brushed and his clothes are always clean. Umm. Aren't all kids? Do people really take their kids to school in dirty clothes and unclean? Eww.


Note to self
1.26.2009 - 0 comments


ITS BAAAAACK
1.24.2009 - 0 comments

I just turned on Noggin to hear the Boinga song. Noooooo please tell me this isn't back. If you want to hear the Boinga song and entertain your baby for hours go to you tube and type in BOINGA. You will thank me later when you are Boingaing in your sleep!


What would I eat
1.24.2009 - 0 comments

Breakfast: One perfect piece of toast. One toasted NYC everything bagel with extra lots of cream cheese. A Venti Raspberry vanilla latte from Peet's WITH ALL THE FAT! Biscuits and gravy (no sausage) and Five scones from Bread and Ink in Oregon. Clementine oranges. One more bagel. My breakfast potatoes.


What would you do
1.22.2009 - 0 comments

Tomorrow morning when you wake up you will discover that the FDA has discovered a new way of eating. All of the world will survive on nothing but pills. We will gain all nutrition from that. You have. You have one day left of eating real normal food. What do you pick?


P.S.
1.21.2009 - 0 comments

Last night was Brandon's turn to take home Curious the Crocodile, which is their pet mascot in class. He had rules, Curious could not take a bath, because if he got wet he would "grow bigger then your house and get mean," and he could not eat people food. We were given a binder that was Curious' journal and told to fill it out with what we did. We took tons of pictures of Curious, glued them on all cute wrote some funny stuff and then Brandon wrote his name and drew some pictures. Two of the photos were of Curious helping bake cookies. I figured, since he helped make them we should take them to school today. When Rob picked up Brandon the teacher told him that she was thrilled with our page in the book. That it was exactly what she hoped parents would do (other pages just had some scribbles and a short entry that wasn't very exciting but we had pictures and cookies.) She then proceeded to tell Rob that in her opinion we were parents of the year for how involved we were and for bringing the cookies as an interaction for Brandons share time with Curious.


Wam Bam Thank you Ma'am
1.21.2009 - 0 comments

I went to my annual girl appointment today. I'm going to warn you in advance this post is going to get a little..."ooogy" if you're a boy.


I may be a sucker but I'm a sucker for follows through
1.20.2009 - 0 comments

My kid suckered me into baking cookies tonight by challenging whether or not I even knew how to cook em!


Too fucking smart
1.20.2009 - 0 comments

Brandon: mom you don't know how to make cookies do you


Hope
1.20.2009 - 0 comments

Today is a good day. I have hope!


Update
1.18.2009 - 0 comments

Slow churn Thin Mint ice cream and wine don't taste good together!


Try something different today
1.18.2009 - 0 comments

I had plans for today. Switch around the boys rooms, clean the house and go to the park. It all happened even if Codi and I didn't get to go to the park. As you can see, Codi is trying out his new sleeping digs. We will see how this works.


Brown butter Gnocchi with spinach and pine nuts
1.15.2009 - 0 comments


One of those days
1.15.2009 - 0 comments

I just spent a good 3 minutes in the kitchen at work freaking out because I couldn't remember if my lunch took a minute and a half to microwave or if it was 90 seconds. Yes. It is that kind of day.


Today
1.14.2009 - 0 comments

Monday we had Codi's evaluation for the whole REFUSING TO EAT INCIDENT.  I had prepared myself for the worst.  Surely there would be something wrong with my kid.  Which, I suppose would be good because then he would be approved for treatment.  When we arrived I realized that I did not have my insurance card, which means some doctors office somewhere does.  I find that highly irritating because they clearly know they have it and haven't mailed it back.  Jerks.  I called Rob and had him give me all of the info off his card and filled out the other 100 papers.


Come out come out wherever you are
1.12.2009 - 0 comments

It is delurking day! Yay. So stop by, leave me a comment let me know you are here and I'll come by and repay the favor!


Idiot proof
1.9.2009 - 0 comments


We're having chicken for dinner
1.9.2009 - 0 comments


Looking for a few good girl scouts
1.8.2009 - comments

So I'm still here. I'm done dying. I'm just, ummm, kinda flopping around like a fish out of water but definitely not dying. I went to the doctor finally for some drugs and it went like this.


Budget friendly cooking
1.6.2009 - 0 comments

I posted some great tips for budget friendly cooking along with a recipe over on the tasty blog. Check it out. Last nights stuffed shells recipe was part of this weeks meals that make more then one! Here is the link.


To clarify for Angie
1.5.2009 - 2 comments

Angie and I were chatting tonight and I feel the need to clarify. I don't swallow the shit I cough up simply because I'm to much of a lady to hock a loogie I REALLY REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW. I physically can not do it. Instead I make a weird gagging choking noise and then swallow the junk in defeat. I assume, it is because I was too much of a lady back in the day to figure it out. Either way it drives me goddamn bonkers!


Hungry?
1.5.2009 - 2 comments


Still here...still dying
1.4.2009 - 3 comments

I just arrived back from an over night trip to San Francisco. It was supposed to be a two night trip however we left a day late due to the DYING THING! Our plan was to leave yesterday at 8am. So, at 8am I rolled out of bed. At 8:01 am I rolled back into bed and pretended I was not awake. I finally dragged my ass downstairs. I came down and laid down next to Rob on the couch whining. He informed me it was time to get ready. So I marched right upstairs and got back in bed. Rob = not impressed. I laid there while he packed and then after her gave me a look that said, "get your shit together now woman" I got up, snuck into the guest bedroom and got in that bed!


The stroller that is no more
1.1.2009 - 0 comments

Forgive me for my lack of posting. I'm stuck at home sick, with a whining sick husband, a sick toddler and a destructive one year old. With out further ado I present the story of the stroller that is no more.


The blanket
12.31.2008 - comments

Codi's Christmas present from my mom. She made this for him. We went back and forth on themes and finally settled on this one. Make sure you check out the back.


Hello from my death bed (the couch)
12.30.2008 - comments

Am too lazy to locate computer. Am so very sick. The good sick you know where snot drips freely from your nose. So freely that at one point while laying down snot actually dripped in perfect little drops onto my pillow. Which left me wondering if I should change the cover or just be lazy and flip it. Bet you know what I chose. I also have a rocking sexy cough that makes me pee a little if I cough too hard. My throat is so raw that breathing makes me cough.


The story of the pan
12.28.2008 - comments

I've got a gazillion things to tell you about Vegas. But until I rest more and upload photos you get nothing but the story of the pan.


Merry Christmas
12.25.2008 - comments


Can you hear me now
12.23.2008 - comments

Dear asshole guy at the airport on your phone. We can all hear you stop talking so loud. Also it is obvious you are a tool and you are single. The lady on the phone doesn't like you. Stop bragging about what a fucking idiot you are. Stop talking about how much you dont understand the housing market. No she doesnt want to meet up when you get in town stop asking over and over how many more ways can she say NO. Your weesely laugh is annoying as fuck. We are all laughing at you. Next time maybe learn to talk a little quieter.

Airport
12.23.2008 - comments

I'm at the airport watching my parents plane take off with my kid in it. While I understand that the little truck shooting steam at the plane is most likely a safety thing that doesn't mean a little part of me isn't screaming OH SHIT their plane caught fire look at the smoke. In fact that is what I did for the first two minutes till I realiWd what was happening. They should maybe warn us here in the terminal that no folks the plane isn't on fire this is a standard procedure. Cuz homegirl was freaking out.

Regulators
12.20.2008 - comments

SO! Ginger and I are baking (pictures of that later). I have tried my 19048th cup of cocoa and eaten my weight in cookie dough. Needless to say I'm on a good sugar high. Which is why, when Tootsie Roll came on my Ipod I found myself in the living room re-enacting my cheer leading days. So. With out further ado I present SHANNON DOES CHEERLEADING JUMPS! READY Okay Not so toe touch She landed it Almost THIS CONCLUDES OUR LESSON IN OLD LADIES WHO SHOULD NOT BE ATTEMPTING CHEERLEADING JUMPS (NOT PICTURED, THE PHOTO WHERE GINGER SNAPPED THE PICTURE AT THE EXACT TIME THAT BOTH OF MY BOOBS FLOPPED ALL THE WAY OUT OF MY SHIRT AND BOUNCED UP TOWARD MY EYEBALLS...I PUT ON A JACKET AFTER THAT)

School picture and the piano man
12.18.2008 - comments

Brandons first school picture. I want to know who this guy was and how in the fuck he got my kid to smile like this. Seriously after Christmas, once everyone has seen the card and the pictures I'm going to post the outtakes on here because they are funny shit and none of them, not even the good ones look like the kid above. This picture man, whoever he is, IS A GENIUS! Brandon, like his mom has created his own language. He often comes up with words that he uses normally like they are just...regular old words. He likes to say, "juke." What is a juke? Beats me. He does it whe he is poking you, or tickling you or something. He also loves to say Shawka while making the hang loose sign. Papa taught him that. So, now when he is in trouble I'll say, Brandon why did you do that? He looks at me, thinks for a second and says "shawka" and runs. He has a favorite though. Bawka. Pronounced like Bawk uh. He often says you are a silly bawka. Today he told me I was a silly bawka. Finally I said Brandon what on earth is a Bawka? His reply? "A bawka is a knucklehead mom and you a bawka." Thanks kid! And finally, the piano man! I believe we have the next Billy Joel on our hands

Possibly Pigtails
12.17.2008 - comments

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to have these dorky short pigtails. Now I have them...and as I expected they make me feel extra dorky, in a good way! Also seriously who gave me photobooth. I swear I will stop taking pictures of myself and posting them here!

I'm not supposed to blog about it
12.16.2008 - 0 comments

My husband gets all weird when I blog the nice things he does. He says he would rather have me say it to him then the blog. So, I told him thanks which I think means I can blog about it now. Besides it's my blog I can do what I want. Anywho. About a week and a half ago I came in the room and got in bed. I immediately recoiled from the ice cold freezing sheets. Of course this led to me sitting in bed pouting about how I don't have flannel sheets and how poor me my bed is cold. I then suggested to my husband that obviously the simple answer would be for him to just go ahead and warm up my side of the bed for me and then he could go lay on his cold side since it didn't bother him. Y'all the past 4 nights he has done that. I shit you not. I have been staying up a little bit later then him trying to put Codi to bed. Then I go into our room to find Rob laying on my side of the bed snoring. As soon as he hears me he hops on over to his side and I get to slide into some nice warm sheets. It is beautiful I tell you because I love nothing more then WARMTH! Then, this weekend when fucking Jodi had to go and tell me that Linens N Things was having a going out of business sale I casually mentioned to Rob that I had found some flannel sheets on sale for $29.99 all the way down from almost $70.00. He told me to buy them. Those puppies should be here any day! Another cute thing he did. Last week I forgot to start the coffee pot the night before. Who am I kidding. I haven't remembered to start that thing in about 3 months. But I have been getting up and doing it fine in the morning. However once last week when he knew I had, had a particularly long night he woke up extra early got it all ready and as he walked out the door he said, "coffee's ready just gotta push the button." Oh yeah you bet I jumped right up and ran over to get some! It was just so extra sweet. How about how he's been making the cutest effort to open my door every time we go somewhere together. Seriously people it's the sweetest shit I've ever seen. I've never been big on all that chivalry stuff but when he does it I totally melt. And yesterday, he left a little early so he could go out and wipe all the snow off my windows and get my car all ready for me. Saturday I was going somewhere in his car. With out even knowing it he started it, turned on the heater and had it all ready and warm before I even got in. Last week I woke up to find a card hiding in my closed laptop from him. It was so sweet saying that he loved me and that he loved my new hair too! You know, sometimes I may want to totally kick my husbands ass, but most times he really puts a smile on my face! Finally my favorite thing he's been doing lately. He's been making a huge huge effort not to fart in front of me. Especially not at the dinner table anymore! But you know, before you all think I got sick and mushy on you I didn't. I just ran out of things to talk about and figured why not talk about him. And it's not like I was telling you the blue sani hut water story, or the army crawl story I was just telling sweet stuff. You want to hear some really romantic stuff? Last night we cuddled up on the couch and watched an infomercial about colons. Yes. I sat next to my husband and watched him get all giddy over a 6 foot long black poop that some miracle pills make you do and how much he REALLY REALLY WANTS A 6 FOOT BLACK POOP OF HIS OWN! So, yeah. Then there is that! Rob and I This is one of the Christmas pictures that didn't make the card. We have an even better pic together that I will show you when our cards come in!

boy the first vs. boy the second
2.11.2008 - 10 comments

Both boys are 2.75 months [img]http://bp0.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R7BkMV4lwhI/AAAAAAAADxo/_MpumEEjIbc/s400/DSCN4878.JPG[/img] [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R7Bj614lwgI/AAAAAAAADxg/gqBCh9NOfow/s400/DSCF0571.JPG[/img]

The Boys
2.9.2008 - comments

[video]http://www.vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=676642&server=www.vimeo.com&fullscreen=1&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=[/video]

Bye, I have more important things to do
2.9.2008 - comments

See that...Know what that means? [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R64ZzV4lwaI/AAAAAAAADww/n24D74C2vtQ/s400/DSCN4844.jpg[/img] It means [img]http://bp0.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R64Zz14lwbI/AAAAAAAADw4/mICL6HHICyg/s400/DSCN4843.jpg[/img] I don't have time for blogging, I must go ride my bike now [img]http://bp1.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R64Z0F4lwcI/AAAAAAAADxA/j9y30BC29A4/s400/DSCN4842.jpg[/img] See you later suckers!

Just Another Day at Work
2.8.2008 - comments

[img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R6zlJ39qfvI/AAAAAAAADwg/CdtjnowCwdw/s400/2243923181_929cd56c80.jpg[/img] [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R6zlKn9qfwI/AAAAAAAADwo/u08_WN8fnvM/s400/2244712630_629f509490.jpg[/img] CHECK OUT MY LITTLE FLICKR WIDGET OVER THERE ---------> TO SEE ALL THE FUN THINGS WE DO AT WORK AND HOME!

Current Affairs
2.8.2008 - comments

Okay this post is getting bullets. • Thing one. Monday we went to visit a friend in a hospital. It was a mental type hospital. I say this so that you can understand how awesome it was when Brandon pulled the fire alarm. Yeah! I was in the back visiting my friend and my mom was up front watching the kids. I'm in my friends room when all the sudden sirens go off and lights start flashing. Suddenly the nurse in charge shouts EVERYONE OUT OF THEIR ROOMS NOW! So we go in the hall where the make us all stand against the wall and they then go and lock everyones room so no one can get back in. We have no clue what is going on, it could be anything. All we know is it is a CODE RED and it could be someone trying to escape, a fire, something else we had no clue. As this is happening my mom is calling me but since phones aren't allowed back there I don't answer. She is frantically calling and calling so finally I turn around and answer and I hear, "Brandon just pulled the fire alarm." FUCK! I tell the nurse, "umm, my two year old just pulled the alarm you have to let me out." So they have to escort me out three locked doors to where I finally get out and see my son screaming FIRE MONSTER FIRE MONSTER I MAKE FIRE I MAKE FIRE! Nice huh! • Tuesday I had to go to social security to try and get a receipt for Codi with his social security number on it so I could file my taxes. Then I find out that I can't get a receipt because they can't find him. So I go down the the health department to get his birth certificate. This is a big complex. There are about 4-5 buildings that kind of form a circle and there is a giant courtyard in the middle. So I get to the one with the health department in it and realize I have to find an ATM for cash since I used my last check and they don't take debit. I'm in building C and the ATM is down around E. So I set off walking. I get to the ATM and realize I am now right next to building A which is where you change your voter registration. I never changed my address and I figured since I was there I should. I went in and changed my address and while doing so Codi had a melt down. So I readjusted Codi and set off on my way to the health department. I got in, go the birth certificate and made it back to my car which was by building D. SHIT! I had no keys. I had set them down over in building A when Codi was fussing. So off I went back to building A for my keys. I finally made it to my car and head to social security. Okay so this was Tuesday which is the 5th. I guess that social security checks are mailed on the 3rd so you are never supposed to go down there around this time. I did not know this till after I get there. So I go in there is a full waiting room and I take a number. I'm number 158 they are currently serving number 78. I go stand outside to escape the cigarette dirty body smell. Out front I find myself surrounded by Reno's finest. I love standing outside with a bunch of people who are angry about their social security checks that they aren't getting, and the only reason they are on social security is because they are lazy. But not only that I had to listen to them talk about how awesome they are/were. Like the guy who weighed close to 300 pounds or more but was bragging about his high school football days and how he was so good Notre Dame wanted to give him a full ride but he chose not to because he is really intelligent like that. Then there was the guy who just really needed some McDonalds and then sat down their talking about how he ain't waiting in no dang line he was gonna go right in there and tell them where to shove it. Three hours later he was still out there bitching about his babies mama and how he maybe really isn't the dad but could be. Then there was the couple who looked like they should really be nominated for the Biggest Loser couples edition who were so hungry they decided to walk to McDonalds while waiting for their number. Part of me was proud of them for walking but then I thought, "But they are walking to McDonalds for burgers hmmmm." Then there were the pregnant moms smoking. The young broke couples there who just wanted their checks cuz they were broke yet they were covered in expensive tattoos and piercings and could still afford a couple packs of cigarettes. It always flabergasts me how you can be broke but afford a tattoo! Anyway halfway through I called the hospital and was informed that Social Security wouldn't be able to find Codi because the vital statistics office was 3 months behind in sending them the info. In fact they had just mailed them the October births. OOOOH Okay thanks for letting me know that assholes. When my number is finally called they inform me that if I process this now it will delay the whole thing another 10 weeks since the two will cross in the mail. In the end they said wait two weeks then start calling social security every day to see if Codi has been input then I can go get my receipt with his number. So to recap I spent 4 hours with the worlds most awesome rejects to accomplish nothing, while starving and watching a bunch of broke people eat expensive fast food! • [link=http://babbaunknown.blogspot.com/]Babba[/link] apparantly got spammed also. Here is her questions.. What is more important to you. The relationship you have with Rob or your kids??? This is hard. I think they both have priorities in different aspects. But to be honest I think since my kids are so young, the answer would be them. Later on in life, when they are older and all they want to do is rebel, well thats when Rob and I can be each others priority. But now, in the moment, raising two functioning kids is the clear winner. Most husbands often go through a period where they feel neglected or forgotten. Its in most parenting books, and most parenting classes say the same. It is impossible for a new mom to give the same attention to their husbands. My husband will be the first to say that yes he felt neglected when both boys were born, but it gets better. It does! What takes priority and comes first in your life??? Umm I think this is sort of the same question so I will reiterate my first answer. For me, raising two kids who are smart, and social, and have great lives is more important then having sex every night and going to bars with my husband or going to clubs. Rob and I still have sex, and we still go out for dinners but right now the majority of my life is spent for my kids. Rob and I will have time in our golden years for each other. So right now its about stealing kisses when we can and cuddles at night and holding hands on the couch. You figure it all out eventually, but putting my kids first was a decision I made the second my first was born! • For Lent Rob decided that he would allow me to make him a vegetable every day for 40 days. This is huge because Robs only veggies are, potatoes, corn and iceberg lettuce. I have worked asparagus into his life but that is it. This is huge for me. I love cooking stuff and took sheer pleasure out of watching him eat roasted chicken with spinach last night. For Lent I gave up all drinks that weren't clear plain water, Hot green tea and coffee. I am miserable. I need flavored water. I need iced tea. I need carbonation. This is like kicking a crack habit for me. So as I took total joy in watching Rob force down his spinach he was getting as much joy watching me choke down my plain water!

1000 and a half
2.6.2008 - comments

K so! My email hates me. It keeps spamming things. So! If you have emailed me and I don't reply within an hour (yeah I'm fast like that) send me a comment and I will be all over that. I just found this in my Spam box. [link=http://emeryjo.blogspot.com/]Emery[/link] asked: 1. What is your biggest triumph? Wow! I don't know if I have had that yet. I think ask me in 30 years. That way I can see how my kids turn out. Because I truly believe that if I can raise well adjusted kids who live happy and healthy lives then that will be my biggest triumph. I feel like my whole life mission is simply to be a mom so if I complete that mission then I will have triumphed! 2. What is your biggest regret? Regret. To be honest I'm not sure there is much I regret. While there are things I wish I hadn't done I am one of those super dorky people who truly believe that everything begats everything. Meaning if I hadn't lost my virginity to that guy then some how in the long run I never would have married Rob which means I wouldn't have my two amazing children. Yes there are things I wish I hadn't done, (hello orange hair in 8th grade I'm talking to you) but what if I really went back and never did them, would I be sitting here in this moment now? What is that movie, the "Butterfly Effect"? I totally believe in that. P.S. Emery, I was actually really sad I hadn't gotten a question from you and then when I saw yours in my spam folder I was soooooo happy!

#1000
2.6.2008 - comments

1. [url=http://someonebeingme.blogspot.com/]Someone Being Me[/url] asked: [b]Is there anything that is off limits on your blog? A topic that you will not discuss? You seem so open about everything I was just curious if you draw the line at some things.[/b]


#999
2.5.2008 - comments

I'm pooped from answering all your questions. So tomorrow remind me to tell you how I spent today with the highest quality of people down at the social security department and the health department. And then go ahead and ask me just why it is my son won't stop saying he wants to see the fire monster again. Go ahead, ask, I dare you!

#998
2.4.2008 - comments

Yes ya'll thats what number post I'm actually on. Sorry some of you thought #1000 was coming like ten days ago. But I knew I had to announce it early to give all of you LAGGERS time to submit questions. I've only got about 10 so far, and a couple of em are doozies (you know who you are). One of them is such a doozie in fact that I really can't wait to answer it minus the whole, my dad reads this site thing, but alas I will answer it. Anyway I am aiming to post 1000 on Wednesday because that is what day [url=http://www.pyropoptrt.com/]Lee[/url] promises me my new site will be launched (Lee I'm giving you a stern IT BETTER BE READY LOOK!). So that means from now until Wednesday you will only get one more post before 1000 so as to stay on track. Anyway on to last night. I went to bed after Superbowl with my belly full of about 2 pounds of spinach dip and about 4 pounds of cookies. Around 3am I had a dream. I dreamt that Rob and I were in his home town with the kids. We got in some kind of fight and he left with some other girl. He ended up leaving an outgoing message on his voicemail that said something along the lines of, "today is the saddest day ever, I have decided to leave my wife and be with "girl" and I'm sorry." I was devastated and calling his mom and everyone trying to find him. I was driving everywhere with our kids in the back and I was just bawling. It was really so sad. I finally woke myself up out of the dream and reached over for him. HE WASN'T THERE. I sat up in a panic thinking maybe he really had left and divorced me. I was seriously on the verge of tears but then I remembered hat just a few minutes before that he had gotten up to settle Brandon when he woke up. Seconds later Rob was back in bed and everything was fine. I hate when that happens. I don't understand how dreams can be so vivid you wake up feeling as though they really happened. There have been so many times where I dreamed Rob was cheating and I woke up wanting to beat the shit out of him. Last night I had my annual Superbowl party. It went great. There was so much food and I think I ate enough food to feel 9 months pregnant again. Superbowl is my Thanksgiving. It's the one day a year where I just lose all control and eat as much fat as I can cram on one slice of bread. We won't even talk about how many cookies I ate! A couple other kids came over and one of them was a boy. I think Brandon had the best day of his life running around and playing. It was so nice for him to have a boy over who he could actually act like a boy with. You know do all that boy stuff like smash each other in the face with toys, trip each other, wrestle and so on. Seriously the two were in heaven. But then I got a glimpse into my future. See the second boy was a little younger then Brandon, that means he is easily coerced. So I walk into Brandons room after it's been quiet to long and I see Brandon up on top of his dresser grabbing books of the shelf (he is not supposed to do this) and then quickly passing the books down the Jake the other boy below. They had a system worked out. All the sudden I knew what I was in for. I could just see Brandon climbing to the tippy top of my pantry and passing the marshmallows one by one down to Codi and then both boys running away. As much fun as Brandon had yesterday, well I have to say it made me tired just thinking of the future. And from the looks of Codi's belly, this kid is going to have no problem partaking in cookie stealing adventures! [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R6cvU39qe4I/AAAAAAAADpo/T4nLL9c846I/s400/DSCN4775.jpg[/img] 1ST DOWN!!! [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R6cvVH9qe5I/AAAAAAAADpw/hv3ks9XPLLk/s400/DSCN4753.jpg[/img] I! DON'T! LIKE! LIMES! MOM! OOPS!

Let me see the Tootsie Roll aka losing whatever Rad factor I had left
2.1.2008 - comments

While guest posting over at [url=http://gingersblog-thatkindofgirl.blogspot.com/]That Kind of Girl[/url], I got to thinking about some music I really miss. You know, back in my parents day they had a lot of good music. Meaning a lot of their music is stuff we still listen to. For instance, Guns N Roses, Tom Petty, Aerosmith, The Stones and so on. My grandparents music however, not so much. I kind of get the feeling my era of music is going to fall in the realm of not so much. While I can't imagine anything by Tupac not still being totally dudealicious (one of my favorite words shut up along with badical and babeolicious) when I'm 40 I can see how my kids could think I was out of my damn mind for ever liking rap. But seriously, how could Tupac ever not be the greatest? It got me thinking of songs that I will dearly miss rocking out to. Songs that make me want to go grab my CDS and bust out in some sexy dancing poses. [img]http://bp0.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R6PtSX9qezI/AAAAAAAADo8/jziM46ad0oQ/s200/Photo+82.jpg[/img] Dancing Queen [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R6PtS39qe0I/AAAAAAAADpE/Eu2I5HQxp2A/s200/Photo+83.jpg[/img] Back that ass up [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R6PtTH9qe1I/AAAAAAAADpM/-euSC0I0CKk/s200/Photo+84.jpg[/img] Reserved for Biggie songs Biggie Biggie Biggie can't you see, sometimes your words just hypnotize me I will really miss the Tootsie Roll Anything Tupac Most Biggie Stuff The Flaming Lips (she uses vasaleeeene) New Kids on th Block (Step One one one) MC Hammer (I was 2 legit 2 quit) ((I know the hand gestures for that song)) Candlebox Debbie Gibson (not Deborah) Tiffany (runnin just as fast as we can now) Bush Blink 182 Smashing Pumpkins The Cranberries (salami salami, oops I mean zombie zombie) Fuel Lit But no matter how cool all my music was, one thing is going to ruin it all for the hopes of my generation ever being cool again. The Macaraina (shudder) If I had a tri pod I think I would actually put on these CDs (yes I own all of those) and film myself doing my awesome dances for you all to see. Instead you have to settle on my fantastic pics up there. Raise the roof raise the roof. In other news I think I forgot to post this conversation that took place between me and my husband the other day. (Might not be verbatim I lost the IM but it will be very close). Rob: You are such a dork Me: No I'm totally hip Rob: Saying hip really ruins that Me: You mean I just negated my own hipness Rob: Yes but I love you even if you are a dork. Come on ya'll am I really that unhip? I have to say this entire post isn't making a strong case for maintaining my rad factor. Also I've gotten a few questions, some pretty normal, some funny and a couple pretty brave interesting ones for my 1000th. I must say I really expected more prying and juicy, funny, gag inducing questions from my readers. I mean, you all read me which means you must have some kind of gutter mind in there, I expect you guys to summon all that gutter mind when asking questions.

Read this whole thing with a snobby British accent
1.30.2008 - comments

Hi. You know that scene in A Christmas Story when Ralphy is turning in his paper and he starts visioning the teachers reaction. She is so happy and jumping around declaring it the best thing ever? That is basically how a lot of what goes on in my head is. You see I'll be sitting at my desk or in bed or changing a diaper or sitting on the think tank when suddenly an idea for a post will come to me. It will be hilarious. I'll giggle to my self and say in my snobby British accent ah ha ha ha that is mauuuuvaless. I'll write half of it in my head, pausing at the parts I know you will all laugh at. I'll giggle and wonder to myself why in the hell I'm not famous for this blog shit yet. I'll anticipate the enormous amount of comments I am going to get. Then I'll wipe, flush and walk away and poof. ITS GONE. It's at this time that you get blogs like this. Total and utter trash. It's like I'mt sitting here wondering how in the fuck you guys even read me when I'm typing about fucking wiping? Tonight after dinner the husband and I were unloading the dishwasher together. I put one of the plates away and a tiny chip went flying. I picked it up off the floor and apparently threw it in the sink. Why? I dunno, your guess is as good as mine. Thats not the funny part though. The funny part is just seconds later, SECONDS PEOPLE my husband said, "babe did you just throw that on the floor?" I was like NO! He's like "where did you put it?" I was like in the trash duh. He looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind and said, "the trash huh, you put it in the trash?" I thought about it, looked on the floor to be sure and then said yup! He just stared at me. I didn't get it. Then I turned looked in the sink and said, "hmm guess I threw it in the sink." More staring. Then he was "like seriously you thought you threw it in the trash?" I was like yeah guess I forgot? Ya'll I thought he was going to pass out from sheer confusion right then and there. Yeah, in a matter of about 4 seconds I actually forgot that I threw the plate chip in the sink. In fact, I think I actually didn't forget I just plain didn't know I did it. 20 minutes later he was still shaking his head at me, totally stunned. I guess I've confirmed what he already knew, his wife has totally lost her damn marbles. You know, I think 10 years from now when I'm nice and thin I will be able to thank my kids. Know why? Because right now I don't have anything naughty to eat in my house. And if it wasn't for the fact that I really don't want to wake up, dress and load up two kids, put them in the car, get them out of the car, drag them in the store and then back home you can bet my ass would be out the door so fast to go and grab a jar of hot fudge sauce and a jumbo spoon. If I didn't have kids the oly thing that would slow me down would be waiting for the microwave to ding letting me know my fudge was now warm. This also mean that when my kids are older I'll be able to ask them if they know how many fudge dunked spoons I gave up for their well being and precious sleep. I'm watching a commercial for some new show where kids and their dads compete in Fear Factor like competitions. Let me just say if that was kids and moms, me and my kids would be broke fools! Pick up a scorpion for a million bucks, no thanks I'm sure we will all be able to live comfortably in a nice cardboard box. Shove my hands in a bucket of spiders? Ehh I don't mind eating Spam for eternity. How about you, would you be able to win Fear Factor? Would you eat 5 pounds of horse intestine for a million? Actually what would you do for a million dollars? Did you know I have to put my socks on before my pants? This poses quite the problem when I wake up warm and decide to forgo socks then later decide I want them. I am faced with a choice. Do I actually take my pants off, put socks on and then put pants back on? Or do I just put the damn socks on and spend hours feeling annoyed that I didn't do it right? Usually I just change my whole outfit so then I feel justified putting the damn socks on. Okay well I have to pee. That means I'll be thinking in my snotty British accent. Last chance for questions. Next post is 1000. Remember you can ask me anything. You can ask about my first kiss, my favorite this or that, things I did in school. Go ahead ask me anything. I dare you to make me laugh or blush!

Lunch Break Treats
1.29.2008 - comments

I'm sitting here on my lunch break at work eating some boring beans and browsing online for some new books to buy. I finally settled on these. I'm in desperate need of some new things to read, seems like I got stuck in a rut there. So here is what I'm going to pick up today after work. [img]http://bp1.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5-CWn9qekI/AAAAAAAADnE/HjiiZlVICwo/s400/13648571.JPG[/img] [b]Oprah Book Club® Selection, May 2000:[/b] In her still startling debut, [i]The Good Mother[/i], Sue Miller explored the premium we put on passion--and the terrible burden it places on a mother and child. Her fourth novel, [i]While I Was Gone[/i], is another study in familial crime and punishment. But this time, her wife and good mother is accessory to more than emotional malfeasance. Jo Becker has everything a woman could desire: a loving spouse, contented children, and a nice dog or two. When her New England veterinary practice takes on a new client, however, her past comes back to haunt her. Long ago, it seems, Jo had escaped her family and identity for a commune in Cambridge. Her Aquarian illusions came to an abrupt, bloody end when one of her housemates was brutally murdered. Now this unhappy era returns in the person of Eli Mayhew, who had been the odd man out in Jo's boho household. His appearance is both tantalizing and upsetting: "Inside, I slowed down. I felt numbed. I had two last patients, and then I told Beattie to go home, that I'd close up.... I refiled the last charts, sprayed and wiped the examining table. I reviewed my list of routine surgeries for Wednesday. All the while I was thinking of Eli Mayhew, and of Dana and Larry and Duncan and me, and our lives in the house. Of the horrible way it had all ended. [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5-CXH9qelI/AAAAAAAADnM/y4fozH_eKdo/s400/13262087.JPG[/img] Relationships are brought to the limit in Delinsky's splendid latest exploration of family dynamics. On a rainy night, Deborah Monroe and her teenage daughter, Grace, are driving home when their car hits a man. The victim, who turns out to be Grace's history teacher, is unconscious but alive. Although Grace was driving, Deborah sends her home and takes responsibility for the accident when the cops show up. Deborah is juggling a lot: as a family doctor, she is in private practice with her über-demanding widower father, who is trying to hide a drinking problem; her son, Dylan, is vision impaired; her mother's death continues to affect the family; Deborah is still dealing with her ex-husband's new, separate life; and her unmarried sister, Jill, has just announced she's pregnant. Grace's guilt about not taking responsibility for the accident makes her withdraw from friends and family, and the accident victim turns out to have a more complex private life than anyone imagined. The author seamlessly resolves relationship issues without sentiment, throws in a promising romance for Deborah and offers a redemptive scene between Grace and her grandfather. [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5-CXH9qemI/AAAAAAAADnU/2AgddU5ZlAw/s400/13611541.JPG[/img] Sex, lies, crushed dreams and slot machines are paramount in McGinniss's flashy, fast-moving debut. Chase is a struggling artist who couldn't hack NYU and moves back to Vegas, where he is reunited with his adolescent flame, Michele. After being fired from his teaching job for beating up a student, Chase plans to hook up with his girlfriend, Julia, in California, but instead spends his summer as a chauffeur for Michele's call-girl business. Michele has plans for herself (buying a house, getting an advanced degree in women's studies), but for the time being is running the call-girl service out of a suite in the Versailles Palace Hotel and Casino with her boyfriend, Bailey. Girls too young for the job, readily available cocaine, untrustworthy business partners, memories of a family tragedy and glammed-out Vegas goons make Chase's summer more stressful than he had hoped for as he attempts to finish a few paintings for a group gallery show. The novel is action-packed, though the character development?particularly with the women?is sometimes superficial. McGinniss (son of another Joe McGinnis you may have heard of) successfully gambles with the notion that whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but what does that mean for Chase and his plans to escape? [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5-CN39qefI/AAAAAAAADmc/UwZq5aStaPE/s1600-h/13675088.JPG[/img] Andrés Faulques, a world-renowned war photographer, has retired to a life of solitude on the Spanish coast. On the walls of a tower overlooking the sea, he spends his days painting a huge mural that pays homage to history?s classic works of war art and that incorporates a lifetime of disturbing images. One night, an unexpected visitor arrives at Faulques? door and challenges the painter to remember him. As Faulques struggles to recall the face, the man explains that he was the subject of an iconic photo taken by Faulques in a war zone years ago. ?And why have you come looking for me?? asks Faulques. The stranger answers, ?Because I?m going to kill you.? This story transports Faulques to the time when he crossed continents to capture conflicts on film with his lover, Olvido, at his side. Until she walked into his life, Faulques muses, he had believed he would survive both war and women. As the tense dialogue between Faulques and his visitor continues, the stakes grow ever higher. What they are grappling with quickly proves to be not just Faulques? fate but the very nature of human love and cruelty itself. [img]http://bp0.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5-COX9qegI/AAAAAAAADmk/x7HgS0SeRvg/s400/20211237.jpg[/img] Not your typical boring diet book, this is a tart-tongued, no-holds-barred wakeup call to all women who want to be thin. With such blunt advice as, "Soda is liquid Satan" and "You are a total moron if you think the Atkins Diet will make you thin," it's a rallying cry for all savvy women to start eating healthy and looking radiant. Unlike standard diet books, it actually makes the reader laugh out loud with its truthful, smart-mouthed revelations. Behind all the attitude, however, there's solid guidance. [i]Skinny Bitch[/i] espouses a healthful lifestyle that promotes whole grains, fruits, and vegetables, and encourages women to get excited about feeling "clean and pure and energized." [img]http://bp0.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5-COX9qehI/AAAAAAAADms/OeFfoRTScTc/s400/23393280.jpg[/img] [i]Her Last Death[/i] begins as the phone rings early one morning in the Montana house where Susanna Sonnenberg lives with her husband and two young sons. Her aunt is calling to tell Susanna her mother is in a coma after a car accident. She might not live. Any daughter would rush the thousands of miles to her mother's bedside. But Susanna cannot bring herself to go. Her courageous memoir explains why. Glamorous, charismatic and a compulsive liar, Susanna's mother seduced everyone who entered her orbit. With outrageous behavior and judgment tinged by drug use, she taught her child the art of sex and the benefits of lying. Susanna struggled to break out of this compelling world, determined, as many daughters are, not to become her mother. [img]http://bp1.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5-COn9qeiI/AAAAAAAADm0/DayWpT9sKEo/s400/25291545.jpg[/img] The smartest eating choices--made simple! The secret to looking, feeling, and living better than ever is not by depriving yourself of the foods you love. It's by making the best choices in a variety of real-life situations. Based on the most popular column in both [i]Men's Health[/i] and [i]Women's Health [/i]magazines, [i]Eat This Not That [/i]is a comprehensive guide to what to eat at home, from the supermarket, even at a fast-food counter. Do you know why a hot fudge sundae is a good dessert option? Why potato chips are better than fries? And why Swiss cheese is [i]three times[/i] healthier than Cheddar? With this simple, illustrated guide to hundreds and hundreds of foods--along with the nutrition secrets that lead to fast and permanent weight loss--now you will! [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5-CO39qejI/AAAAAAAADm8/yIre75qOleo/s400/8483985.jpg[/img] And I've decided I'm going to locate this on my home bookshelf and reread it. I haven't read it since high school and I want to give it another look. I'm looking for something new to read as you can see from the mishmash of shit up there. Can any of you recommend a good non scary book?

Curious
1.28.2008 - comments

What song did you pick as your first dance at your wedding? If your not married yet what song would you like? Also don't forget to submit questions for my 1000 post. I already have a few. You can submit via comment or email! Don't let me down for my 1000th folks!

Checking In
1.28.2008 - comments

[img]http://bp1.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R53pFH9qeaI/AAAAAAAADl0/R6LjTSTStU0/s400/Photo+72.jpg[/img] Good morning. How are you? Yeah I've been missing all weekend. I would like to say I was off doing something amazing but I was umm, not. Lets see I cleaned a bathroom (yeah only one, I got to lazy to do the other), cleaned the kitchen, washed some jeans, ummm well yeah that's about it. Don't I look sexy this morning? Thats how Shannon looks after only a half a cup of coffee. You should see me after two. Yeah the sexy really starts roaring then. What is that behind me, hmmm yup lovely little burp cloth. Whats not pictured? That would be my enormous boobs covered in giant blue veins that just scream out THAT WOMAN IS NURSING A SMALL BABY. Well it's either that or someone drew blue lines on me with a marker. I'm too tired to really know the difference right now. Other things you can't see. My über sexy 7 year old Abercrombie jammie pants with no less then 10 holes right where the thighs are. You know how that is, when you put on some weight and your thighs rub together when you walk. You somehow wear a hole into the spot on your pants right where you actually need some fabric so as to not see my lime green granny panties sticking out from the holes in my jammies. Do you like my hair? I call this the unwashed, unstyled, unawesome hairdo. Am I going to shower before work? MMmm odds are, doubtful! If I showered then I couldn't drink another cup of coffee and play with the photobooth feature on my computer. Lets get real here, I have priorities and who needs a shower when I can just slap some deodorant and a hat on right? RIGHT? Oh check the double chin too. I know men only dream of waking up to this kind of sexy. This morning I'm going to try out some new Special K with red berries eggos I got. Only 80 calories. Funny huh. I won't eat cereal to save my life but I'll totally eat the cereal brand Eggo thingies. Isn't it also weird that I can't eat cereal because I'm afraid of the bug parts in it but I will eat cookies. Isn't cereal just smaller O shaped cookies? Tiny baby is up now. Must go get him from my warm snuggly bed then go change his diaper. Need to find slippers and sherpa clothes to go to his room as that room is FUUUREEEZING! [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R53teX9qebI/AAAAAAAADl8/UqP1frfSxLs/s400/Photo+79.jpg[/img] Okay we are back now. Must do some very important things, like staring at the calender on the wall. Notice the matching double chins. Codi's all HAI I'm all freshed faced and cute mom whats your deal? Do something about those bags under your eyes, and seriously mom can you maybe brush your teeth sheesh. Uh oh big headed boy has to go poo oop. Must go wipe second tush of the day. Wait, no mommy I not pinish pooping (plop) huh mama whats making noise in dere is dat me pinish pooping? Ahhhh I love being a mom! Okay its after 7 which means I need to get my ass in gear so I can be on time for work and what not. Adios amigos! [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R53ten9qecI/AAAAAAAADmE/7uxUCVEEKvc/s400/Photo+81.jpg[/img] Codi says, thats just my neck wrinkle it isn't a third chin mmmkay! Brandon says, when I'm older these will be my bedroom eyes. I'm going to be kicking a lot of ditzy high school ass when these guys are older aren't I?

BIG CHANGES ARE COMING
1.26.2008 - comments

So I finally gave in and got one of those web host dealies. Then I [s]made massive threats and forced[/s] kindly asked my [url=http://www.pyropoptrt.com]computer nerd friend (I have permission to call him this, even though I totally think he is cool enough to be promoted to computer geek even if he doesn't think so)[/url] to build me a site. And even though I can be the [s]most difficult indecisive[/s] sweetest angel on the planet he agreed. Soooo in the next two weeks (read week and a half because Lee like 4 days has already passed) I will be debuting my very own brand new site. He promises me that if you use my old (current) link it will route you to my new fancy page (If it doesn't I'm going to send him lots of red mad smileys on yahoo) but alas I have faith. My new page is going to have those tabby thingies on top and those flikrmabobs and fancy links and lots of snap crackle and pop! Anyway like I said this site will reroute you but you may want to change the link after the site is complete. When the full change is made I will be located at misguidedmommy.com. Can't wait to show you all the new site! Like I said it should be up in about a week and a half (if his cat doesn't delete it all or something.) Don't forget to stop by and check out my account manager, aka [url=http://www.pyropoptrt.com]Lee the graphic designer guy's website[/url]. He is super talented and for a small fee will for sure hook up your site (just as soon as he is done with mine of course). [url]http://www.pyropoptrt.com/portfolio[/url]

Lightening Up
1.25.2008 - comments

So my parents came by tonight to bring by Codi's new little chair that I forgot at work. [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qqLX9qeTI/AAAAAAAADk8/CYERcWqueps/s400/DSCN4618.jpg[/img] I like my chair [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qqLX9qeUI/AAAAAAAADlE/PbkBbY9LuU4/s400/DSCN4619.jpg[/img] So before my parents left, apparantly papa gave Brandon a Kit Kat. I tried to take it away and he broke down into the saddest tears I've ever seen so I said fine, because Papa gave it to you, you can have it. [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qqCH9qeOI/AAAAAAAADkU/k5K85khHCwU/s400/DSCN4620.jpg[/img] He was sooooo happy to have it all he wanted to do was have me take pictures of his chogglet. [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qqCX9qePI/AAAAAAAADkc/NtEFYZ8q6G8/s400/DSCN4621.jpg[/img] Codi was still kicking it in his chair [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qqCX9qeQI/AAAAAAAADkk/ptWlp6rPNsE/s400/DSCN4622.jpg[/img] Look toys [img]http://bp0.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qqCn9qeRI/AAAAAAAADks/xed4UC5p3BA/s400/DSCN4623.jpg[/img] Brandon smile...no I meant with out a mouth full of chocolate [img]http://bp0.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qqCn9qeSI/AAAAAAAADk0/vCvPw_yWx4Q/s400/DSCN4624.jpg[/img] No clue what this face is [img]http://bp1.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qpl39qeJI/AAAAAAAADjs/PkBVYbyLWac/s400/DSCN4627.jpg[/img] I feel a big smile coming on [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qpmH9qeKI/AAAAAAAADj0/zunfOBmHYF4/s400/DSCN4628.jpg[/img] I LOVE MY CHAIR!!!!!!! [img]http://bp2.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qpmH9qeLI/AAAAAAAADj8/wbdBQP-AnOI/s400/DSCN4629.jpg[/img] So he ate his Kit Kat and then he asked me to go lay with him. I laid down got all comfy and he did this. Dude I thought we were going to read books and watch Franklin. [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qpmX9qeMI/AAAAAAAADkE/-FKiZj5xn1I/s400/DSCN4630.jpg[/img] So I hung out in there and finished Franklin so I could find out what happened with the fossil and he stayed like this. [img]http://bp3.blogger.com/_gVGPo7ZhrXY/R5qpmX9qeNI/AAAAAAAADkM/4A--OTcxb9k/s400/DSCN4631.jpg[/img] Anyway he doesn't fight with me as much about brushing his teeth while he is sleeping. The cutest part was how he was opening his mouth and making the motions we do while brushing, but he was totally passed out.

 

 

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